Lamentations 3: 31 For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. 32 Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion  because of the greatness of his unfailing love.33 For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.

sometimes it feels as if we have been abandoned by the Lord forever... sometimes it feels as if sorrow and grief is neverending... the bible tells us God loves us oh so much.. but sometimes it really doesn't feel like it...

now look at the people in your life... these are just seasons of relationships... things can't be good with everyone all the time.. if they were.. surely we would take them ALL for granted... we have to have bad days to be thankful for good ones...

I believe our relationship with God is like this too... if God was everything we imagine... He would be reduced to being for our use.. not us being for his use... I think we have all that confused...
I am reading a book with big larry by John MacArthur called "Slave: Our true identity in Christ".. the book is really opening up my eyes about what our relationship with God is really about... God is not at our beck and call.. more like.. we are supposed to be at His.. when the Israelites were set free from the egyptians so long ago... really the only thing that happened was that their master changed from being pharoah.. to being the Living God who loves them... when Christ died on the cross for us.. he paid the price for us.. we are no longer free to have our own will.. we are to be under His will at all times... our lives are a living sacrifice for the one who is our Master...

yet this is nothing we want to hear.. surely not the way we want to live... so we are in constant battle with God.. because by being in our own will.. we are out of His... we really have no voice.. no options... God's will for our lives is our day to day living.. or at least it is supposed to be...
when will we ever live the life Christ died for us to live....

Galatians 1: 15 But even before I was born, God chose me and called me by his marvelous grace. Then it pleased him 16 to reveal his Son to me so that I would proclaim the Good News about Jesus to the Gentiles. When this happened, I did not rush out to consult with any human being. 17 Nor did I go up to Jerusalem to consult with those who were apostles before I was. Instead, I went away into Arabia, and later I returned to the city of Damascus. 18 Then three years later I went to Jerusalem to get to know Peter, and I stayed with him for fifteen days. 19 The only other apostle I met at that time was James, the Lord’s brother. 20 I declare before God that what I am writing to you is not a lie.

how often do we seek human approval on spiritual things?
I would say that I am very guilty of this... which is sorta strange since I do not really need approval of man most times... but it seems when it comes to things that are revealed in the spirit, then I need some sort of confirmation from man that I am not crazy and imagining things up... especially since the things that are revealed in the spirit rarely make sense in the natural... so I will look to people.. often even people who do not even have spiritual revelation for their own lives.. and I expect them to confirm me in mine... how ridiculous is that if you think about it...

there seem to be seasons in our lives where we have close companionship... yet for me personally.. most of my life has been lived in isolation... people at church think that I am very social... I am friendly to most everyone.. I attempt to support the kids at their school functions... but when I am outside the church environment.. I am actually not social at all.. I don't like people to come to my house.. I don't want anyone in my space... I don't really want to talk much at all... yet being so unsocial.. I still desire confirmation from people... that seems like a contridiction.... I find myself going through yet another season of being separated.. with no one to talk to except God.. with no one to believe with me... with no one to walk on this path with me... I do not like to be this alone... yet it seems that God keeps sending me to this place...

we look at Paul.. he met Jesus.. and was in isolation for a long time... 3 years or more.. without anyone confirming anything he heard... yet his faith was strong enough to stand strong all alone... how often are we able to do this? how often can we keep believing and standing strong all on our own with nothing but God to support us... the funniest thing is... we are strongest when we have nothing but God.. yet somehow.. we are always looking for approval from man....
Lord help me stand strong in You alone and on Your words... amen!

