Isaiah 53: 2  My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. 3  He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. 4  Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! 5  But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. 6  All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all. 7  He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth. 8  Unjustly condemned, he was led away. No one cared that he died without descendants, that his life was cut short in midstream. But he was struck down for the rebellion of my people. 9 He had done no wrong and had never deceived anyone. But he was buried like a criminal; he was put in a rich man’s grave. 10  But it was the Lord’s good plan to crush him and cause him grief.

I don't often read about or even think about what Jesus life was really like... 

instead I think about how great He was... about the miracles.. about the crowds following Him and loving Him... and about Him bringing salvation to the world... 

I don't often recognize that His entire life was given for me.. I have often looked at it as though it was only the last few months of His life that He was mistreated and unloved... but I wonder.. was it His entire life? was He rejected and abused and treated badly throughout His life for me? 

He gave up all dreams and desires that He had so that I could be saved.. when I read that He died with no descendants... I was struck... He chose to give up the idea of love and family that I might be saved this 2,000+ years later... now that is really a living sacrifice... 

what is it God is calling you to sacrifice for His glory and His plan so that you too can be used to save lives? and are you willing to give up what you want and desire to acheive His plan above your own?

Job 42: 7 After the Lord had finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “I am angry with you and your two friends, for you have not spoken accurately about me, as my servant Job has. 8 So take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and offer a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer on your behalf. I will not treat you as you deserve, for you have not spoken accurately about me, as my servant Job has.” 9 So Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite did as the Lord commanded them, and the Lord accepted Job’s prayer. 10 When Job prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes. In fact, the Lord gave him twice as much as before! 

12 So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning. For now he had 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 teams of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys. 13 He also gave Job seven more sons and three more daughters.

all throughout Job's trial and troubles the so called friends told him he has to have sinned.. that he had to have made God mad.. that God isn't going to just strip someone of everything if they were not in the wrong... while Job kept saying that he didn't know why God was putting him through this, he also said that he was not living in sin... the friends continued to be determined that he was... 

we see in this scripture in v10 that when Job prayed for those who kept condemning him.. that is when he was restored... 

it is hard to pray for those who talk badly about you.. those who refuse to see the good in you.. those who say they are our friends but show us something else.. yet that is what restored him... 

I wonder how often we withhold the good God would do for us because we refuse to pray for those who do us wrong... I find that in praying for those who are against me, that is where I see some type of good in them.. that is when I am able to let go of what they have done to me and give them to God and pray He will be good to them... 

I am not talking about scripture this morning.. more about life's lessons and circumstances... 

in my sleep last night I hear this question: if you could go back and start over.. what would you change? what point would you restart from?

my first thought is the abusive ex... but if I restarted without that.. I would not have my kids.. so I determine I wouldn't redo that...

next thought would be the man I loved that committed suicide.. but that was used to help soften me I believe.. to get me to begin to overcome the hard heart I had developed.. so I wouldn't redo that... 

if I could restart from any point.. it would be about 6yrs ago when I allowed someone to be too close to me... I would have handled that situation completely differently.. but again.. I have changed tremendously in the last 7yrs so even though it was a negative.. it was also used for the good... 

so in thinking about all this... what I really learn is that I recognize that even when situations are bad or hard.. I can trust God to work them out in a way that makes me a better person.. and all of the situations have worked in a way that has made me who I am.. and I don't want to return to the bitter and angry woman that I was previously... 

so I am very thankful for all that I have gone through.. much of it my own fault... be even if not.. still I am thankful for the outcome and who I now have become..

Jeremiah 32: 6 At that time the Lord sent me a message. He said, 7 “Your cousin Hanamel son of Shallum will come and say to you, ‘Buy my field at Anathoth. By law you have the right to buy it before it is offered to anyone else.’”

8 Then, just as the Lord had said he would, my cousin Hanamel came and visited me in the prison. He said, “Please buy my field at Anathoth in the land of Benjamin. By law you have the right to buy it before it is offered to anyone else, so buy it for yourself.” Then I knew that the message I had heard was from the Lord.

you know I have seen many things I believed God told me come to pass... yet I am not sure many times.. and the longer it takes for something to happen.. the more unsure I get... 

this scripture happens in chapter 32 of Jeremiah.. he has been out proclaiming to the people for YEARS what God has said to him... he has been made fun of.. he has been outcast.. he has been beaten and imprisoned... 

you would think that he was very sure that it was God speaking... but here we are at chapter 32 and he gets a message he says is from the Lord.. but after it happens then he states.. then I knew that the message I heard was from the Lord... 

this gave me a lot of peace... even Jeremiah... after a long time of proclaiming what God has said to him... still he was not sure.. but just had to speak what he believed was God and wait to see it happen before he was sure... 

thank you Lord for showing me that I am not the only one who gets unsure and insecure about what I believe you have said... 

Psalms 64: 1  O God, listen to my complaint. Protect my life from my enemies’ threats. 2 Hide me from the plots of this evil mob, from this gang of wrongdoers. 3  They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their bitter words like arrows. 4  They shoot from ambush at the innocent, attacking suddenly and fearlessly. 5  They encourage each other to do evil and plan how to set their traps in secret. “Who will ever notice?” they ask. 6  As they plot their crimes, they say, “We have devised the perfect plan!” Yes, the human heart and mind are cunning. 

7  But God himself will shoot them with his arrows, suddenly striking them down. 8  Their own tongues will ruin them, and all who see them will shake their heads in scorn. 9  Then everyone will be afraid; they will proclaim the mighty acts of God and realize all the amazing things he does. 10  The godly will rejoice in the Lord and find shelter in him. And those who do what is right will praise him.

I have been reading through one psalm every day with a devotional I am reading... the psalms to me sound often like the same thing over and over again so I have a hard time reading them in order... 

this morning as I am reading something clicks for me... 

I often wonder what it is that God loved so much about david.. he did not look like all that great of a man to me from his actions... which tells me that what I think makes someone a good person and what God thinks makes someone a good person are two entirely different things... 

so this morning I see.. while david complained about people in almost every single psalm.... much like me complaining to God every day... the difference is... at the end of every psalm... he changed from complaining to talking about God and His greatness... 

and that is something I do not do... while I think God is great... while I think He is the greatest part of my life........ if I am not saying it to Him.. and all He is getting from me is complaints about what is wrong.. rather than all that is right... then I do not have a very good heart now do I?.......... 

today I am going to challenge myself to write a psalm of my own every day for 10 days... I am going to possibly start out complaining.. but the real intention is to instead talk about the value of God in my life.. and that I really do recognize it...

for a very long time I have had a vision from God... 

and many days it has looked nothing like what it should have looked like if I were correct in what I believe... yet I held on.. trusting and believing... this vision may have sounded like a personal vision but it had a kingdom vision attached to it... something I believe God has planned for His kingdom... and He was allowing me of all people to be part of His plan.... 

today I let go...

today... I say... God I am still accepting of your plan.. but I can't see it... and I am feeling as though possibly I was wrong.. so today... if God works it out.. then okay... and if He never does... that is okay too.... 

having said that... 
I think I will go out on a date with a man who acts like he likes me...