Genesis 16 Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. ² So Sarai said to Abram, “The Lord has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her.” And Abram agreed with Sarai’s proposal. ³ So Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. (This happened ten years after Abram had settled in the land of Canaan.) ⁴ So Abram had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. But when Hagar knew she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress, Sarai, with contempt. ⁵ Then Sarai said to Abram, “This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she’s pregnant she treats me with contempt. The Lord will show who’s wrong—you or me!” ⁶ Abram replied, “Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit.” Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away.

⁷ The angel of the Lord found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur. ⁸ The angel said to her, “Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress, Sarai,” she replied. ⁹ The angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit to her authority.” ¹⁰ Then he added, “I will give you more descendants than you can count.” ¹¹ And the angel also said, “You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael (which means ‘God hears’), for the Lord has heard your cry of distress. ¹² This son of yours will be a wild man, as untamed as a wild donkey! He will raise his fist against everyone, and everyone will be against him. Yes, he will live in open hostility against all his relatives.”

¹³ Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me.” She also said, “Have I truly seen the One who sees me?” ¹⁴ So that well was named Beer-lahai-roi (which means “well of the Living One who sees me”). It can still be found between Kadesh and Bered. ¹⁵ So Hagar gave Abram a son, and Abram named him Ishmael. ¹⁶ Abram was eighty-six years old when Ishmael was born.

 

why do we think God sent hagar back to sarah... who was treating her badly....

this was not hagar's fault.. she was used like a possession to sleep with the husband of her slave master... then the child she carried and delivered was to be given to the master... so sarah.. gets mad at abraham.. because the slave is no longer acting like a slave because she slept with the owner's husband and is now carrying his heir... abraham... doesn't give too much backbone in any of this.. he sleeps with the slave.. then tells the wife to go ahead and treat her bad if that is what she wants to do...

 

hagar runs away.... God finds her and sends her back.. telling her to return and submit to the authority over her.... then He gives her a blessing over her unborn child and tells her what his name is to be...  she goes back... apparently sarah didn't actually raise the child as her own because after she has isaac.. then she wants them sent away... which no backbone abraham does... losing contact with his own son... I also would wonder how long sarah lived after isaacs death (I think it is 40years) because later in the bible ishmael and isaac are together burying their father.. I wonder if he came back to the household after sarah's death...

 

I think God often will keep us in an uncomfortable situation because these are the things that change us and mold us into better people.. if we allow them... I think too that hagar was wrong in treating sarah with contempt...even though it was understandable... it was still wrong.. so God sent her back and told her to submit to her owner... God also let her know that He heard her.. that He cared about her troubles.. even if He was not ready to get her out of it... she gains personal relationship with God through this situation... while we don't like to think of it like that.. all God is really concerned about it saving lives... and hagar's life was saved through sarah and abraham's distrust of Him and His promises... they tried to do things the way of the world... which I am a witness that you cannot do a God thing a worldly way... then you go back to the waiting room... (insert long long sigh...) God's promises still hold true in the end though.. thanking God for that!

 

it is uncomfortable for us to think of God accepting and keeping people in the position of being a slave... yet throughout the bible it is done over and over.. He sent His own people into slavery for 70years so they would come back to knowing who He is...

 

I don't really have answers... just questions and thoughts about the questions...

1 Corinthians 10: 12 If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. 13 The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

funny... I was talking to big larry yesterday.. I was talking about something that I thought would never have the opportunity to make me fall... I said to him that I have come too far to fall in a stupid manner now.... and in the back of my head I hear "where you think you will never fall may be where you will"....

now in my defense.. I still don't think I will fall for this particular thing.. I am honestly not even tempted by it... but if I look back over my life at some of the things I have done.. if you had asked me ahead of time if I would do them.. I would have been too adamant that I never would... and yet somehow.. the table turned and I fell....

so I think this.. we need to never feel so confident that we will not fall... we need to rely on Christ at all times to keep us in righteousness and purity... sometimes we fall and we don't even realize we did until we turn around and look back at it...

Lord keep me in your will... you have set me apart.. keep me pure and separated by your blood from the desire for the things of this world.. keep me desiring the things of your kingdom alone..  and keep me so close to your side that I will not be subjected to the world in that manner... amen.amen.amen....

