so the girlfriends in God devotional this morning is about the way we see our worth.. 

of course I don't see anything the same way as anyone else does.. but go with me here for a minute... 

before this personal relationship with God.. I just knew I was the best woman on this earth and all other people are at least slightly less than.. it wasn't their fault or anything but God loved me more than everyone else.. now these were not just words out my mouth.. I really believed it... 

then Jesus and I got personal.. and he showed me the true value biblically of a woman... now this is not to say she is not important.. or not needed.. but it is CLEAR in the bible that the value of a man.. especially a first born man is far above that of everyone else.. 

so I would say for me.. the closer I got to God.. the less I thought of myself.. 

and I would say that is right.. I was so full of pride and haughtiness that I am surprised God saw any value at all in me.. so He teaches me that I am valued by Him.. but I am not the center of the universe.. I am a servant.. 

for a long time that has crushed me.. to go from the favored daughter of the King to becoming a servant of all mankind... 

but isn't that just who Jesus was too.........

our value and favor comes from God.. not by who serves us.. but by who we serve is my belief now.. 

Ecclesiastes 8: 14 And this is not all that is meaningless in our world. In this life, good people are often treated as though they were wicked, and wicked people are often treated as though they were good. This is so meaningless!

15 So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun.

16 In my search for wisdom and in my observation of people’s burdens here on earth, I discovered that there is ceaseless activity, day and night. 17 I realized that no one can discover everything God is doing under the sun. Not even the wisest people discover everything, no matter what they claim.

​I think sometimes about Solomon.. having been the wisest person ever... and in his old age somehow his heart is turned away from the things of God.. 

when he says in v15 about ​recommending having fun and enjoying life.. I agree that we are to enjoy this life God has given us, but I wonder if by the time this was written.. if solomon wasn't feeling estranged from God.. wasn't feeling like life is futile.. 

I have been feeling that way myself lately.. I have a good life.. I am in no way complaining about my life.. but I will say that some days I am very saddened by not having love in my life.. by being alone all these years.. and I am alone because I am waiting on God to bring me a relationship.. doesn't really matter the who of it.. just that I know it is from God.. and still I am alone.. now that doesn't mean that I would go back to the worldly ways.. at this point I doubt if I have what it takes to do that.. but I do sometimes feel like I have missed out on life... 

I wonder if solomon, with all this thousands of women, wasn't feeling like he wasn't loved and so he allowed women and worldly ways to lead him away from God in the old age of his life.. did solomon with all his wisdom.. with all his money.. all he had.. did he feel like his life was passing him by because he was unloved... 

Lord please keep me close to your heart.. regardless of my emotions.. don't allow me to stray away from You... amen.

just me talking... 

so we have been doing a relationship series at my church... 

I really don't agree with alot of what was said from a spiritual standpoint.. but from a worldly sense I guess I would... 

God had put me in a situation or at least I have believed it was God all this time.. but it has been a very long time.. and I still see nothing... so my faith is wavering.. and the church comes at us with advice from books that sound much like the thoughts of the world... so my faith is crashing.. 

and here comes a gorgeous man with a perfect body that opens car doors up for you... trying to push up on me... 

now in truth.. my spirit still tells me God told me the truth many years ago.. but I have to admit.. my body is telling me that maybe I have been deceived and should see where the new situation might lead... all while imagining God is probably telling me this man is ishmael... me forcing my will instead of waiting on God.. 

I have been celibate many years now.. I am not sure I could allow someone to see me naked without some sort of commitment.. but this man is surely pushing me to the edges of reason..

idk... what do you do when you no longer know what is the truth............ and God is still not speaking... 

I believe love is a decision.. not something you can't control.. I believe sometimes you have to commit to love someone because that is the right thing if you are in a covenant.. I think you have to continue to love them and the emotions will come and go but in the end will stay long term... 

but what good does that do when you can't see what God has said happening? how long is too long to wait on God? when do you give up believing in God?

is it when it doesn't make sense? is it when you can't see it? I thought all of those things were exactly what faith really is........

what do you do when you no longer know what is the truth................ and God is still not speaking... 

