Matthew 7: ¹⁹ So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. ²¹ “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. ²² On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ ²³ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’

okay... for me.. this blows the whole.. 'all who believe will be saved' story...

so I first accepted Christ at age 5.. and had some type of relationship with Him all along.. but not enough to truly change my actions... until the last 6-7years... after I gave up all the worldly things that I thought I loved... my relationship with God changed.. and I then began to wonder if I had ever really been saved before that... I know He was covering me and still chasing me down to get me to change.. but until I changed.. was I really saved? I am not sure..

and this is Jesus talking.. and it is new testament.. so that blows everyone's imagination that our actions are irrelevant and we can live any type of way and still be good with God...

I realize we all still fall and come short.. but I believe the difference is in the heart.. before.. I fell because I wanted to... I planned it out... I decided to do it.. that is rarely the case now... most of the shortcomings I have now.. I don't realize them until they are already done... then I am again asking forgiveness and trying to not allow it to happen again... I also don't feel I really repented before the way that I repent now... I am truly from the heart upset by my shortcomings now... I don't want to hurt God.. I want to be all that He has called me to be...

living righteously is more important than most people want to realize....

I am so thankful for the truth of who God is.. and no longer living under the fantasy that God does not judge us... or He does not discipline us... or He does not punish us for sin... to be punished for our wrongs.. is proof that God loves us... if He didn't love us.. He would let us live any type of way...

thank you Father for loving me.. enough to teach me when I am wrong...

Psalms 141: ³ Take control of what I say, O Lord, and guard my lips.

I am doing a 7 day devotional on gossip.. this was today's scripture...

I think daily this is a prayer I should have... not only because of saying negative things.. but also saying irrelevant words.. yesterdays scripture was that we will all have to answer for every idle word we speak....

that is pretty big to me.. as I tend to talk sometimes just to hear myself.. I am getting better and better at it.. but still... not where I need to be.. I think that if we were able to control our mouths.. we will have come a long long way on this walk with Christ... my witness would be greatly improved if I didn't speak some of the things that I speak.. I think our words are a responsiblity we take far too lightly...

take control of what I say Lord and guard my lips.. every single day... amen.amen.amen.

Luke 22: ³¹ “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat. ³² But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers.”

on wednesday mornings I listen in on a prayer call from someone very near and dear to me... and this is the scripture she used one morning... as she was reading it I was thinking...

satan has to ASK permission to sift us... yet he is granted it....

while I am not thrilled about that idea... I know at the gym.. if I never raise the weight I lift or the resistance on my bike.. then I never get any stronger... I stay stagnant... so the enemy is given permission to try us... because if we stay in the same place.. doing the same things.. then we don't grow... we become stagnant...

but Jesus has pleaded in prayer for us...

how awesome is that.. the idea that Jesus is in the heavens pleading for us in prayer... the pleading part is exceptional.. but even the realization that He is praying for me is more than I can imagine...

He is praying that our faith does not fail...

I think that is to mean.. that even though we mess up.. we fall.. we hurt Christ's feelings.. we sin... we deny Him... at the end of it... we will still have faith... our faith will not totally give out on us... that is a struggle I have been having over the past few months... I had been ready to completely give up on everything... but at the bottom of that... I still believe in God.. I still believe in Jesus.. I still know I am saved... so while my endurance might seem to fail... my faith does not... at the end of the rope.. there is a knot of knowing who God is.. that keeps me hanging on.....

WHEN we have repented and returned again to Him... we are to strengthen others...

not if we repent.. not will we repent... but WHEN.. meaning it is a sure thing... that we will repent and return to Him...

then we are to strengthen others... that the purpose of our own mistakes can be used to strengthen someone else and possibly keep them from making the same mistakes as us... and that is a good thing... sometimes I wish I could learn more from others rather than having to go through everything on my own...

thank you Jesus for praying for me... for believing in me.. for keeping my faith when I am not sure I can....

Matthew 10: ³⁷ “If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. ³⁸ If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. ³⁹ If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.

you know.. we hear things but don't really accept them.. we have read this scripture hundreds of times.. yet do we really hear what it says? if you love your son or daughter more than God then we are not worthy of being His... really.. hear what is being said... do we love God more than our child? more than the child we carried in our belly for 9months.. the child we gave birth to in pain.. the child we have raised for 18yrs.. the child we see every single day and know all of their good points and all of their weaknesses... do we love God more than this being that was created by God using our body.....

we can't even see God.. while we know He is there... how much can we really love a being that we cannot look at.... enough to allow a child you birthed from your own body to die for Him.... do we really love God the way Abraham loved God.. enough to sacrifice our own son.... it is easy to say oh yes! I love God that much.... but it is really another thing to be faced with the truth of it...

