Ecclesiastes 1: ⁷ Rivers run into the sea, but the sea is never full. Then the water returns again to the rivers and flows out again to the sea. ⁸ Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content.

 

we are talking about being content... about not keeping our focus on God.. but over and over the focus turns and is again centered on me.. what about what I feel.. what about what I think.. what about what I want...

 

I can easily see the issues with the israelites... we read the old testament and think how stupid they were... how God gave them victory after victory and right after a victory they went right back to thinking again about what they want and what they want and their focus was once again off God and onto self... just like us...

 

and we can say that isn't what it is.. .but it is... every time I leave God.. or not even leave him.. but maybe put Him in the closet so to speak.. it is because I want to be in the bar... or I want sex... or I quit tithing yet again because I want to buy something... and the list goes on and on and on...

 

I read something today that say we will either bow down and worship God.. or we stand up and worship self... that is the only two options there really are... and I wonder... how often am I thinking again about what I want rather than what God wants for me...

 

and the ridiculous part is.. I am good right now.. I am happy... I am not having lack of any sort... so why on earth wouldn't God by my constant thoughts of worship... why does it always go back to being about what I want?

normally I do a post on the scripture for this made to crave bible study.. but I have to say.. there was a revelation for me this week in chapter 17 (Made to Crave by Lysa Terkheurst) 

she is talking about holiness.. now I have to tell you.. I am thinking I am about as pure as the driven snow before reading this!!! I haven't had sex since 2006 (felt like enlarging that to enormous).. I don't drink.. I have gotten almost all of the things that I felt were sinful under 'control' (word used loosely as we ALL fall on a regular...) 

she makes the statement that anything at all... no matter what it is.. that is not beneficial to our purpose in God... makes us unholy... or it detracts from our holiness.. whatever way you want to say it... 

so if I think about the choices.. whatever they are.. food.. finances.. friends.. whatever... if it is not benefiting the purpose God has for me.. this would include health choices because you have to be alive and healthy to be used for His glory... then I need to opt out of it... whatever it is... 

I keep imagining I want a man in my life... now I am not exactly sure what I want him for.. and not exactly sure how long I would continue to want him around... but I believe part of my purpose in God is linked with a man.. so I want one.. but if this is not the time.. then that would not go well... and then I would be out of the holiness thing again.. so even these thoughts that I want someone outside of God's time are not beneficial to me.. and they make me feel some type of way sometimes.. and that is exactly when I need to lay before the Lord and get some of His strength... 

I just don't even have words as to how big and bright this revelation was.. this is pertaining to the sugar I need to give up... the going to the gym when I don't feel like it.. the keeping my mind stayed on positives rather than negatives... all of it... Jesus told me a few years ago to give up sugar and I thought I was imagining it.. thinking what does Jesus care if I eat sugar or not... and here it is.. the answer of why... all this time later.. it is about making right choices.. about being comforted with His love rather than something sweet.. about self control... about self value.. 

Luke 2: ³³ Jesus’ parents were amazed at what was being said about him. ³⁴ Then Simeon blessed them, and he said to Mary, the baby’s mother, “This child is destined to cause many in Israel to fall, but he will be a joy to many others. He has been sent as a sign from God, but many will oppose him. ³⁵ As a result, the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your very soul.”

 

the amazing thing for me is the reality that Jesus' parents were both visited by an angel.. they both knew that mary had not had sex and yet became pregnant by the Holy Spirit... yet somehow.. they are amazed at him being so godlike...

 

I was thinking too.. it says the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed... that is sad to me.. in my thoughts I think this is about the religious people of the world who thought they knew so much about God's law.. yet they knew nothing of God's ways and character... there are so many people doing this even now.. so busy in ministry and things of the 'church' yet knowing nothing of showing love or of who God really is...

 

I feel it is important to do the work of the church.. to visit the sick.. to help when we can.. but I don't feel these things are earning us anything.. we should be doing these things because of love for God and His people.. but these actions do not replace time spent in prayer and mediation of the word of God...

 

just like in Jesus' time.. we are still trying to work our way into heaven... not everyone of course.. some people don't do any work for the kingdom of God at all.. but some are still so disillusioned...

Psalms 13: ⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. ⁶ I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.

 

I am going to try to spend more days thanking God than asking God for anything... I am going to spend my time with God just basking in His Love rather than thinking about my own thoughts and needs... I am going to spend my time alone with God.. just loving Him... the way I desire for Him to love me too...

