my thoughts of halloween...  

I have very fond memories of halloween... we used to get dressed and would go as a neighborhood gang to all the surrounding areas and get candy.. we took pillowcases because that was how much candy we would come back with...  

I actually had my kids trick or treat when they were smaller... and didn't think too much about it.. I thought if I did it and I'm fine.. why wouldn't they be too? if I had children right now.. would I have them celebrate halloween? I doubt it...

I think we are far too often passive when it comes to demonic influence... I think people don't really even know the truth of witchcraft and the reality that people we all know are engaging in it.. probably people attending church where we do... we don't realize that 'white witches' chant spells and incantations using the same KJV of the bible that we use.. because of the power of the words.. and they would tell you that they are just 'helping' God to accomplish His will... I assure you.. .God does not need us... He is fully capable of accomplishing His will without us doing anything other than spreading the gospel of Christ...

I know I am covered by the blood of Jesus.. I know that demonic forces can do nothing to me without the permission of God.. I know that the enemy was allowed by God to do many things to Job that I certainly don't want done to me... and that was without him allowing himself access to influence of demonic forces...

there are many people who call themselves christians.. yet go to psychics... they read horoscopes.. they post these things on their web pages... yet say that they follow Christ... the bible says you cannot serve two masters..

leviticus 20: 6 “I will also turn against those who commit spiritual prostitution by putting their trust in mediums or in those who consult the spirits of the dead. I will cut them off from the community.

I believe the truth of the issue is the fact that we no longer walk in the level of righteousness and holiness that God expects from us.. sin is acceptable because of grace.. yet if we truly understood grace.. we would realize that sin is UNacceptable because of grace... maybe we have become too passive about everything.. maybe the reason the world isn't uncomfortable around the christians today is because they are the same.. there is no separation.. they do the same things and believe the same things... we are no longer a peculiar people.. holy and set apart... we have allowed ourselves to no longer have a transformed mind but instead think just like the world...

we desire to live for self and not for God... that is the truth at the bottom of it all...

if God would see you tonight.. would He have been pleased... or would He have thought you were part of the world and not part of the church.... even if you happened to be at the church...

1 samuel 16: 14 Now the Spirit of the Lord had left Saul, and the Lord sent a tormenting spirit that filled him with depression and fear. 15 Some of Saul’s servants said to him, “A tormenting spirit from God is troubling you.

16 Let us find a good musician to play the harp whenever the tormenting spirit troubles you. He will play soothing music, and you will soon be well again.” 17 “All right,” Saul said. “Find me someone who plays well, and bring him here.” 18 One of the servants said to Saul, “One of Jesse’s sons from Bethlehem is a talented harp player. Not only that—he is a brave warrior, a man of war, and has good judgment. He is also a fine-looking young man, and the Lord is with him.” 19 So Saul sent messengers to Jesse to say, “Send me your son David, the shepherd.” 20 Jesse responded by sending David to Saul, along with a young goat, a donkey loaded with bread, and a wineskin full of wine. 21 So David went to Saul and began serving him. Saul loved David very much, and David became his armor bearer.

22 Then Saul sent word to Jesse asking, “Please let David remain in my service, for I am very pleased with him.” 23 And whenever the tormenting spirit from God troubled Saul, David would play the harp. Then Saul would feel better, and the tormenting spirit would go away.

we never imagine a tomenting spirit would come from God.. yet here it is.. in the word of God... I am ever amazed at how little people actually know God and the things that He would do.. people would think anything unpleasant comes from the enemy and that is surely not the truth... God is the one that put the Israelites in slavery... God has been known to open up the earth and swallow people up... but people don't really read their bible so they don't really know anything... they have no reverence of God.. no real fear of His power... and we should... all of us should....

saul loves david very much in the beginning.. but before long he is trying to kill him because of insecurity and jealousy... I am deciding that insecurity is really a horrible beast... I never used to be insecure... I was very confident... it seems the closer I get to God the less confident I get... and that really doesn't make any sense to me...

when david would play the harp saul would feel better and the tormenting spirit would go away... idk what that is about.. but it makes me think.. how often could we be soothing to people who are tormented.. and we choose not to be bothered... I would think I am fairly guilty of this... I think we definitely have a responsibility to others... we have to take this responsibility to people more seriously... we always think we are only responsible to ourselves...