genesis 37: 3 Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age. So one day Jacob had a special gift made for Joseph—a beautiful robe. 4 But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest of them. They couldn’t say a kind word to him.
10 This time he told the dream to his father as well as to his brothers, but his father scolded him. “What kind of dream is that?” he asked. “Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow to the ground before you?” 11 But while his brothers were jealous of Joseph, his father wondered what the dreams meant.
18 When Joseph’s brothers saw him coming, they recognized him in the distance. As he approached, they made plans to kill him.
37 Joseph’s suggestions were well received by Pharaoh and his officials. 38 So Pharaoh asked his officials, “Can we find anyone else like this man so obviously filled with the spirit of God?” 39 Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “Since God has revealed the meaning of the dreams to you, clearly no one else is as intelligent or wise as you are. 40 You will be in charge of my court, and all my people will take orders from you. Only I, sitting on my throne, will have a rank higher than yours.”
genesis 45: 3 “I am Joseph!” he said to his brothers. “Is my father still alive?” But his brothers were speechless! They were stunned to realize that Joseph was standing there in front of them. 4 “Please, come closer,” he said to them. So they came closer. And he said again, “I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into slavery in Egypt. 5 But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives.

Joseph had a rough life... I would think in the beginning he would have expected to have an easy time of it.. being his father's favorite and all.. but his brothers hated him... just because his father loved him and God was giving him vision.... not because of anything he had done to them... jealousy is  a terrible thing.. I wonder how many times we are jealous of someone else because God smiles on them... or how many times people hate us for that...

so Joseph is sold into slavery by his brothers... imprisioned by a lustful woman's husband... and forgotten by those that he helped get out of prison.. but all these things are preparing him to be the man that he is called to be... so eventually.. God calls him up to the Pharoah.. he is given power and position... and before long.. even his brothers have to come to him... for most of us.. our reaction to seeing the people who caused our pain for so many years would not have been a positive one... yet Joseph says to them.. that even though they meant him harm.. God used all of the circumstances of his life to create a path to save many people...

the only way this could have been the way he was looking at this situation and at his brother is if he had forgiven them... and because he had forgiven them completely.. their family was restored... Joseph still received everything God said he would.. and his family was restored to him too... forgiveness is such an important factor in our lives... when we are angry and resentful and bitter.. we are part of the problem.. when we learn to forgive even those who mean us harm.. we become part of the solution...

Galatians 2: 16 Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law. And we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we might be made right with God because of our faith in Christ, not because we have obeyed the law. For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law.” 17 But suppose we seek to be made right with God through faith in Christ and then we are found guilty because we have abandoned the law. Would that mean Christ has led us into sin? Absolutely not! 18 Rather, I am a sinner if I rebuild the old system of law I already tore down. 19 For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So I died to the law—I stopped trying to meet all its requirements—so that I might live for God. 20 My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.

this is one of the reasons I get so annoyed with paul...
the way that he states things.. gives many people who are not really trying to live a changed life.. the freedom to remain in sin and think it is all right with God... and that is not the truth.... Jesus said that he has not come to destroy the law.. but to fulfill it... his saying that means that while we will mess up and be covered by his grace and blood and still forgiven... it is not all right to live any type of way and think God is going along with it....

yet for me.. that is how paul makes things sound.. as if the law is no longer valid...
really... most of us would not attempt to think we could kill someone and imagine we could get away with it.. surely we recognize that we would have to pay the consequence of our actions in the world.. and in the spirit also...

so why would we imagine that the other sins are any different?.. if there are consequences of our action in this world.. surely we should see that there will still be consequences of our actions in the spirit... yet like any parent who has to bring judgement on our child for wrong behavior.. we still love them despite it... but we expect them to strive to stay away from wrong doing... and I think that is just what God is saying to us... He expects us to do better.. and He will give us the desire to do so.. and the help to stand up against sinful ways if we seek it... but he still loves us even when we mess up and He has to bring down the consequences of our actions...

we should be doing right in our life.. not so much because it is is the law... but moreso because we love God and we are so thankful for His great love and sacrifice for us...

all along... from the time we are kids.. we are searching for real love.. we search for it in people and things... and we never find it there.. we may find a good feeling.. but the feeling doesn't last long term... we expect things from people that we can't get from them... not because they may not care.. maybe they don't.. but maybe they do.. but people cannot fulfill what it is that we need all the time.. only God can do that...

