2 Samuel 7

8 “Now then, tell my servant David, ‘This is what the LORD Almighty says: I took you from the pasture, from tending the flock, and appointed you ruler over my people Israel. 9 I have been with you wherever you have gone, and I have cut off all your enemies from before you. Now I will make your name great, like the names of the greatest men on earth. 10 And I will provide a place for my people Israel and will plant them so that they can have a home of their own and no longer be disturbed. Wicked people will not oppress them anymore, as they did at the beginning 11 and have done ever since the time I appointed leaders over my people Israel. I will also give you rest from all your enemies.

“‘The LORD declares to you that the LORD himself will establish a house for you: 12 When your days are over and you rest with your ancestors, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, your own flesh and blood, and I will establish his kingdom. 13 He is the one who will build a house for my Name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever. 14 I will be his father, and he will be my son. When he does wrong, I will punish him with a rod wielded by men, with floggings inflicted by human hands. 15 But my love will never be taken away from him, as I took it away from Saul, whom I removed from before you. 16 Your house and your kingdom will endure forever before me; your throne will be established forever.’”

Isaiah 43

But now O Israel, the Lord who created you says "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name and you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt, Ethiopia, and Seba as a ransom for your freedom. Others died that you might live. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I will gather you and your children from east and west and north and south. I will bring my sons and daughters back to Israel from the distant corners of the earth. All who claim me as their God will come, for I have made them for my glory. It was I who created them."
"But you are my witnesses, O Israel!" says the Lord. "And you are my servant. You have been chosen to know me, believe in me, and understand that I alone am God. There is no other God; there never has been and never will be. I am the Lord, and there is no other Savior. First I predicted your deliverance; I declared what I would do, and then I did it--I saved you. No foreign god has ever done this before. You are witnesses that I am the only God," says the Lord. "From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can oppose what I do. No one can reverse my actions."

endurance...

Romans 15: 4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. 5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, 6 so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

I was looking for the scripture.. the race is not given to the swift or the proud but to the one that endures to the end... but I couldn't find it... (annoying..)

today... I feel like the things I see in my Spirit cannot be right... they cannot be what God is saying... I am too old.. I am not pretty enough.. I am not the right skin color... I am not the right personality.. I am too loud... I do not come across right to people...

and as I am feeling this... I hear that scripture in my head.. the race is not given to the swift or the proud but to the one that endures to the end... see.. me and God don't always see everything eye to eye... I don't always agree with the way He wants to do things... this waiting is ridiculous to me.. even though I have seen great change in me during the time I have been waiting... changes that NEEDED to occur... I seem to be an action person... it seems I am the type of person that thinks everything is right now... that is one of the reasons it is hard to have the gift of seeing things others cannot.. I always think it is right now... then sometimes I don't seem like I was right... (I wasn't right or wrong to begin with as visions come from God alone...)

so I think in my head... "look God.. you know I am not turning from my faith.. I am not going anywhere.. I can still be who I am... but why can't I just forget this vision you gave... and if you want it to happen then go ahead and make it happen without me doing anything or waiting on it..." and I see Abraham and Sarah... old as dirt... waiting on a child... and I am sure they had days that they felt they must have heard wrong... yet they obviously kept waiting.. as Isaac really did come to pass... or Noah.. who had never even seen rain fall.. yet continued to build that huge boat.. despite the people ridiculing him... and then eventually the rain fell.. and the boat was all that saved his family...

I don't know that I am the person God thinks I am... I don't know that I have the amount of endurance it takes to continue to believe in the future God has shown me... but I know that today is not the day that I will quit.. so maybe if everyday.. I give just one more day... then maybe I will make it to the end...

unnecessary words...

1 Peter 2: 1 So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech. 11 Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. 12 Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world. 1 Peter 3: 10 For the Scriptures say,“If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. 11 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. 12 The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil.”

recently... someone came and told me something about some other people.. that had nothing to do with me... and I thought in my mind... sheesh... I do not need to hear these things... when I hear things.. even if they are untrue.. then it plants a seed of wondering... and soon you are pretty sure that this is going on... even if it never really was...

I realized recently that I rarely hear anything about anyone anymore.. I think is because I have said that it's none of my business and I don't care to know what people think might be going on with someone else..

the scriptures talk to us repeatedly about gossip and malice and deceit... yet as the body of Christ we continue to do it... and what possible good is it causing? can we change anything? or are we just out here talking and spreading it? if we reap what we sow... and all we sow is lies and dischord.. then what do we expect to reap?

Father in the precious name of Jesus.. I pray for unity and peace in the body of Christ... I pray that anyone who is sowing dischord will be convicted of it.. and they will repent and turn from this sin.. I pray that we will all be encouragers.. lifting one another.. and no longer be liars and backstabbers and gossips... amen.amen.amen.

Joseph accepts Jesus and Mary as his own...

18 This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. 19 Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

22 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23 “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”).

24 When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25 But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

I do not imagine it was easy for Joseph to believe Mary had not cheated on him and slept with another man... this is the only recorded birth EVER without the aid of a man... so can you imagine the amount of faith it took to take her home and marry her despite his confusion and doubt.. even disbelief...

and yes... an angel appeared to him in a dream.. and told him that she was telling the truth... even so... I would have been hard pressed to believe the dream if it were me...

we have all had supernatural experiences with God or angels.. and we believe His words for a short time then become doubtful again... but Joseph got up despite his doubt and married her... and took her home.. and became a father to a son that was not his...

this is a true man of God... a man truly led by the Spirit of the Living God... he was willing to withstand the words of the community and the families... all the ridicule and humiliation... and trust in what God has said to him... he is surely a credit to men everywhere... a shining example of a godly man...

psalms 20

In times of trouble, may the Lord respond to your cry. May the God of Israel keep you safe from all harm. May He send you help from His sanctuary and strengthen you from Jeruselum. May He remember all your gifts and look favorably on your burnt offerings.

May He grant your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans. May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory, flying banners to our God. May the Lord answer all your prayers.

Now I know that the Lord saves His annointed king. He will answer him from His holy heaven and rescue him by His great power. Some nations boast of their armies and their weapons, but we boast in the Lord our God. Those nations will fall down and collapse but we will rise up and stand firm.

Give victory to my king O Lord! Respond to our cry for help.

Jesus wept...

this is the shortest verse in the bible.. anyone can remember it.. anytime someone wants you to quote scripture this is the first verse that comes to mind... but today... I was reading the scripture John 10-11.. and it talks about how people would see things and believe because of the miracles.. then shortly after they would be doubtful again...

so Jesus goes to see Lazarus after he is dead... and Martha is crying and that is when Jesus cried...

I don't think Jesus cried because he was sad about Lazarus.. he knew he was going to raise him back up... I think he was crying because of the unbelief of even those closest to him...

and look at us... how often do we grieve the Lord by our unbelief? we believe for a minute... right after something happens or we get a word.. then the world starts to close in and things don't look like we think they should.. and we doubt again...

I think we often cause the Lord to cry about our unbelief...

Father... I don't want to make you angry or to make you sad about my unbelief... strengthen my faith Lord so that I can be strong and trust you at ALL TIMES... in Jesus name... amen.amen.amen.

meditation...

the bible tells us to meditate on the word of God.. now I know scripture pretty well.. can quote or find most anything... if you give me a subject.. I can surely find some relevant scripture to give you... in a very short period of time...

but...

today.. a co-worker and I were talking and she was saying something about someone having financial struggles and their electric being turned off... now in the past.. everything I had on in my house was powered by electric.. so that would be unbearable... but now I am in a house... so I have gas and electric... and I sat here thinking about what all was ran by electric and how detrimental it would be to me... ends up that the refridgerator runs on electric... but also the blower that blows the gas heat is electric... so it would actually be a very big deal to me...

as I thought about all this... mulling it over in my mind... the Spirit says to me.. can you imagine if you would think this much about a scripture each day... how much more you would be able to receive from what you read if you just sat and thought about what it said or what it represents.. instead of reading it and being done thinking about it...

sheesh!! talk about a slap on the side of the head! that is SO the truth... I think I will do that daily... going through proverbs or psalms... just take a few verses and write them in the morning and think all day off and on about what they mean what God is telling me... this could be life changing I am thinking...

Ephesians 4: 23-32

Ephesians 4:23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. 25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. 26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil. 28 If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. 30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

you notice how when we judge people or talk about them... we talk about their actions.. the things they are doing that are wrong in our eyes.. yet which one of us has pure actions at all times.... but the scripture is talking about the inner man.. the heart... the things that we don't necessarily do out loud.. instead they are in our hearts and our minds and our thoughts... that is what defiles us moreso than actions... if we could clean up our minds... we would come a long way in showing love to the world and looking more like God... looking less like us...

change our hearts o Lord... give us a clean heart... purify us... circumcise our hearts so that we are able to stand before you... change us from the inside Father... the things that no one else is able to see... the things that are grieving you...

