James 3: 13 If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. 15 For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. 16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. 17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. 18 And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.

I cannot imagine who would call themselves wise... I mean really.. we make a fool of ourselves daily... unintentionally.. but daily... so to call yourself wise would be pretty much amazing and stupid in my thoughts...

I try to live an honorable life.. I try to do good works... but I have to say... jealousy is sometimes an issue for me... not jealousy meaning I want what is someone else's... I just don't want someone to touch what is mine... and if they act like they have or they still are.. then that makes me really upset... I think the reason it upsets me is because I am insecure.. I have not been an insecure person in the past.. I have always thought I was the best anyone could get... while God has torn down my pride.. it has made me insecure.. I don't think that was supposed to have happened.. I think my confidence was to be changed from being in myself to being confident in Christ and His promises to me.. but whatever the reason.. I don't have that much confidence in that... I seem to desire approval and constant reassurance.. God is really not much for giving something over and over.. He expects us to trust Him... (not one of my strong points...) it also states that these things are demonic and they create disorder and evil.. well I am in agreement about that! I desire to keep my peace.. yet jealousy or insecurity brings disorder and upset...

wisdom from above is pure... it is loving and gentle.. willing to yield to others.. full of mercy and good deeds.. always showing no favoritism and is always sincere... I gotta tell you... this is good in writing but not so much in reality... I am not always loving and gentle.. although I am striving to be there.. I would say I am more often than ever before... willing to yield to others.. I don't care who you are.. giving up your will is a daily challenge! I can do the mercy and good deeds for the most part.. I am sincere.. even if you sincerely don't want to hear me.. LOL... I do show favoritism to people with a good spirit over those with a bad one... it is not intentional.. I just struggle to be around those with a bad spirit...

the scriptures are hard sometimes... we struggle to be who God wants us to be... but it is a constant battle.. a war within us between what feels good or protects us.. to what God wants us to do... I desire to do God's will.. but it is surely a battle... I am better than I used to be.. but it is surely a daily battle... thankfully my desire is to do God's will...

Job 30: 20 “I cry to you, O God, but you don’t answer. I stand before you, but you don’t even look. 21 You have become cruel toward me. You use your power to persecute me. 22 You throw me into the whirlwind and destroy me in the storm. 23 And I know you are sending me to my death— the destination of all who live. 24 “Surely no one would turn against the needy
when they cry for help in their trouble. 25 Did I not weep for those in trouble? Was I not deeply grieved for the needy? 26 So I looked for good, but evil came instead. I waited for the light, but darkness fell. 27 My heart is troubled and restless. Days of suffering torment me. 28 I walk in gloom, without sunlight. I stand in the public square and cry for help. 29 Instead, I am considered a brother to jackals and a companion to owls. 30 My skin has turned dark, and my bones burn with fever. 1 My harp plays sad music, and my flute accompanies those who weep.

sometimes we think that all we do is complain... while reading this scripture... we should know that feeling defeated in a long battle is not so uncommon... to feel that even God is against us is fairly normal...

for me... I feel like things we so much easier when I was just a babe in the walk... God babied me.. He coddled me.. He was so constant.. so true.. so loud... the deeper the walk gets.. the less He talks.. He is building trust and faith.. but it doesn't much feel like that is what it is... it feels like He just doesn't care anymore... it feels like He is absent.. as though He is off taking care of other children of His that He seems to like better than me...

but that does not line up with what the bible tells me about Him.. the bible says He will never leave me nor forsake me.. that He is a constant help in the time of need.. so I can go off my feelings.. or I can trust in the word and know that regardless of what things look like or feel like... God is still here.. He is still in control.. He still loves me.. He is still my Father and my God...

and that is what I choose to believe...

Psalms 39: 1 I said to myself, “I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say. I will hold my tongue when the ungodly are around me.” 2 But as I stood there in silence— not even speaking of good things— the turmoil within me grew worse. 3 The more I thought about it, the hotter I got, igniting a fire of words: 4 “LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is. 5 You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.

as much as I try to not get upset.. still I do... as much as I try to not yell and defend myself.. yet I do.. I feel like the psalmist.. the more I think about it.. the hotter I get.. and it ignites a fire of words...

yesterday I was upset in general... I have been upset for the past few weeks.. it seems to be building bigger and bigger... I don't seem to be able to rest in the Lord.. I don't seem to be able to just relax... if I could just harden my heart... but God does not want that either...