I think in all of our lives... at some point... God makes us give up the person we love the most... whether it is a man or a child or a parent... and usually people represent something in our lives.. like for a woman a man may represent security or stability... a child may represent complete love... so when we give up this person.. we are also giving up what they represent.... we are giving that over to God too.... and allowing him to become our complete love.. or our security and stability... our trust...

I think it is only when we are faced with the reality that we cannot change anything He determines to do... we cannot make anything happen... that is when we are able to give it up to God and throw our hands in the air and realize... I have to believe that He has everyone's best interest in mind... regardless of what it looks like or feels like.. and we have to let go and allow Him to work it all out.. whatever way He chooses to do so...

this is how we learn to love God... and that He really is faithful... that He really is trustworthy.. and He really will catch us before we hit the ground................ I love me some Jesus... I am so thankful for His life... His death... His resurrection... His reigning... His kingdom...

Psalms 62: ¹ I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. ² He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken. ³ So many enemies against one man— all of them trying to kill me. To them I’m just a broken-down wall
or a tottering fence. ⁴ They plan to topple me from my high position. They delight in telling lies about me. They praise me to my face but curse me in their hearts.

quietly... I am battling that one now.. and doing better than I have ever done before... God is telling me ahead of time that something is not necessary to be said and I am not saying it.. YAY about that!!

idk about ya'll but I really feel that God alone is my rock and fortress.. I would be a shaking mess without Him... I can walk away from many things and know I will be all right.. but God is not in that list... I cannot go a day without Him... without His word... truly I love my bibles.. I read them little bits at a time all day long...

so many enemies against one man... I had imagined that I really don't have alot of people who are my enemies... yea.. .I know that was a ridiculous statement...  I have many many enemies.. people who don't even know my name... people who don't like me just because of my appearance or my attitude or my knowledge... whatever it may be at the time... I doubt they think I am a broken down wall or tottering fence... even when in the face of adversity or anger from someone.. I tend to appear very confident.. even when I am not... they praise me to my face and curse me in their hearts.. I think we all deal with people like that...

the truth is.. God will bring us into victory at some point.. probably not as soon as we wish He would.. but eventually He will... and I am thankful for that!

Psalms 119: ¹⁴⁰ Your promises have been thoroughly tested; that is why I love them so much. ¹⁴¹ I am insignificant and despised, but I don’t forget your commandments. ¹⁴² Your justice is eternal, and your instructions are perfectly true. ¹⁴³ As pressure and stress bear down on me, I find joy in your commands. ¹⁴⁴ Your laws are always right; help me to understand them so I may live.

this morning I woke up and in my inbox on my phone is my verse of the day.. and it was "as pressure and stress bear down on me.. I find joy in your commands"

I have to admit.. I am not always able to find joy during pressure or during pain... and while my back has been sending me into live coniptions... I have not been too full of joy...

I am wondering this morning... if the reason God puts physical pain on us.. or emotional pressure or stress.. isn't to see just how we act when in pain or pressure... it is one thing to remain pleasant and full of the joy of the Lord when things are smooth.. even if they aren't smooth.. at least if they aren't all out hell... but what happens to our attitude and our actions when pressure and pain is pushed on us heavily? does our attitude go south....

I think mine does.. and it is completely unintentional... I cannot seem to rationally think when pain is great... I remember being in high stress when I was married and he was on drugs and drunk and mean and I just couldn't seem to think straight.. it was too much pressure... and I couldn't come out of the house because I couldn't function around people... and I am right this minute feeling that way about the pain in my back.. this is nerve pain.. and it is horrific... and I literally could scream out from it...

but what is supposed to be our reactions to rough times? I think... I wonder if we are to STILL even in this time of terribleness... still supposed to be a smiling light unto the world... wouldn't that be the true representation of Christ?

don't get me wrong... I can be smiling and pleasant for short bouts of time while in this pain and duress... but then I need to get home by myself and not be bothered talking or pretending all is good....

maybe the greatest witness we have is our witness while in pain and pressure... maybe that is really when people can look and think... whew! she is really christlike... it is not just a surface act.. it is deep down and real...

Father, your laws are always right.... help me to understand them so I may live by them...

change me Lord so that I am created in your likeness.. and not the likeness of my circumstances or feelings... in Jesus name I ask it.. amen.amen.amen.