2 Timothy 3: 16All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.

if we never read God's word.. then we never know what He is trying to tell us.. we never learn what we are doing that is unpleasing to Him... we can never correct what is wrong... 

I am a reader in general.. I just like to read... I feel sorry for the people who cannot connect with the word of God.. those who can't hear His voice because they do not know His ways and His character from reading the word of God... we can listen to what others think of who God has been in their life.. but God is very individual I feel.. He is what each person needs... so what I need and what I teach you about who He has been for me.. may not be what you need... so you may not realize that you need Him because He will fill all the voids in your life differently than He has for me... 

I pray that everyone will hunger and thirst after the word of God and come to know Him for themselves.. on a personal level.. 

Isaiah 8: 5 Then the Lord spoke to me again and said, 6 “My care for the people of Judah is like the gently flowing waters of Shiloah, but they have rejected it. They are rejoicing over what will happen to King Rezin and King Pekah. 7 Therefore, the Lord will overwhelm them with a mighty flood from the Euphrates River—the king of Assyria and all his glory. This flood will overflow all its channels 8 and sweep into Judah until it is chin deep. It will spread its wings, submerging your land from one end to the other, O Immanuel.

I was reading this and I thought... in some ways I am like this... there have been times in my life when God has rescued me from people wanting to hurt me or even someone close to me.. and I was rejoicing over what would or did happen to them... 

rather than focusing on the goodness of God.. I was focusing on the despair of someone else.. rather than focusing on God's love for me.. I was focusing on Him dealing with someone else... 

and I was so ashamed of myself for being like this... in my own mind.. I was thinking about God loving me rather than praying for someone headed for destruction... my selfishness and lack of compassion for someone else sometimes is truly overwhelming... 

create in me a clean heart and clean hands O Lord... please... change me from the inside out.. so that I can be the woman and the example of Your Love that You have called me to be.. in Jesus name I ask..

Lamentations 3: 22  The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. 23  Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. 24  I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;  therefore, I will hope in him!”

I remember in my life before Jesus.. when I would wake up after having gone out and acting like an idiot... the next morning.. I would be wishing that everyone I knew would just miraculously forget the night before... 

well.. that never happened in my personal life with people.. but I do believe that is exactly what happens with God... 

we all act a fool sometimes.. we do things out of character.. sometimes because we are mad.. sometimes because we are hormonal... sometimes because we are tired or hungry or whatever the reason may be.. I don't believe we will ever reach such a high pinnacle that we never act in a manner that should embarrass us... 

but ever single time we ask God for forgiveness and for a new day... He gives it... His mercies are new every day! now we may have to apologize to some people... we may have to be more careful about how we act or what we say in the future.. but God has forgotten when we lost our way and acted a fool... and for that I am very thankful! He is my inheritance and my Hope is in Him!

Hosea 6: 4 “O Israel and Judah, what should I do with you?” asks the Lord. “For your love vanishes like the morning mist and disappears like dew in the sunlight. 5 I sent my prophets to cut you to pieces— to slaughter you with my words, with judgments as inescapable as light. 6 I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices.
I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings. 7 But like Adam, you broke my covenant and betrayed my trust.

if we think about the people in our lives that we felt should have loved us differently than they did... we felt betrayed by them.. we felt they never really loved us at all... we felt crushed by this lack of love from those that we believed were supposed to love us but did not love us the way we wanted loved... 

I think about this and I realize that we all give and receive love differently... we also tend to think someone else is supposed to love us the way we want to be loved.. rather than the way they are able to give love... 

I often think of my father.. who I believed never loved me... and in all honesty... I don't know if he did.. I do know that he did not want another child at the age that he was when I was born... which as a grown person is much easier to relate to than when I was a child... but regardless of that... even if he did love me.. it was not in a way that I was able to receive it... now I don't think that makes someone wrong for not giving something the way we think we need it.. maybe instead we could try to see the good within them despite the fact that we don't get from them what we think we need... 

maybe they were never to make us fully feel loved.. maybe that is only God's place... and here we are.. rejecting Him.. because we want this (what we imagine to be) amazing love from a person.. and they let us down... 

now look instead to God.. maybe He is wanting us to give Him love in a manner different than that which we are giving it... maybe we need to seek Him and ask Him how He wants us to love Him.. and in doing this.. maybe the need for love that we all have vacant will somehow be filled... and we will finally have the love we have wanted all along... 