1 Corinthians 10:14 So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols. 15 You are reasonable people. Decide for yourselves if what I am saying is true. 16 When we bless the cup at the Lord’s Table, aren’t we sharing in the blood of Christ? And when we break the bread, aren’t we sharing in the body of Christ? 17 And though we are many, we all eat from one loaf of bread, showing that we are one body. 18 Think about the people of Israel. Weren’t they united by eating the sacrifices at the altar?

I think we have far more idols than we would ever really realize... God had shown me through the word that fornication is idolatry.. whew was that a hard one to accept... as much as I may say that it is about a physical thing.. God feels I was putting physical love before my love for Him by not being willing to wait until the bonds of covenant... I have since determined not even to think sexual thoughts without covenant... as soon as the thoughts come.. I cast them out and focus on something else...

this was a little strange to me.. not that I don't see what he means, but I would not have thought about the communion making us united... or that the people of israel were united when they made the sacrifices at the altar... I think that unity is so important.. in a church, in a family.. all around.. unity is really a big deal.. yet we usually don't have unity... we are all usually in dissension of some sort.. even in our own homes.. could you imagine the power we would have through Christ if we were united... I was thinking about this even in my own wednesday night group of teachers and kids.. we are trying to promote unity and bonding between the kids and also the teachers... thinking that the more we are joined.. the more we will accomplish for the kingdom.. and isn't that really what our goal is...

1 Corinthians 10: 1 I don’t want you to forget, dear brothers and sisters, about our ancestors in the wilderness long ago. All of them were guided by a cloud that moved ahead of them, and all of them walked through the sea on dry ground. 2 In the cloud and in the sea, all of them were baptized as followers of Moses. 3 All of them ate the same spiritual food, 4 and all of them drank the same spiritual water. For they drank from the spiritual rock that traveled with them, and that rock was Christ. 5 Yet God was not pleased with most of them, and their bodies were scattered in the wilderness. 6 These things happened as a warning to us, so that we would not crave evil things as they did, 7 or worship idols as some of them did. As the Scriptures say, “The people celebrated with feasting and drinking, and they indulged in pagan revelry.” 8 And we must not engage in sexual immorality as some of them did, causing 23,000 of them to die in one day.

how often do we crave evil things? how often do we admit it.. how often do we realize that many of the things we crave are evil.... things really never change... those people battled the same battles that we battle today... they wanted to drink and feast.. they wanted to engage in sexual immorality.... isn't that really what our battles are? most of our sins are either sexual... or drinking... or drug induced... pagan revelry.. I would imagine that would be some of the other big 10.... idk... but that is what I would imagine.. most of us really don't battle with wanting to murder someone.. or stealing... (maybe...) but we battle sexual immorality.. we battle gluttony.. we battle drunkenness... we battle coveting someone's belongings.. we battle gossip and lies.. we battle being mean to other people... wouldn't you think these are many of the same things they were battling? so here we are.. thousands of years later.. still doing the same things.. the times have changed.. but our sins have not... we are still who we were thousands of years ago....
this scripture says that they went through these things so that we would learn from them... a warning to us... are we warned? are we learning from other people's mistakes? not usually... we all seem to learn from smacking our own head against the wall.. usually more than once...


9 Nor should we put Christ to the test, as some of them did and then died from snakebites. 10 And don’t grumble as some of them did, and then were destroyed by the angel of death. 11 These things happened to them as examples for us. They were written down to warn us who live at the end of the age

what about grumbling and complaining.... I have to admit.. I am very guilty of this... I get my eyes off of Jesus and get in my emotions and feel like I have changed so much.. I work so hard for the Lord.. why don't I have what is mine... why am I still battling for the things God has promised....
their lives are to be a warning.. yet are we warned?

at least once a week.. I come home from work and spend the evening with just me and Jesus.. no tv.. no radio.. nothing but the bible and prayer and peace and contentment.. I find this equips me for the rest of the week.. some weeks I need to do this more than once.. LOL... I am needing this time today... I am not going to get it until thursday.. but I miss Jesus.. I miss Him like some women miss a man... I just want to be with Him... I often think that these "date nights" with the Lord keep me out of much of the things I may be likely to fall prey to.... and I am so thankful that He is available every time I am able to meet with Him...

1 Corinthians 9: 22 When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some. 23 I do everything to spread the Good News and share in its blessings.
27 I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.

