Genesis 35: 3 We are now going to Bethel, where I will build an altar to the God who answered my prayers when I was in distress. He has been with me wherever I have gone.

I was praying for someone this morning.. and it occurs to me... about how long we pray for something and seem to receive no answers.. or we receive change in a situation or a person.. but it is not what we wanted or what we expected or maybe there is not change in anything at all other than our own hearts.... 

I began to think... what if God answered our prayers right away.... what if we heard Him.. even if it was a no.. in a short time after we prayed... while the initial thought is that this would be so great... while I was thinking about it.. I realize how much I have changed while waiting on answers from God... even when not praying about myself... I realize that I am a completely different person than I used to be.. I don't think the same... I don't act the same.. I don't feel the same.. all because of time spent in prayer... I find that in long term prayer for another person.. the outcome is no longer quite as important as God's will in their lives... whether that includes me or whether it does not... sometimes it is through praying for someone that we stop wanting our own will and be thankful for whatever it is that God chooses to do... 

I think intercession for someone else.. without regards to how things will turn out.. may be one of the greatest gifts God ever gives us... 

Jude: ⁴ I say this because some ungodly people have wormed their way into your churches, saying that God’s marvelous grace allows us to live immoral lives. The condemnation of such people was recorded long ago, for they have denied our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.

⁵ So I want to remind you, though you already know these things, that Jesus first rescued the nation of Israel from Egypt, but later he destroyed those who did not remain faithful. ⁶ And I remind you of the angels who did not stay within the limits of authority God gave them but left the place where they belonged. God has kept them securely chained in prisons of darkness, waiting for the great day of judgment. ⁷ And don’t forget Sodom and Gomorrah and their neighboring towns, which were filled with immorality and every kind of sexual perversion. Those cities were destroyed by fire and serve as a warning of the eternal fire of God’s judgment.

 

I was thinking about this.. and about how many people.. myself included in the past... think that grace is a ticket to do whatever and still be right with God.. and you look in the church.. or out the church.. wherever.. no one wants to be celibate until marriage.. now granted.. I am in complete agreement with that.. I have no desire to be sexually celibate.. but I also see how it clouds our judgement.. I don't think I ever realized how much of someone else's spirit and thoughts you take on when you are sexually intimate with them.. until I stopped having sex...

 

when you remain without sex.. or unconnected to someone... I think you can really start to see what God meant about the two becoming one.. and about how we so screwed up when we did things our own way...

 

I think if we really understood it we would not allow ourselves to be joined with anyone else... I couldn't even have a conversation with a man that would lead to sex at this point.. it would be too revealing.. too intimate and too exposing... 

 

I find it amazing how I waited more than half my life to be over before I really started to understanding what God intended... and to be willing to go along with it...

1 Timothy 6: ⁶ Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. ⁷ After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. ⁸ So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.

 

how often are we actually content?

doesn't it seem we are always striving for more?

if you sit and consider your life.. are you really in lack? I know that I am not.. not even a little bit.. I would say of myself that I have more now physically, financially, spiritually.. than I have ever had before... and truly I am content...

 

yet some days... I want something more.. I want God's will accomplished in me and through me.. I want to be used for His glory...

 

and these desires make me continually striving for something more..

I don't know that these are wrong desires.. I think they are quite right actually.. but still... it makes me feel dis-content sometimes.. when I really need to be content right where I am...

 

sometimes true rest and contentment seems almost unattainable...

Father help me to learn to be complete.. right where I am for this day.. each day..

Job 14: ¹³ “I wish you would hide me in the grave and forget me there until your anger has passed. But mark your calendar to think of me again!

 

my relationship with God has changed as I have 'matured' in Him.. and I would think some of it is normal.. but I also think it sucks... sometimes no matter what I do.. I don't seem to connect with God the ways I did in the past.. I don't hear Him like I used to... now I do know that just like any other relationship.. you don't always have to be talking for everything to be all right.. I don't really feel God is angry with me about anything.. if I would put words to it.. I would say like Job did.. that He has forgotten me.. but I pray He will mark His calendar and remember me again...

 

God was not angry with Job.. but in Job's thoughts.. God HAD to be angry with him... otherwise.. why was everything falling apart? he couldn't think of anything he had done wrong.. and doesn't the bible say that God will protect us.. and care for us.. I can completely understand Job thinking like this...