Psalms 68: 19 Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms. 

sometimes I imagine that I see Jesus just holding me... and that is a great peace to me... the scripture says He carries us in His arms.. while we may not be able to physically see or feel it.. we can spiritually know that He is watching over us at all times.. He is directing the paths of those of us who love Him... He is caring for us... 

and for that I am so very thankful!

James 1: ² Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. ³ For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. ⁴ So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

 

the bible shows us over and over that trouble come to make us stronger.. yet every time they come.. we are sure we are weaker.. LOL!

 

I wonder if there will ever come a day when we can look at a trial or trouble and think.. thank you God for this opportunity to grow and become more like you...

 

it seems to me that when we are almost nearing the end of something.. then we begin to realize or accept that God is using the situation to change us... but yet we struggle against it... or at least I know I do... some days I can throw my hands up and say I don't even care what you do God.. just do SOMETHING!!!

 

yet no matter how badly I think I handle a situation... still I see myself growing...

Psalms 145: ¹ I will exalt you, my God and King, and praise your name forever and ever. ² I will praise you every day; yes, I will praise you forever. ³ Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise! No one can measure his greatness.

⁴ Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts; let them proclaim your power. ⁵ I will meditate on your majestic, glorious splendor and your wonderful miracles. ⁶ Your awe-inspiring deeds will be on every tongue; I will proclaim your greatness. ⁷ Everyone will share the story of your wonderful goodness; they will sing with joy about your righteousness.

⁸ The Lord is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. ⁹ The Lord is good to everyone. He showers compassion on all his creation. ¹⁰ All of your works will thank you, Lord,and your faithful followers will praise you. ¹¹ They will speak of the glory of your kingdom; they will give examples of your power. ¹² They will tell about your mighty deeds and about the majesty and glory of your reign. ¹³ For your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom. You rule throughout all generations.

The Lord always keeps his promises; he is gracious in all he does. ¹⁴ The Lord helps the fallen and lifts those bent beneath their loads. ¹⁵ The eyes of all look to you in hope; you give them their food as they need it. ¹⁶ When you open your hand, you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing. ¹⁷ The Lordis righteous in everything he does; he is filled with kindness. ¹⁸ The Lord is close to all who call on him,yes, to all who call on him in truth. ¹⁹ He grants the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cries for help and rescues them. ²⁰ The Lord protects all those who love him, but he destroys the wicked.

²¹ I will praise the Lord, and may everyone on earth bless his holy name forever and ever.

2 Corinthians 12: 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

confession: I am very prideful.... so for me to rely on someone else's strength.. even God.. is very difficult... and time after time.. God has brought me down to have nothing... and then I have no choice but to rely on Him.. and true to Himself... He is reliable... not necessarily fixing things the way I want or agree with.. but they are fixed.. and right.. when He is done.. 

but I am finding that in order for me to trust God's strength.. I have to completely give up my will... and that is hard too.. I keep thinking I have done it.. but there it pops up over and over again....

I think that like everything else in our lives.. this is a process.. we give things up in degrees... so as I continue to surrender over and over... I believe I will give up more and more of my will give more of myself over and over to God.. one day He will have it all... 

1 John 4: ²⁰ If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? ²¹ And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters.

 

I don't think this only pertains to christian.. I think it pertains to all mankind.. we are to love the unloveable... and the loveable both... I think some people could determine that each one of us are unloveable.. every person has someone who doesn't like them... and we are not commanded to like everyone.. we are commanded to love everyone...

 

people get this confused I think... we don't have to like everyone... there is a woman...  I swear I can't stand that woman... she is the meanest most hateful hefer I have ever come across.. yet I am commanded to be nice to her when I see her.. to speak and not have an attitude.. to not talk behind her back... (that part I just said to you didn't count because I am just trying to get you to see what I really feel versus what I am to act like.. )

 

and I think.. if we really think about it... we aren't so great all the time either...

Romans 14: ⁰ So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. ¹¹ For the Scriptures say, “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bend to me, and every tongue will confess and give praise to God’”

¹² Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. ¹³ So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.

¹⁴ I know and am convinced on the authority of the Lord Jesus that no food, in and of itself, is wrong to eat. But if someone believes it is wrong, then for that person it is wrong. ¹⁵ And if another believer is distressed by what you eat, you are not acting in love if you eat it. Don’t let your eating ruin someone for whom Christ died. ¹⁶ Then you will not be criticized for doing something you believe is good. ¹⁷ For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. ¹⁸ If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too. ¹⁹ So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.

 

at this time.. what they ate was a big deal because the jews still lived by the law of what was unclean and clean... and the gentiles did not.. so the jews would believe the gentiles could not be righteous or holy because they were eating unclean food..

