Psalms 106: 14 In the wilderness their desires ran wild, testing God’s patience in that dry wasteland. 15  So he gave them what they asked for, but he sent a plague along with it.

I admit that in the wilderness my desires run wild.... 

sometimes it feels like when we do the right thing for a long time that we start to feel we deserve more or better or even just different..

I find this to be true in life with doing right financially.. sexually.. even in my eating habits... after I do the right thing for a long time I imagine if I give in and just satisfy these crazy desires for a little while... then I will be 'better' than right now... and the truth is that I never am... if I look at it from my finances.. it just sets me back a little more from the goal... if I were to do it in my sexual purity I am sure at this point that I would be horrified after the fact... and even with eating.. if I eat the wrong things for a few days in a row I start to feel sluggish and just icky.... 

I wondered about God sending them a plague to go along with what they really thought they wanted... and I know that I do NOT want anything so badly that I am willing to risk a plague to go along with it... and yet here we are.. time after time we fall short and do the wrong thing make the wrong choice and have to start again... 

the good news is... that even though we are so much like the israelites and we fall time and again... God is always willing to help us back up.. there is none like Him... and I am so thankful for His mercy and grace and love... 

Psalms 106: 12 Then they believed his promises and sang his praise. 13 But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his plan to unfold. 

14  In the desert they gave in to their craving; in the wilderness they put God to the test. 15  So he gave them what they asked for, but sent a wasting disease among them. 16  In the camp they grew envious of Moses and of Aaron, who was consecrated to the Lord. 17  The earth opened up and swallowed Dathan; it buried the company of Abiram. 18  Fire blazed among their followers; a flame consumed the wicked. 19  At Horeb they made a calf and worshiped an idol cast from metal. 20  They exchanged their glorious God for an image of a bull, which eats grass. 21  They forgot the God who saved them, who had done great things in Egypt, 22  miracles in the land of Ham and awesome deeds by the Red Sea. 23  So he said he would destroy them— had not Moses, his chosen one, stood in the breach before him to keep his wrath from destroying them. 24  Then they despised the pleasant land; they did not believe his promise.

dear God... please let me never cease in waiting for YOUR plan to unfold... let me not give in to my own desires but instead be steadfast and unmoveable.. seeking only Your will.. amen.

often I do not hear God say yes or this is right.. but I ALWAYS hear when something is a no.. I need to be sure to avoid the NO's of this life.. and wait on God for His YES... 

that is my heart's desire... above what I think I like... 

so I was reading a devotional just now and it was saying the bible is always warning us not to allow a door open to the enemy... then it said anxiety and anger are open doors...

I thought about this.. you know normally I don't worry too much about too much... lately I have been anxious about finances... I need to get some things caught up... and for some reason it is making me anxious... where previously it wouldn't have.. and I have prayed several times over and given it to God and yet.. if I allow myself to think about it.. then I again become anxious.. 

I have had anger in the past to become an open door to the enemy... it is amazing how he can seep in and we never even realized it.. he causes us to have negative thoughts when we are striving for peace and positive thoughts... 

Ecclesiastes 1: 16 I said to myself, “Look, I am wiser than any of the kings who ruled in Jerusalem before me. I have greater wisdom and knowledge than any of them.” 17 So I set out to learn everything from wisdom to madness and folly. But I learned firsthand that pursuing all this is like chasing the wind. 18 The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief.  To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.

I was reading this and wondering why he felt it increased his sorrow to gain knowledge.. 

I wonder if it is because when he gained knowledge.. it was not knowledge of God.. but instead knowledge of man and of the world's ways... 

any time our focus comes off of the greatness of God.. and is set on what we deal with or what we don't have.. then we become depressed or we become miserable...

if we are gaining knowledge of God.. knowledge of who He is.. what His character is... we are just getting better.. not sorrowful... if we spend our time in learning of God.. He makes us more like Him.. reading the word of God.. knowing His ways.. these things have brought me joy that no one can take from me... they have given me true life.. life that is not based on this body or this world.. life in my spirit and my soul...  

my own experience is this world will make us unhappy.. the only thing that can truly make us happy is to live our lives for God rather than man... to live to please Him... 

the older solomon got.. the more he became like this world.. he slowly became less like God and more like his surroundings... and as he got older he became more and more miserable.. in my own life.. the older I have gotten.. the more of myself I have given over to God and the happier I have become.. I am happier today than I have ever been before in my life... I believe this is all due to God... 

we will never make people happy no matter what we do.. but God is already pleased with you.. God already loves you.. even when you are all jacked up... so why do we care what people think to begin with... wake up each day determined to live to please the God who already loves you rather than the people working on loving you...