Psalms 56

10 I praise God for what he has promised;
Yes, I praise the Lord for what he has promised.
11 I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?
What can mere mortals do to me?

12 I will fulfill my vows to you, O God,
and will offer a sacrifice of thanks for your help.
13 For you have rescued me from death;
you have kept my feet from slipping.
So now I can walk in your presence, O God,
in your life-giving light.

joy

Psalms 19: 7 The instructions of the Lord are perfect,reviving the soul.The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. 8 The commandments of the Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight for living. 9 Reverence for the Lord is pure, lasting forever.

how often do we mistake happiness for joy? I think it is done very often...

happiness is centered on emotions.. it is a feeling... generally.. when we get our way.. we are happy... and when we do not.. we are sad or angry...

but joy is entirely different... joy is a thing you have despite the circumstances.. you can be going through trying circumstances.. yet you have stability of emotion through God's love for you...

this thanksgiving at a service.. the preacher stood up and talked about people we don't like... and how often we allow them to take our joy from us.. how often we will allow our own peace.. happiness.. patience.. joy... to be upset by someone else just being in our presence...

I am thankful that God is my center... my attitude.. my mood... these things are not determined by what others around me do or say... God is my base.. and I can stand strongly upon Him... secure in His love.. regardless of the circumstance... and keep my joy... even when I am not happy...

peace...

Philippians 4: 2 Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. 3 And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. They worked along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are written in the Book of Life. 4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! 5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. 6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

we need to learn to live in peace with one another.. we argue.. we judge... for what? who is it we think we are to determine what others are to do or not to do... yet we get angry about their decisions.. it seems to me.. especially when it has nothing to do with you... that we really need to get over ourselves..

in the scripture we are taught that God gives us peace.. we take our own peace by constantly worrying about someone else...

let us lay down all strife.. all this dissension... let us all pick up peace.. live our own lives.. stop worrying about someone else's life... live in peace and in unity.. in love.. as God has directed us.. in Jesus name.. Father teach us to live in peace and unity and love as this is Your will.. amen.amen.amen.

the price of a life...

what is our life really worth? biblically.. your only value is the glory you bring to God through the life that you lead... as we believe the bible is truth.. I would say that many of us fall short of any value or worth whatsoever...

somehow we are taught how 'worthy' we are... that we are equal to everyone else.. that no one can do better than us if we put our full self into something... yet I find this to be false... all along I believed I was a princess.. a queen.. and many of us have this faulty view.. this is what we are taught by the world.. yet biblically... we are servants.. we are slaves... we are bondsmen...

pride is one of the biggest sins we act out in daily without even realizing it.. we just know how worthy we are of receiving God's blessings... we are righteous.. doesn't He owe us? shouldn't we have the best of everything?

I believe the closer we come to Christ... the more we die to self.. the more valuable we become.. the difference is.. then we cannot see it... all we can see is how much was given to purchase our salvation... so instead of being puffed up.. we are humbled..

we cannot even accept the reality of Christ dying for us... we don't know what it is like to be slaves... we know only of blessing... do you realize... that many people in history were made slaves because of debt they owed... if this were still the case... I would surely be up under the jail... for past debt that was never paid... yet Christ died so that we might go free... but it wasn't about physically being free.. even in the exodus from egypt.. God didn't free them because they were slaves and they were persecuted... He freed them so that they would be able to worship Him... complete freedom from the egyptians only came because Pharoah acted as though God was not powerful enough to free them.. so He then showed Pharoah His true power and might...

are you free? have you accepted Christ? have you realized that only in being a servant of the Most High God do we have life at all.. otherwise we are dead in our sin... I pray for the salvation of each person that reads this... praying they will ask God to forgive them of sin and cleanse them from all unrighteousness... and they will be transformed by the renewing of their minds... in the name of Christ Jesus my Lord and Saviour I ask.. amen.amen.amen.

prayer...

if you search the bible... you find MANY scripture about the importance of prayer in our lives... as God has been molding me into this new creature in Christ.. one of the things He is really impressing upon me is the importance of prayer... and so in doing this... He leads me to pray for the church... I pray for the church I attend and am a member at... but He also leads me to pray for the churches of this world... that souls will be saved and lives will be transformed... and often on sunday mornings during the altar call you will find me at the altar in prayer.. not for myself... but for the people of God... that they will come to know God as their Father, their Husband, the Lover of their Soul, their Best Friend, their Savior... these are the roles that God desires to play in our lives... if we allow Him to be personal with us He will step up and be all that we need Him to be...

so this past sunday... as I walked around and spoke to people before the service started... a woman I have never seen before says to me... thank you for your prayers... and my first reaction was to tell her I did not pray for her... but I feel the Spirit say to me.. shhhhh... so I hug her and tell her she is welcome... and go to my seat and I ask God why would He want me to let her believe I pray for her and I don't know her? and He says... you pray for the church and for the community.. you pray for her... and I thought.. humpf... how about that...

so I challenge each of us.. to pray for your church and your community... for the people of God but also the people of the world... because it is through our prayers that God is changing hearts and saving lives... your prayers are important.. even when you think they are not...

James 5:15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. 17 Elijah was a human being, even as we are. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years.

this scripture just made me say... wow... this morning...

romans 4: 16This is why the fulfillment of God's promise depends entirely on trusting God and his way, and then simply embracing him and what he does. God's promise arrives as pure gift. That's the only way everyone can be sure to get in on it, those who keep the religious traditions and those who have never heard of them. For Abraham is father of us all. He is not our racial father—that's reading the story backward. He is our faith father.

17-18We call Abraham "father" not because he got God's attention by living like a saint, but because God made something out of Abraham when he was a nobody. Isn't that what we've always read in Scripture, God saying to Abraham, "I set you up as father of many peoples"? Abraham was first named "father" and then became a father because he dared to trust God to do what only God could do: raise the dead to life, with a word make something out of nothing. When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn't do but on what God said he would do. And so he was made father of a multitude of peoples. God himself said to him, "You're going to have a big family, Abraham!"

19-25Abraham didn't focus on his own impotence and say, "It's hopeless. This hundred-year-old body could never father a child." Nor did he survey Sarah's decades of infertility and give up. He didn't tiptoe around God's promise asking cautiously skeptical questions. He plunged into the promise and came up strong, ready for God, sure that God would make good on what he had said. That's why it is said, "Abraham was declared fit before God by trusting God to set him right." But it's not just Abraham; it's also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless. The sacrificed Jesus made us fit for God, set us right with God.

giving God my all...

you know... I give God my mind and my heart and my body... to do whatever He wants to do in my life... but a few days ago... He asks me for my stomach... now that seemed really strange to me...

the background to this is... God wants me to give up sugar and white flour... I have a long standing love affair with biscuits and cookies... so I have not been able to give God what He wants... and He reveals to me that I am trying to do this in my own power... and I think... well of course I am.. this is not something spiritual... this is just what I'm eating...

well amazingly to me... God seems to think that even what I eat is His... if we go deeper into it... I guess this is one more thing that we try to keep control of... trying to hold on to some semblance of power... I don't think it is so much about what I am eating... as it is about giving it to God...

it is hard to recognize that every part of us... every little thing is God's.. not our own... and it is to Him to have control of it... and we don't like to give Him control of anything much less of everything... so this morning... as I wake.. and I am praying.. and giving God my life.. my mind.. my heart.. my body.. I also give Him my stomach... and even though I really don't understand it... it is about surrender..

so Lord continue to lead me... teach me to give You every part of me that I knowingly and unknowingly withhold... I ask you to control my entire life... I submit completely to You.. in Jesus name.. amen.amen.amen.

shaken... but still standing...

there are alot of things I don't understand... I don't understand God much of the time.. but this is something new for me.. when I was worldly... I understood Him much better... God's process of making us into whatever He wants us to be is confusing... everything is backwards... you have to give to receive.. you have to sow to reap... you have to die to live... none of those things make sense...

so I'm here today to tell God that I don't really understand any of what He is thinking... I can see the end result.. but I can't imagine how the way things are going is supposed to get me there...

I am supposed to stand strong while I am attacked on every side.. and I do mean every side... the promise for the future that God gave me looks unobtainable.. yet I am to continue to show love... (what possible sense does that make?? really... walking away is the smarter move... I promise you that...) my son has lost all sense of reality... my daughter is working 2 jobs one during the day and one at night and we can't seem to get her car fixed... so we are running around back and forth.. relying on others for rides much of the time... (I could just quit everything and go home after I'm done at work for the day... that would be so much easier...)

