Luke 1: 45 "You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said.”

I looked at this verse a few days ago and was saddened and encouraged both at the same time.. 

it is HARD.. to stand on a promise from God for YEARS.. when you can't see anything that looks like what He said... 

I am saddened that so many days I feel like I must have heard my own thoughts in my head and not God's voice.. even though this is nothing I would choose.. maybe I don't know my own thoughts is what I think sometimes.. 

I am encouraged.. because God never lets me completely give up or forget what He said to me.. what He said my purpose in this life is... I am so thankful that He doesn't give up on me.. even on the days I give up on what He said.. 

I read a devotional today about a woman thinking to connect with God and receive His promises it is not about what we do every day FOR God or thinking we are doing for Him.. it is about seeing Him in our every day lives.. and communicating and connecting with Him in that.. 

so many times we think it is the work that we do that connects us to God.. our service.. it isn't.. we serve because we love Him and want to give back to Him what He has given us.. 

I thank God for the purpose He has given me for my life.. even tho I feel like I am getting awfully old to make a difference now.. but more than that.. I thank Him for being here for me.. for loving me.. for being my everything... 

Laying in this bed thinking how truly happy I am. 

I remember being a teenager and feeling so alone. Thinking no one loves me. I remember being a wife and feeling so alone. Thinking no one loves me. 

Now I am alone but I don't feel alone. Gods love is everything. I have peace. I am truly happy in my life. Truly grateful for all he has given me. 

Psalms 144 1 Praise the Lord, who is my rock. He trains my hands for war and gives my fingers skill for battle.2 He is my loving ally and my fortress, my tower of safety, my rescuer. He is my shield, and I take refuge in him. He makes the nations submit to me.

 3 O Lord, what are human beings that you should notice them, mere mortals that you should think about them? 4 For they are like a breath of air; their days are like a passing shadow. 

5 Open the heavens, Lord, and come down. Touch the mountains so they billow smoke. 6 Hurl your lightning bolts and scatter your enemies! Shoot your arrows and confuse them! 7 Reach down from heaven and rescue me; rescue me from deep waters, from the power of my enemies. 8 Their mouths are full of lies; they swear to tell the truth, but they lie instead. 

9 I will sing a new song to you, O God! I will sing your praises with a ten-stringed harp. 10 For you grant victory to kings! You rescued your servant David from the fatal sword.

I read this psalm last night and the commentary said that biblical kings were warriors.. that a physical battle was a form of worship.. you were trusting God to defeat the enemy for you.. even though the king and the army were the ones fighting.. 

to relate this to ourselves.. we are daily in a spiritual battle.. do we worship God while we are in this battle? or do we whine and complain about how tired we are and we want it to be over? are we trusting God to fight with us and for us? or are we doing all of this in our own might and getting nowhere?

are we becoming closer to God while in battle? or are we becoming more distant?

turn your focus off the fight.. off whatever you feel is weighing down on you.. put that focus on God.. on how He has carried you through time after time.. begin right now to trust Him and know He will bring you out of this fight too.. and we will be victorious.. in Jesus name.. 

I am thinking about some things today... 

I wonder why so many women that are waiting on God are still alone.. doesn't the bible tell us that it isn't good for us to be alone? so I wonder why God would leave us alone so long sometimes.. and we don't want to go out and choose someone on our own because that is surely going to be a disaster... 

I wonder if in biblical times there were alot of unmarried women also.. we don't hear anything about that because in that time women were first of all property.. but also men didn't want daughters.. they wanted men.. male heirs.. well I'm sorry to let them know that in order to continue to have male heirs through generations you also have to have daughters for that to happen... 

women were put in arranged marriages at young ages.. what we would today feel is statutory rape.. and they stayed in these marriages all of their lives regardless of the situation.. do we walk away from marriage to easily today?

is one of the issues the fact that so many women believe they were called to ministry? so they are out here leading rather than submitting? 

is our lack of submission one of our real issues in why we can't be in relationships? we are always thinking of what we won't deal with.. what we aren't putting up with.. and we sit here alone and wonder why... 

now don't get me wrong.. I don't think we are to stay in an abusive relationship.. but we leave for everything today.. do we even know what we are supposed to be looking for in a man? are we actually looking for man traits in a man? or are we maybe expecting a man to act more like a woman? be emotional and supportive... 

are we our own worst enemy............... 

