Luke 6: 28 Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.

I had a mean girls moment last night... so normally in the past I would have been the mean girl.. this time it was others being mean to me for no apparent reason... 

my largest area of insecurity is my belly... now I know it has gone down in the past year and a half.. I honestly have gone from a waist of 36" (which I am ashamed to even admit) down to a waist of 30-31".. so I know it is better than the past.. but it surely is not where it needs to be.. and I am very self conscious about it.. 

last night in class.. cedric is glaring at me as he thinks I am not giving 100% doing the exercise we are doing.. and he taps his belly to tell me that I need to be working my belly... well these women caught this and say things on the side like I guess he has found something that he doesn't like about her... 

so me.. I want to never speak to them again because if I do then I will cuss them out.. or talk down about them.. neither of which is the right way to handle it... and they are younger than me.. thinner than me.. what on earth are they worried about my belly for??

all the years I was meaN... now I know how I made others feel...

and Jesus says bless those that curse you.. and pray for those that hurt you... and that is hard to do but I am sure it is right... 

sighs... 

someone that works for the company I work for committed suicide recently... this is a young person... I think about this and I cannot fathom what would make a person with alot of their life still in front of them consider taking their own life... now don't be confused.. I don't have the fear of death that many people have.. even when I was just a little girl I always told Jesus that I am ready to go live with Him whenever He is ready for me... but I also do not imagine I would ever think something could drive me to take my life either.. what on earth could be so bad that you wouldn't want to wake up? and why wouldn't you walk away from whatever it is?? I have no understanding... 

I have lived through a violent marriage.. I walked away even though he tried to kill me after I left... because nothing is worth me being afraid of you.. whoever you are.. I stayed as long as I did because I know that children need both a father and a mother.. but when the negative out-weighs the positive.. then it is time to let it go.. 

my family walked away from me because I prefer black men to white men.. how ridiculous is that? aren't people just people under all the outside covering? how would your forsake a relationship with your daughter or sister due to hatred and anger? that is crazy to me... but.. I walked away because it wasn't going to depress me and have me feeling some type of way about me.. 

I have lived many years alone.. I could be feeling sorry for myself.. I could be feeling like I have never been loved and never will be.. but Jesus loves me.. and He loves me better than any man or mother or family member ever could.. so why would I go around upset when I have the greatest love possible?

whoever you are... your life has value... God has a purpose for you even if you don't know it yet.. it will run straight into you when the time is right... don't ever imagine you are not loved.. just ask God to show you His love for you.. I promise you that He will and you will feel more loved than people ever could have made you feel... you are worth more than you know... you touch someone's life every day... it can be in a positive way.. you can be the one to make other's happy and thereby making yourself happy... I promise you this is true... 

love yourself!! you are worth it!!