Paul states that he tries to find common ground with everyone he comes in contact with in order to help lead them toward salvation.. we already know that our life we are living is our greatest witness for anyone who may come in contact with us... yet how often do we set ourselves apart from others as if we have nothing in common with them... as if we are now so righteous or clean that we cannot come down to their level.. forgetting where we have come from... I think we do this more often than we realize.. if we didn't... then so many more people would be impacted by our witness than what are now... we try to remain separate... while we are changed.. we are different than we used to be.. we cannot come across as if we forget where we are coming from....

I have a young wife working with my teen girls at church.. the reason I think this young woman is so awesome is because she was not a virgin when she married... she was not always living as she does now... yet she is willing to tell these teen girls about drinking and having sex.. and still tell them why her life now is so much more whole.. she is not afraid to remember who she was.. on the way to who she is becoming... she is able to teach them how to be a good wife because she wasn't always the woman that she is now... she will easily tell them that she really wishes she could go back and marry as a virgin having known no other man.. I think her testimony is so amazing for these young girls making these very decisions right now...

the flip side of the scripture states that Paul is also disciplined and trained.. almost like an athele so that his life now.. his witness now.. will not be deterrent for someone to be saved...

India and her little family took me out to eat yesterday... and we all know how much I love and miss jack daniels... well tgifridays has a drink called a 'jackberry splash" that is wonderful.... and I considered ordering one while we were there.... we were to be celebrating my birthday.. there is nothing biblically wrong with me having a drink.... BUT..  just as I am contemplating this... a young girl who works there.. comes over to me and says.. I have been trying to figure out why I know you... I just saw you in church this morning! and I smile and say yes.. that is me...

now while it would not be wrong for me to have a drink.. what if it had shaken her faith.. what if she is weak in her faith so she would have fallen because of me... I have to try and keep remembering that people are always watching me.. God had told me long ago that it would be almost as if I live in a glass house.. that my life is on display for everyone else to see... so be careful of my choices because they can affect others too... every now and again.. He has to remind me of this...

Lord help me to be accessible.. someone people can reach out to and feel comfortable with.. and at the same time.. help me to remain pure and to not be a stumbling block for someone less spiritually mature than me.. in Jesus name I ask.. amen.amen.amen....

Psalms 15: 1 Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill? 2 Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. 3 Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends. 4 Those who despise flagrant sinners, and honor the faithful followers of the Lord, and keep their promises even when it hurts. 5 Those who lend money without charging interest, and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent. Such people will stand firm forever.

if we read this... and we look at who seemed 'worthy' to worship in the temple.. we may never get there...  we may all be shut out from the house of God... I was thinking of this a few days ago when I read this other scripture:

1 Cor 5: 9 When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. 10 But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. 11 I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.12 It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. 13 God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, “You must remove the evil person from among you.”

I really have a problem with this scripture... confusion... 
would we really throw out anyone who is involved in sexual sin? and if we did.. would there be anyone left in the church? I mean.. lets get down and dirty honest... I have not engaged in sex.. but could I say I am completely pure... sin of the mind is the same as sin of the body...

if we put all of these people out of the church... would there be anyone left?  and... if we threw all of the sinners out the door and turned them over to satan.. then how would they be saved?... and surely I would be in the number of those thrown out... surely I sin still.... yet we find this in the old testament and in the new... we have told people all along that the church is a hospital for the sinners to get well.. yet this is not what the bible sounds like.. and we are taught to love people regardless of their actions... yet this is not what it looks like...

what I am sure of is this... God loves me even though I am totally screwed up and is proud that I am striving to do better... not that I have arrived.. but that I am trying to get there... daily... growing.. learning... so while we are all messed up.. we all need fellowship with those who love God.. let's never allow our human frailty to keep us from the house of God... and let's not judge the others who are there.. because we are surely messed up in one way or another just like everyone else...

Genesis 18: 2 He looked up and noticed three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he ran to meet them and welcomed them, bowing low to the ground. 3 “My lord,” he said, “if it pleases you, stop here for a while. 4 Rest in the shade of this tree while water is brought to wash your feet. 5 And since you’ve honored your servant with this visit, let me prepare some food to refresh you before you continue on your journey.” “All right,” they said. “Do as you have said.” 6 So Abraham ran back to the tent and said to Sarah, “Hurry! Get three large measures of your best flour, knead it into dough, and bake some bread.” 7 Then Abraham ran out to the herd and chose a tender calf and gave it to his servant, who quickly prepared it. 8 When the food was ready, Abraham took some yogurt and milk and the roasted meat, and he served it to the men. As they ate, Abraham waited on them in the shade of the trees.