I refuse to say 'what else could go wrong' because in the midst of the drama... we have our health... we have a home... we have food.. we have clothing.. we are able to pay our bills...

but as far as what possible good all this could bring? I have no clue... I don't understand anything at all...

no matter what I'm gonna love You... no matter what I'm gonna need You... no matter what I'm gonna trust you... I know that You have the power to keep me from all pain... but if you choose not to.. all I ask is that You come through it with me... in Jesus precious name I ask this... amen.amen.amen.

God is in control.. (?)

I wonder some days if I really believe that God is in control... I used to be sure of it.. and in most situations I still am pretty much giving full control to God... but there are a couple things that I struggle to keep my hands off of...

the bible tells us that everything and everyone are subject to the will of God... are you still a 'free will' believer? well... God hardened the heart of the Pharoah... he didn't have any free will... and... the bible says that it is God that controls the heart of a man... so if God controls it... how is that free will?

now do I think we are just some puppets on a string? not exactly... but I guess I believe God opens our hearts and our minds to His will... and then we choose it...

anyways... so if I really trust that God is in control... not people.. why do I get concerned? what do I have to be afraid of if God controls the heart of a man? what is there to fear?

like the scripture says... Father I believe.. help me with my unbelief... help me to just trust You and rest in You... in Jesus name I ask.. amen.amen.amen.

it's not mine...

as you know.. I have been having this horrendous spiritual battle going on... (thinking surely this is the last few steps of this fight...)(of course I have been thinking that a long time... and it keeps getting heavier instead of lighter...)so today... God reminds me.. that HE is my source... no other person.. not finances.. God alone is my source..

so with that being said... when I look to people to comfort me and help me walk this walk.. I am looking to the wrong one.. because I need to look instead to God.. and even if He chooses a person to encourage or give a word.. it didn't come from that person.. it STILL came from God...

so what I long for.. what I wait for.. I am not waiting on a person... a person cannot fulfill what I need... only God.. so when He walks me into position... it wasn't given to me by man.. it was given to me be God.. and the position does not belong to me.. it belongs to God.. if He chooses to give it or take it.. has nothing to do with circumstance or people.. it is all up to God...

when He walks me into the position He has prepared me for... my responsibility is to keep HIM foremost in my thoughts.. and to do the job that He has called me to do... the way He has called me to do it... and to be thankful for what He gives at all times... regardless of what or who He uses to give it... and to cherish it.. as it does not belong to me to begin with... it belongs to God...

is God real...

sometimes we are confused.. we are disillusioned... we are hurt by the very ones that should never hurt us... somehow hurt from someone who claims to walk with God is the worst hurt to endure... and it causes us to doubt God some days... I would never have thought this would have happened to me... and yet to a small degree it has..

I believed all my life that I hear from God... all my life the things that I hear happen.. most times anyways... I dream things and they are real... I see things and they are real... but what happens when we get unsure if we have ever heard from God? what do we do then?

last night I lay awake.. struggling with God... asking Him to show me He is real.. to show me that my mind didn't make up the things I believe He said... I felt like Jacob when he wrestled with God...

in the end... what I realize is this... I would never want to walk through the rest of my life thinking that my God is not real... and people don't have to answer to me for the things they do or do not do... just like I don't have to answer to people... we all have to answer to God for the things that we do.. and for our disobedience in not doing what we are supposed to do...

I will walk the path God placed me on... I will do what God has told me to do... I will show love to all mankind... I will continue to seek God and not man.. I know that God has been faithful to me in the past... I know that He will continue to be faithful to me... God is the lover of my soul... at all times... and in this I will rest...

vulnerable...

I find that the closer I get to God.. the less I really know who I am..

it seems that I have taken life and allowed it to create me into someone other than who God intended me to be... and now...when I desire to be the person God created... I struggle to be that person... God wants our complete dependence on Him.. and so He wants us to be completely open and vulnerable... and our flesh drives us to cover our vulnerability...

like when adam and eve sinned in the garden... immediately they realized they were naked and ran to cover themselves... but this is not what God intended... just as there was no need to cover ourselves in the first man and woman... God is our cover and there is no need to cover ourselves now...

yet I struggle to not run back and hide under some type of cover... mine tends to be hard heartedness and confidence in self... we all have our own cover... this is just the one I created... it is comfortable and warm and safe... or so we think...

how could what we create on our own be anywhere near what God has created for us? it is time for us to open ourselves up to vulnerability and allow God alone to be our cover... that is when we are trusting God and completely relying upon Him...

God is faithful... He is trustworthy... He is a cover for each one of us...

lesson from a man/child...

for my birthday... my son gives me... 15 'do it right nows'.. what this really means is.. he can't wait... he has to get up and do it right when I say so...

well... I am learning something about patience from this... probably something about mothering too... because... I don't want to use them all up and then need one... so it causes me to think about how much time to give him to do something...

like this morning I gave him a few tasks to do while I am at work and he wanted to know if this was a 'do it right now'... I say no, you have till I get home to do it...

I think too often I expect just because I am the mother that I expect them to do what I said right away... yet... do I do this myself? how often do I put something off... and think... just like them... as long as I do it... that should be good enough when I get to it... yet I expect something different of them...

I think when I have my new family... I will not expect right now all the time... I will be a little more gracious with the patience... and I am sure everyone involved will appreciate it...

I also think that I will learn myself to be a little more obedient to authority... and give some 'do it right nows' too...

faith vs. trust

faith-firm belief in something for which there is no proof.

trust-assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.

hmmm... those definitions come from the webster dictionary... I find that I would say... BEFORE I looked up the definitions... that I have faith in God but I have issues with trust so tend to not trust... even God... but after I look up the definitions... trust is relying on the character of someone... and I know that I can rely on the character of God... I know that God has pulled me out of mess after mess after mess... and He hasn't put me in any so far... so how would trusting Him be an issue...

it's weird... if I were to lose my job... or lose my house.. or my car... I would easily TRUST God and know that He will work it all out for me... but you know where I have issues?? with people.. I don't seem to trust God over people...

you would think that it would be easier to trust than to have faith... trust would be believing in something already proven to be reliable... faith is complete darkness you are believing in something with NO proof... so why would it be easier to have faith in a God that you can't see than it is to trust One who has proven Himself?? that really doesn't make any sense...

real love... the hard kind...

God wants us to love people in spite of what they do to us and that is REALLY hard... it is easy to say that you love someone yet never have anything to do with them... I can easily love people that way... from a distance... but when you are up on someone and they aren't treating you right... is it God's will to ignore them or shut them off?

my son has a baby mama that I have been refusing to deal with... she is disrespectful.. she is selfish... she is rude... she is manipulating.. and yesterday.. for no apparent reason... she cusses at me through text.. and I tell her that she WILL NOT cuss at me and treat me with disrespect... and that I did not lay down and have this baby and I will not deal with the way she wants to treat people... and she cusses again... and I block her number... so she cannot bother me again...

what would Jesus do?
do I really believe that Jesus would refuse to deal with this person... just refuse any contact whatsoever... (no matter how bad I want to do this...) or am I to show the love of God... even to someone disrespecting me and treating me badly for no reason...

I would suggest we all look at someone that we really just don't want to deal with... (they test our religion or our christianity... who we really are deep down inside...) and I suggest we show them love of God in spite of what they say or how they act... because this really is what Jesus would do...

this really is the love of God for you and me and for ALL His people... and we are to be the love of God for the world... we are His Body... we are His Heart...

what is the cost?

this morning I am defeated...

last week I realized that I don't need the Spirit to give me the 'good feeling'... I need the power of the Spirit... so... I fast... for three days.. seeking God and asking to be filled with the POWER of the Spirit of God... like Peter was...

and the fast ends on Sunday... and while in prayer at the altar... I 'feel' the power of God come upon me... and I don't yet realize the cost...

yesterday... I struggle HEAVILY with being tired and wanting to just walk away from all God says I am supposed to be... I want to go have a drink and as this is a PG rated blog... I will stop at that... today... I wake up crying and I don't want to do this anymore... I want to let go...