Isaiah 51: ¹⁵ For I am the Lord your God, who stirs up the sea, causing its waves to roar. My name is the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. ¹⁶ And I have put my words in your mouth and hidden you safely in my hand. I stretched out the sky like a canopy
and laid the foundations of the earth. I am the one who says to Israel, ‘You are my people!’”

I am thankful that God is my God... that He is the creator and my God...

I look at the verse that says "I have put my words in your mouth" and I think.. hmmmm... idk if that is true all the time!! while I do better with the things I say.. surely I am not where God is putting all the words in my mouth... or is He? maybe the truth of it is that He is in control of ALL things.. and I wouldn't be able to say anything without Him allowing it... that all of the words of my mouth.. even the wrong ones.. are used by God as learning experiences to teach me to do better each day than the day before...

He has hidden me safely in His hand... nothing can reach me that He has not allowed.. so He is limiting the things that can come near me.. not everything or everyone can get near me or hurt me or even do me good... He limits my life situations with His knowledge of what I can manage at the moment... and that is a true gift...

and He says He is my God and I am His people... and words cannot even express how thankful I am that He desires me to be His people... because I am not always a wonderful person... yet He loves me anyways... that is a gift that words cannot even express gratitude for...

sometimes I look at how people treat me.. whether it be good or bad.. and relate it to how I treat God... and I many times think I am so lucky that He hasn't destroyed me for the way that I treat Him... I have surely left many people for less.... and yet He stands with me.. trying to get me to see His endless love for me.. trying to get me to accept it... trying to get me to return it... and for that I am so grateful....

Matthew 10: ²⁷ What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ear, shout from the housetops for all to hear!

so over the last week or two.. God is really talking to me about the words I speak... as I have been battling with anger and being upset... and thinking God should be moving His hand in several areas in several people's lives... here He is.. talking about my words... and I am thinking.. quit worrying about MY words and start to speak LIFE into these situations Lord!!

then I get this scripture early this morning.. and I realize.. I need to be speaking it!! I need to be praying it out and bringing God's will into existance between the words of my mouth and the prayers I pray to God....

let's get one thing straight though.. this is a point of massive irritation for me... we cannot speak into existance what is not in God's will... we can talk all day long and if God is not in agreement.. then it is worthless words and we will never get anywhere....

now.. that being cleared up... I am thinking.. as I have been upset.. I had not been speaking life as I should have been.. I have been angry and I have been speaking negative words... and some of these things are truth.. but I need to be speaking and praying positive instead of negative... the issue begins in the thoughts.. I was saying out loud what I was thinking in my mind.. so I need to change what I am thinking... I need my mind transformed into a good place.. a positive place.. a praising place!

I am thankful today that God even cares what I say... that He cares enough for me to rebuke me and tell me to change what I speak and do better... I am so thankful that He cares for me!

Luke 10: ¹⁶ Then he said to the disciples, “Anyone who accepts your message is also accepting me. And anyone who rejects you is rejecting me. And anyone who rejects me is rejecting God, who sent me.”
¹⁷ When the seventy-two disciples returned, they joyfully reported to him, “Lord, even the demons obey us when we use your name!”

¹⁸ “Yes,” he told them, “I saw Satan fall from heaven like lightning! ¹⁹ Look, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you. ²⁰ But don’t rejoice because evil spirits obey you; rejoice because your names are registered in heaven.”

God thinks we take acceptance to personally... He thinks it really is not us that people are or are not accepting to begin with.. if we are a reflection of Him.. and we are accepted.. it is really Him in us that they are accepting... and if we are not accepted.. then it is really Him in us that they are rejecting... Jesus was the greatest man that ever lived yet few people really accepted Him.. He was rejected by multitudes because He is a reflection of Christ...

God has given us authority over the enemy... what if the snakes and scorpions we are coming against are in the form of people... the bible says we have the authority to defeat them... we should not use this authority wrongly.. but when we are attacked.. we have the authority through Christ to cast these spirits out and away... they may come back.. over and over.. and repeatedly we may need to cast them out... but God's protection is over us.. if we are living our lives to bring glory to God.. He will protect us in His mighty right hand...

so we can stop fearing what may happen.. we can stop worrying about people coming against us... we have power through the name of Christ.. and we have the protection of God... thank you Father for these gifts!!