 

it is very difficult to 'wait God out'... to wait until He decides to again speak or show His face.. or give understanding.. God is good for thinking saying it once or twice is enough., then you are to hold on to it... as humans.. we are not so good at that.. at least I am not!! LOL!!

and in this period of waiting.. where we are changing and sure that we are crazy as the day is long.. and we just had to have heard God wrong.. and we think.. well.. I could just go ahead and do this.. or I could be satisfied here... or whatever thoughts we use to get through the horrific waiting for God.. His intention is to build our faith...

it is one type of faith to hear from God and the thing happens shortly thereafter.. even if it is a year or two.. that is still short term in God's hands... but when we wait for something for a LONG time... over 5years.. with nothing in sight and no understanding... when this comes to pass... can you imagine the faith you will then have in God... you will likely never doubt Him again.... and in the midst of it.. you know you can trust God.. but you don't know that you heard right... until it finally comes to pass.. and then as you are fully restored to God and His closeness... and you from that point on.. are able to trust quietly.. without all the unsureness.. without all the confusion.. without all the needing affirmation...

at least that is what I am praying for.. when my vision comes to pass...

Ephesians 5: Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. ² Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.

³ Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. ⁴ Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. ⁵ You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.

⁶ Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. ⁷ Don’t participate in the things these people do. ⁸ For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! ⁹ For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.

¹⁰ Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. ¹¹ Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. ¹² It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. ¹³ But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, ¹⁴ for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, “Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.”

 

you know.. while we all strive to do better daily... we still all are a work in progress... LOL! I realized not so long ago that I am a greedy person... and this scripture says that is an idolater.. now while I know that I battle idolatry in other areas.. I didn't realize that never being satisfied is another place where I battle it...

 

thankfully.. my intentions are often right.. even if my habits are not... and because of this.. I believe God continues to do a good work in me until the day of His return... I think it is very important for us to always realize that we are not yet what we need to be.. and while God is pleased with us where we are.. we still have to daily strive to be more like Christ...

Hebrews 6: ¹⁰ For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do. ¹¹ Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. ¹² Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.

 

it seems to let us know in here that those that become spiritually indifferent and dull.. like we see of so many believers and at times experience ourselves too... it seems it comes from not loving others...

 

you know throughout the bible love is the main theme... God's amazing and unending love for us.. and the love we are supposed to have for others in response to God's love for us.. yet we all still come up short... consistently putting our own selves and our own desires before others...

 

I am thinking that if we could get loving others right... then all of the truths of the bible might fall into place for us...

Genesis 3: ¹⁷ (to the man) Because you followed your wife’s advice instead of My command and ate of the tree From which I had forbidden you to eat, cursed is the ground. For the rest of your life, You will fight for every crumb of food from the crusty clump of clay I made you from. ¹⁸ As you labor, the ground will produce thorns and thistles, and you will eat the plants of the field. ¹⁹ Your brow will sweat for your mouth to taste even a morsel of bread until the day you return To the very ground I made you from. From dust you have come, And to dust you shall return.

 

we are so goofy as women... we want so badly for the man to be the lead.. yet we continually try to talk him into doing things our way... myself definitely at the top of the list on that...

 

and men... who are so easily swayed because it is easier to do what we ask rather than fight with us... continually go against something God told them.. God told adam not to eat from the tree before the woman was ever even created.... I would think the woman was told by the man.. so even though he knew it was a mistake he goes along with her...

 

do we really want our own way? doesn't it end up with destruction in the end...

one day.. we will sit down and allow a man to be a man... and we will just help him rather than run him...

Matthew 5: ²⁷ As you know, long ago God forbade His people to commit adultery. ²⁸ You may think you have abided by this Commandment, walked the straight and narrow, but I tell you this: any man who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery in his heart. ²⁹ If your right eye leads you into sin, gouge it out and throw it in the garbage—for better you lose one part of your body than march your entire body through the gates of sin and into hell. ³⁰ And if your right hand leads you into sin, cut it off and throw it away—for better you lose one part of your body than march your entire bodythrough the gates of sin and into hell.

 

this just reminded me that as much as we like to imagine that we are righteous and holy... we aren't.. we sin constantly.. even when it is in our mind...

Genesis: Serpent: ⁴ Die? No, you’ll not die. God is playing games with you. ⁵ The truth is that God knows the day you eat the fruit from that tree you will awaken something powerful in you and become like Him: possessing knowledge of both good and evil.