Genesis 16: Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. 2 So Sarai said to Abram, “The Lord has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her.” And Abram agreed with Sarai’s proposal. 3 So Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. (This happened ten years after Abram had settled in the land of Canaan.) 4 So Abram had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. But when Hagar knew she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress, Sarai, with contempt. 5 Then Sarai said to Abram, “This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she’s pregnant she treats me with contempt. The Lord will show who’s wrong—you or me!” 6 Abram replied, “Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit.” Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away.

7 The angel of the Lord found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur. 8 The angel said to her, “Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress, Sarai,” she replied. 9 The angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit to her authority.” 10 Then he added, “I will give you more descendants than you can count.” 11 And the angel also said, “You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael (which means ‘God hears’), for the Lord has heard your cry of distress. 12 This son of yours will be a wild man, as untamed as a wild donkey! He will raise his fist against everyone, and everyone will be against him. Yes, he will live in open hostility against all his relatives.”

13 Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me.” She also said, “Have I truly seen the One who sees me?”

this entire story is a mountain of confusion and not understanding for me.. first of all.. what woman with good sense wants your husband to sleep with another woman just because you are not getting the child you want so badly.. that woman is not going to disappear and you can call that child yours all you want, but at the end of the day it is still a child between your husband and another woman... secondly.. sarah imagines she is not wrong in the whole scenerio and thinks abraham is wrong.. ?? that was a crazy statement... next.. hagar runs away and meets God.. now look.. hagar got the bad end of this all around.. not to say that her becoming haughty and prideful was right.. but she is forced to sleep with a man that doesn't love her.. she gets pregnant and now the wife that caused it all hates her and treats her very harshly.. then she meets God.. who tells her to go back to it... (who has ANY understanding for why God sends us back into a bad situation??) then later.. after isaac is born.. sarah sends her away anyways... none of that story makes good sense to me on any level... so.. here are my takeaways... 

God doesn't always make sense to us.. He used this woman and made her a mother of many nations due to what she went through.. but she went through a bad time to get there.. some of it induced by God in her mind because He is the one that sent her back there after she left the first time.. and we are not talking about a bad time for a short time... she lived in this until ishmael was about 13yrs old.. so she lived through the situation for at least 14yrs... 

at the end of the scripture she says the God who sees me.. then says have I truly seen the one who sees me?

idk about you but I have been there.. I have been in a place where I am so close to God and hear Him so clearly and then it all falls apart and you stand and wonder.. did I really see God afterall or was it just my imagination??

God still turned it all for the good.. that is one thing about God.. whatever we go through.. whatever the situation.. after time passes.. we can look back and know that God will use all of it to make us better.. and sometimes make us more than we ever could have been if it had not happened... had hagar not had this child.. she would have remained a slave all her life.. but because of the child she was able to become a wealthy woman through her son... so she was better than she ever could have been if she had not gone through it.. 

I have been reading Jeremiah the last few weeks.. and God used Babylon and Nebuchadnezzar to bring down the jewish people who were not living for Him... He called babylon His servant... as if they were created for His good.. which is what we think about ourselves too... and when we read about Daniel.. Nebuchadnezzar was very good to Daniel.. even talked about Daniel's God... 

well today I get to Jeremiah 51 and God is talking about destroying Babylon now... I am hoping that when God took out His judgement on Babylon that the kings that did God's will, whether intentionally or non intentionally, were long since gone.. I hope it was taken out on kings that acted as if God wasn't real... 

when we read about Moses.. that is one of the things that bothers me about the pharoah... God uses him.. turns his heart to do what God wants him to do in order to save the people of God.. and he dies never having known God.. destroyed by God.. 

but we screw up all the time.. much like the people of Israel did.. we love God but chase after our own will even when we act like we aren't.. we are too afraid to really go forward in God's will because we want to feel safe and secure... so how different are we from the people God destroyed? but God saved the Israelites.. at least a remnant.. I pray I am part of God's saved remnant despite my wrong thoughts.. wrong desires.. battle to do God's will.. I pray still He will keep me as a part of the remant of God... 