Jeremiah 29: 10 This is what the Lord says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14 I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

I wrote a post about this a few years ago.. we always look at the good part of this scripture.. where God says he has a hope and a future for us.. and good plans.. but we overlook the fact that we have to be in the land of the enemy for 70 years... 

just now it occurs to me.. the bible also says that the span of a 'man's' life (or woman's) is 70 years... babylon signifies the enemy.. so possibly God is saying to us.. we will live in the earth 70 years.. in the land of the enemy.. with the enemy reigning.. and if we are faithful to God through this time he will restore us to him.. maybe he is talking about heaven.. talking about at the end of our lives we will no longer have to deal with the enemy and we will return to our own land.. his land.. which would be heaven... 

now I can tell you I don't like to hear that.. I want everything to be great here on earth... I want the enemy to be defeated here on earth.. while I am still in what we call the land of the living... 

also in the chapter he states: 8 This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let your prophets and fortune-tellers who are with you in the land of Babylon trick you. Do not listen to their dreams, 9 because they are telling you lies in my name. I have not sent them,” says the Lord.

I don't agree with every man (or woman) that says he is from God.. I don't think everyone that said they are called was actually called.. but I do know that we are easily deceived.. I have found in my own lifetime I have been deceived on major issues at least twice.. idk what the answers to deception are.. 

in the bible in Genesis it states that eve was deceived but adam sinned knowingly.. I have never understood this part.. what I mean by this is that I too have sinned knowingly sometimes.. but idk what makes women become deceived and led wrong.. idk how we are to know what is from God and what is deception other than to wait it out and see what God does about it.. because if it was actually God.. then HE will bring it to pass.. nothing we do.. 

these are some of the questions I have when I make it into heaven.. if we are allowed to ask them.. 

Proverbs 10: 12 Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses.

recently someone offended me.. truthfully this person has offended me repeatedly for many years now and this particular offense just was the last one I was willing to deal with... 

this morning as I was praying and asking God to fill me with his love I feel him saying to me.. what good is it for me to fill you with my love if you are going to harden your heart against people? 

I think about this and he is right.. I have hardened my heart towards this person... 

I decide this morning that I will open my heart to love.. that I will be soft hearted and caring about all other people regardless of their actions.. 

I trust that God will be the one to show this person how prideful and unpleasant they are to others.. and I don't need to worry about this.. God will deal with all offenses in his time.. I just need to trust him.. 

I don't often write personal things on here anymore.. but today is an exception.. you see a few days ago my mother died... 

when I was very young my mother was the greatest person in the world to me.. truly I would not be who I am if not for her.. her relationship with God caused me to have a relationship with God.. and a very strong one... 

when I chose a man from another race.. she shut me out.. I could no longer come to family functions because it was too uncomfortable for the rest of the family.. because of the racial slur they put on me... she did not hold my family together when that happened.. instead she allowed the break... and slowly over years much of the family fell apart.. not just me... other family members no longer speak to one another over other issues.. 

we all have a choice in life about how we see things and what they do to us.. 

I choose to look at the wonderful woman my mother was while I was young and the great influence she was on me in my lifetime.. I sing songs to Isabella that she sang to me when I was just a baby... I sang them to my own kids.. these are all strong and positive memories.. 

I also choose to be someone who holds my family together rather than allowing it to fall apart if trouble arises... this is also something I learned from her.. but from a negative experience I choose to turn into a positive outcome... 

Rest With God Katheryn Fry.. I will always love you as the woman you were to me when I was young.. and I am very thankful for you making me the woman and the mother that I am because of you.. you were given to me by God intentionally for me to make my world a better place and I thank Him for giving you to me.. be at peace.. 