⁶ The woman approached the tree, eyed its fruit, and coveted its mouth-watering, wisdom-grantingbeauty. She plucked a fruit from the tree and ate. She then offered the fruit to her husband who was close by, and he ate as well. ⁷ Suddenly their eyes were opened to a reality previously unknown. For the first time, they sensed their vulnerability and rushed to hide their naked bodies, stitching fig leaves into crude loincloths. ⁸ Then they heard the sound of the Eternal God walking in the cool mistingshadows of the garden. The man and his wife took cover among the trees and hid from the Eternal God.

 

you know.. the things that satan tells us are pretty much true.. that is how we get deceived... because we start to looking at it from the view the enemy gives rather than the view the Master gives... he was honest when he told eve she would not die.. and that she would have knowledge of good and evil...

 

and the goofy woman.. like all of us.. begins to covet something that God has told us to leave alone.... and then after we have fallen.. all the lights come on and we are ashamed.. and trying to hide from God... and our relationship is severed... and you know.. in truth.. most time when sin severs our relationship with God.. it is not as easily restored as we would like it to be.. not as easy as when we were in the world... we screwed up.. said sorry.. screwed up some more.. still didn't really even recognize we had issues with our relationship with God...

Psalms 66: ¹³ I will come into Your temple with burnt offerings; I will fulfill my promises to You—¹⁴ The oaths that parted my lips and were promises my mouth freely made when I was suffering and in anguish.
¹⁵ I will bring You my sacrifices—plump beasts and the sweet smoke of consecrated rams—I will also offer You bulls and goats.

¹⁶ Come and listen, everyone who reveres the True God, and I will tell you what He has done for me. ¹⁷I cried out to Him with my mouth, and I praised Him with my tongue. ¹⁸ If I entertain evil in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.¹⁹ But surely God has heard me; He has paid attention to the urgency of my request.

²⁰ May the True God be blessed, for He did not turn away from my prayer nor did He hold back His loyal love from me.

 

I was thinking about us as people... how we are in a bad situation.. broke.. depressed.. sad... whatever the case may be.. and we go to God in our time of suffering and we make all these promises to Him about what we will do when He brings us out of it...

 

just think how many times you have maybe lost a job or messed up your money really badly and we say to God.. if You will just give me a job.. I will tithe for the rest of my life.... or if we have a bad relationship... like me.. I chose the man I wanted and God said he wasn't for me and i wanted him anyways.. and he was abusive and a drug addict and alcoholic... and I told God.. if you just get me out of this... I don't care if I never have another relationship.. I will just stay alone forever... well.. He got me out of it... but I only halfway kept my promise to Him... I wanted a man around when I wanted him around but certainly not to ever have ownership of me again.... so when God had decided He is going to marry me off again.. I was quick to say.. look God.. we had decided I would never marry again... but God said I had been with men anyways... so I needed to be married.. but this time it needed to be for His glory.. surely not mine... whew that was a battle... to accept that God would want me to be married again....

 

when God is good to us.. we cannot keep our mouths shut.. we have to tell what He has done for us... and we praise Him for His goodness.. but how quickly we forget our previous troubles.... v18 states if I entertain evil in my heart God will not hear me.. well while my intention would be to never have evil in my heart... do I have evil in my heart? surely sometimes I imagine I do... even when I would rather not....

 

God did not turn away from my prayers... He has not held back His loyal love for me.. I am so thankful for the Love of God in my life!!

Matthew 17: ¹⁹ Later, when they were away from the crowds, the disciples asked Jesus why they hadn’t been able to drive out the demon themselves.

Jesus: ²⁰ Because you have so little faith. I tell you this: if you had even a faint spark of faith, even faith as tiny as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” andbecause of your faith, the mountain would move. If you had just a sliver of faith, you would find nothing impossible. [²¹ But this kind is not realized except through much prayer and fasting.]