1 John 4: 18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.

I take calls on a prayer line once a week.. and this past week a woman tried to tell me that I was wrong when I said fear is not of God.. the bible says God did not give us a spirit of fear.. said that actually says a spirit of timidity.. so even if she were correct in her thinking.. which I don't think she was.. here is another scripture that teaches us that fear is not from God.. 

now I think that fear can be a good thing and a bad thing.. we get afraid most times when we are about to do something wrong.. it is a sensor guide to let you know you are stepping off the intended path.. idk if I would even call that actual fear.. that is more like warning.. on the flip side.. if we allow ourselves to.. we can get stuck due to paralizing fear.. 

God loves us so much that if we truly accept His love.. we can know that He will do what is best for us.. now this doesn't mean we will never be hurt.. it doesn't mean that we will never be afraid.. but if we trust Him truly.. we know that the outcome.. when we allow God to guide it.. will be better than what we thought should have been.. 

sometimes it is so easy to see why we think something or someone would be a good thing for us.. but we don't see all that God sees.. and sometimes the hurt that we feel would be nothing compared to the hurt we would endure if God allowed us to have our way.. so still the hurt was for our good.. 

I truly believe when looking back over my life.. that all things have worked together for my good and made me a better person due to the experience.. 

I can't say I never fear.. but above that fear.. I trust God with my life.. 

Luke 6: 28 Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.

I had a mean girls moment last night... so normally in the past I would have been the mean girl.. this time it was others being mean to me for no apparent reason... 

my largest area of insecurity is my belly... now I know it has gone down in the past year and a half.. I honestly have gone from a waist of 36" (which I am ashamed to even admit) down to a waist of 30-31".. so I know it is better than the past.. but it surely is not where it needs to be.. and I am very self conscious about it.. 

last night in class.. cedric is glaring at me as he thinks I am not giving 100% doing the exercise we are doing.. and he taps his belly to tell me that I need to be working my belly... well these women caught this and say things on the side like I guess he has found something that he doesn't like about her... 

so me.. I want to never speak to them again because if I do then I will cuss them out.. or talk down about them.. neither of which is the right way to handle it... and they are younger than me.. thinner than me.. what on earth are they worried about my belly for??

all the years I was meaN... now I know how I made others feel...

and Jesus says bless those that curse you.. and pray for those that hurt you... and that is hard to do but I am sure it is right... 

sighs... 

someone that works for the company I work for committed suicide recently... this is a young person... I think about this and I cannot fathom what would make a person with alot of their life still in front of them consider taking their own life... now don't be confused.. I don't have the fear of death that many people have.. even when I was just a little girl I always told Jesus that I am ready to go live with Him whenever He is ready for me... but I also do not imagine I would ever think something could drive me to take my life either.. what on earth could be so bad that you wouldn't want to wake up? and why wouldn't you walk away from whatever it is?? I have no understanding... 

I have lived through a violent marriage.. I walked away even though he tried to kill me after I left... because nothing is worth me being afraid of you.. whoever you are.. I stayed as long as I did because I know that children need both a father and a mother.. but when the negative out-weighs the positive.. then it is time to let it go.. 

my family walked away from me because I prefer black men to white men.. how ridiculous is that? aren't people just people under all the outside covering? how would your forsake a relationship with your daughter or sister due to hatred and anger? that is crazy to me... but.. I walked away because it wasn't going to depress me and have me feeling some type of way about me.. 