1 samuel 18: ⁹ So from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David. ¹⁰ The very next day a tormenting spirit from God overwhelmed Saul, and he began to rave in his house like a madman. David was playing the harp, as he did each day. But Saul had a spear in his hand, ¹¹ and he suddenly hurled it at David, intending to pin him to the wall. But David escaped him twice.

¹² Saul was then afraid of David, for the Lord was with David and had turned away from Saul. ¹³ Finally, Saul sent him away and appointed him commander over 1,000 men, and David faithfully led his troops into battle. ¹⁴ David continued to succeed in everything he did, for the Lord was with him. ¹⁵ When Saul recognized this, he became even more afraid of him.

so here is david.. doing exactly what he is told to do.. living to please this king with tormenting spirit given by God... and the man is NOW hurling spears at him...

you know.. I think we imagine.. at least I know that I do.. that things will get better in God's will... not worse.. and doesn't the bible say that the safest place to be is in the middle of God's will... so here is david.. one of God's favorite people.. and he is in God's will and the crazy king wants to kill him...

how is it.. that we go into God's will and here we are with even worse troubles than we had previously?? and what is it that makes us even stay in God's will or seeking Him when this is the case??

well.. with me.. I can tell you.. I may have done more things when I was not following behind God's will... and I may have had more friends.. and I may have had fun... but there was this deep emptiness within me.. a longing for something that I couldn't describe.. an ache for something and I had no idea what it even was.. and I had no peace.. I had no real and lasting joy down within... so now.. even though I want things to be different in some ways... I have peace.. I have contentment.. I have God's love... I am satisfied.... that is the thing that is missing when we chase the world.. the contentment... the peace...

so while things are not going as I would have planned.. and I wonder if I have any idea where I am supposed to be going... I will stick with Jesus.. even though someone may throw spears at me.. because Jesus will deflect them.. and if He doesn't.. then I will be going home to be with Him.. and that is all anyone can hope for!

Galatians 3: ²⁶ For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. ²⁷ And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes.

on saturday I realized... I am good.. I am content with my life... if I never receive the promises of God... I am still good... I believe in God as my Savior and my Father and the Lover of my soul...

if I misunderstood something that I thought would happen in my lifetime.. then I am still good... I don't really need it... God is enough... my life as it is... is enough...

I think this comes from my faith in Christ Jesus...

I think that because I believe Jesus was born on earth.. and died and rose again to save me... that I am satisfied with whatever else does or does not happen...

I am complete in Christ....

I still desire the things God said... but they are just gravy... He is the meal... He is the meat that satisfies me and makes me strong... if I get the gravy... then that just makes it all the better...

I am happy...

what do you do when you have lost your faith...
I don't mean that you don't believe in God... I mean you have lost the faith to bring the promises to pass...
so what happens if the things I have believed and have seen all this time never come to pass... what then... that is the place where I am today....

I wonder about Sarah.. how did she hold on to the promise of the child long after her body had gone dead... or did she even hold on to it?
and about Job... how long did he wait on things to turn around before they did and all the while his friends are telling him that this surely is about some sin on his part.. and God refused to speak at all.. saying nothing.. did he begin to believe maybe it was about him after all....
or noah.. building the crazy ark at a time when rain had never fallen... and here he is..
building an ark the size of a city... and surely everyong laughing at him all the while... did he wonder if he imagined it all up? even though he kept going forward in building it.. was he wondering if he really had lost his mind...

this is where I am today.. did I imagine all this up.. even though it was given in such detail and clarity... nothing is moving.... nothing changing... everything looking like something else... sounding like something else... and my faith for this promise and vision have run out... so now.. at the edge of this.. I have no purpose... no reason for being here.. I have lost the reason for my life and future.... so now what? what does someone do when this is where you are??

so for this past few months I have been battling.. just giving up... walking away from the church that I know I am supposed to be at... leaving the ministry I excel in because I allowed people's negative words to affect me... so what am I even here for?

today I realize... does the vision really matter to me? I mean really.. I didn't want it to begin with... I don't like it a large part of the time.. so does that really matter?... and I guess it doesn't... I guess if I were right.. then God needs to do whatever it is He wants to do... and I will go along with whatever He does... but me.. I realize... I'm good... I am happy in my life.. I don't really want for anything.. I don't need anything... I am more satisfied and at peace than I have ever been in my past.. so why keep praying for something that will just disrupt my life anyways...

I will continue to follow God.. to do things God's ways... to seek Him daily... and to live a life that shows all that He means to me... I am thankful that God has chosen me to be one of His children... I will live to show that thankfulness... if I never receive the promise... my relationship with my Father is enough to keep me serving Him and following Him...
that is what you realize when your faith is gone... that God is all that mattered anyways.. and as long as He allows me to spend time with Him... I am satisfied... happy... thankful...