I like to imagine that I have some faith... at least a faint spark of it... yet there are so many things that I too can't do... I can't seem to change anything.. just almost locked into going along with things waiting on God to move.. but is that what it is supposed to be? the bible says that we can do anything that we really believe.. that we have the power to do all the miracles that Jesus did... and when I put my faith to the test... like when I was without a job.. or without somewhere to live.. God always comes to the rescue.. obviously because I had enough faith to give it power...
odd to me that we have faith for some things and not for others.. and what I have faith for.. you may not.. or vice versa...
and then it states.. this kind of faith is not realized except through much prayer and fasting.. can we say we fast and pray alot? I can't... yet when I did.. I was so much stronger than now... so what holds me back from walking out of the world and its thoughts and going into seclusion with God.. which is what I need to be strong... yet I don't do it... what holds me back......... and what possible sense does it make to not do it...

Philippians 4: ⁴ Most of all, friends, always rejoice in the Lord! I never tire of saying it: Rejoice! ⁵ Keep your gentle nature so that all people will know what it looks like to walk in His footsteps. The Lord is ever present with us. ⁶ Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray. Pray about everything. He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and be thankful for what has come. ⁷ And know that the peace of God (a peace that is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, fill your minds with beauty and truth. Meditate on whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, whatever is virtuous and praiseworthy. ⁹ Keep to the script: whatever you learned and received and heard and saw in me—do it—and the God of peace will walk with

 

v5 says keep your gentle nature... I think as kids the majority of us are born with a gentle nature but as the world wears on us we become hardened and not gentle anymore... I am sure gentle is a very good quality to have although I am sure I do not have too much of is...

 

v6 states rather than be anxious about anything to instead pray and don't worry... yet we do... the majority of us... out of our mouths we say that God will handle everything that worries us.. and we can even believe it in our hearts.. yet somehow... we all have an area of weakness that we tend to worry about ... it says He longs to hear our requests.. idk about that I have been led many times to ask for nothing.. just be thankful instead...

 

v8 fill our minds with beauty and truth meditating on what is honorable and right and pure and lovely and good and virtuous and praiseworthy... and if we could just do this.. it is true.. our hearts will be at peace... full of tranquility... yet somehow... we struggle and fuss and gossip and think negative thoughts... and all those things come out of our mouths.... and we want to speak differently but the beginning to speaking differently is to first think differently.... yet we somehow like to continue to think the way we do... not wanting to give it up... wanting to stay what we think is 'normal'...

 

oh the struggle to be like Christ rather than be like me......................

1 Corinthians: ¹⁸ The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God. ¹⁹ As the Scriptures say, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.” ²⁰ So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. ²¹ Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe. ²² It is foolish to the Jews, who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom. ²³ So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it’s all nonsense.

 

this came to me as the 'verse of the day' one morning.. not the whole thing.. but v18... it caught my attention because it says 'we who are BEING saved'...

 

while I know the true attention of the scripture is about Christ's death being such a stumbling block to some and the road to salvation to others... it struck me that it didn't say we ARE saved.. it says we are being saved... like it is a daily process... it is happening as we go... that was really big for me.. because I keep thinking that messing up is such a horrible thing... but if is is me becoming saved.. then it is almost expected... even by me...

 

funny to me, funny strange I mean.. that the thing that saves so many of us.. will also be what is used to condemn so many others... thank God I believe!!

Titus 2: As for you, Titus, promote the kind of living that reflects wholesome teaching. ² Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.

³ Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. ⁴ These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, ⁵ to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

⁶ In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. ⁷ And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. ⁸ Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us.

 

when I was reading this.. I was thinking about the people I have grown up knowing in the church.... and I read what a 'grown' person SHOULD be.. compared to remembering what a grown person often is... and also myself... surely through my kids' young days I was not at all the woman that paul is describing here... I was good for talking about others.. I was a drinker... clearly I did not love the husband I had at the time.. LOL!! I was not wise and pure although at the time I am sure I imagined I was... I remember looking at certain women and how hateful they were or even still are... 

 

and it is easy to say this is the state of the 'church'... but that is really not true... while these may be people who are sometimes active in the church.. this is an individual battle... we cannot put the 'stereotype' of the church being these people... and again I say that I was like that too... until Jesus truly came into my heart and changed the way that I think... and I am sure that I still battle it in some areas as none of us have arrived yet...

 

I guess the thing I am really realizing is.. while I was so quick to look at others and their issues... I see that my own issues were not much different... we are so prone to seeing other people.. but never really looking at ourselves.. I think if we could put as much time into seeing who and what we really are.. and what God would like to be better within us.. we surely would not have time to be looking at or talking about anyone else.....