I read a devotional yesterday about people not finishing.. 

it suggested that often we start the race and intend to do all God called us to do.. but we get so tired.. this is not an easy task.. to remain in God's will.. to remain steadfast when you can't see.. to remain faithful when you hear nothing... see nothing.. feel nothing... 

if we read Job.. I wonder how on earth he stayed so focused on God despite God not speaking... despite friends telling him he had somehow brought this all on himself.. despite his wife being negative and miserable.. 

sometimes I fear I will not finish.. I fear I may not fulfill the call God has for me.. I may just give up and go back to living day to day doing nothing for the kingdom of God... not because I don't want to be all that He wants me to be.. really I do.. it is more about feeling like I just don't have what it takes to keep on keeping on... 

sighs... 

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

we are always looking for God's will for us.. here is a clear piece of it that we rarely even notice... 

God wants us to be joyful... how many people do we know walking through life completely miserable ? this is not God's will.. the scripture states God wants us to be joyful.. we can walk through difficult life's circumstances without being miserable.. it is a mindset... sure we will be sad occassionally.. but that does not have to be a way of life.. that is a decision we are making.. or not making.. 

God wants us to never stop praying... how often do we stop praying about something because we can't see any change? probably more often than we would like to admit.. I know myself sometimes I feel God doesn't even hear me.. so why bother to continue.. God wants us to stick it out.. continue to pray until the breakthrough comes in one direction or the other.. 

God wants us to be thankful in all situations.. this is the issue with the joyful.. if we are not thankful in spite of situations it makes it hard to be joyful... joy comes from within.. thankful comes from within.. both sides are a decision we make in how we look at our lives.. we can be thankful just to be alive and know God has better for us one day... we can be thankful to no longer be in a situation we were in before.. we can be thankful that our sin did not condemn us to death but God continued to love us and save us for eternity.... 

these are a piece of God's will for our lives...

proverbs 11: 12 It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet. 13 A gossip goes around telling secrets,  but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.

at night I have an app that reads the bible to me.. this was read to me last night.. 

it got me thinking.. I have someone in my life right now that never talks down about anyone.. he is amazing to me... I have never known someone who didn't say bad things about anyone.. he is teaching me to do better in this area.. I am sure it is hard work for him... the bible says that it is sensible to keep quiet.. yet how often are we quiet? seems we often talk just to fill the silence.. for no good purpose.. I desire to truly down in my heart accept that it is good to just be quiet.. 

in the past I was a horrible gossip.. I had a circle of friends and I would talk to one after another telling them all the same stories.. ridiculous.. the men in my life hated this about me.. 

then over time I started having less girlfriends.. I find that now I am friendly with many people but keep confidence with very few.. and I am thankful for that change in my life.. I am now a trustworthy person.. this is very important to me now.. 

we don't really read the bible.. if we did we would be convicted every single time we open it.. proverbs is so down to earth.. totally talking about our day to day life and how we should and should not act.. yet we rarely even open God's word for anything other than us wanting Him to do something for us.. we are always looking for promises but not for conviction.. I thank God for conviction today to make me a better person.. 

Ephesians 5: 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I look at this and wonder why the husband is to love the wife and the wife to respect the husband... why wouldn't we both love one another?

yesterday I was talking to someone and I realized I respect them.. I think highly of them.. I think women too often don't respect men.. we love them.. but not respect them.. then we tend to mother them and baby them and don't allow them to be the leader they are called to be in the home.. 

we love a man but don't think highly of him.. don't honor him or treat him with respect.. I know in the past I have been so guilty of this.. 

because I was in an abusive relationship I tended to fear men without even realizing I was doing this.. that made me appear argumentative and aggressive... when you respect someone you are able to trust their judgement over what you think is right.. you can allow them to make a decision because you know their heart is right.. even when they make mistakes.. 

we need to learn what respect is and learn how to respect others.. this is surely a downfall in our world today... definitely has been a downfall in my own relationships.. 