so what is the answer?... I am sure I don't know... I know that we do not have a long time on this earth... although sometimes it feels like it drags on endlessly... when we turn around.. we can see it has flown by... I know the things that worked in the world will not work in the kingdom of God.. yet they are so much easier!! if I just shut myself off... let go of the emotions.. just go back to not caring... that is what 'feels' like the best answer... but that is not the God answer...

there is surely a reason for this fire within me.. for this pressure that has me boiling... ready to lash out.. ready to fall apart.. ready to just give in and give up!!! the bible says that God uses pressure to refine us.. to make us pure.. I have to say that the LAST thing I am right now is pure... I am full of all the things I have worked so hard to get rid of... full to the brim... they are ready to come boiling over... yet that is not the plan... that is not the purpose of the boiling point.. the purpose is to get me to manage it without boiling.. ummmm.. so Jesus.. if you don't want me to boil over.. please turn down the fire!!! thank you and amen!!

fear of the Lord...

Psalms 147: 11 No, the LORD’s delight is in those who fear him, those who put their hope in his unfailing love.

my life has been a battle of right and wrong.. I would guess everyones is.. mine wasn't just right and wrong decisions.. more like right and wrong living.. I never completely let go of God.. yet never completely followed Him either... so this last time when I turned from the world completely.. I felt that I did it because this was my last shot at living right.. my last chance to do God's will or lose Him... now I know that the bible says God will never leave us nor forsake us.. but it also says that He will turn us over to a reprobate mind.. which is what he did to king nebuchadnezzar for a period...

nebuchadnezzar felt HE was ruler of the universe.. well God took his mind.. and he found out.. God is the ONLY ruler of the universe...

Daniel 4: 30 As he looked out across the city, he said, ‘Look at this great city of Babylon! By my own mighty power, I have built this beautiful city as my royal residence to display my majestic splendor.’ 31 “While these words were still in his mouth, a voice called down from heaven, ‘O King Nebuchadnezzar, this message is for you! You are no longer ruler of this kingdom. 32 You will be driven from human society. You will live in the fields with the wild animals, and you will eat grass like a cow. Seven periods of time will pass while you live this way, until you learn that the Most High rules over the kingdoms of the world and gives them to anyone he chooses.’ 33 “That same hour the judgment was fulfilled, and Nebuchadnezzar was driven from human society. He ate grass like a cow, and he was drenched with the dew of heaven. He lived this way until his hair was as long as eagles’ feathers and his nails were like birds’ claws. 34 “After this time had passed, I, Nebuchadnezzar, looked up to heaven. My sanity returned, and I praised and worshiped the Most High and honored the one who lives forever.

so I have felt.. that this time.. if I were to turn from following the Lord completely.. I would be at the state of being turned over to the reprobate mind... I felt as if I were running on the beach and the Lord pushed my face in the sand and made me finally completely turn myself over to Him... and I did... and I admit.. I FEAR the Lord.. I KNOW His power and His might.. and I am very fearful to disobey Him.. I don't think we get something as easy as death when He punishes us.. instead we get living hell.. whether it is our mind or our body or our circumstances.. whatever it is.. when God says enough is enough.. know that He is serious and we will pay a HIGH cost of disobedience...

someone recently said that they follow God out of love for Him... I would agree that I love God like I have never loved anyone or anything.. but I also have a healthy fear and respect for His power.. His might.. and the weight of His hand... and I truly reverence.. respect.. and fear the Lord... as well as loving Him...

defeated...

I am not attaching scripture.. but if I were.. I would attach the entire book of Job...

if we read Job.. in the beginning of his trial.. he was going to be all right.. he figured that we cannot expect only good from the hand of God... that we will have trials and tribulations also.. and we need to be thankful in the midst of all of it... but toward the end of the battle.. he is defeated.. he doesn't curse God... why would you... I am not cursing God either.. but I have to admit.. I am defeated... I am weary.. I am tired.. I am ready to just slip away into nothingness...

now don't get me wrong.. none of this means that I don't love God.. I do.. He is my best friend.. the Lover of my soul... He is my Father.. my Lord.. my God.. but I am worn out from this battle.. it is too long.. too tiring.. too much for me to have handled... I wonder.. is this where the scripture about resting in the Lord comes from... idk.. I would like to imagine that I am resting in Him.. yet if I were.. would I feel as though I am fighting this battle myself?