I have lived many years alone.. I could be feeling sorry for myself.. I could be feeling like I have never been loved and never will be.. but Jesus loves me.. and He loves me better than any man or mother or family member ever could.. so why would I go around upset when I have the greatest love possible?

whoever you are... your life has value... God has a purpose for you even if you don't know it yet.. it will run straight into you when the time is right... don't ever imagine you are not loved.. just ask God to show you His love for you.. I promise you that He will and you will feel more loved than people ever could have made you feel... you are worth more than you know... you touch someone's life every day... it can be in a positive way.. you can be the one to make other's happy and thereby making yourself happy... I promise you this is true... 

love yourself!! you are worth it!! 

Philippians 4: 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

I am finding in speaking with people that the majority of people are not happy... 

as I look over my own life... there was a time where I was so negative and so miserable.. all around unhappy... and while it is true that I was going through bad circumstances.. the circumstances weren't really the problem.. my thoughts were the problem... 

Philippians 4: 8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

if I were able to see good.. and overcome the negative and depressing thoughts then I would not be downcast.. sometimes we look at someone who is always looking on the bright side and we think they have not lived through anything.. 

maybe the truth of it is that they have lived through enough to learn to see God in every situation.. to see that God will work all things for the good of those who love Him... so see that God is a good God and when the time is right He will change the situation... 

I am believing that if I were to go through the things I went through years ago.. now my mind and my walk with God are strong enough that I will not be sucked under by depression and misery... I pray this is the truth... 

1 Kings 9: 2 Then the Lordappeared to Solomon a second time, as he had done before at Gibeon. 3 TheLord said to him, “I have heard your prayer and your petition. I have set this Temple apart to be holy—this place you have built where my name will be honored forever. I will always watch over it, for it is dear to my heart. 4 “As for you, if you will follow me with integrity and godliness, as David your father did, obeying all my commands, decrees, and regulations, 5 then I will establish the throne of your dynasty over Israel forever. For I made this promise to your father, David: ‘One of your descendants will always sit on the throne of Israel.’ 6 “But if you or your descendants abandon me and disobey the commands and decrees I have given you, and if you serve and worship other gods,7 then I will uproot Israel from this land that I have given them. I will reject this Temple that I have made holy to honor my name. I will make Israel an object of mockery and ridicule among the nations. 8 And though this Temple is impressive now, all who pass by will be appalled and will gasp in horror. They will ask, ‘Why did the Lord do such terrible things to this land and to this Temple?’ 9 “And the answer will be, ‘Because his people abandoned the Lord their God, who brought their ancestors out of Egypt, and they worshiped other gods instead and bowed down to them. That is why the Lord has brought all these disasters on them.’”

I was reading this last night and had several thoughts.. one was the heartbreak that we cause God.. God is so good to us.. yet He constantly seems to have to remind us to keep Him first in our lives.. we learn that things go badly when we put anything before God.. yet we somehow still continually struggle not to do it.. I just don't understand us.. I am not talking about someone else.. I am talking about me.. I battle this too.. and I have no idea why.. it seems as if unless my life is almost empty of people then I battle to keep God first.. why would that be necessary?.. why couldn't I be close with people and still have God at the forefront? idk.. I pray He will give me relationship and allow me to work this out over time.. not take relationships away right away while I am learning to figure this out.. 

the other thing I thought about is we think we hear from God all the time.. (myself included again) and the bible says that solomon only heard from God twice in his life... different people in the bible only heard from God a few times.. somehow we (me) think God is to talk to us every day.. reassuring us.. just talking.. 

now let me clarify this.. I believe God leads us and speaks to us from the bible.. from the Holy Spirit also.. but as far as big messages from God.. as for direction in our lives or purpose or that type of thing.. I am thinking those messages are only heard once or twice in a lifetime maybe... 

I think I need to be very careful to hear God's voice about my life and not my own... 

but I am so thankful for the voice of God.. the leading of the Holy Spirit.. the word of God.. the relationship with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit on a day to day basis... 