1 John 3: 16 We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.

I have been thinking about this for 2 days now.. 

in this day.. people are so self motivated... we are constantly protecting ourselves.. we don't feel the need to be anyone's help.. we don't feel we 'owe' anyone anything.. I saw someone who is a minister and considered a life coach yesterday state that not everyone that has a need is your assignment... I am wondering what biblical principle or scripture such a thought would be grounded in.. 

the bible I read says that Jesus was a servant to all.. that is what he wanted the disciples to be.. what he wants us to be.. the only time he said it was okay to walk away from someone is when they were not receptive to the word of God.. 

when are we going to be willing to die to self and walk our lives out completely for God? when are we going to stop worrying about what we feel and want and think and instead walk for the furthering of God's kingdom rather than our own?

now don't imagine I think this is easy.. I am very much in a battle with self and my own desires.. but because of my love for Christ I try to continue to do what I believe is his will over my own.. 

this is a daily battle.. a daily commitment to God.. not self.. 

I am concerned about those who are always trying to do what is easy and comfortable.. that does not sound like Jesus to me.. 

2 Corinthians 5: 14-15 Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.

I read this and I am saddened... 

I really want to do God's will.. 

but some days the desire for what I want seems so overwhelming.... 

Christ died so that I am not a slave to my desires.. so why do they seem to be screaming out to me sometimes??

why isn't it easier to just live God's will and be dead to what I really want for myself?

I don't know the answers to any of this... these are just my feelings... while I may not be outwardly doing the things that I want to do.. I still want to.. strongly... I wonder as I lie awake in my bed why God doesn't intervene and give me part of what I want so that I can live without the rest of what I want... I don't know the answer to that either.. 

what I do know is that I wake each morning and ask God to keep me on His path for my life.. to protect me and help me to do His will.. and to overcome the desires that seem to eat me alive.. 

that is the best I can do for right now.. 

in the devotional charles goodman has us reading.. it is talking about the walk to the cross for Jesus and as you read it.. you just realize everything we are so concerned about is just sides.. the important part is our walk with him... he gave up everything for us... 

I think about peter and his fall... I think about the people who were on the sidelines shouting for Jesus to be crucified.. idk how they could do that.. 

while compassion is not my strength.. I also can't stand to see someone or something hurt and in pain... 

I realize.. I may have fallen like peter did.. I may have denied him if I felt my life was in danger over it.. but I am very sure that I would not have been part of the crowd shouting crucify him... I could not see his pain and not feel compassion at that moment... 

I think about judas and how this all played out.. I don't imagine he thought this would be the end.. I think he was stupid and greedy and thinking of the 30 pieces of silver but not imagining that he was the one that actually started the motion of sending Jesus to the cross and death.. I think he thought Jesus would be beat and let go or something more like that... surely not death... 

the bible says about judas that satan entered him and that is when he made the deal with the church leaders... how many times has satan entered us and caused us to do things that hurt others... 

I am very reflective of the price Jesus paid for me to have life this morning.. 

Romans 15: 13 I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I can remember a time when I felt truly hopeless.. that is a terrible state to be in.. I had no hope for anything in my life.. I was negative and truly miserable.. 

as I committed to reading the word of God over time my attitude changed and my negative thoughts were replaced with hope.. 

now for me.. hope doesn't always think that what you want to happen will happen.. sometimes hope just thinks that this is not going to kill me and I am going to make it through this... 

I can say that I am happier now than I have ever been in my life.. I am not negative.. now I don't know what will happen in some situations in my life.. I have had what I thought were promises from God that still have not come to pass.. which I don't know if I was mistaken or if they just haven't happened yet... what I do know is that God has been very good to me.. and my life is good.. great even.. and I am truly thankful.. 

I know that all I have.. all that I am.. all that will ever be.. has come from God.. 