I feel fat, old, and ugly... miserable... I want to have a man make me feel like I am everything he is looking for... (?? unsure why that seems to be the constant struggle of a woman... must have something to do with the curse put on women at the fall...)

so I read some devotionals and some emails this morning... and I realize what is happening... I am being humbled... how weird... just a couple days ago I wondered just how much humiliation one woman has to endure... apparently LOTS... I am being humbled because if I enter into God's power full of pride... I will act as if the gifts and miracles are about me... I will not give all the glory to God...

and I think... ugh... why do I have to be fat and ugly to be humble???? why can't I be beautiful and humble?? what is up with that??

strangely... the bible says that Jesus was not attractive... I have never believed that... I thought He must have been the most handsome man ever... and built well... why? why would I think like that? God looks not upon the countenance of a man but upon the spirit of a man... so why is my spirit not good enough for me.. why do I struggle with needing to be outwardly attractive???

so if the cost of being all that God has called me to be in the kingdom of God... is my appearance... and I become unattractive... am I willing to pay the cost?... do I have any choice in what the cost is? (obviously not...) am I going to give even my looks over to God... do I have a choice in the matter??? how do I go forward in this?? am I willing to pay the cost....

the ocean...

I am wishing it was saturday and that I could go and lay in the sun and leave the world behind me... it would be so nice to go to a beach for a day and just come home in the evening... to stand in wonder of the mysteries of the ocean... to lay in the warmth of God's love... to feel the sands of time under my feet... knowing that just as the ocean and the beach has been here forever... God will continue on... forever... even after we are no longer here and we have gone on to sit at the feet of Jesus...

your shadow...

Acts 5:14Nevertheless, more and more men and women believed in the Lord and were added to their number. 15As a result, people brought the sick into the streets and laid them on beds and mats so that at least Peter's shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by. 16Crowds gathered also from the towns around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those tormented by evil spirits, and all of them were healed.

I think we all discount our witness in just our passing by people... I think I see the influence that my "shadow" has... it is not the words that are spoken... it is the life that is lived... it seems I attract the people that the lovely think are unlovely... and the children.. this does not happen by anything that is done or said by me... it is not about me at all... it is my shadow passing by and drawing them.... not because of me... but because of the Jesus in me... which is my shadow...

we tend to always see healing as a physical thing... who you really are is not this body... it is the spirit within you... that is who you are... so true healing would not be of this shell... it would be of the spirit... can the love of your shadow heal someone's spirit? can your words soothe a troubled soul?

Jesus should be the shadow of each one of us... is He? are people drawn to God by your presence... by your walk... by your actions? can people see what a loving God is... through you? when someone tells you they don't have money to eat... do you invite them to eat with you? or do you tell them that you will pray for them? if someone has no where to stay... what do you say to them? if someone has no hope, do you have enough hope inside you to encourage and uplift them? do you strive to make people know the love of God... through your walk?

or do they instead hear you talking behind their back? do they feel like you think they are stupid? do they see you roll your eyes at them? are you mean and hateful? do you see yourself above others? do you make them feel ugly or unworthy?

what does your shadow say about you?

the heart of the king...

Jeremiah 25:8 Therefore the LORD Almighty says this: "Because you have not listened to my words, 9 I will summon all the peoples of the north and my servant Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon," declares the LORD, "and I will bring them against this land and its inhabitants and against all the surrounding nations. I will completely destroy [a] them and make them an object of horror and scorn, and an everlasting ruin. 10 I will banish from them the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, the sound of millstones and the light of the lamp. 11 This whole country will become a desolate wasteland, and these nations will serve the king of Babylon seventy years.

12 "But when the seventy years are fulfilled, I will punish the king of Babylon and his nation, the land of the Babylonians, [b] for their guilt," declares the LORD, "and will make it desolate forever. 13 I will bring upon that land all the things I have spoken against it, all that are written in this book and prophesied by Jeremiah against all the nations. 14 They themselves will be enslaved by many nations and great kings; I will repay them according to their deeds and the work of their hands."

amazing to me... God called Nebuchanezzar His servant... but after He calls him servant and after Nebuchanezzar does what God tells Him to do... then he gets punished for coming against God's people..

that sounds like a contradiction to me...

the bible says that God controls the heart of the king.. and in this scripture... it shows that is the truth... I tend to think of Nebuchanezzar as an evil man... an idol worshipper... he probably wouldn't have even known God if it were not for the miracles God did for the Hebrews like Daniel...

and yet he is a servant of the Most High God...

we worry too often about leadership... God controls their heart and whether they realize it or not... they will do whatever He turns their heart to do... all we are to do is to pray for their hearts to be led by God.. and trust God...

trust in the Lord... always... He alone is in control...

gratefulness...

yesterday I woke up and I lay there praying and my first thought was to pray about needs... but something within my spirit told me to only be thankful... and so I started thanking God for the many many things that He does for me that I don't even think about...

I often think much about where I want to be instead of being thankful for where I am.. and that is crazy for me because I should know how to be thankful for even just waking up because there were times that I didn't know if I would...

repeatedly through the psalms David would tell us how much he loves God and how thankful he was just to be able to serve Him... can we imagine the changes the church could make if we would all take on that attitude of gratitude... can we imagine the changes in just our own household or our job if our attitude changed from what we think we deserve to how thankful we are to just be in the number... look how many people have lost their homes and their jobs during this time of recession... and those of us who have a job and a roof over our head never think too much about how much we have and how protected we are by our God... instead we end up complaining about the pay or the people... or the mortgage or rent or electric bill... look how many people have lost everything... and we have so much and instead of being thankful... we tend to think we deserve something...

Father I just thank you... with all that I am.. for all that you give me... even the things I don't think about like air and water and health and children that are healthy and whole... I lift my arms in praise and adoration to you... I thank you for the big things in life.. .but even more than that.. I thank you for every day... I pray that I will change my focus onto what I can do for someone else... anyone... in Jesus name I pray.. amen.amen.amen. I love you Lord... with ALL my heart, mind, and body...

who am I?

you know how they always say that people need to 'find themselves' as they are growing up? I was pretty sure that I had not been lost... life experiences change the person we were when we were young... we are born innocent (yet sinful)and as life attacks us, we change to fit the situation or to protect ourselves...

when I was very young I was selfish and somewhat mean... because everything was handed to me.. and I was never reprimanded for my attitude or actions...

I married someone who cared none about my feelings and in the end it turned out he didn't too much care if I lived or died as he repeatedly tried to kill me inside and out.. I changed into someone with little words.. little personality... trying to fade into the woodwork and not be noticed..

when I left him... I became a different person I used some of the original personality... which was mean and vindictive... I kept a little bit of the second one because that helped to manipulate people...

as I have given myself completely over to God... I see my original personality coming back, without the selfishness and meanness... instead God is teaching me to use love as a way to treat people.. I really am not all that comfortable with this new creature in Christ... I feel very vulnerable and open to be hurt... and I do not do well with hurt... it seems much of the hard and callous heart is being cut away and I am left wide open... and that is scary...

back before I was married I was the average white girl... by the time I left him I had very little of that person left.. and other than the color of my skin... my thoughts... my actions... even my movements looked like all my friends... none of whom were white... and she even had a different name, this person I had become... as God is changing me... I see many of those traits leaving me... I am losing my rhythm.. and THAT is distressing to me... I took a class at the gym last night... and I could not get the steps... I could not move my arms and legs at the same time... I have become the average white girl again... and in this class... I thought if I could just get a shot of Jack I could get this... and that kinda tells me... the person I used to be... was controlled by a spirit that was not of God... and I guess if it takes a wrong spirit to make me have rhythm... apparently I will be left without any...

so if you see me uncoordinated in the gym... just remember... I am exactly as God wants me to be... uncoordinated... rhythmless... and full of the love of God...

loneliness...

so I wake up this morning with that terrible heavy loneliness over me... and I begin to talk to God about it... and he reveals some things to me about me...

when I was young... I was hideously selfish and rude and mean even... and lonely... lonely to the high heavens... I would push people away because of my fear of being hurt... but my pushing people away caused me to be oh so lonely... so as females are taught... I thought that a man would take it away... but he didn't... and that is when I learned that being in a crowded place can make you even lonelier than being alone... I didn't really lose the loneliness over the years... I think I got used to it... and I preferred that to the possiblity of allowing someone close to me because then they could hurt me... and I would rather die alone than be hurt again... you know when I stopped being lonely... is when I lost my job way back in 2007... and that is when God really came to me and gave me vision and purpose... and He talked to me and sat with me.... that is when I truly stopped being lonely... I gave up my will and my thoughts and came to accept what God wanted from me instead of what I wanted from Him... and that took the loneliness away...

there are days now that I feel lonely... and I usually find those to be the days when I want what I want when I want it... and as I give all of it back to God... then it goes away again...

the Holiness of God...

this morning.. God says to me... I am Holy..

I think... hmmmmm.... why did He say that to me... what am I doing that is not recognizing the holiness of God...

Sometimes.. we get so focused on vision or on purpose that we forget about the awesomeness of God... and I think sometimes that happens to me...