a co-worker suggests to me this morning that maybe I just need a weekend away by myself.. and I assure you that is the truth! I would be so much better off if the sun were shining and I were laying alongside a pool somewhere.. for some reason.. the sun beaming down on me just lifts me... I can feel the hand of God in the sun's rays... I feel as if He is sitting with me.. with His arm on me.. and I get so much rest from that... but it is not sunny.. and I cannot feel the arm of God holding me tight..

this very morning.. I wondered.. do I really believe God is real.. or is this just something we tell ourselves to make us feel better...

even if it is just something I tell myself for comfort... I will always believe God is real.. because He is real for me.. I don't know if He is real for someone else.. but I know that I need Him.. that I cannot function without Him... all things in my life may fade away.. but God is still real for me...

I admit that I am tired of being alone.. and that is never a good place for me to be.. I pray I see the hand of God move soon.. or His voice speak something into life.. but I pray for the strength to withstand in the meanwhile... as I am defeated...

taming of the tongue...

James 3: 1 Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way. 3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6 And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.
7 People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, 8 but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. 10 And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! 11 Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? 12 Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.

last night after children's church... I was talking with two of the teachers/leaders of the ministry... and I was outside yelling.. as it true to form for me.. yelling from one person to another.. one of them told me to stop being mean.. I am thinking.. I wasn't being mean.. no one really takes me seriously when I yell.. just look around at the kids.. they wouldn't cling to me like they do if they felt I was mean in any way... she says that when someone doesn't know me.. then they think I am mean.. so in my head.. I am thinking.. I really probably should be one of those quiet silent types... as I get home.. I hear God saying.. you are created as you are.. on purpose...

when we think of taming the tongue.. we think about being quiet and subdued.. God has revealed to me that taming my own tongue is not so much about being quiet or subdued as it is about being encouraging and truthful... truthful is a HIGH priority in my own life.. so truthful is no struggle.. but.. sometimes I could possibly come out with the truth in a more tactful way...

I believe taming the tongue is more about how we speak.. what words come out of our mouth.. are we condemning and rude.. mean and hurtful... or are we instead encouraging and building up... that is what I think the taming really is.. to keep the words that come out of our mouth to be pleasing to God's ears...

what comes out of the mouth is what is in the heart.. so really.. the true change needs to come in our heart and mind.. if we are thinking mean and hateful things.. that is what comes across.. even if the words seem to be dripping in honey.. yet if our hearts are pure.. we can say truthful and hard to hear things because someone knows that we are not judging or condemning them.. just trying to help get things right...

tame our heart and our mind.. allow God to transform these things.. and our tongue will be tamed...

be comfortable in who God made you to be.. if He isn't telling you to change something.. pray about it before you allow others to make you think it needs changed.. it really could be who you are on purpose...

trust...

Psalms 33: 4 For the word of the LORD holds true, and we can trust everything he does.

I have real trust issues... I believe in God completely... I know without doubts that He will fix everything.. He will take care of me.. He will provide for me... He will lead me to a job.. a house.. food.. finances... a car.. I completely trust God in these physical areas.. completely...

but when it comes to my heart... like any other man... I tend to be wary of trusting even God... I see things in my head.. I know they are truth.. yet and still when it comes to believe it when it gets dark out.. I get fearful.. I get untrusting..

now I know that no matter what happens.. I will be fine.. I will overcome.. I will not fall apart or die.. yet I try valiantly to protect my heart.. when God really wants us to give our hearts away and trust Him to protect them..

I am not yet at that point.. although I am striving..

the truth about love...

Psalms 68: 6 God places the lonely in families; He sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.

this morning is valentines day.. and I wake up and on the TV in my room is a beautiful large box from Helzberg Diamonds and a card.. and in the card it states... you were my first valentine.. you have shown me what love really is.. you have shown me love unconditional.. no matter what... you will always be my first love... and I am crying...

I remember when I was a child.. I never felt like my father loved me.. but I just knew my mother and brother did... my brother went off and got married.. and I was abandoned.. although that was not his intention.. that was how it felt.. and how I took it.. then my mother left me because I married a man of a different color... and that showed me that she too never really loved me.. and that was tragic for me... so the man I married proves over a short period of time that he doesn't really love me either.. and from that point forward all of the love I have is put into my kids... and I am good if that is the love that I have for my lifetime...

today.. much older.. possibly a little wiser.. I realize.. the truest love I have had has been God's love.. who has loved me when I was unloveable.. loved me when I didn't want Him.. loved me when I acted like and idiot.. and somehow.. still wanted me when I was ready to love Him completely... that is the truest love I have ever known... we talk about Jesus loving us enough to die on the cross.. I have had someone that said he would die for me.. that he loved me that much.. but when I walked away.. he shut me out.. never to accept me back again.. that is human love.. Jesus hung and died on the cross when I didn't treat Him with love or respect.. when I was unfaithful to Him.. when I didn't even know what love was.. He showed me what true love really is...