 

I had a man that loved me just like I would want to be loved... he was the perfect man for me.. he was thoughtful... he bought me presents.. if I were to tell you stories of the things he did for me.. your heart would melt and you would want him too... but for many reasons.. God told me this was not for me.. and I walked away from it.. because I have had too many things out of God's will and learned that they are never worth the cost... in my mind's eyes.. he had taught me what real love was... truly this was a man that was willing to kill for me.. and willing to die for me.. and he showed it.. to anyone who happened to look our way... the woman he married told me from her own mouth that he never loved anyone like he loved me.. and I thought this was what love was....

 

but now.. I have a man that doesn't give me the attention I want or need.. doesn't give me gifts.. doesn't give me time.. doesn't give me words... he doesn't even give me sex.. LOL... and I have no doubt that this man has been the one to teach me what real love is..

 

love isn't what someone does for us... not what someone gives us.. it isn't anything that you can touch.. anything you can even feel... real love.. true love is in what we give.. not what we receive... it takes a true love to continue to give when you receive nothing in return.. it takes a true love to continue to love when they don't show you anything at all... it takes the love of God flowing out of you for you to be able to do this.. that is what true love is...

 

God loved the people when they didn't love Him.. He continued to do for them when they didn't even look His way... He loved them in spite of the way they acted... even to the point of sending His own Son... and Jesus too loved us with a true love.. He loved us when we didn't believe in Him... He died for people who wanted Him crucified... He died in the hopes that they might be able to really live.. not live physically so much as live spiritually...

 

so I am learning that instead of dwelling on the way you want someone to love you... set about giving out that love to someone else... and I will not promise that it won't hurt.. or that it will be easy... I have never endured something as difficult as loving someone who won't show love in return... but that is where true love lies... in giving without the expectation of return... give what you desire.. not what you get back.... this is love...

2 Corinthians 3: 14 But the people’s minds were hardened, and to this day whenever the old covenant is being read, the same veil covers their minds so they cannot understand the truth. And this veil can be removed only by believing in Christ. 15 Yes, even today when they read Moses’ writings, their hearts are covered with that veil, and they do not understand. 16 But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17 For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.

as I was reading this.... I thought.. how amazing to imagine that the veil that separated the people from the holy of holies in the temple.. would also separate them from understanding the word of God... and as Christ's death led the way for us to go to God in intimacy... it also leads the way to understanding of the word of God...

almost as if God is blurry to us.. like we need a pair of glasses... but then we put on the Holy Spirit through acceptance of Christ Jesus.. and everything comes into focus.... funny... we wonder why sometimes we are 'missing' something... this is it.. if you don't have Christ and His Spirit leading you daily in your walk.. you are confused and don't know where to go.. we can't see clearly...

now granted.. every now and again.. we are confused almost no matter what because we allow the world and the enemy to come in and harden our hearts and cloud our vision... but when we again find time with the Lord in the privacy of the Holy of Holies and His Word.. then things start to clear up...

I have often done things my own way.. not God's way... but tried to get God to go along with me... and it was a mess.. and so today... while I am very unsure of what is going on.. of where I am going.. of what is my purpose and my vision and my value... I still can be sure that God knows what it is.. and if I will allow Him to lead the way.. I will find exactly what I am supposed to be and do on the path...

and........... because of Christ in our life and the Holy Spirit in us.. we have the veil removed.. and we can and do reflect the glory of the Lord... and we are made more and more like Christ and transformed into His image... that is awesome.........

so I have been reading genesis lately.. and you know I always wonder what makes God choose one person and not another... so I am reading about Esau... and one of the first things it says about him as a grown man is that when he was 40 he marries 2 hittite women which made life miserable for Isaac and Rebekah... then you remember... even before that he sold his firstborn birthrights for a bowl of lentil stew and some bread... now we may not really know what that meant.. so I go looking it up in the study bible... and the firstborn rights in the Israelite nation is a double portion of the family's wealth or blessing.. it is also a double portion of the covenant between God and Abraham passed down to that firstborn son.. (the firstborn always belongs to God) it turns out that this is WHY Jacob's sons are the ones that were the tribes of Israel... because Esau... (per the study bible) was not really concerned about the covenant with God or about relationship with Him... when he gave up his birthright.. he gave up his rights to the Abrahamic covenant of blessing over all of his descendants.. then he married the pagan women.. even further showing that he did not care for God's laws or His will...