I used to just wake up and be so happy that God loves me... nothing else... just that He loves me... because truly... that is an amazing and awesome thing...

so I sit here and remember the "spirit of praise" that I used to walk in... when God was the only thing I focused on... the only thing I really thought about...

I realize that God... the creator of all life... God the creator of everything... loves me... individually... He created me... He thinks about me and smiles... that is about the most awesome thing ever... and on top of that... He was willing to allow His Son to die... for me to have life... and the spirit of praise of God fills me up again... I am so thankful that God loves me... that He knows my name... that He chose me...

Father... please never let me take my eyes off of You... help me to constantly be an image of Your love to Your people... I love You so... You are my whole heart and soul... You are my everything... my waking and my sleeping thought... I love You more than life... more than anyone... anything... and I praise You... that You are so awesome... and You still look at me... THANK YOU!!!!

night vision...

I have astigmatism in my eye... it causes me odd issues... I can't see well in the rain... I can't judge depth... which is scary for anyone riding with me because it seems like I might hit stuff... but I seem to miss it by a hair all the time (God's grace... I'm sure..)

and I can't see well at night...

I have this same issue in my spirit being too... we all go through periods of darkness where there seems to be no Light given to a situation... and we are to keep on moving forward in the dark... just like when I drive in the night... because I can't see... I slow down... and in truth.. I avoid driving at night... some days my spirit man would like to stop driving at night too... I would like to just stay in the house where it is comfortable and safe and well lit... but for some reason... God always seems to push me into an uncomfortable place.. and wants me to be content..

I look at Sarah... and I wonder... if she ever "truly" lost hope in this promised child... you know they waited like 25 years total... and she talks Abraham into sleeping with her servant (I won't ever get that one... I can't imagine EVER... under ANY circumstances... talking my man into sleeping with another woman... NEVER EVER EVER... if a child needed to use another woman's body to be born... I don't need the child all like that...) and the bible tells us that finally... when the real time came... Sarah stood in the kitchen laughing at the men telling her husband that in her old age she will now... at almost 100 years old... have this child... so my bet is that she had given up on it... and then... after she has given up... she gets pregnant and is overjoyed...

I think part of the thing is that we try everything we can think of to make what God has said happen... but then... would that be God... or would that be us... so He seems to wait until we are finally thinking... I must have heard wrong... I must be crazy... I must have voices in my head...

then He makes it happen... which tells us... we can't do anything to make the will of God come to pass... He has to do it... that is why it is His will... not ours... how crazy... I didn't want the thing in the first place... then end up wishing it would just happen... the waiting on the Lord thing is enough to kill a person... especially when you don't have night vision...

in spite of....

God is calling each of us to love one another... not with our own hearts... but instead with the heart of God... we cannot in our human frailty love someone in spite of what they have done to us... but through the heart of God we can...

we often get spiritual amnesia and we forget that God still loves us when we are unloveable... we forget sometimes the mean or spiteful things we have done or are still doing... and yet we want God to love us regardless of what we do... but are we willing to do this for someone else?

I don't think that "love in spite of" means forgetting what they have done or imagining that they didn't have ulterior motives... although I think that would be our first thought of how this type of love would be accomplished...

if we look at Jesus... He KNEW what Judas would do when He chose him... yet He chose him anyways... I think sometimes we are too hard on Judas... did Judas really have a choice? it seems to me that he fulfilled the purpose for his life... even though it was a bad purpose... but throughout the three years that they were all together... no one else suspected that Judas was any different than the rest of them... so that tells me that Jesus treated all of them exactly the same... He loved them all... He still saw who Judas was... yet acted toward him in love...

I think this is what is required of each one of us... that we love one another in spite of the things that we know about them.. that we remember that none of us are perfect and while we may not like something in someone... we too have our flaws... and God loves us ALL THE TIME... that is our calling... to love one another all the time...

manipulation, seduction and deceit...

one of the curses of a woman is manipulation... we see it as a gift... it aids us in getting our way... the better you are at it... the more you get your way... but it turns out to be a stumbling block in the kingdom of God...

Jezebel's main sins were manipulation and seduction... now we all know what a horrid woman she was... we pray in the name of Jesus that we never have a spirit like hers... yet we all do... we all use these things to get people to do what we want... I think we are taught this as a very young girl and it just gets bigger and bigger...

so I think that I have given my will up to God... in all honesty... I want God's will.. not mine.. but I find that I get tired of waiting on God sometimes and I use these two tools to try to move things along... I am learning though that all they do is set you backwards...

when God tells you something is wrong for you... do not allow yourself to be confused by what someone else believes... trust what God said to you and stay away from it... sometimes we allow someone who is larger in christ than what we think we are... to tell us that something is not sin or that it isn't QUITE the way we heard it from God and we get led into sin... sin is sin is sin... we need to repent... which means to acknowledge to God that we have sinned and we are sorry and will do our best to stay away from the sin in the future... (praying fervently for His strength within us...) and then to stay away from the sin... turning from it... and that we will do our best to TRUST what God has said to us individually regardless of what someone else thinks about it...

this is the art of the enemy's deceit... see he knows the bible just like we do... better than some of us... and he will twist things that are not part of the big 10 and confuse us to think maybe it isn't wrong because of this or because of that... then we fall prey to it and later on God reminds us what He said from the very beginning... I think we are too hard on Eve... thinking that she messed up life for us till the end of time... yet we tend to make the same mistake she did... just in a different form...

Father in the name of Jesus... your Son.. the Risen Savior... I ask for the gift of wisdom... to be able to see situations from the eye of the mind of God... so that I will not be deceived... manipulated or confused... allow me to not use seduction and the ways of the world to try to obtain what is mine in the kingdom of God... remind me continually that You will bring Your will to pass with no conniving from me... amen.amen.amen.

death...

we seem to be as a people so afraid of death.. so hurt by it... I don't understand this.. when I was just a little girl... maybe 5 or 6 I remember asking Jesus couldn't I die so I could be with Him instead of here with the people I lived with.. but He didn't grant my request... I have never had fear of death...

I think death within us is a much greater thing to be afraid of yet we are rarely afraid of it... what about the death of your dreams... what about the death of your relationship with God... what about spiritual death...

I told someone this morning that in the past... I was afraid to walk into God's will for my life... now I am afraid to walk away from it... I have lived life where I brought death unto my own spirit... and if I walk away from God's plan... then I am walking into death of my own making... so I walk forward... and while I am afraid of His plan too... I know that I may die of a broken heart... but I will not die of a rebellious spirit as I would have in the past...

true love of God is manifested in obedience to His word... His will... His way...

true beauty

1 Peter 1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

it is amazing to me the things that God will use to convict me to change... about 2 weeks ago a female came into the church with her dress about 2 inches from her 'hoo ha' and I was REALLY IRRITATED... I was irritated because I knew her intention... not so much about her dress...

this is not meant to condemn anyone... trust and believe... not so long ago I wore dresses just as short but as God is changing me... He has changed what I feel comfortable in... and if you are in relationship... He will do the same for you... no one needs to make you feel out of place or wrong just because they are not in the same place as you...

so yesterday... I am at church... and one of the ministers (a woman) had a cloth across her legs and it convicted me.. that I also have no business showing my knees either... while standing up the dress hits my knee but when I sit it rises... it seems I am so quick to see fault in someone else and then it turns out to be a fault I have too...

I went to the car and got a wrap from the car (wrinkled as could be) and put it across my own legs... I have determined to be submissive to the will of God and keep something across my knees also...

there was a time that I thought my beauty was in my appearance... I have found as my physical appearance is not as wonderful as it used to be... that the beauty that comes from within... comes from the Spirit... and it is ageless and timeless... that is what I need to be striving for...

becoming a slave...

Phillipians 2: 5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. 6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. 7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, 8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

as Christ came and gave His life for the kingdom of God... we also are to be willing to die to Christ... ours doesn't have to be a physical death most times.. ours is a death to the flesh... a death to our own desires... a death to things being the way we want them to be... instead we are to give up our own will for the will of God...

we don't know many (if any) people who would give up their freedom to become a slave to save someone else... yet this is exactly what Christ did... and what we are to do also...

Jesus was divine... He did not HAVE to give up His glory/divinity to become a human like the rest of us... and in so doing... He gave up most of His "rights" as royalty... and He lived like the rest of us... even unto death...

what rights are we willing to give up? are we willing to submit to the uncomfortable parts of God's will? Jesus told us that the greatest commandment that we had to follow was to Love as God Loves... yet how often are we willing to do this? we will show some love... as long as it doesn't cost us too much...

the life of our sanctification is to be changing us from a creature of flesh to a creature of Spirit... our walk is to be maturing us in Faith and making us more like Christ every day... yet how often is our focus on our own comfort? we are to be a slave for Christ... we are to give up our "freedom" of choice to Love the UnLoveable... are you willing to become a slave so that the kingdom of God can be advanced? do you really Love God... enough to lay down your will and your desires... and become His slave?

senna is my friend...

okay... this is NOT for MEN... this is a very sensitive post only for the women of the world...