James 4: 7 So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

I was teaching a class last night and in the conversation it comes up that I have been celibate since 2006... and this person tells me that is great.. ummm no ma'am.. I am not celibate by choice.. I am celibate because of God telling me I am to be holy, righteous and pure.. that is just a sin that I avoid.. it doesn't mean I don't sin... it really means now my sins are the worst kind.. the ones down inside where other people can't see them.. the ones in my thoughts and words... 

I think we act like we do these outward sins as if we don't have the ability to stop them.. I remain celibate by not being alone with a man.. if I were alone with a man that I am attracted to.. surely I would fall... 

I feel like we pick and choose what sins matter and what ones don't.. they are all the same to God.. He doesn't give us levels of what sin is worse.. and I mean truly.. if anything I think the worst sins would be the ones that affect more people.. if you are doing something that causes other people to fall in their walk with Christ.. that would be a worse sin than one no one else even knew about.. (that is not bible.. that is my opinion)

the goal is to walk blameless before the Lord.. to walk worthy of the call He has put upon your life.. 

this long celibacy is not some badge of honor.. it is a heavy cross.. and every single day I wish it was over with.. so don't think I am wonderful and sinfree.. surely I am not... the enemy just has to come at me in a different manner.. 

John 18: 8 “I told you that I am he,” Jesus said. “And since I am the one you want, let these others go.” 9 He did this to fulfill his own statement: “I did not lose a single one of those you have given me.”

10 Then Simon Peter drew a sword and slashed off the right ear of Malchus, the high priest’s slave. 11 But Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword back into its sheath. Shall I not drink from the cup of suffering the Father has given me?”

​Jesus did not lose a single one of those the Father had given him.. how often are we worried about being 'lost' by Jesus? that he won't protect us.. care for us... sadly we often think like that.. but God has not failed us regardless of what we have gone through so we are still being protected.. possibly not like we want to be.. but definitely protected.. 

Jesus asks Peter.. shouldn't he drink from the cup of suffering that God had given him.. how often do we try to avoid any type of suffering we can.. we try to determine that everything that happened that don't want or didn't like came from the enemy.. well I am thinking much of it came from the Father.. to change us.. to make us better people... to take focus off ourselves and onto helping someone else... if things are always good all we see is self... we don't think about someone else's need. but if we suffer.. then we are more compassionate for someone else's pain and more willing to help them.. to suffer with them.. 

I admit.. I hate to suffer.. but sometimes it will make you better if you refuse to be bitter.. 

thank you Father for changing me.. even when you use suffering to get me there.. ​

John 13: 33 Dear children, I will be with you only a little longer. And as I told the Jewish leaders, you will search for me, but you can’t come where I am going. 34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

Jesus is dying soon.. he wants people to continue to be able to see him in the disciples.. wants them to continue as he has taught them and what he wants most is that they love others.. and through loving others that is how people will know they belong to him.. 

look at ourselves right now.. would people be able to say we are truly loving others? look first at the world view.. would most people who see you only in passing or at church consider you a loving person? are you friendly.. do you talk to others in love... 

then look at those who you deal with closely every day.. do you talk loving to them or are you often short and rude.. even though you don't mean it.. these are the ones that truly should believe that you respond in love in all situations... but do they?

if Jesus felt this was the most important commandment he would give the disciples.. this is the one thing that separates them from everyone else.. shouldn't we be more serious about this? what does it say to the world if we are celibate and don't drink and don't lie but we are mean with our words.. don't we learn as we mature in Christ that the outside things.. the physical things are easily given up in respect to the internal issues.. kindness.. how often are you kind to those you see every day... 

change me Lord from the inside out.. let people see your heart within me.. not my own.. amen.. 

John 13: 21 Now Jesus was deeply troubled, and he exclaimed, “I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me!” 22 The disciples looked at each other, wondering whom he could mean.23 The disciple Jesus loved was sitting next to Jesus at the table. 24 Simon Peter motioned to him to ask, “Who’s he talking about?” 25 So that disciple leaned over to Jesus and asked, “Lord, who is it?” 26 Jesus responded, “It is the one to whom I give the bread I dip in the bowl.” And when he had dipped it, he gave it to Judas, son of Simon Iscariot. 

