the mysteries of love...

Genesis 29: 20 So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.

Genesis 34: 2 But when the local prince, Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, saw Dinah, he seized her and raped her. 3 But then he fell in love with her, and he tried to win her affection with tender words. 4 He said to his father, Hamor, “Get me this young girl. I want to marry her.”

Exodus 15: 12 You raised your right hand, and the earth swallowed our enemies. 13 “With your unfailing love you lead the people you have redeemed. In your might, you guide them to your sacred home.
Song of Solomon 7: 6 Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights! 7 You are slender like a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit.
Song of Solomon 8: 6 Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. 7 Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.

I think that no one can really understand the truth about love..

do we love someone because they are good to us? if so.. will we stop loving them if they are no longer good to us... wouldn't that be love based on someone's actions? of what value could that possibly be? we all don't do right all the time...

do we love someone based on physical attributes? they are beautiful.. they are good at sex.. they make us feel like we are beautiful.. they make us feel loved.. and what if they lose their looks.. or no longer make you feel so special? what value could that be as again.. it is based on someone else's actions...

God loved us no matter what we did.. He loves us when we do right.. and when we do wrong... but none of us are actually capable of loving as God loves...

I love a man... but not with my own love.. I love him with the love God has placed in my heart for him.. it was decision I made.. I chose to love him because of God.. and God caused the love to catch on fire... and continue.. regardless of attention given by him.. although I long for it.. it does not make me love him... regardless of what he does.. while I can say what I want him to do.. the truth is I will love him in spite of what he does... I love him endlessly...

this is only a small glimpse of the unending love that God has for us... yet somehow we are conditional in our love for God... I am determined that even more than I love this man.. I love God.. no matter what happens... because I have decided to love Him.. and while I hope for things to go a certain way.. I will love God in spite of my circumstances.. because my love is not based on what He does.. but instead it is based on who He is... I love Him eternally...

the value of salt...

Mark 9: 49 “For everyone will be tested with fire. 50 Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? You must have the qualities of salt among yourselves and live in peace with each other.”

at the time of the writing of the bible.. salt was used to purify and to preserve...
when this scripture tells us we must have the qualities of salt these are the things that are being talked about...

when we talk about purity we always think of sexual purity.. and I agree that sexual purity is important.. for me.. sexual purity has been the thing that has been used to cleanse my mind.. when we are sleeping with someone outside of marriage.. we are taking on their spirit and we are also defiling ourselves.. so the more people we sleep with.. the more defiled and the more unfamiliar spirits we take on... having said that.. sexual purity is not as much for God as it is for our own self...

but I think another purity that we so often overlook is purity of the mind... if we fill our mind with things of this world.. then how can the things of God reside there too? we cannot be whole and be broken at the same time.. we cannot be pure and be defiled at the same time... I rarely listen to secular music... I find that when I fill my mind with secular music my mind wanders to sex.. so to stay sexually undefiled.. I just don't listen to it... I used to love serial killer books... jonathan kellerman is my favorite author for it... but I can't seem to read it now.. it doesn't sit well in my spirit.. I have to put it down.. so I have stopped trying to read them..

don't imagine that I don't watch wrong things of tv or at the movies.. or ever listen to anything I shouldn't or think things I shouldn't.. I surely do... but the less we put into our spirit of the world.. the less of the world that will be there... I put more of God into my spirit than anything... therefore I am filled with God more than the other things...

what about a preservative... how would we be likened to a preservative?
the definition of preserving something is to keep alive.. or make lasting.. to keep something from harm or injury...
how would we say we are preserving something? what is it we are to be preserving?

everyone will be tested with fire.. I would really rather not.. as I am sure that no one else would either.. yet what value do we have if we cannot sustain life through trials? in the commentary of the scripture it was suggesting that possibly some of the people of God were falling away from God when Jesus wasn't right there with them... how very like us that is... we can't hear Him.. can't feel Him.. can't see Him.. so we go off making our own choices.. doing our own thing... and what value is that? we always land in a boiling pot from that...

live in peace with one another... that is a struggle sometimes.. sometimes I would rather just be left alone.. but how is that anything like Christ?

our value is in Christ.. in being the salt of this earth.. in becoming pure and preserving the kingdom... and it is a daily process..

the importance of love...

Mark 12: 28 One of the teachers of religious law was standing there listening to the debate. He realized that Jesus had answered well, so he asked, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
29 Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. 30 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ 31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”

32 The teacher of religious law replied, “Well said, Teacher. You have spoken the truth by saying that there is only one God and no other. 33 And I know it is important to love him with all my heart and all my understanding and all my strength, and to love my neighbor as myself. This is more important than to offer all of the burnt offerings and sacrifices required in the law.”

34 Realizing how much the man understood, Jesus said to him, “You are not far from the Kingdom of God.” And after that, no one dared to ask him any more questions.

from Jesus' own mouth.. we hear that love is the most important attribute we can have in our lives..

if we think about what we really want most in this life.. it is to be loved.. loved for who we really are.. not for who someone can change us into.. we want to be accepted all messed up and loved anyways...

I remember when I was married to my kids' dad.. he used to tell me I was too fat.. a wonderful man used to counter with "suzie you are not too fat.. your man is too small..." I don't even have words to tell you what that sentence did for me... he accepted me as I was.. imperfect.. unattractive.. broken.. lost... hurt... and rather than tear me down for all I was not.. God used him to build me back up.. to believe that I was worthy of love.. worthy of a good life..

if we were to speak in love to every person we encounter... to build them up at all times.. to tell them all that they mean to us.. rather than hide behind our fear of being hurt or being exposed... imagine the mighty move that could be made... it would be a move of God above because truly none of us have the ability to love as we should love someone... instead.. God puts His perfect love within us.. so that we can share Him and His Love with a hurting world...

who can you love today? I love YOU!!

loneliness...