Lord I pray you will never send a tormenting spirit... I pray that you will never take your spirit from us... I pray that when we are able to help soothe people.. we would do everything we can to do so.. I say these things in Jesus name.. amen.amen.amen.

2 Corinthians 4: 8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.11 Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. 12 So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you. 13 But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, “I believed in God, so I spoke.” 14 We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself together with you. 15 All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

some days I am driven to despair...
some days I am close to giving up....

all that we go through... we do not go through near what many others have gone through... there are still people being tortured and killed for the gospel in other countries... we do not go through anything like that...
we do have hurt and troubles and trials... these are the things God uses to change us... if we allow Him... otherwise we become bitter and angry...
somehow we have got to learn to keep our gaze on God.. we have got to learn to fix our ears to the voice of God.. and we have got to fix our hearts to the leading of God... these are the only way we can keep going forward day after day without being destroyed on the inside... God is good to us despite the things going on in our lives... somehow we have to still focus on Him...

Psalms 139: 1 O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. 2 You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.  You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. 4 You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. 5 You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! 8 If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. 9 If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, 10 even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. 11 I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night—12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.

do you ever realize that God knows everything at all about us... I don't know about you.. but I am more hidden than people would realize... most of the things that I say are part of a mask.. not part of the inner me... I hide that inner person from almost everyone.... yet that is the person that God knows of me...
verse 5 says God follows us and He places His hand of blessing on our head... well I gotta say.. I am too too too thankful for that hand of blessing and the following me.. into places I shouldn't be.. places I couldn't get out of on my own.... no matter where we are.. He is there.. no matter who we are.. He knows us and loves us anyways... on our good days.. on our ugly days... every day...

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

I am very aware that without God.. I am worthless.. I am not a good person... I am not kind or giving.. I am mean and selfish... so I am so thankful for the hand of God in my life.. loving me when I am unloveable... and helping me to become a loveable person that He is proud to claim as His own...

Matthew 5: 43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.

Matthew 6: 5 “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. 6 But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.

I think almost everyone in the world is guilty of these two things... I think we all would also swear we are not...
it is easy to love someone who is loveable... and those are the ones we love.. but when we have the 'sandpaper' people in our lives... the ones that rub us the wrong way.. the ones who are abrasive... those are the ones we would just rather avoid than to love... yet I really believe these sandpaper people are put in our lives by God... if we allow Him to change us.. using these people... we can learn to overcome the constant need to satisfy self... and give in to others above our own thoughts...

I think that we also all think we do not draw attention to ourselves for the things we do for someone else.. yet somehow... we still desire that recognition on some level.. if we didn't.. then the lack of recognition or attention wouldn't bother us... while this scripture is talking about prayer.. it is still the same principle... we want recognized for our contribution.. even though we really believe we don't.. I found this out about myself just recently....

someone sent me an email today that said what we give out is what we draw to ourselves.. so if we give love.. we draw love.. if we give peace.. we draw peace.. if we give kindness.. we draw kindness... maybe we are not as good at these things as we imagine we are...

Father change our hearts.. purify us so that we can stop thinking of self.. and be the selfless person you are calling us to be.. in Jesus name I ask it.. amen.amen.amen.

1 samuel 15: 9 Saul and his men spared Agag’s life and kept the best of the sheep and goats, the cattle, the fat calves, and the lambs—everything, in fact, that appealed to them. They destroyed only what was worthless or of poor quality. 10 Then the Lord said to Samuel, 11 “I am sorry that I ever made Saul king, for he has not been loyal to me and has refused to obey my command.” Samuel was so deeply moved when he heard this that he cried out to the Lord all night. 12 Early the next morning Samuel went to find Saul. Someone told him, “Saul went to the town of Carmel to set up a monument to himself; then he went on to Gilgal.”
22 But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams. 23 Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols. So because you have rejected the command of the Lord, he has rejected you as king.” 30 Then Saul pleaded again, “I know I have sinned. But please, at least honor me before the elders of my people and before Israel by coming back with me so that I may worship the Lord your God.”
35 Samuel never went to meet with Saul again, but he mourned constantly for him. And the Lord was sorry he had ever made Saul king of Israel.