God has placed me in a family.. and He has set me free and given me joy unspeakable and full of glory... there is no love like the love of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit... with their love.. I will be happy and need nothing more..

discouraged...

2 Chronicles 20: 20 Early the next morning the army of Judah went out into the wilderness of Tekoa. On the way Jehoshaphat stopped and said, “Listen to me, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Believe in the LORD your God, and you will be able to stand firm. Believe in his prophets, and you will succeed.”

we all have things to be discouraged over...

it seems almost intentional... you know? we know that God has the power to make everything right.. to make everything easy.. but that just isn't the way things work out.. they come and go... they are up and down.. we are on a roller coaster if we are emotionally involved... now if our heart is hardened.. then the only things that discourage us are physical things.. like loss of a job.. illness.. but if our heart is soft and open.. then many things discourage us.. waiting discourages us.. things being hard discourage us if it is for an extended period of time.. people taking advantage of us..

we are not to have a hardened heart.. yet that is so much more comfortable.. it is only in caring about something that it has the power to hurt you.. to discourage you.. and the enemy plays on our feelings to make us even more discouraged.. he will remind us how good we have been.. how faithful.. how true.. and yet everything is still backwards...

how are we to know the difference between a door that God has closed.. or a situation that satan is battling us over... I don't know the answer to that.. but it would be very helpful if I did... the scripture says that as long as we stand firm we will succeed.. I am sure that is the truth.. but I am also sure that sometimes we receive things we should have walked away from... all because we kept holding on...

believe in the Lord your God and you will be able to stand firm.. believe in His prophets and you will succeed... that is pretty much all I have right now.. to hold on and believe in God... and believe I will succeed because of it..

quietness...

Proverbs 17: 27 A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered. 28 Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.

my job is to be the truth teller... yet the bible is saying that a truly wise person uses few words... soooo that would say to me.. that even though the truth is to be told.. it doesn't have to be told very often.. I would say that is surely the truth.. especially since most of us don't want the truth anyways.. we really want to hear what we want to hear... someone recently told me that I didn't want to hear the truth.. I told her.. yes I do.. I cannot change anything without recognizing it first.. so I do want to hear the truth.. maybe the issue is.. we don't want the truth shoved down our throats.. maybe it is better for us to only say something when asked.. maybe that is the best way...

a person with understanding is even tempered.. I would say that a large percentage of the time I am even tempered.. I used to run on hot all the time.. now I can't be so bothered being upset all the time.. so I search out ways to not allow myself to get upset.. the problem with that is.. for me to not get upset means I have to not care.. and that is not what God wants from us.. He wants us to be emotionally invested in people... to be able to show love and understanding and compassion... but how can we do that without allowing our feelings to take over.. I don't have the answer to that one yet.. all I can do is shut down and shut out.. then I will not be hurt by things people do or say.. but again I admit that I don't believe this is God's will...

maybe silence really is the smartest thing...

Ezra 9: 10 “And now, O our God, what can we say after all of this? For once again we have abandoned your commands! 11 Your servants the prophets warned us when they said, ‘The land you are entering to possess is totally defiled by the detestable practices of the people living there. From one end to the other, the land is filled with corruption. 12 Don’t let your daughters marry their sons! Don’t take their daughters as wives for your sons. Don’t ever promote the peace and prosperity of those nations. If you follow these instructions, you will be strong and will enjoy the good things the land produces, and you will leave this prosperity to your children forever.’
13 “Now we are being punished because of our wickedness and our great guilt. But we have actually been punished far less than we deserve, for you, our God, have allowed some of us to survive as a remnant. 14 But even so, we are again breaking your commands and intermarrying with people who do these detestable things. Won’t your anger be enough to destroy us, so that even this little remnant no longer survives? 15 O LORD, God of Israel, you are just. We come before you in our guilt as nothing but an escaped remnant, though in such a condition none of us can stand in your presence.”