 

while we don't have this issue today.. criticizing one another is really a large issue.. not only in the church.. but all through our lives... when was the last time you said something negative about someone else? for me.. it was this very morning... and I was completely thoughtless when I said it... it was an irrelevant comment... totally unnecessary....

 

if we could learn to eliminate just this one thing from our lives.. negative talk about other people... just think what a difference that would make in how we come across to other people...

1 John 5: ¹⁶ If you see a Christian brother or sister sinning in a way that does not lead to death, you should pray, and God will give that person life. But there is a sin that leads to death, and I am not saying you should pray for those who commit it. ¹⁷ All wicked actions are sin, but not every sin leads to death.

¹⁸ We know that God’s children do not make a practice of sinning, for God’s Son holds them securely, and the evil one cannot touch them. ¹⁹ We know that we are children of God and that the world around us is under the control of the evil one.

²⁰ And we know that the Son of God has come, and he has given us understanding so that we can know the true God. And now we live in fellowship with the true God because we live in fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ. He is the only true God, and he is eternal life.

²¹ Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts.

 

I read this a few days ago and I have been wondering................

I believe there are not 'degrees' of sin.. or levels of sin.. that one sin is not worse than or better than another... so what do we believe is a sin that does not lead to death versus a sin that would lead to death? is there a difference? and worst of all.. in verse 16 he is suggesting that we don't pray for the one that commits what he believes to be the sin that leads to death... what sense would that make?

Mark 6: 1Jesus left that part of the country and returned with his disciples to Nazareth, his hometown. 2The next Sabbath he began teaching in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed. They asked, “Where did he get all this wisdom and the power to perform such miracles?” 3Then they scoffed, “He’s just a carpenter, the son of Mary and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas, and Simon. And his sisters live right here among us.” They were deeply offended and refused to believe in him. 4Then Jesus told them, “A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his relatives and his own family.” 5And because of their unbelief, he couldn’t do any miracles among them except to place his hands on a few sick people and heal them. 6And he was amazed at their unbelief.

I wonder how often we hold off miracles in our own lives because we just cannot believe anything... this scripture says He COULDN'T do any miracles except heal a few sick people.. which would mean that the miracles we will see in our own lives will be dependent on our ability to believe... 

idk about you.. but I choose to believe!

1 Peter 1: 13 So think clearly and exercise self-control. 

so lately I am on a mission of self control... in every area of my life.. with spending.. with eating... exercising... talking... 

I find self control is a great thing.. but I also find that it does not come naturally... this is a battle to continually be doing what I think is the right thing rather than what is feeling better... 

now while I am not really talking about spiritual things.. it is the truth in spirit too... we don't always feel like praying or reading the word.. but all these things are good for us.. just like self control in spending and eating and exercising... 

I come to accept that few things that are good for our lives come easily... they are something that has to be worked out... something that we have to strive for... something that takes a conscious effort on our part... and right in the middle of that is the self control... *sighs*

Isaiah 45: 3 And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness— secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord,  the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.

this has been one of my favorite verses since beginning my 'serious' journey with God in 2007... when I had 144days where I had been laid off from work and was broke financially and spiritually and emotionally... in those 144days, I began a new relationship with God.. where He was my Husband.. He cared for me a loved me and gave me a new purpose for living.. a purpose for His kingdom... 

a long period of time has gone by and what I believed God has spoken to me has not yet come to pass... but it won't let me go either... as I have been defeated.. I have turned to other things for comfort.. but not the same things as before... it switched from being a man and alcohol to shopping and sweets... during that 144days I needed nothing at all but God... 

so the true question is.. like any other relationship.. how do we stop our relationship with God from going stagnant? there are easy biblical answers... "seek Him" "spend time in His presence"... but lets be real.. we do those things and there are still times that God is distant... those are the dark places to me... 

but just like when it rains... it doesn't last forever.. stand fast.. trust Him.. and keep on keeping on... and one day soon.. the Son will shine within you again... 