Romans 7: 22I love God’s law with all my heart. 23But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

the longer I live for God completely... the less I live in sin... this doesn't mean that I am not sinning.. it means for me that I am no longer usually intentionally sinning.. it is not a planned choice like it used to be in the past... 

daily my thoughts are to bring glory to God.. to be pleasing to His eyes.. and that is what I am striving for.. yet occassionally things will pop up that I don't respond to right.. I react instead of acting.. I don't wait until the moment has passed and think about what I am going to say in response.. these are my usual sins... 

then you have things we don't like to think of as sin... like putting something else before God.. like not obeying in the small things we don't want to do... not serving God as we should be.. not tithing... staying angry and bitter against someone longer than we should... 

we will never be all that Christ has created us to be.. but daily as we continue to walk closely with Him.. we should be transformed to look more like Him and less like our past.. and for this I am thankful.. 

proverbs 19: 13A foolish child is a calamity to a father; a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping. 14Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the lord can give an understanding wife.

women don't really understand the power they have in this world.. we tend to use our looks or sex as a means to getting our way... this is really not something that will last... 

when we sit and argue all the time about nothing it causes our mates to just block us out.. now trust me.. I realize this is one of the hardest lessons a woman can ever learn.. first of all because we are usually sure we are right... secondly because it is just annoying when someone doesn't want to hear you just because you are usually right... BUT.. if we can stop arguing.. stop talking at all really... then a man will begin to hear your voice.. maybe even start to want to hear you talk... and then be able to hear what you are saying... 

this scripture says that only God can give an understanding wife.. I believe this is true because most women are talkers just for the sake of hearing ourselves talk.. and we are arguers.. but most men don't want to hear either of these things.. so if we allow God to change us into a woman He desires us to be.. we will be less talkative.. less argumentative.. and far more understanding... because that come from God... 

Lord help me be the woman you desire for me to become.. not the one that life created... amen.

1 samuel 14: 24 Now the men of Israel were pressed to exhaustion that day, because Saul had placed them under an oath, saying, “Let a curse fall on anyone who eats before evening—before I have full revenge on my enemies.” So no one ate anything all day, 25 even though they had all found honeycomb on the ground in the forest. 26 They didn’t dare touch the honey because they all feared the oath they had taken.

27 But Jonathan had not heard his father’s command, and he dipped the end of his stick into a piece of honeycomb and ate the honey. After he had eaten it, he felt refreshed.[f] 28 But one of the men saw him and said, “Your father made the army take a strict oath that anyone who eats food today will be cursed. That is why everyone is weary and faint.”

29 “My father has made trouble for us all!” Jonathan exclaimed. “A command like that only hurts us. See how refreshed I am now that I have eaten this little bit of honey. 30 If the men had been allowed to eat freely from the food they found among our enemies, think how many more Philistines we could have killed!”

42 Then Saul said, “Now cast lots again and choose between me and Jonathan.” And Jonathan was shown to be the guilty one.43 “Tell me what you have done,” Saul demanded of Jonathan. "I tasted a little honey,” Jonathan admitted. “It was only a little bit on the end of my stick. Does that deserve death?” 44 “Yes, Jonathan,” Saul said, “you must die! May God strike me and even kill me if you do not die for this.”

45 But the people broke in and said to Saul, “Jonathan has won this great victory for Israel. Should he die? Far from it! As surely as the Lord lives, not one hair on his head will be touched, for God helped him do a great deed today.” So the people rescued Jonathan, and he was not put to death.

​I have read this several times in my lifetime.. but when I read it recently it caused me to think about our words... we don't really think when we speak many times.. too often we say things that bring curses and we don't even know we have done it.. we might tell someone they are stupid or fat or ugly... we might tell someone we hope they die... 

we speak death and destruction day after day and the enemy has allowed us to view it under the lens of joking or teasing... 

then what happens when someone stops seeing themselves as valuable and beautiful.. all because of words we have said and didn't even mean.... 

how many curses have we spoken unknowingly.. just like saul did... ​

2 kings 15: 3He did what was pleasing in the lord’s sight, just as his father, Amaziah, had done. 4But he did not destroy the pagan shrines, and the people still offered sacrifices and burned incense there. 5The lord struck the king with leprosy, which lasted until the day he died. He lived in isolation in a separate house. The king’s son Jotham was put in charge of the royal palace, and he governed the people of the land.