this story is so tragic to me.. saul... decided to go against what God said.. slightly.... slightly obedient.. slightly disobedient... he was supposed to kill everything at all of the amalekites.. women children babies livestock.. everything... he kept the best of the livestock.. then states his intention is to sacrifice it to God... and he saved the king too.. (which samuel himself killed at the end of it..) I never before realized that saul had went to carmel to set up a monument to himself!! that surely wasn't good...
how often are we partially obedient.. only to the place where it is too uncomfortable.. I have to admit that I am guilty....
how often do we set up monuments to ourselves.. even if not out loud.. in our own mind... thinking of all we do for others and how much we give of ourselves... how hard we work.. how hard we try to live like Christ.. isn't all this supposed to be a monument to Christ.. yet here we are.. thinking of all it cost us....

saul acknowledges his sin.. repents.. confesses.. tries to make it right... still he is rejected by God.. samuel never meets with him again... saul did not lose his position at that time.. even though david was annointed as king shortly afterward.. saul stayed king until his death which was obviously some years later... yet he lost his position with God.. he lost his mind.. he lost his relationships....
I pray in the name of Jesus that no rebellion or disobedience I ever do causes God to truly leave me... the bible says He will not ever leave us nor forsake us.. yet it happens to saul... I don't understand it... it isn't for me to understand I guess.. but it should scare me enough to make me cautious about my own actions of rebellion or disobedience... to imagine God was sorry He chose me would be horrible...

Psalms 51: Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. 13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you. 14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves; then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness. 15 Unseal my lips, O Lord, that my mouth may praise you. 16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering.17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God. 18 Look with favor on Zion and help her; rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. 19 Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—

last week I was thinking about cain and abel.. and abel's offering was accepted and cain's was not... and cain got mad and killed abel... ridiculous how we get angry with others about things that really have to do with our own issues of the heart... we get upset when things don't go as we believe they should... we are hurt by things people say.. and instead of releasing them to God.. we harbor them.. sometimes knowingly.. sometimes unknowingly.. and our heart gets hardened.. and then our heart is a mess....

surely we still offer sacrifices that are unpleasing to God and He rejects them.. sometimes sacrifices of service or time or whatever it may be.. if our heart is not right with God.. then He doesn't want the sacrifice.. He wants our heart...

when we finally come to the place of repentance.. and realize it is about our own heart issues more than what someone has done... then we can be cleansed and forgiven and made right with God again... and thank God for that!!

Galatians 5: 16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.
19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.

the truth of it all is... when we are controlled by the Spirit of God.. we do not desire the things of this world... and when we are controlled by the spirit of this world.. we desire the things of it...

we want to give God certain pieces of ourselves and our lives but we don't want to give Him everything.. and until we give Him everything.. then the battle to be of this world will rage on... we desire to be what we desire to be.. not what He is changing us into.. it is uncomfortable to be the way He would have us to be... it goes against everything we have ever found comfort in....

as usual.. the issue is within ourselves.. we like to believe that we cannot do any better.. and it is not true... we just don't desire to do any better...

2 Corinthians 12:  Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

what would you consider your greatest weakness? so often we look at what our strengths are... but what is your greatest weakness?

previously I would have said it was my mouth... I would have said that both my strength and my weakness are in my mouth.... much of my value in the kingdom of God has been done with my speaking... but also I have caused destruction with this mouth too... I have used the word of God to encourage people... I have also used it to bring conviction or judgement.. which is probably not my place to begin with...
while I am not saying I am right with this mouth or tongue at all times.. I would say that God has taught me to speak less... and only say what is necessary much of the time.. and it usually works.. unless I am angry... then I would say I fall back to the old ways...

I would say now.. that my greatest weakness... which God desires to use as my greatest strength... is my heart.... it is the love that God places in me for others... He wants me to use this to His glory... but I openly admit that I am not to that place yet much of the time... I can show love when it does not cost me anything... but when I get emotionally invested... then I find myself withdrawing yet again... and while I know that this is not God's will for me.. yet I see myself doing it.. trying to protect myself... I would say that trying to protect myself has not been very successful... and I am getting hurt regardless of trying to hide from it... but still I try to protect my heart....
I guess that like God took control of my mouth... He will slowly gain control of the heart too... yet I fear that day more than long for it...

your greatest value on this earth is probably wrapped up in your greatest weakness... give it to God and allow Him to gain glory from it... and become strong in Him rather than in your own strength...