Ezra 10: 9 Within three days, all the people of Judah and Benjamin had gathered in Jerusalem. This took place on December 19, and all the people were sitting in the square before the Temple of God. They were trembling both because of the seriousness of the matter and because it was raining. 10 Then Ezra the priest stood and said to them: “You have committed a terrible sin. By marrying pagan women, you have increased Israel’s guilt. 11 So now confess your sin to the LORD, the God of your ancestors, and do what he demands. Separate yourselves from the people of the land and from these pagan women.”

this is a scripture that is very hard for me to understand.. God does not believe in divorce.. yet in this book of the bible.. to turn from their sin.. these people who have chosen wives and had children with them.. that are considered defiled or unclean.. then they divorce them and leave even the kids... I don't really get this... what is it that would have made God do this? I know that the real issue is that they worshipped other gods.. that is one thing that God will not put up with.. idolatry and rebellion.. I think many times those two are actually the same thing in two different jackets.. but to have them divorce the wives and leave the children.. I don't really get that.. like moses.. zipporah was a priest's daughter.. but it was likely that he was a priest to a foreign god.. so she was not of the Living God.. and he put her away too.. and the children he had with her...

what is it that constitutes putting someone away... what makes that the right thing to do or the wrong thing? how do we decide that is what we are to do to rid our lives of this sin?

but wait.. not everyone agreed with this action...

Ezra 10: 15 Only Jonathan son of Asahel and Jahzeiah son of Tikvah opposed this course of action, and they were supported by Meshullam and Shabbethai the Levite.

so what if.. the majority was wrong.. and the minority was right... wasn't deserting the women and children even a greater sin than marrying them in the first place?

I don't know.. I don't know what is right or what was wrong in this situation... I had a husband who I had to put away.. and funny.. the day they did it was December 19 according to the scripture.. and that was the day that my own marriage ended to a man that I was never supposed to be with... so is it.. if we were rebellious.. and married the wrong person.. then we must put them away.. but if we are in a hard marriage that was caused by God.. then we are bound...

I think God has to speak to each of us individually on such a matter.. I don't think it could be a general consensus like what happened in Ezra... of course I am not saying the man of the bible is wrong.. I am just saying I can't wrap my finite mind around it..

Philippians 3: 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!

I have to tell you.. I do not want to share in Christ's death.. I do not want to suffer with Him.. I would like to experience resurrection from dead situations.. but I don't really want to go through the death and suffering to get there...

I think we are formed.. we decide who we want to be.. what we want to do.. where we want to go... and most of it is not God's plan for us... then when we become saved and start seeking God.. and He starts to cut away what we thought we wanted to be.. He smashes down our flesh and makes us soft and pliable.. He makes us in His image... and it is a painful process...

it would be nice if things would be easy and painless.. but that is just not the truth of it..

sometimes I think it is the painful changing that causes us to give up and go back to the old ways.. I am sure that has been the truth of me in the past.. that is why I could never get anywhere.. why the changes I made turned right back into my old habits... I had no endurance... I did not stand true to God.. I was more worried about what I felt like and what I wanted than to remain faithful..

there is a big difference in faith and faithfulness.. many times we have faith.. we believe God will do what He said.. but we do not stay faithful to Him... we don't remain in Him... I want to be found faithful.. I want to have endurance to last and see the will of God for my life.. to stop getting distracted and sidetracked.. I want to be faithful to the only One who has been faithful to me..

Job 13: 13 “Be silent now and leave me alone. Let me speak, and I will face the consequences. 14 Yes, I will take my life in my hands and say what I really think. 15 God might kill me, but I have no other hope. I am going to argue my case with him. 16 But this is what will save me—I am not godless. If I were, I could not stand before him.

20 “O God, grant me these two things, and then I will be able to face you. 21 Remove your heavy hand from me, and don’t terrify me with your awesome presence. 22 Now summon me, and I will answer! Or let me speak to you, and you reply. 23 Tell me, what have I done wrong? Show me my rebellion and my sin. 24 Why do you turn away from me? Why do you treat me as your enemy?

as you know.. I often read Job.. I FEEL him.. LOL!! as if I have such a rough life... there were times in this life that I really did have a rough life and I didn't read him then... but now.. I often feel as if much of my life is a test.. am I going to remain true to God.. true to who He says I am.. or am I going to run back to the familiar and be who I once was... and somehow.. day by day.. even if I slip and slide.. I stay on the right path.. (maybe over to the shoulder of the road some days.. )

