Philippians 2: 14 Do everything without complaining and arguing.

I was sitting at this church function friday night.. and looking at some of these women and whatever the reason... I would look at some women and all these negative thoughts ran through my head.. I look at others and positive thoughts are running through... 

and as I was thinking the negative ones.. I was thinking... what is it that makes me do that? why can't I see in someone... see what God sees.. meaning.. why can't I see something positive in everyone ?? what is it that makes me look at someone with negativity? 

now I am not even talking about people I have had a negative experience with.. I am thinking this is about jealousies toward others... maybe not wanting something they have.. maybe not even thinking they are better than me.. more like it causes me to look at me and feel I am maybe not enough........................

that is an ugly ugly feeling.. to feel you are not enough.... 

in the one version the scripture above said do things without disputing.. (rather than arguing) and I thought.. why do I do that? why do I dispute everything some people say... why can't I just keep my mouth shut and go along with things... even if they are wrong.. why do I feel the need to point it out.. let them see things on their own... 

I have decided these are two areas of myself I am not happy with and I want to work to change about me... to stop disputing everything someone says.. and to stop thinking negative thoughts of other women... 

Psalms 34: 17  The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. 18  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

sometimes when I had a harder life than I now have.. I would read the bible and wonder why God didn't seem to rescue me.. why my heart was allowed to be broken.. why He wasn't rescuing my crushed spirit... 

but today... I realize.. much of my issues were my own... 

I wanted to live as I wanted to live.. I wanted God to be around when it was convenient and I wanted Him to turn the other direction when I wanted to do things that didn't go along with His way or His will... 

I believe that even though we follow God completely we will still have trials.. we will still be hurt and upset sometimes... our spirits will get crushed.. but the difference for me is me... now.. I don't look at God as someone to do what I want.. to give me what I want... instead.. I look to Him as my Father.. and I realize that every day won't be a good day.. people will be jerks sometimes.. I will be a jerk sometimes.. and some days I will get reprimanded by my Father.. but none of those things separate me from Him.. none of those things mean He doesn't love me... 

I can honestly say God has matured me.. and made me a better person than who I was on my own... and I am thankful!

Isaiah 57: Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come. 2  For those who follow godly paths will rest in peace when they die.

I know that my thinking of death is different than most people.. I don't see death as a bad thing.. more of just a transition of one place to another... I have always felt this way.. 

and while I may miss someone once they are gone.. I still haven't grieved most times the way many people do... 

this verse seems to explain to me that sometimes it is God protecting someone from evil that might have happened.. that is something that should make us all feel better about someone dying before they are old... idk about you but I would choose to protect everyone from evil if I had the opportunity rather than allow them to live and suffer from things that would come... 

we are always so determined to hold on to life as best we can.. I can never figure out why we do that.. most people are not exceptionally happy in life anyways.. we are such contradictory creatures... 

Genesis 4: 2 When they grew up, Abel became a shepherd, while Cain cultivated the ground. 3 When it was time for the harvest, Cain presented some of his crops as a gift to the Lord. 4 Abel also brought a gift—the best portions of the firstborn lambs from his flock. The Lord accepted Abel and his gift, 5 but he did not accept Cain and his gift. This made Cain very angry, and he looked dejected.

6 “Why are you so angry?” the Lord asked Cain. “Why do you look so dejected? 7 You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.”

8 One day Cain suggested to his brother, “Let’s go out into the fields.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother, Abel, and killed him. 9 Afterward the Lord asked Cain, “Where is your brother? Where is Abel?” “I don’t know,” Cain responded. “Am I my brother’s guardian?” 10 But the Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground! 11 Now you are cursed and banished from the ground, which has swallowed your brother’s blood. 12 No longer will the ground yield good crops for you, no matter how hard you work! From now on you will be a homeless wanderer on the earth.”

13 Cain replied to the Lord, “My punishment is too great for me to bear! 14 You have banished me from the land and from your presence; you have made me a homeless wanderer. Anyone who finds me will kill me!” 15 The Lord replied, “No, for I will give a sevenfold punishment to anyone who kills you.” Then the Lord put a mark on Cain to warn anyone who might try to kill him. 16 So Cain left the Lord’s presence and settled in the land of Nod, east of Eden.

the story of cain and abel is always amazing to me... always things I can't comprehend or accept in it... 

beginning with the sacrifice... did cain even know that his sacrifice would be considered wrong when he gave it to God? how often is what we sacrifice and imagine to be accepted never really accepted by God? do we ever find out that it wasn't? 

cain killing his brother over him being accepted while cain was not is sad but is so often the truth of our world... we outcast or just completely want rid of those who make us feel less than them.. of course we never really want to talk about feeling like that... even though it is truth... 

then God makes cain a homeless wanderer... that part by itself is bad enough... then He also casts him out from His presence... if we cannot be in the presence of the Lord, is life even worth living at that point? I am not sure I would say it would be for me... here cain is worrying about being killed by someone.. all I would be worried about it God having left me... 