1 Peter 2: 7 Yes, you who trust him recognize the honor God has given him. But for those who reject him,“The stone that the builders rejected has now become the cornerstone.” 8 And, “He is the stone that makes people stumble, the rock that makes them fall.” They stumble because they do not obey God’s word, and so they meet the fate that was planned for them.
9 But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.
10 “Once you had no identity as a people; now you are God’s people. Once you received no mercy; now you have received God’s mercy.” 11 Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. 12 Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.

He is the stone that makes them stumble... because they do not obey God's word... and they meet the fate that was planned for them... that is hard for many people to accept.. that God has chosen you or He hasn't... most people like to imagine that everyone could be saved but they choose not to be.. many times in the word of God it states that we are chosen by God or we are not... while that is sad... and even scary... thankfully.. we have been chosen or we wouldn't be seeking Him out as we do..

I can't say how thankful I am that God has called me out of darkness and into the light.. that He considers us a holy nation and His own possession...

I can so relate to the idea that I once had no identity and now God has given me one... He has given me value and a purpose... He has given me worth... a reason to wake up in the morning.. He has given me Love...

I know we are temporary residents and foreigners.. I remember when I was going out all the time.. I felt like I belonged.. like that was where I loved to be.. if I were to go now I would feel lost and outcast... I would feel out of place.. because I don't belong to this world.. even though I am in it.. I belong to Christ.. and I belong in His world... many days I wish I were able to go there.. even just to vacation there.. but that is not the plan... so we struggle and strive to not become more and more like this world... to remain separate and holy... and it is difficult... we have to always remember that people are watching us and expecting honorable behavior from us... and that we are a representation of Christ here on earth...
Lord touch us and help us to live worthy of the calling you have placed upon our lives...

Jeremiah 42: 9 He said to them, “You sent me to the Lord, the God of Israel, with your request, and this is his reply: 10 ‘Stay here in this land. If you do, I will build you up and not tear you down; I will plant you and not uproot you. For I am sorry about all the punishment I have had to bring upon you. 11 Do not fear the king of Babylon anymore,’ says the Lord. ‘For I am with you and will save you and rescue you from his power. 12 I will be merciful to you by making him kind, so he will let you stay here in your land.’
13 “But if you refuse to obey the Lord your God, and if you say, ‘We will not stay here; 14 instead, we will go to Egypt where we will be free from war, the call to arms, and hunger,’ 15 then hear the Lord’s message to the remnant of Judah. This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: ‘If you are determined to go to Egypt and live there, 16 the very war and famine you fear will catch up to you, and you will die there. 17 That is the fate awaiting every one of you who insists on going to live in Egypt. Yes, you will die from war, famine, and disease. None of you will escape the disaster I will bring upon you there.’
18 “This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: ‘Just as my anger and fury have been poured out on the people of Jerusalem, so they will be poured out on you when you enter Egypt. You will be an object of damnation, horror, cursing, and mockery. And you will never see your homeland again.’ 19 “Listen, you remnant of Judah. The Lord has told you: ‘Do not go to Egypt!’ Don’t forget this warning I have given you today.

a few years ago.. I was ready to leave augusta... to go back to pa and resume my former life... and as I was contemplating this... because of situations here that I was unhappy about.. this is the scripture God had given me...

as much as I wanted to go back to what was familiar... I was too afraid... because the scripture said that everything that bothered me here.. would follow me there.. so I stayed here... and things may not be what I want them to be.. but God has surely provided for my every need.. and most of my wants... He has surely been kind and generous to me...

it is funny how often we make decisions in the heat of a moment without consulting God.. or God doesn't answer the same day we wanted.. so we go rushing forward in what we are thinking without waiting to hear from God... when Jeremiah went to God on this issue it was 10 days before he got his reply... I am sure that was a long 10 days for the people... the worst part is.. they disobeyed what God told them to do.. and the war they feared came after them in egypt.. and they were in a worse state than before...

God will speak to us.. give us direction.. but are we willing to wait for His reply? and if it is not what we wanted to hear.. are we willing to do what He said anyways? what good is an answer from God that we don't take?
Lord tune us in to your voice... give us the sense to ask your direction.. and the greater sense to take it when it is given... in Jesus name we ask.. amen...

(p.s. funny... I wrote this in the morning.. to be posted when I get home.. and a preacher preached some of this to us this evening..)