I have really been having a rough couple years spiritually...

this last 2-3 years my beliefs have really been tested... there have been times that I haven't been sure if God ever spoke to me... I didn't know if I ever even knew God at all.... was God even here? was I truly alone and all of this relationship with God had just been a fantasy...

this is the truth of what I don't know and what I do know at the end of the battle... well I don't know if the battle is over or not... but I pray it is...

I need to stop being influenced by other voices...
God has been all I have believed I had all my life... so if He hasn't been real.. then I have been disillusioned long term...
whether any of this is truth whether it is not... I would rather die believing in God and Him not have been real.. than to die not believing and He is real...
I love God... all of my life.. all of these years.. He has been the only constant in my life... people come and go.. even family members... even if I were to get married.. that man would eventually die.. or I would.. and one of us would be without one another again... the only One that will never leave me.. even after death... that is God... He is the center of my existence... He is my truth... He is my reality... above all else...

I will continue to try to be more like Christ every day... what I have read and believed for Him to be... that is all there is for me...