Uzziah was pleasing to God.. why then would God strike him with leprosy and cause him to be separated.. living in isolation?

I think we really don't know God.. we see God as someone who does all that we want Him to do... plans out our lives in ways to make us happy everyday.. having everything we want... 

well I think we need to read the old testament as much as we read the new testament... we need to see that everything God does is for the good and the furthering of His kingdom.. now what we want or think or desire.. 

God loves you every day.. more than you love yourself even.. but that is not going to make everything easy and happy... not always.. and sometime.. depending on His plan for you specifically.. it might never be that way... but it is still for your good.. to make you the person He created you to be.. to fulfill the plan that He has for your life in His kingdom... 

so how was the leprosy for Uzziah's good? possibly the whole purpose was so that others who read the bible can see that life is not always easy.. we are not always healed.. we are not always prosperous.. we are not always what we want to be.. but we are always exactly what God planned out for us to be.. and because of what our purpose is.. others can look at our lives and see something in their own lives of value too... 

we always live for someone else's benefit.. and God will work out His perfect will and purpose in our lives.. every time.. 

 2 kings 2: 9 When they came to the other side, Elijah said to Elisha, “Tell me what I can do for you before I am taken away.” And Elisha replied, “Please let me inherit a double share of your spirit and become your successor.”

10 “You have asked a difficult thing,” Elijah replied. “If you see me when I am taken from you, then you will get your request. But if not, then you won’t.”

​ ​

11 As they were walking along and talking, suddenly a chariot of fire appeared, drawn by horses of fire. It drove between the two men, separating them, and Elijah was carried by a whirlwind into heaven. 12 Elisha saw it and cried out, “My father! My father! I see the chariots and charioteers of Israel!” And as they disappeared from sight, Elisha tore his clothes in distress.

​usually we would look at this and think that it is not for Elisha to ask to be Elijah's successor.. we would look at it as if this is pride.. now I know that he was already ​told by God and Elijah that he would be the one to take Elijah's place.. 

sometimes God will tell us something great about ourself and our future and we accept it.. are happy for it.. and then comes this horrific lesson of humbling us.. so that we know it has nothing to do with our own greatness but all about God's greatness.. 

surely this is what Joseph dealt with where his brothers were concerned.. they didn't believe his dreams.. they were thinking he was saying he was better than them... really he was just saying what God had said to him... 

it is very hard to know what to tell to who.. it is hard to know what is God's will and what is our will when they become the same thing.. what I have learned is that we just need to go forward every day.. right where we are.. and God will open the road before us.. that is what I am believing.. 

Psalms 132: 13 For the Lord has chosen Jerusalem; he has desired it for his home. 14 “This is my resting place forever,” he said. “I will live here, for this is the home I desired. 15 I will bless this city and make it prosperous; I will satisfy its poor with food. 16 I will clothe its priests with godliness; its faithful servants will sing for joy. 17 Here I will increase the power of David; my anointed one will be a light for my people. 18 I will clothe his enemies with shame, but he will be a glorious king.”

this is what God proclaims about Jerusalem and the descendants of david.. on the throne but surely after they were taken from the throne too.. 

but we look at Jerusalem and see all the turmoil... look at all the horrific things that have happened to the Israelites.. and still is happening today.. yet some how we think we should never have attrocities happen to us and our nation.. and we are surely not living by the ways of God as a nation in general... 

only God has the power of life and death.. no one can do anything God did not allow.. that is such a hard reality for some people.. to think that God allows terrible things to happen.. but He does.. it is all through the bible.. look at what His own Son lived and died.. and that was a horrific agonizing death.. and we try to sugarcoat it and say He died FOR us.. regardless of that being truth.. it was a horrific death.. and horribly painful... and God allowed it.. even planned it out that way... 

terrible things do not mean God is not in control... maybe He is trying to teach us something about ourselves instead of always looking for what it is saying about someone else.. Maybe we should be looking within.. 