I don't know about you... but all my life I have had problems with irregularity... now some people think this is a problem... for those of us who deal with it... I think we are all thankful that we don't go every time we eat like you really are supposed to...

so.. about once a week I either drink by tea or swallow as a pill this wonder drug called senna... it is an herb (I think) that is used as a laxative... and so one day a week.. .I clear out all that is held captive in my body... I try to do it on friday nights so saturday I can handle this in the privacy of my own home...

occasionally this does not work out... and I have to deal with this issue at work... and the thing is... why do we as women try to pretend that we have no bodily functions and why do men seem so at ease to tell anyone at all about theirs? I think all of the women of the world need to stop pretending... we need to all admit that we go to the bathroom... and it stinks... and we slip some gas sometimes too... I am thinking that if we all do it at the same time... none of us will need to feel embarrassed... what do you say? are you all with me??

kelly ripa apparently agrees...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2aRqoi-njU

what do you see behind you?

I think where we are going is very closely linked to where we think we have come from. while we are often told to leave the past in the past... that is really not very realistic or very easy to do... besides... the past experiences... whether positive or negative.. are what made you who you are today...

my thought is... we need to change the way we VIEW the past... surely we have all had bad experiences in our lives... but whatever the past holds for you... instead of being bitter and angry... instead of saying that I will never let that happen again... I will never let anyone close to me... how about we see how far we have come since that experience and decide that instead of remembering the negativity... we will try to determine what we can learn from the situation and use it to help someone else in the future... that way.. the pain was not in vain... you are able to have compassion for someone else's trials... because you have lived it too...

I have someone very close to me who's husband had an affair and a child in the affair.. and she determined to forgive him and accept the child in their life... this also includes accepting the other woman and forgiving her too... now while my natural mind thinks she is an idiot... my spirit mind knows that she is right... and she is sacrificing her own feelings and comfort for the union that she is committed to and the institution of marriage and the raising of a child... it would be easy to say that the bible says you can leave someone who is unfaithful... (I know it... I have done it...)but how much stronger must your relationship with God be to stay in the marriage? you would have to have put God first... and through her situation... she has been able to have compassion for other women who's husbands have been unfaithful... or for a woman who has been unfaithful.. she is able to help her to see the hurt and betrayal that she has been putting her spouse through...

with me.. mine was violence... I would never wish what I lived through on anyone... but I can understand the feelings of the person and why she feels like she can't leave... someone who has not lived it cannot see why she can't leave... it is not physical, it is mental... or why these women keep choosing the same man in a different body... you have to have lived a situation to understand someone else's struggle...

so the next time that you want to shut yourself off and tell no one what you have lived through... allow God to use you to be someone with compassion for someone else.. through this process you will find your own healing and you will help another to heal also...

when I look back... instead of seeing all the trauma and pain and betrayal that I lived through... I now see the love of God carrying me through it... and out of it... and I am able to rejoice in my past sorrow because without God carrying me... I would still be in it... God is good ALL THE TIME...

in God we trust?

it is so easy to say that we trust in God and we want His will in our lives... then things don't look like we want them to and we get nervous and want to make something happen to make us feel in control or to feel confident again...

when you grow up... you have the imagination that you will be the perfect family with the perfect kids and the perfect life.... and in my own case... I married a man God told me not to... and he beat the mess out of me... all the time... I didn't even have to speak... he would walk in while I was asleep and just snatch me out the bed throwing me off walls and stuff... and he made relationship something hideous and terrifying...

and every day I wondered will this be the day I die.... and somehow... I never did... and God took me out of the situation... and I knew this was no one's fault but mine for marrying a man God told me not to... but if a man was saved, he would do you right, right? NOT!!! it is about being created FOR A PARTICULAR man... and that wasn't the one I was created for... and it was easy for a while to blame him or God but in reality... I did this to me...

so now... trying to do the right thing... stay on the right path... walking toward the right man... somedays I wonder... will I ever trust this man? will I ever trust God enough to not take off running in fear... but I am still standing... and that is because of God... not because of me... and how can I NOT trust Him? what else do I have but trust in God? my way didn't work... and while God's way is scary looking... I don't have any choice but to trust Him...

in God I trust? YES I DO... and in His grace... He will teach me to trust the man too... Thank you Lord... I love you...

Yet will I trust Him...

Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.

I don't understand God's way... I will not even pretend that I do... so I don't understand what is going on with me right now...

I have been faithful... I have spoken life... I have believed... I have worked... I have walked... all toward the promises of God...

but what does one do... when you can't hold on any longer...

I don't have any truly spiritual answers for you... all I have is all I know... and that is this...

I would rather spend my time walking toward God and being wrong... than walking toward satan and being right...

so I will continue on in the dark Lord... asking you to turn the lights on... regardless of what I see when the lights come on... the truth is better than dark... and being deceived but enlightened is better than false hope... I don't know what will happen in the light... I don't know if you will show that I have heard your voice or if I have allowed the enemy to deceive me... I do know that you will be here with me... that you will never leave me nor forsake me and I have lived through worse than this and still you lead me...

I love you Lord... no matter what is shown when the lights come on... I trust you... in the dark and in the light... in fear and in faith... you are all I have ever had... all I have ever known...

yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me... you will lead me beside still waters...

sins of the father...

Leviticus 26:39 Those of you who are left will waste away in the lands of their enemies because of their sins; also because of their fathers' sins they will waste away. 40 " 'But if they will confess their sins and the sins of their fathers—their treachery against me and their hostility toward me, 41 which made me hostile toward them so that I sent them into the land of their enemies—then when their uncircumcised hearts are humbled and they pay for their sin,42 I will remember my covenant with Jacob and my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land. 43 For the land will be deserted by them and will enjoy its sabbaths while it lies desolate without them. They will pay for their sins because they rejected my laws and abhorred my decrees. 44 Yet in spite of this, when they are in the land of their enemies, I will not reject them or abhor them so as to destroy them completely, breaking my covenant with them. I am the LORD their God. 45 But for their sake I will remember the covenant with their ancestors whom I brought out of Egypt in the sight of the nations to be their God. I am the LORD.' "
Deuteronomy 5:8 “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind, or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. 9 You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me.

when I was with my kid's father... God told me that he was not for me and that the price paid would be very high... and somehow... all this time.. I thought that I alone paid the cost of my sin... today I find that I am wrong...

my daughter has arthritis... she is is 18, she has had it since she was about 10... my son is bi-polar, adhd, and struggles with a rebellious spirit... I am thinking that the cost of my sin was much higher than I ever realized and has flowed down onto my children... all this time... I thought the cost of the rebellious nature I had was the physical and mental abuse that I suffered... but now... as time has gone on... I am thinking that the illness and sinful tendencies of myself and the kids could also be a cost of my rebellion against my Father...

the scripture tells us to obey your mother and father so that your days will be long in the land... I was not obedient to my Father... He clearly told me that the path I was on was sin and it was not for me... and now... all these years later... realization of the true cost is setting in...

in Leviticus... we are shown the blessing for obedience and the curses for disobedience... we take these things all too lightly... God has not changed His mind nor His consequences... we keep thinking that grace means that we will not pay a price for sin and that is not found ANYWHERE in scripture...

Father the word in Leviticus tells us that if we come before you and confess our sin, that you will be faithful and just to forgive us... and restore us to your covenant... I confess the sins of my disobedience and I ask you to lift this curse of illness and rebelliousness from my children... I ask for your mercy, for your grace and for your restoration of the covenant of blessing... I am believing fully that you will restore not only me, but also my children into your covenant... I humble myself before you.. I submit myself to your will and your ways... and I beg your for restoration of my children's health and covenant... I ask these things in Jesus name... knowing that you will be faithful and command it done... amen.amen.amen.

still sinning...