27 When Judas had eaten the bread, Satan entered into him. Then Jesus told him, “Hurry and do what you’re going to do.” 28 None of the others at the table knew what Jesus meant. 29 Since Judas was their treasurer, some thought Jesus was telling him to go and pay for the food or to give some money to the poor. 30 So Judas left at once, going out into the night.

when I just read this.. I was thinking.. I wonder if they were whispering among each other.. Jesus and Peter and John.. LOL! that struck me as funny.... 

isn't it horrific.. that we would need to ask Him if we would be the one that will betray Him.. sadly.. we betray God all the time.. not intentionally I don't think but we are so focused on ourselves.. on our own happiness.. that we betray Him and what He actually wants from us for what we want for ourselves.. 

help me focus on You Lord and be pleasing to you at all times.. not only with my actions.. but with my thoughts.. amen..

John 12: 37 But despite all the miraculous signs Jesus had done, most of the people still did not believe in him. 38 This is exactly what Isaiah the prophet had predicted: “Lord, who has believed our message? To whom has the Lord revealed his powerful arm?” 39 But the people couldn’t believe, for as Isaiah also said, 40 “The Lord has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts—so that their eyes cannot see, and their hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to me and have me heal them.”

41 Isaiah was referring to Jesus when he said this, because he saw the future and spoke of the Messiah’s glory. 42 Many people did believe in him, however, including some of the Jewish leaders. But they wouldn’t admit it for fear that the Pharisees would expel them from the synagogue. 43 For they loved human praise more than the praise of God.

​I have to admit... sometimes I battle to believe.. not who Jesus is.. not that God exists.. I doubt promises.. they take too long in coming.. I doubt the plans God has to always be for my good.. I doubt some days that God even sees me or hears my prayers... 

seems like when I was of the world God was right beside me.. even when he didn't like where I was going.. I heard him so clearly.. felt when I was wrong.. now I live more like God would want and I hear nothing.. I see nothing.. I stand here battling if God even knows me now... 

is it because I don't 'need' him now like I did when I was constantly putting myself in one crisis after another? well trust me when I tell you.. I still need him every single day.. every minute... to steer me in the right direction.. away from what looks good to me.. 

has God hardened my heart? idk.. I pray not.. 

do I love the praise of people too much.. I am sure that is the truth... I struggle with that regularly... I read recently we are to take all the good things people say about us 

​

​and accept them like a flower and then in our prayers give all the flowers to God in thanks for all he has enabled us to do and be.. I thought that was an awesome way of looking at praise and not becoming too prideful.. 

lead me Father.. every day.. even when I don't know you are still there.. ​

1 corinthians 13: 4-5 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

I look at these verses sometimes.. and some days I think I can attain that goal.. and other days.. not so much... I am a jealous person.. I don't like people to touch what is mine.. I don't like people to touch even what I want to be mine... 

I remember in the past I would think well I am a great person so if they mess around and lose me it would be their loss... but that is a stupid mentality... truly.. when someone is hurt by someone else.. usually everyone involved is hurt.. 

what is it that makes me jealous? I would guess it is the truth of insecurity.. in my own case usually insecurity hidden by the look of confidence... 

why do I demand my own way?.. well idk.. I think this one could be selfishness.. and imagining I am always right... 

I definitely can be irritable.. usually leading back to not getting my own way.. 

and I would love to be able to say that I keep no record of being wronged.. but that would be a lie... 

how do you really keep no record of being wronged? I mean even if you forgive someone.. don't you still fear that hurt will come back around again? how do we get rid of that?

I think the only way that we can ever really love someone is through Christ.. His love is pure and real.. even when mine is not.. Father continue to change me into someone who loves others as You do.. unconditionally.. forgetting all wrongs.. trusting.. and allowing others to be themselves and me being happy about it... 

matthew: 5: 43-45 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

when was the last time you prayed for someone that treats you badly... 