I wonder what caused Abraham to be so concerned about these particular men passing by his house.. I guess it could have been because they didn't live in a town so maybe people passing by was infrequent.. maybe he would have acted this way no matter who came past... what do we act like to people we don't know and are just passing through... are we pleasant.. do we at least smile at them... they say that visitors to a church are often put off by the people who are the members by the way they act when they first come... that would make me think we are not all that pleasant.. and in a place where we should be exceptionally pleasant...

16 Then the men got up from their meal and looked out toward Sodom. As they left, Abraham went with them to send them on their way.17 “Should I hide my plan from Abraham?” the Lord asked. 18 “For Abraham will certainly become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth will be blessed through him. 19 I have singled him out so that he will direct his sons and their families to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. Then I will do for Abraham all that I have promised.” 20 So the Lord told Abraham, “I have heard a great outcry from Sodom and Gomorrah, because their sin is so flagrant. 21 I am going down to see if their actions are as wicked as I have heard. If not, I want to know.”

so as I was reading this... I see that this person who came here.. IS THE LORD.. but at first.. it was just three men passing by... do you think God really sends even just angels down to see how we act toward them?  do you think He ever comes along Himself? and for goodness sakes.. what if we were having an off day and we are rude or something...
imagine.. what if God came to your house and shared His plans with you.... how amazing would that be...
oh wait... that does happen.. when we pray and read the word of God... and how often do we not have time for Him.. and not talk with Him as we should be...

understanding...

Proverbs 3: 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.

I read a devotional one morning.. that states we need to stop trying to understand everything.. that while we are constanting striving to understand.. we stop trusting God... we are trying to take control of the situation... 

I would say that I have a great issue with wanting to understand and control everything... even when it is something I wouldn't have chosen.. I still want it to be done my way... although I am slowly learning to overcome this issue of always wanting my way... (I said slowly....s l o w l y...) I am learning not to manipulate every situation... to allow God to use situations to make me better...

but other parts of the bible tell us that if we are wise.. we will seek understanding...
Proverbs 3: 13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding.

I wonder if that means acceptance more than our own version of understanding... I think one of the greatest lessons I have learned is to allow God to do things His way and to not always fight it... I have so much more peace when I don't fight every step of the way... when I learn to submit to the ways of God....

or maybe it is talking about learning lessons from our mistakes.. not always smacking our head off the wall.. not always going around and around and around the same mountains or issues... that is wisdom.. to learn from life's lessons and experiences...

Father give me knowledge of the way you would have me to go.. light the path you would have me to take... keep me in your will.. help me to accept your will at all times... amen.

seeking God first...

Matthew 22: 37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

it is HARD to love God above all else... not because we don't think He is the greatest thing.. but it is hard to keep Him in that #1 spot.. and most of the time.. even when we think we have.. we haven't... situations and physical people crowd in our relationship with God and we push Him to a lesser position... even though this is not our intention.. this is what happens... it happened all through the bible.. this was the same battle that the Israelites had.. they had a vicious cycle of God first.. then falling away and being defeated.. then coming back to God and rising back up again.. and I say that we have this same cycle...

I don't think it is about God not being the one we love the most... I think it is just focus.. we get focused on what we are doing or where we are or what we need to get where we are going... when our complete focus is on God He is first.. when it is not.. He is not...

the bible tells us that if we seek God first.. everything else will be added to us... when will we ever come to the place that we are not seeking God in order to gain what we think we want? when will we really realize that God already knows what is best for us and just be accepting of His will above our own desires... when will we ever be able to lay down this flesh and the earthly desires?
Father I praise your holy holy name.. I thank you for choosing us.. I thank you for these friendships.. for these kingdom connections... I pray above all else Father that our focus remains on you.. not on our families.. not on our desires.. not even on our kingdom calling.. but on you personally and wholly... help us to come to the place where we are not thinking that if you are first we will have everything else.. but instead help us to realize that if you are first in our lives we already have everything.. in you comes every thing we could ever want or need or desire... I love you Father above all else... you are everything...

this life is ROUGH...

1 Corinthians 4: 10 Our dedication to Christ makes us look like fools, but you claim to be so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are so powerful! You are honored, but we are ridiculed. 11 Even now we go hungry and thirsty, and we don’t have enough clothes to keep warm. We are often beaten and have no home. 12 We work wearily with our own hands to earn our living. We bless those who curse us. We are patient with those who abuse us. 13 We appeal gently when evil things are said about us. Yet we are treated like the world’s garbage, like everybody’s trash—right up to the present moment. 20 For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power.