I also read.. going back to their birth.. God said from the beginning that Esau would serve his brother... so really... being obedient to what God said... Isaac should have been blessing Jacob... and Esau really got what God had planned for him from the beginning.. even though we have all determined that Jacob took it from him... really.. it was given to him by God.. so he was going to get it no matter what...

but I wonder.. about us.. in this day and age... how often do our choices prove to God that we are or we are not all that interested in what He wants for us.. in His covenant with us.. His plan for our lives... I will say in all honesty.. that up until the last few years.. I did not want any parts of God's will for me.. I wanted all the blessing and all the relationship.. but none of the work that comes from being in relationship with Someone... so I did what I wanted.. and expected God to go along with it and bless me for it.. and CLEARLY He was not about that.... although He never left me.. and He continued to protect me.. He also let me fall on my face... REPEATEDLY...

so at this point... are we Esau.. or will we be Jacob... will we do whatever it takes in order to have all that God has planned for us... will we be obedient and submit to Him....

this is truth throughout the bible.. why was David chosen over the older brothers.. when that was not God's usual way... David was chosen because of his relationship with God... this is the only way that any of us will be chosen... is by our relationship and commitment to the God of Abraham Isaac and Jacob... and me... and I pray... you too...
(genesis 25-27 NLT study bible)

1 Corinthians 7: 17 17And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.

we are a strange and peculiar people indeed... all of us.. in one way or another...
previously.. I felt a man was useless other than for sexual satisfaction and to pay the bills... I was completely content in God with the exception of sexually....
then God changes that up.. gives me a desire to be in relationship.. to be married.. to be loved and give love.. and then I am content in nothing.. not in God.. because I don't have what I desire.. not in man.. because I don't have what I desire...

how often do we really realize... we are exactly where God would have us be for today...
so over a breakdown this past weekend.. I realize.. I am done striving toward this... I am done looking at tomorrow.. I am determined to be content in right now and today! whatever happens or does not happen.. all is in the hands of God.. and I will no longer strive to put anything into action.. I will no longer strive to be anywhere or with anyone... God is completely in the driver's seat.. I will move to the back seat and allow Him to drive me around...

today.. I will put my all into the things I am called to this day.. my job.. my ministry... my self....

I encourage you to completely quit striving and go forward in what is before you today... not worrying about tomorrow... instead allowing God to guide our every day.. each day over new again... AMEN!

1 Corinthians 13: 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

we are a strange people... if we are thinking of ourselves and what we need and how we want to be treated.. we completely agree with this interpretation of love... yet if we are talking about how we love someone else... it is not quite as realistic...

we would all say that we love someone in this world.. yet how often could we say we have not ever been irritable with this person? how often could we in all honesty say we do not keep record of being wronged... we may have forgiven the person.. yet we can recall the wrong done to us in the greatest of details... love never gives up.. never loses faith... is always hopeful.. and endures no matter what.. if that is true... we should have so many more saved marriages.. so many unbroken families.. even extended family...

I would say even of myself... this very day.. for no reason whatsoever.. I feel as though I am defeated... I have no hope... I have faith.. I recall very vividly what God has said... and I am of the belief at this point.. that if He does not do His will in my life then it will not get done... I am tired... but that doesn't sound like the love we see written in the scripture...

what is it that is so lacking in our love walk that we seem to continually fall prey to our feelings rather than stand strong on God's word... and surely.. we should recognize that we need to do better...