I some days feel as if the Hand of God is too heavy upon me.. I try valiantly to do right.. yet things are not as I would want them to be... do we think this means God has left us.. or He is treating us like His enemy? I don't really think so.. there is nothing to make us believe that we will not have valleys and mountains.. that things will not be overwhelming some days.. that we will not feel like we may not be drowning in a sea of despair sometimes.. the bible in no way pretends we won't struggle.. yet we somehow think we shouldn't.. we think as long as we are doing right.. everything should go right... but that is not the word of God...

if things were good all the time.. we would not even see them as good.. we would still find something that is not right.. so we have trials and troubles to let us see how blessed we really are... focus not on what you don't have.. not on what is wrong in your world.. focus on what is right in your life... then you are far more likely to be able to count your blessings above your trials...

trials will come and they will go.. but the bible says they will not last always... trouble is.. when one is over.. another takes it's place.. so be thankful rather than sorrowful... in all things give thanks... and God will turn your situation for the good of those in your life... He is recreating us.. and surely it is a painful process but a good one!!

as I read the psalms... david often asks God to rescue him from his enemies.. he spends alot of time talking about his enemies and how he needs God to rescue him.. he knows God will rescue him.. but he needs it.. I feel like that is odd for a few different reasons..

first of all.. david is a warrior.. a warrior KING.. a great and mighty warrior.. saul killed his thousands but david killed his ten thousands.. and.. even when things were bad.. david was not alone.. he had a group of soldiers that were true to him and remained with him.. and even if the fight was 200 against 2,000... he was not in the fight alone.. I can't imagine that a general focuses alot on the enemy other than their weaknesses and how he would bring them down...

secondly... david is close to God.. he has a STRONG relationship with God... so why is his focus on the problem rather than on the One who will rescue him?.. I am not downplaying the role of the enemies in david's life.. I know that the king (saul) wanted to kill him.. his own son (absalom) tried to kill him and overthrown his throne... another son rapes his daughter... I know he had a rough time.. I know that he surely did have many many enemies... I am just thinking that someone in his life.. as he was putting out all these psalms.. needed to tell him that God is Lord over all.. and no one could hurt him because of that.. that God had made promises for his future.. and God would be true to those promises.. and put the focus on God and not on the problem...

we all have enemies in our lives.. it may not be people coming against us.. it may be illness.. addiction.. depression.. laziness.. anger.. jealousy.. we all have something that we battle against on a daily basis.. our focus needs to be on God and not on the battle... we may not be warriors in the literal sense.. but we certainly are warriors in the spiritual sense.. the enemy is not going to stop trying to destroy us.. that is his job.. and he is ON it! but we do not have to succumb to defeat.. because God is on our side.. if we keep striving to do the righteous thing.. keep working toward God's will and His way.. we will overcome the battle.. then there will be another one and we will have to start all over again... God is strengthening us.. building us up as His army..

we will come out victorious..

Psalms 27: 13 Yet I am confident I will see the LORD’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. 14 Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

what does the Lord's goodness look like... would we know it when we see it? is our idea of His goodness the same thing as His?

I feel as though I see the goodness of the Lord every single day.. it doesn't have to be some spectacular show or some long awaited miracle to let me see the goodness of God... I have peace.. I have joy.. but on top of those spiritual gifts.. I have a house over my head.. I have food in my stomach... I have affection.. I have belonging...

where does my belonging and affection come from? not from outside.. it comes from within.. I belong to God.. I am accepted by Him.. He holds me and loves me.. these are not things that I can show you outside.. they are within me... they are so strong that acceptance and belonging by humans really doesn't matter... I am comfortable in my own skin...

is my life perfect? no.. I am ready to be married.. I want to lose this last 10lbs... my son is in jail... I am not good with finances..

I feel as if the things that are not right.. not perfect.. those are outward things.. those are all things that can be physically fixed... they are circumstances.. but inward.. inside of me.. I am at peace.. I am happy.. I am loved by the God that created the heavens..

what more could anyone really need?

Proverbs 16: 23 From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive. 24 Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

you would think that kind words would be easy.. yet they really aren't.. sometimes we don't want to say them.. other times they just roll off the tongue.. usually when we are trying to get our way...

imagine the impact we would make on those in our lives if our conversations were full of kind words.. wise words.. thought out before spoken...