Romans 3:22This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

this morning I was reading a devotional called strength for the journey and the man was talking about Psalms 51. he says that this psalm was written by david after the sin with bathsheba and uriah has been told back to him by nathan the prophet after david tried to cover it all up...

at the bottom of the devotional it suggests to read psalms 51 and while reading it... confess your sin to God... and I sit there and want to say... what sin? strange how I always want to think that I am not sinning... surely... I am sinning in some way in the eyes of God... I mean.. yes, I do my best to be obedient to the will of God... I try very hard to be what God is calling me to be... but the bible says... we ALL fall short... which means.. I am sinning... I must be constantly in my mind covering it up in hopes of righteousness... (yes... I said hopes...)

so... Father... daily... remind me of things I am doing that are unpleasing to you... I don't want to just ask you to cleanse me from unrighteousness and not know what the sin was... I want to be changed... I want to be whole in Your eyes... show me my sins DAILY... in Jesus name I ask... amen.amen.amen.

the heart of a servant...

2 chronicles 25:2 And he did that which was right in the eyes of Jehovah, but not with a perfect heart.

I am reading the Purpose Driven Life and day 34 hit me kinda hard... it was saying that sometimes we will obey what God told us to do... but our heart is not right in the action... or our mind is not the mind of a servant...

sometimes we do things... instead of looking to bring glory to God... trying to bring attention and honor to ourselves... and of course my initial reaction is that I do not do this... but do I....???

a true servant... which are ALL called to be... will do things and never get the recognition or the words of affirmation that we so crave... and yet they will continue to do the work of the Lord... without it... and with a right attitude...

how often do we serve and get angry when our ministry is not raised up... or our name is not raised up... how often can we serve the people of God without any words of affirmation and yet not feel like we are being abused and mistreated...

there is something within us that craves recognition and power... we crave to be lifted among men... we want the pastor to tell everyone how wonderful we are... we want our ministry to shine above all others... and I wonder... is this not the same thing that the archangel Lucifer did... when he wanted to be raised up and given glory because of how awesome his worship and praise ministry to God was...?? was he not bringing glory upon himself...

this is not the heart that God is calling us to have... the heart that God calls us to have is meek and humble... it does not require recognition from man... that is pride... and while I struggle with pride also... I desire to be like Jesus...who was the perfect example of a servant... He did not try to draw attention to Himself... He was willing to wash the feet of the people who were supposed to be serving with Him...

we have a hard time laying down our desires for glory... and it is understandable... as we are born with a sin nature... but the bible tells us that we are to put off the old nature and take up our cross and follow God..

I recently told someone that I don't even know who I am anymore... and that is the truth... I am nothing like who I used to be... even just a year ago... my mind doesn't think the same... my heart doesn't feel the same... God has created in me a new creature in Christ... and I thank Him for it... now don't get me wrong.. I am not pretending that I have arrived... or that I don't struggle with sin and with pride... surely I do... daily... the change in me is that I don't desire to be out of the will of God anymore... I used to want my will above the will of God and now I want the will of God above my own will.. and I am thankful for the changes God has made in me...

unity...

Psalms 133: 1 How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!
2 It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron's beard, down upon the collar of his robes. 3 It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion. For there the LORD bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.

I think I had a revelation this morning...
in the psalms above... it says how good and pleasant when brothers live together in unity.. it is like precious oil poured on the head... running down the beard... running down Aaron's beard.. we know that it is good when we live in unity/harmony... no fighting or disagreements... and we know that the oil mentioned really is the oil/Spirit of God... pouring down upon us... covering us... and HERE is where the Lord gives His blessing...

we all want the blessing of God.. and we all want harmony... if it is OUR version of harmony... we want things done our way... pleasing to OUR ears... this is not the way of God in either the house or in the church... in the house... if you are a woman.. a man is your head... and you have to submit to his way of things getting done... without dissention or arguing... without an attitude... in order to get the blessing of God... I had a man tell me once that I am blocking my blessings... (that particular man happens to be MY head... and that is not funny...)

I guess I struggle constantly with this... your head is not necessarily someone who is stepping up to what we like to think of as a head... you know what I mean... your husband may not lead the way you think he should... he may not choose to lead at all... that does not change the fact that he is the head in the eyes of God... or he may lead in ways that you don't like or don't want to go... it doesn't stop him from being the head...

there is a light in it though... he also has a head which is God and if he is not doing what God would have him do... then he will reap the repercussion of his actions...

so in order for us to have God's blessing... we have to give in to someone else's ideas of what is right.. and trust God to deal with the rest... which is SURELY a living sacrifice... we really do desire to have unity... just not at the cost that comes with it... but apparently we need to pay the price...

when we look at this from the church view... we may not agree with everything that leadership does... it is not for us to argue and gossip... causing dissention... God has placed that person over the ministry or over the church... and we need to allow that person to do what God has told them to do... in submission and prayer... even if they are wrong... that again is between them and God... trust and believe that the church is the BRIDE OF CHRIST... He will protect her... He will not allow man to destroy her... if you are not happy in your church and you refuse to submit... the least you can do is remain silent... or you can find another church... but I am sure that when you get to the new church.. you will still have to deal with the same issues that you had to deal with at the one you left... it will just be another head... when you don't correct the wrong within you... then the problem continues to follow you...

as for me... I am going to learn to submit to the head God has given me in the church and in the home... and I am going to learn to remain silent and in prayer when I disagree.... (for those of you who know my strong willed nature... please pray for me and don't mention the bruises you see on my knees from the hours of prayer...) I will submit through the strength of God... I will submit through the strength of God...

when a woman's fed up...

songs speak to me... songs like this one... speak to my flesh nature... and today I was driving down the street thinking.... oh yeah... this is me... there ain't nothing you can do about it...(part of the song...)(r. kelly has always been one of my kats... I tell you...)

but... strangely enough... while that song is playing and I am wanting to feel hard and in control for just a few minutes... I hear a song from when I was a kid... none of you will know this song... it was by a man named Jim Croce and it was called lover's cross... and this is some of the words... I really gotta hand it to you... babe you really tried... but for every time that we spent laughing there were two times that I cried... now you were trying to make me a martyr.. and that's one thing I just couldn't be... no baby I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you...

and man o day... that one smacked me hard... because I feel like that... I can't hang on no cross for you... I can't be a martyr for you.... but isn't that EXACTLY what Jesus did for us??? we didn't treat Him right... still don't sometimes... we are so guilty of wanting our own way... and even while we were so rude and selfish and ugly and mean... He hung on a Lover's Cross for each one of us... and He did not tell us that it would be easy... He told us that we would be washing people's feet... people who acted like they didn't care... we would be servants... because in the kingdom of God.. .whoever is the least is really the greatest... so the question really isn't what can someone else do for me... but how low can I go... how much of a servant am I really willing to be... we really don't want to serve... it's not so bad if they were people who are nice to us... but when they are not... then we want to buck up and tell God no way am I going to do all this... just no way...

well... Father... here I am one more time... ready to try again to be who You would choose for me to be... not who I desire to be.. but who You want me to be... I love You Father... enough to be the servant to Your family....

do you have eyes and ears...

Matthew 13:10 His disciples came and asked him, “Why do you use parables when you talk to the people?” 11 He replied, “You are permitted to understand the secrets of the Kingdom of Heaven, but others are not. 12 To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given, and they will have an abundance of knowledge. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them. 13 That is why I use these parables,For they look, but they don’t really see. They hear, but they don’t really listen or understand.

I don't know about you... but I think I tend to think that whatever gifts I have spiritually... everyone has... I do that in the natural realm too.. if I can do something.. then you should be able to also... but as I am maturing (lololol...) I realize this really isn't true... and I guess it is kind of sad...

I was given this scripture on Saturday morning.. and God shows me that while I can discern things from the scripture... not everyone can... I found that truly amazing.. and very sad for those who don't have it... I can read the scripture but hear God speaking to me individually through it... but I am guessing that not everyone can do that... so they look but not really see and they hear but don't really listen...

I wonder if it goes back to the hardened heart... I wonder if we can't hear in the spirit realm because we are too caught up in the natural realm... the bible tells us that as Christians this world is not our home and we really are not to be comfortable in it... so if we are so comfortable that we no longer can hear the voice of God... maybe we need to re-think our relationship with God... maybe we need to ask for the ability to hear the voice of God.. I cannot imagine not hearing from the Spirit of the Lord... I hope you cannot either...

source or resource...

I have read the story of the exodus of the children of Israel out of Egypt and into the promised land 1,000 times over and every single time I sit and think... what is wrong with these people... how can they not know that God will carry them... I mean come on now... look at all the miracles that were done during this time... for EVERYTHING... food, clothing, shelter... everything was provided by God...

this morning... some lights turn on and I realize I am the children of Israel...

I have been alone a long time... I have issues with trust... I used to always have someone in the background paying my bills and fixing my finances... and it was good.. lolol... at least in my eyes... and I realize that what that really did was cause me to expect for a person to be the source of meeting my needs...

so over the last 7 years God has been showing me that He is all I need and it has been good... just me and God and I trust Him to use whatever He chooses to help me when I need help and to teach me when I need taught and to love me when I need love... He has recreated an entire family down here for me... and I have been happy and satisfied...

so now.. as He throws people into the mix.. I realize that I tend to again look to people to be what I want them to be... not what God wants them to be... that is not good... for some psycho reason I want to keep trusting people instead of trusting God who has proven Himself over and over...