I don't have a scripture for today... I looked over several... ready to say words of encouragement and hopes of uplifting someone's spirit... but what of the days of silence from God.. what about the time when the days lead into months... the months maybe will lead into years.. good Lord I pray that doesn't happen!!

the children of Israel went for a period of 400 years when God was silent.. there was not even prophets in the land... no one at all heard from God... I wonder what you are supposed to do during times like that.... 400years.. that would mean that generation after generation would live through times when they would not hear from God.. would we be able to hold on to what God had said in the past? would the word of God from the books of the bible be enough for us to continue to believe? would we continue to teach our children who God is? would there still be church? how would the man of God get a message if God is not speaking? would it then be just a man's message of teaching of the word? and not a divine word?

apparently I am in a period of silence from God.. I am not even sure how long this silence has gone on... sometimes I feel that I hear from God regularly... other times I feel I am only hearing my own thoughts... I have not had a true 'revelation' of light in a very very long time.... what is it that God wants from me? where is there to go? is it even possible to leave God? I don't know that I have ever had that ability... I feel that is somewhat impossible to do.... if I run away will God chase me down? if I believed He would, I would probably get to running this very day... just to get some kind of real communication from Him....

what do we do when we are lost and alone?
I know.. we can say that God is always with us.. He never leaves us or forsakes us.. yet anyone who cannot hear the voice or call of God anymore is pretty sure that He is not here...
speak Lord.. your servant really needs to hear Your voice.....

Galatians 5: 19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.

I have heard it say that everyone who accepts Christ and is saved has the fruit of the Spirit within them... I would imagine if that were the case.. then we would no longer have the desires of the flesh within us... I gotta say... that does not really seem to be truth.. there are times when surely I can display more of the flesh than the fruit of the spirit... there are some of the fruit of the spirit that I seem to have none at all of....

my imagination is this... as we grow.. as we mature.. as we strive to be more like Christ daily... the things of this earth fall away... and the things of the spirit become more evident... this is the truth of me it seems... I am far more gentle and have more self control than I did even 6 months ago... I am not as prone to hostility as I once was... I am not as argumentative.. not as jealous... I have more peace.. more patience...

maybe at the end of the road.. we will be an image of God... and full of the fruit of the spirit.. but I believe it is a daily process... something that Christ is working out within us... and I am thankful that while I may not be who I should be.. I am not who I used to be either..

Genesis 32: 24 This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break. 25 When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” 27 “What is your name?” the man asked. He replied, “Jacob.” 28 “Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “From now on you will be called Israel, because you have fought with God and with men and have won.” 29 “Please tell me your name,” Jacob said. “Why do you want to know my name?” the man replied. Then he blessed Jacob there.

can you imagine fighting with God and winning?
some days I can't imagine fighting with man and winning much less fighting God and winning...

I woke up in the middle of the night from a dream.. I don't even know what the dream was.. but I remember thinking how mean I have become... and it flashes through my mind back to times in school when I was young when I felt like an outcast.. like no one liked me... now realistically... I don't have to flash back to see that... that is still reality for me.. it seems that I never fit in with people.. I am too strong willed.. to sure of myself.. too confident... I make other people feel insecure it seems... but I remember when I was young I was very mean... and I think some times.. the less we sin outwardly... the more we sin inwardly... it almost feels as if God would rather us have the outward sins than the inward ones.. the ones where we are unkind or we are self righteous.. those are worse than being a falling down drunk... I think God liked me better when I was full of sin and full of confessing it... full of remorse for it... easily able to see everything that was wrong with me because I was a mess on the outside...

this morning I asked God to give me understanding.. understanding who I am.. understanding why I am becoming mean again... understanding why I am so ridiculously insecure when I used to be so very confident... and how can it all be fixed... what exactly is it that He wants from me... as I am sure that right now I have no idea...

so I would say that surely I am in a battle with the Lord.. but surely I am not winning... but I do believe that still He blesses me...