I admit it is easier to love someone who loves you back.. it is very hard to be kind to someone who treats you badly.. lies about you.. 

we have a woman at church who truly just hates me.. she is an old woman.. many people don't like her.. she is rude and hateful.. and she talks badly about me.. and I strive to speak and say hello to her with a smile every time I see her.. just because I am thinking there is something wrong that makes her so terrible.. 

now we have another old woman.. she used to be very close to me.. invited me to her house for dinner on holidays.. all in one day she decided she didn't like her husband to hug me.. (insert serious look of confusion) now we are talking about an old man.. easily 75 or more.. do you really think I am looking at your man?? come on now.. clearly you have been infiltrated by the enemy in your mind if that is your thought... anyways.. now she treats me badly.. and I find it very hard to pray for her.. to be nice to her.. even to speak to her.. because she turned on me all at once over nothing.. and it hurt my feelings.. I am nothing if I am not loyal.. sheesh.. even if your man was young I wouldn't look at him.. 

why is it we can pray for someone who is all out hateful.. but not someone who has turned on us or hurt us.... 

change me Lord.. help me to see people through your eyes.. and pray for them with your heart.. love them with your heart.. amen.. 

exodus 20 : 18-21 18 When the people heard the thunder and the loud blast of the ram’s horn, and when they saw the flashes of lightning and the smoke billowing from the mountain, they stood at a distance, trembling with fear. 19 And they said to Moses, “You speak to us, and we will listen. But don’t let God speak directly to us, or we will die!” 20 “Don’t be afraid,” Moses answered them, “for God has come in this way to test you, and so that your fear of him will keep you from sinning!” 21 As the people stood in the distance, Moses approached the dark cloud where God was.

some days you have a moment with God when you see just how great He is.. just how powerful.. just how scary... LOL and usually when that happens your life changes.. 

but sadly for us as humans.. we remember things from the past.. things that felt good.. smelled good.. looked good.. and then we forget just how scary and powerful and amazing God was.. 

I think that is probably how we fall into sin... sadly.. 

wouldn't it be amazing if we could daily remember the greatness of God.. so much so that we continue to do right for all of our lives.. 

the bible makes us to believe that God wants to give us all good things.. just not always in our time.. and I have to say that sometimes that is hard to live through.. sometimes I just want to have what I want to have and I think God needs to work with me sometimes.. 

Dear Jesus: please help me remember who you are so I can remember why I follow you and stay away from sinful things that are not for me for right now.. amen.. 

exodus 13: 11 “This is what you must do when the Lord fulfills the promise he swore to you and to your ancestors. When he gives you the land where the Canaanites now live, 12 you must present all firstborn sons and firstborn male animals to theLord, for they belong to him. 13 A firstborn donkey may be bought back from the Lord by presenting a lamb or young goat in its place. But if you do not buy it back, you must break its neck. However, you must buy back every firstborn son.

14 “And in the future, your children will ask you, ‘What does all this mean?’ Then you will tell them, ‘With the power of his mighty hand, the Lord brought us out of Egypt, the place of our slavery. 15 Pharaoh stubbornly refused to let us go, so the Lord killed all the firstborn males throughout the land of Egypt, both people and animals. That is why I now sacrifice all the firstborn males to the Lord—except that the firstborn sons are always bought back.’ 16 This ceremony will be like a mark branded on your hand or your forehead. It is a reminder that the power of the Lord’s mighty hand brought us out of Egypt.”

​I read this and wonder.. how do you buy back a son from God??

I wonder what God really meant when he said that...... ​

so I look it up.. and apparently when God called the levites His.. He stopped saying that all firstborn males are His... I don't remember ever seeing that.. I wonder if that would also be now.. like the first born male of a preacher would belong to God... that is some kind of interesting.. (numbers 3: 11-12)

I think God chooses who He chooses.. but I would also think that in some form He is still going with the original laws He made.. meaning that the law of the firstborn still exists.. just not the same way we would see it in our mind..