I find... in my mind... I really expect things to be easier than they are... I can say with my mouth that I really don't expect that... but it is apparent that I do... otherwise I would not get so discouraged.. so tired... so defeated...

but where do we get that imagination that everything should be easy?
things were no easier when I was in the world... I still didn't manage my finances as I should... the difference to that was that I usually had a man giving me money to make the difference.. or paying the bills... (oh how I miss that...) but I was upset much of the time... people were full of drama and gossip.. including myself.. always starting some type of mess.. always talking about someone... always keeping something going... most of my friends were not real... with the exclusion of tina and deonna... I don't care what anyone says.. deonna was my ride or die for life... bear.. as much as I love her.. was as faithful as the wind blowing.. but she was alot of fun... and while I loved being in the bar... it was drama central.. LOL!! when I changed my life.. it took me a long while to adjust to not having constant drama going.. that is like a bad addiction....

of course now.. I don't go through the trials that paul did.. I am not homeless by God's provision.. I don't go hungry or thirst.. I have enough clothes to cover a multitude... but I would say I am a different type of weary... back then.. I was weary physically... this is more emotionally... I never gave emotionally before.. so I wasn't that type of weary... living God's way is emotionally draining... dying to self is emotionally draining... I used to be so confident in who I was and all I could do... now I have no confidence whatsoever in myself... but I am gaining confidence in God and who God says I am.. my value now is coming from who HE sees in me.. not what man sees in me... but that is hard.. insecurity is ugly... I haven't been insecure since I was a teenager... now it seems to be a way of life... someone recently told me that God had to break me or myself so that I could be built up in Him... well that is an ugly and painful process... giving of yourself is rough...

but I gotta tell you... the peace that I feel is so much greater than anything I ever had in the world... the joy that I am daily filled with... not necessarily happiness every day.. but joy and thankfulness... and I am happy in Jesus...

so you know I imagine that everyone thinks the same as me.. someone has been telling me lately that the way I think is extraordinary... I don't really think that.. I think everyone sees what I see and knows what I know... so anyways.. I have recently been realizing that there are actually alot of people who don't really think Jesus is the son of God.. I mean alot of people HERE.. in our own world... now that was amazing to me..

it seems that people can't seem to accept the virgin birth.. some can't accept the resurrection... but if you are denying either one of them.. then for you.. Jesus is not the Messiah... and you cannot be saved... at least not until you get it right...

they can accept Him as a great prophet... but not as the son of God born of a virgin and risen from the dead...
that absolutely floored me.. in my small mind.. I thought the only ones who had that imagination were the jews... and not even all of them.. I gotta tell you... I am stunned by this thought... that there are people here... people I know.. that don't really know or accept Christ...

do they realize.. that the bible tells us to pray in Jesus name... but if He is just a man.. why would we pray in His name?
Father... I pray that their eyes be opened... to the Truth of Your Son....

who will you serve?

Genesis 4: 23 One day Lamech said to his wives, “Adah and Zillah, hear my voice; listen to me, you wives of Lamech. I have killed a man who attacked me, a young man who wounded me. 24 If someone who kills Cain is punished seven times, then the one who kills me will be punished seventy-seven times!”
25 Adam had sexual relations with his wife again, and she gave birth to another son. She named him Seth, for she said, “God has granted me another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed.” 26 When Seth grew up, he had a son and named him Enosh. At that time people first began to worship the Lord by name.

for a long while I wondered what was the significance of verse 24 to verse 26.. it seemed to stand out to me but I didn't really get the message... but last night.. in alone time with God.. I see that the descendants of Cain raise themselves up.. but the descendants of Seth raise God up...

both of these sets of people come from the same family.. the same values.. the same grandparents.. the same God... but one family glorifies self.. while the other glorifies God... isn't that also the same today... many people are raised together.. yet one child will go toward the world and stay there.. while another will go toward God and stay there... what is it that makes the difference in these families? why would one go one way and the other go the other way?

I think it is about focus... when we are only focused on our own feelings and thoughts and desires.. then we go the way of the world... when we focus on God and what He would have for us instead.. I think we then go the way of God...

just as Joshua had told the Israelites long ago... choose you this day who you will serve.. but as for me and my house.. we will serve the Lord.. we all still have that choice to make this day.. but as for me and my house.. we will serve the Lord..