Isaiah 46: 3 “Listen to me, descendants of Jacob, all you who remain in Israel. I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born. 4 I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. 5 “To whom will you compare me? Who is my equal? 6 Some people pour out their silver and gold and hire a craftsman to make a god from it. Then they bow down and worship it! 7 They carry it around on their shoulders, and when they set it down, it stays there. It can’t even move! And when someone prays to it, there is no answer. It can’t rescue anyone from trouble. 8 "Do not forget this! Keep it in mind! Remember this, you guilty ones. 9 Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me.

yesterday I read something that stated how we get to a point where we think we pretty much have it together.. we are no longer intentionally doing wrong.. we are kind to our neighbors.. we do our best to be righteous and obedient... 

the flaw in this is that we are comparing ourselves to other people.. who are also sinful... but if we compare ourselves to God.. then we are able to see that we are no where near where we need to be.. 

that is the thinking that causes us to be judgmental of others.. to be self righteous.. and pretty much all around sickening... 

last night I had a meeting at church.. I didn't want to go.. yet I knew that I should.. if I am to be in the ministry.. I need to be committed.. well I didn't go.. and then last night I recognized that I was disobedient to the Spirit in that situation... 

it isn't so much about being at every meeting.. it is the attitude behind the not going and knowing the Spirit was calling me to go... 

this morning I recognize that I am a sinful person... and I pray that God will keep showing this to me so that I can keep asking forgiveness and keep receiving it and not become hard hearted and self righteous... 

Isaiah 46: 3 “Listen to me, descendants of Jacob, all you who remain in Israel. I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born. 4 I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. 5 “To whom will you compare me? Who is my equal? 6 Some people pour out their silver and gold and hire a craftsman to make a god from it. Then they bow down and worship it! 7 They carry it around on their shoulders, and when they set it down, it stays there. It can’t even move! And when someone prays to it, there is no answer. It can’t rescue anyone from trouble. 8 "Do not forget this! Keep it in mind! Remember this, you guilty ones. 9 Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me.

yesterday I read something that stated how we get to a point where we think we pretty much have it together.. we are no longer intentionally doing wrong.. we are kind to our neighbors.. we do our best to be righteous and obedient... 

the flaw in this is that we are comparing ourselves to other people.. who are also sinful... but if we compare ourselves to God.. then we are able to see that we are no where near where we need to be.. 

that is the thinking that causes us to be judgmental of others.. to be self righteous.. and pretty much all around sickening... 

last night I had a meeting at church.. I didn't want to go.. yet I knew that I should.. if I am to be in the ministry.. I need to be committed.. well I didn't go.. and then last night I recognized that I was disobedient to the Spirit in that situation... 

it isn't so much about being at every meeting.. it is the attitude behind the not going and knowing the Spirit was calling me to go... 

this morning I recognize that I am a sinful person... and I pray that God will keep showing this to me so that I can keep asking forgiveness and keep receiving it and not become hard hearted and self righteous... 

John 14: ⁹ Jesus replied, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and yet you still don’t know who I am? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father! So why are you asking me to show him to you? ¹⁰Don’t you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words I speak are not my own, but my Father who lives in me does his work through me. ¹¹ Just believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. Or at least believe because of the work you have seen me do.

 

you hear all the time that the Father and the Son reside within us as the Holy Spirit.. and while I believe I have the Spirit... it seems different to me than imagining the Father resides within me... that seems to be so much bigger to me...

 

how amazing that God.. who is everything... He is limitless... He is the creator of the universe... and He chooses to reside within me........... that is awesome and scary and wonderful all at once...

Luke 17: 3So watch yourselves! “If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive. 4Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive.”

on the surface... it is so easy to say.. I am a forgiving person... but if we are honest.. with ourselves if no one else... and think about it.. we have a hard time with forgiveness if it is something done to us over and over again... often we have selective forgiveness.. we can forgive a certain person we love so much over and over.. but it is not so easy to do the same for the one we don't like so much... 

I recognize that we are all still a work in progress.. but can you imagine what wonderful people we will be when we finally change into the people God has called us to be... 

Philippians 2: ⁵ You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. ⁶ Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. ⁷ Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, ⁸ he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

 

I think about humility sometimes... this is NOT an area of my gifting... I battle to not be prideful and selfish at ALL times...

 

I was recently saying... when I was full of pride (meaning even worse than now) I was confident... I believed I was beautiful, God loved me the mostest.., I was a prize.... then I seemed to have realized that God loves everyone the most.. not only me.. and I was no longer special to Him... so I lost all my confidence it seems.. I was not prideful (as much) I was unsure of my looks and my goodness.. my value in general..

 

so you wonder.. how does a person remain humble.. yet be confident... the answer is easy to say... it is to be confident in God and not self... but to really live that out.. that is not as easy as the words are to say....

 

maybe I will never be confident like I was before.. maybe I am not supposed to be.. idk... humility is something that makes me feel 'less than'... and I doubt it is supposed to be this way................ *sighs*