the bible tells us that God does not look at the outward appearance of a person but looks at the heart... what does your heart look like really?

I have to be honest with myself and state that my heart is not looking too good right now and I am not sure God would choose me... I have been dealing with someone that is rude and disrespectful and I have come to not want anything to do with this person... more than that.. I see myself almost wishing harm on this person.. I don't think I would feel badly if something happened to them.. I can almost hear myself thinking that this was their just reward... 

well what if God gave me my just reward? would I still be alive to learn this lesson today? likely not... 

what is it that makes us think life should go great for us.. and some others too.. as long as they are not an issue to us.. but when they cause us havoc.. then we don't wish them well anymore.. well I think all of this is a natural response to being treated badly.. does that make it right? no... 

the true test of having the love of God for other people is to be able to pray blessings upon our enemies and wishing them well in spite of what they have done or how they are treating us... 

clearly I am still a work in progress.. thank you Lord for not giving up on me..