Psalms 102: 6 I am like an owl in the desert, like a little owl in a far-off wilderness. 7 I lie awake, lonely as a solitary bird on the roof.

I hate it when I feel alone.. when I was younger... I used to be alone all the time.. I am not alone as often anymore.. I can be by myself now... but not alone.. somehow you can be alone while in a crowd..

I used to think if I had the right person in my life.. if someone loved me totally.. then I would not be alone ever again.. that did not end up to be the truth.. people's love cannot satisfy loneliness.. having someone around all the time doesn't make you never lonely... being loved by a person is a great feeling.. but it is fleeting.. it comes and it goes.. if we base our stability on the love of people.. where will we be when they are angry at us? will that be the end of our stability? I know people who felt that having a child to love them would make them never lonely because a child accepts you all the time.. yet that love too is not enough.. then we decide we need to be touched to be complete...

I have found that Jesus is what cures loneliness... He has been the only thing I have ever found to truly take it away... this is not to say that I don't long for love from a person.. I do want to be loved by a man... I do want to be in a family... but the base of my stability has become God.. while I desire a man.. I know I can be satisfied without one... while I desire love.. I know that God's love is really the thing that give me peace and comfort at ALL times...

what we deserve...

Job 34: 10 “Listen to me, you who have understanding. Everyone knows that God doesn’t sin!The Almighty can do no wrong. 11 He repays people according to their deeds. He treats people as they deserve. 12 Truly, God will not do wrong. The Almighty will not twist justice.

sometimes I think... I really deserve this.. (whatever it is that I want..) I get to thinking what a 'good' person I have become.. how much I have changed... how much I deserve...

and when we get focused on what we do and how great our works/actions are.. then it is easy to get to feeling entitled... and how God needs to do this or that for me because of all that I am doing for Him.. how great my sacrifices are.. for goodness sakes.. I don't drink.. I don't cuss.. I try not to talk bad about people.. I HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN FOREVER!!! I go to church all the time.. I serve on this ministry and that ministry.. surely God should do this for me!!

really???....

Psalms 103: 9 He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. 10 He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. 11 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.

THANKFULLY... God does NOT give me what I deserve... He gives me so much less than what I really deserve in punishment.. and SO MUCH MORE than what I deserve in Grace and Goodness and Mercy!!

I am thanking God that He does not work on the merit system...

crushed and defeated...

Judges 2: 14 This made the Lord burn with anger against Israel, so he handed them over to raiders who stole their possessions. He turned them over to their enemies all around, and they were no longer able to resist them. 15 Every time Israel went out to battle, the Lord fought against them, causing them to be defeated, just as he had warned. And the people were in great distress. 16 Then the Lord raised up judges to rescue the Israelites from their attackers.

when we do wrong intentionally... and God punishes us or allows circumstances to come against us.. while we can feel sorry for ourselves if we want to... we still realize that we are reaping the consequences of our actions...

but what about when we are valiantly trying to do God's will and God's way and we are still attacked from many sides.. our mind gets tired.. our spirit feels deflated.. we are feeling defeated.. and we don't even know why we are going through it...

there is not much that we can do when we are following God's path and still being defeated... but because we know God's word.. and we have lived through defeat in the past.. we can know that God will still rescue us when He gets ready.. it may take a longer time than we want.. but some time.. He will come and rescue us...

saul attacked david for many years.. over what? because he was loved by the people and anointed by God... nothing david did.. david continued to do right by God and by saul both.. yet saul chased him to kill him relentlessly... but eventually.. from his own sin and wrong doing.. saul was defeated by someone else and david finally rose as king..

this didn't mean that david never struggled again.. his own son tried to destroy him...

so what is the moral of the story? I guess it would be that not all days will be good.. not all days will be bad.. we can do the right thing and the wrong thing still result.. but all we can know is that trouble will not last always... eventually things will become right again.. our spirit will lift.. and somewhere.. not too far down the road.. more trouble will await.. but that too will be temporary... because when He gets ready.. God will still rescue us again...

trust...

Psalms 25: 2 I trust in you, my God! Do not let me be disgraced, or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat.3 No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others. 4 Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow.

I lack trust... in pretty much everyone and everything... sometimes.. including God...

I have complete trust in God to provide for me.. He has shown me that over and over.. I have trust in Him to protect me... to love me... I even trust him with what I hear Him say about other people... if He told me that someone was good and kind.. I believe it.. if He told me that someone was sick.. even if they don't know it.. I believe it.. if He told me that someone would never get well again.. I believe it... if He tells me to do something.. even when it looks crazy.. I do it.. because I believe..

somehow.. when it comes to my own life... and what I see.. I am afraid to trust...

what if I have believed and I was wrong.. what if I am a complete fool... what if I am disgraced... what if...

what if what I thought was God's plan for my life never really was... what if He has another plan for me...

could I recover from the defeat? could I ever believe in what I hear again? could I ever trust the voice of God within me?

I don't know the answer to that... I know that I could not.. would not turn from God.. I will continue to serve Him.. I will continue to seek Him.. I will continue to try daily to live in His will... but I don't know if I could be sure that anything was ever again from God or from the desires of my own heart.. the thoughts in my mind...

strange that in the past I was so confident in myself that I didn't need to be confident in God or anything or anyone else... now.. it seems sometimes that I have nothing I am fully confident in... is that from God? I am unsure.. I am sure that I am completely dependent on Him to rescue me.. to change me... to love me when I am unloveable...

one thing is certain.. if I have seen right.. and it comes to pass.. I will have so much trust in God.. no one will ever be able to shake it again... no matter what...