Genesis 5: 21 When Enoch was 65 years old, he became the father of Methuselah. 22 After the birth of Methuselah, Enoch lived in close fellowship with God for another 300 years, and he had other sons and daughters. 23 Enoch lived 365 years, 24 walking in close fellowship with God. Then one day he disappeared, because God took him.

the first thing I notice in this small passage... and in the ones surrounding it... is that with each of the men mentioned.. it tells their age when they have the first child and the name of the first son.. after that it is only told that they had other sons and daughters... 

idk if that is because the first son is the one that passes on the name.. or if he is the only one that is talked about... is it to show us the significance of the first born son? I really am not sure what the reason is behind it.. when it comes to noah though, it give the name of three sons... 

Enoch was the only man other than Elijah that didn't die and was taken up into the heavens by God... for me personally... that tells me that they lived an exceptional life in God's eyes... David had a heart like God's own heart and yet he was not taken up into the heavens without death... 

that is amazing in many ways... first of all.. how would someone in a physical body live in the heavens? what would your life be like in order for God to think so much of you that He didn't want you to experience death... about Enoch it states that he walked with God.. didn't Adam also walk with God in the evenings?

clearly I don't have any answers.. I just wonder what it is that draws God to one person above another... we will never know the answer to that or at least not until we see Him face to face... 

Proverbs 19:14 14Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the lord can give an understanding wife.

I saw this as a response of what I was talking about yesterday...  we need to make the right choices.. we need to choose someone who puts God first in their life.. someone who can manage whatever amount of money they are blessed with... and someone who treats us with respect...

that is our responsibility..

but in truth.. we still don't know what type of spouse that person will be... we know that people don't show who they really are for a long time... so while they look good on the inside.. they could be very ugly on the inside.. everything we see might actually be a show.. just to get us to commit to them... 

but if we have peace that God has given us this person.. that this is the spouse of His choice... then the rest is up to Him... and it is His choice to give us someone who is clean and right on the inside... not perfect.. but good.. deep down within... 

almost every time I have talked to a man.. I have heard God tell me no... for me to continue to talk to that person.. which I usually did.. was insanity... that is one lesson I have learned for certain.. the day I hear God say no.. that is the day I am done entertaining the idea that I may be with this person... now I may still talk to them.. maybe even go out to dinner.. but inside.. I know I am done.. and I am sure that on the outside it is clear too... I can be your friend after that.. but all thoughts of relationship are gone.. 

so I will do my part.. and I will trust God to do His... 

so I am driving to work... and I realize... the enemy has used women to destroy the family... now we don't see it like this.. and we don't want to hear that.. but it is true.. it started long ago with the whole women's rights movement.. not that I don't believe women should have rights.. I do.. but when we fought for that.. we got to believing that we are 'equal.. meaning the same as' a man.. and that is not biblical... so because we are equal.. we decided we don't need a man.. and we divorced them.. we all know men 90% of the time will not leave a marriage.. the women leave them.. tired of whatever they are putting up with... 

now don't imagine that I feel this means we should have to deal with a bunch of mess all the time.. but I think when we marry the wrong man.. that is just the result... I think at that point.. when abuse is not involved.. then we need to decide to work through more things than what we are willing to work through.. and in this I believe we as women will be changed to be more loving... more caring... less selfish.. which is really what I believe God created a woman to be... 

I believe in God's eyes it is the woman that holds the family together.. while the man is supposed to be the head.. he cannot be who he needs to be without a strong woman supporting him.. men tend to be very insecure even when they aren't someone who shows insecurity.. so he may be the head.. but she is the backbone of the family and of the marriage.. 

so I really believe that through women's rights.. we have destroyed the family... we want equal rights when it is convenient... we have given up being stay at home mothers.. we have given up having our doors opened.. we have given up having a man pay for our dinner.. we have done all these things under the illusion of women's rights... 

me personally.. I would go back to the time when a woman's job would only consist of being a secretary in order to be protected and loved by a man.. which was God's plan I believe.. men abused the power.. and we abused the rights... now everyone is separate... and again.. the woman has given the fruit of the enemy to the man...