I think this is exactly what happened with the children of Israel... I think they kept complaining about Moses... and God kept saying they weren't complaining about Moses but about God... and the issue wasn't that they wanted to complain about Moses... they just kept seeing Moses as the one doing the miracles... the reason that happened is because Moses was the resource God was using to help the nation of Israel... but in truth... it was still God who was providing for them because God is the source... man is only resource... and I am thinking if we can quit looking to man to provide for us... whatever it is... it might be money... it might be love... it might be happiness.. it might be peace... whatever it is we are looking for... man can't give it... no man... not your mother.. your brother.. your sister.. your husband... all these things still have to come from the Source... we need to know that God is the one that will provide for us and keep us... God is our only Source no matter what resource He chooses to use... it still came from God...

I don't want to wander in the wilderness for 38 years... I don't want to wander not even one more day... Father forgive me for looking for anything other than you... I am satisfied in You... whatever else goes on... whatever the situation... You are all I need... and I praise You for being my God... in Jesus name... amen.amen.amen.

a hard heart...

Hebrews 3:7 That is why the Holy Spirit says,“Today when you hear his voice,8 don’t harden your hearts as Israel did when they rebelled, when they tested me in the wilderness. 9 There your ancestors tested and tried my patience, even though they saw my miracles for forty years. 10 So I was angry with them, and I said, 'Their hearts always turn away from me. They refuse to do what I tell them.’ 11 So in my anger I took an oath:‘They will never enter my place of rest.’”

I don't know about you... but I want to enter into the place of rest...

when I was very young... I learned that if your heart is hard.. you will not be hurt.. I was very young and learned to intentionally harden my heart... I could literally feel the coldness.. the hardness coming over it... and then within a few minutes... I didn't much care about whatever it was that was about to hurt me... now I knew that this was allowing the devil to reside within me... but somehow I thought that as long as I prayed and read my bible and stayed in the church that it was okay to keep a little bit of the devil's protection on my heart... there are also places in the bible that it is stated that God hardened someone's heart (the pharaoh is once instance...)so in my twisted mind I decide that this is all right to do sometimes... and nothing hurt me because it could not touch my heart... I didn't expect anything from anyone... I didn't need anyone... I didn't love anyone...

yet somehow in all my hardness God kept His hand upon me and still spoke to me and still led me... then came the day that He said enough was enough... and that was the end of all of it... He has since taken the hardness off of my heart... I am open to love... which also makes me open to pain... and it is scary... this had to be a conscious decision that I made... and continues to be daily something that I must strive for as the old ways are very easy to fall into... I must daily submit my will... my thoughts... my desires... my heart... my emotions... to Jehovah and allow Him to be the protector of my heart... and allow Him to lead me in the paths of righteousness...

we are to be the walking, talking love of God upon this earth... how can we do this with a hardened heart? with us constantly protecting ourselves... we do not allow God's love and goodness to shine out from withing us... open yourself up to God today... trust Him to be the protector of your heart... trust God to love you enough to overcome anything this world might bring against you...

God's goodness...

Exodus 4:10 But Moses pleaded with the Lord, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”11 Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.” 13 But Moses again pleaded, “Lord, please! Send anyone else.” 14 Then the Lord became angry with Moses. “All right,” he said. “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he speaks well. And look! He is on his way to meet you now. He will be delighted to see you. 15 Talk to him, and put the words in his mouth. I will be with both of you as you speak, and I will instruct you both in what to do. 16 Aaron will be your spokesman to the people. He will be your mouthpiece, and you will stand in the place of God for him, telling him what to say. 17 And take your shepherd’s staff with you, and use it to perform the miraculous signs I have shown you.”

I think we talk and are unaware of what we even say...

moses asks God to choose someone else... can you imagine trying to give away your purpose for having been created??? yet we do it all the time... we are afraid... we don't trust God... how many times have people been called into the service of God and try to get away from it...

look at the goodness of God.. even though He is angry with moses... even though moses did not want the job... even though he didn't trust that God would carry him... still... God will use him... God even allowed him to take his brother aaron along... and God didn't decide to forget him... God told him "you will stand in the place of God" can you imagine being used as the voice of God... wow...

can you imagine if God didn't use moses... surely He COULD have chosen someone else... as moses was hard headed... but imagine God did that with us... imagine that you cannot walk into your reason for being just because we are hard headed and doubtful and non trusting...

I am so thankful that instead of giving up on us... God will work with us to change our hearts so that we still can be of use to Him... I am sure that moses looked back with thankfulness when he realized that he had told God to choose someone else... I too am thankful that God didn't listen to me when I thought I would never do what He wanted me to do or be what He wanted me to be... I am so thankful that God is the God of patience and love in spite of us...

fasting...

Matthew 6:16"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 17But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

okay... I learned something about fasting today... from Rev. Charles Stanley...

I thought... when we fast.. as the scripture says... that it is to be a private thing, between you and God... but I guess I kinda thought it was a way to get God to see how serious you are about whatever you are fasting about... I know that we fast to get clarity or insight... but come on... surely you too have fasted thinking God would move just a little quicker because he saw how much you are willing to sacrifice for it... maybe I am wrong... maybe y'all are way better saints than me... but that is what I thought sometimes... of course the real reason was to hear from God, but I guess in truth I thought I could manipulate God to move quicker too...

but this is what Charles Stanley says about fasting today... it was eye opening for me...

"Before we go further, it is important to dispel a popular misunderstanding. Fasting doesn’t serve to change God’s mind, speed up His answer, or manipulate His will. Instead, it prepares us to hear from Him by temporarily laying aside something that vies for our attention or devotion—such as food, sleep, or a time of intimacy with a spouse.

Denying ourselves in this way makes us better able to focus on Christ and hear Him clearly. His Spirit often starts by bringing to mind sin that needs to be confessed. In so doing, He sanctifies our thoughts—then He can use this precious time to intensify our desire for Him, reveal His Will, and grant understanding and peace. In essence, fasting binds us to Him in such oneness that we won’t ever be the same again."

how awesome is that? God is using our fasting or sacrifice to sanctify our thoughts... to reveal our sins to us for confession... and then to draw us closer to Him... and it says that fasting will bind us to Him in oneness and we will never be the same again... that was so big for me... I have hated fasting... I felt like it was a horrible way to hear God's voice or move His hand... instead... it is a priviledge and honor... drawing us closer and making us one with Him... wow... I am going to be far different in my fasting from this point forward... I may set aside one day every week to fast and just become one with God...

thank you Father... for desiring to be close to me!!!! I don't deserve that... I don't deserve your goodness... I am so grateful to be loved and be chosen by you... I adore you... truly I do... you are my all in all... thank you for smiling on me...

just as I am...

Isaiah 46:5 And now the Lord speaks—the one who formed me in my mother’s womb to be his servant, who commissioned me to bring Israel back to him. The Lord has honored me, and my God has given me strength. 6 He says, “You will do more than restore the people of Israel to me. I will make you a light to the Gentiles, and you will bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.”

Isaiah 64:8 And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand.

Jeremiah 1:4 The Lord gave me this message: 5 “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”

how often do we look at ourselves and wish we were different... how often do we look at others and wish we were more like them... sometimes it is physical attributes... sometimes it is personality...

we wish we were thinner or bigger or prettier or another race... maybe we wish we were quieter or more outspoken... do we really realize that God formed us in our mother's womb... there is a reason that you are exactly who you are... exactly the color you are... exactly the weight you are... exactly the shape that you are...

before the earth was formed... God already had his plan in place for each one of us... and he created/formed us exactly for the purpose he has planned... our entire existance is supposed to bring glory to God... we are to fulfill the purpose in the kingdom of God that we were intended for... that is why we were created...

we tend to look at our life from our own point of view... from what we want and what we think and what we feel and in reality all those things are irrelevant... our value is really in the kingdom of God, not in the kingdom of man... we will never feel fulfilled in the world, only in the kingdom... so while we have to walk in this world.. our focus needs to be on the kingdom...

we need to be content... satisfied with who we are... God is accepting us... just as we are... while he desires for us to be sinfree... he realizes that we are unable to do it... that is why he sent his Son to free us from this sinful nature...

the next time you go to wish that you were something different than what you are... remember that God has created you exactly as you are... on purpose and it is to be used to His glory... and in that we will find fulfillment and purpose for living...