sometimes there are things you just don't talk about... 

sometimes they are too hard.. too personal... too much in general.. 

someone told me this is still part of a testimony of all God has brought us through.. 

my ex husband was abusive.. in every form of the word... I am a very confident person.. I am secure about me.. I was raised this way... he took every piece of confidence I had and smashed it.. but it was worse than that.. with abuse sometimes there are parts of you that just can't handle that.. this is a man that was supposed to protect me.. here he is being what I needed protected from.. so this hard shell of me emerged... to protect the soft inner one... 

a doctor would call this a disassociative personality.. you are not split.. you are still one person.. but parts of you can't deal with certain things.. so a stronger part of you takes over and the soft one hides... you remember all of it.. just without any emotions.. 

this is really what I dealt with in my abuse... becoming completely emotionless.. which is safe.. but very sad... 

God brought me out.. He opened my emotions.. He wants me to trust people and love them again.. I haven't quite been able to let anyone close to me since letting go of the harder side.. but God is working on me with this area...