1 Kings 11: Now King Solomon loved many foreign women. Besides Pharaoh’s daughter, he married women from Moab, Ammon, Edom, Sidon, and from among the Hittites. 2 The Lord had clearly instructed the people of Israel, “You must not marry them, because they will turn your hearts to their gods.” Yet Solomon insisted on loving them anyway. 3 He had 700 wives of royal birth and 300 concubines. And in fact, they did turn his heart away from the Lord.

thinking... 

so God is telling men and women not to be with multiple people and surely not to be with people who don't follow His ways... saying that it will turn our hearts from being loyal to Him... 

now I completely agree with this!! I have seen it in my own life.. not that I have been with 100 men or anything.. but any man I have been with got between me and God.. so I would say to some extent it turned my heart from Him.. now of course I will never leave God over a man.. that is certain.. but it does cause issues... 

then I think about men.. most of the men I have known in my life have not been faithful to one woman.. this does not mean it is not possible.. I believe some are.. but I think it seems to be very rare... and in them being with multiple women (at the same time too.. I could never do that) they imagine this will not affect their relationship with God.. but I think it does.. and I think it doesn't matter how committed you are to God.. it still gets in the way.. not necessarily pulling you completely from God.. but it blocks your hearing and your keeping God first in our lives... that is a battle with one significant other.. imagine more than one person being 'intimate' with you at a time... 

so often.. we read the bible and can't really hear what God is saying because it is not what we want to hear... sadly.. 

Romans 15: 5-6 May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I think I have grown as a person of patience and encouragement.. I have even grown in harmony with others.. while people may annoy me sometimes.. I rarely will give someone enough thought space to get real live mad about them.. 

but I am thinking.. could you imagine how wonderful it could be if we would all live in harmony and encourage one another and with one voice give praise and glory to God... that would be an amazing day............

2 Samuel 22: David sang this song to the Lord on the day the Lord rescued him from all his enemies and from Saul. 2 He sang: “The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; 3 my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me from violence. 4  I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and he saved me from my enemies. 5  “The waves of death overwhelmed me; floods of destruction swept over me. 6  The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death laid a trap in my path. 7 But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I cried to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry reached his ears.

I was reading this scripture and I think... so often people say how their life falls apart after they get saved.. they get all these problems and stuff... and I think about my own life.. I had A LOT of drama and problems before I gave God 100% of my life.. and since I have.. problems have melted away.. now lets not imagine that the occasional issue doesn't arise.. surely it does.. actually today at work I have been very stressed out because I am making important people mad completely without meaning to.... 

but that is nothing compared to what I have lived in the past... 

I was reading earlier in scripture that God provides for us.. now that is TRULY my reality!! praise the Lord!! but what about people who really are homeless.. or have no food or clothing.. can't get a job... does this mean God is not providing for them? does it mean He doesn't love them? I don't believe so.. 

if there is one thing I have learned since giving God my all it is that I am no more special than everyone else.. although I previously had that illusion! now I know that God loves us all.. 

so why do some people have these terrible things? have I already lived enough terrible that God decided it was time for me to have a life of peace? I pray that is true... 

what I do know for sure is that God is good regardless of what I have or what I see... I am so thankful for the life He has given me I don't even have the words to exclaim it properly!! 

I pray your life is good like mine is.. I pray that you focus on what you do have rather than what you don't have.. I pray that you see things from the positive rather than the negative.. I pray that you give God 100%.. it has truly changed me and my life..