Romans 7: 22I love God’s law with all my heart. 23But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

the longer I live for God completely... the less I live in sin... this doesn't mean that I am not sinning.. it means for me that I am no longer usually intentionally sinning.. it is not a planned choice like it used to be in the past... 

daily my thoughts are to bring glory to God.. to be pleasing to His eyes.. and that is what I am striving for.. yet occassionally things will pop up that I don't respond to right.. I react instead of acting.. I don't wait until the moment has passed and think about what I am going to say in response.. these are my usual sins... 

then you have things we don't like to think of as sin... like putting something else before God.. like not obeying in the small things we don't want to do... not serving God as we should be.. not tithing... staying angry and bitter against someone longer than we should... 

we will never be all that Christ has created us to be.. but daily as we continue to walk closely with Him.. we should be transformed to look more like Him and less like our past.. and for this I am thankful.. 

proverbs 19: 13A foolish child is a calamity to a father; a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping. 14Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the lord can give an understanding wife.

women don't really understand the power they have in this world.. we tend to use our looks or sex as a means to getting our way... this is really not something that will last... 

when we sit and argue all the time about nothing it causes our mates to just block us out.. now trust me.. I realize this is one of the hardest lessons a woman can ever learn.. first of all because we are usually sure we are right... secondly because it is just annoying when someone doesn't want to hear you just because you are usually right... BUT.. if we can stop arguing.. stop talking at all really... then a man will begin to hear your voice.. maybe even start to want to hear you talk... and then be able to hear what you are saying... 

this scripture says that only God can give an understanding wife.. I believe this is true because most women are talkers just for the sake of hearing ourselves talk.. and we are arguers.. but most men don't want to hear either of these things.. so if we allow God to change us into a woman He desires us to be.. we will be less talkative.. less argumentative.. and far more understanding... because that come from God... 

Lord help me be the woman you desire for me to become.. not the one that life created... amen.

1 samuel 14: 24 Now the men of Israel were pressed to exhaustion that day, because Saul had placed them under an oath, saying, “Let a curse fall on anyone who eats before evening—before I have full revenge on my enemies.” So no one ate anything all day, 25 even though they had all found honeycomb on the ground in the forest. 26 They didn’t dare touch the honey because they all feared the oath they had taken.

27 But Jonathan had not heard his father’s command, and he dipped the end of his stick into a piece of honeycomb and ate the honey. After he had eaten it, he felt refreshed.[f] 28 But one of the men saw him and said, “Your father made the army take a strict oath that anyone who eats food today will be cursed. That is why everyone is weary and faint.”

29 “My father has made trouble for us all!” Jonathan exclaimed. “A command like that only hurts us. See how refreshed I am now that I have eaten this little bit of honey. 30 If the men had been allowed to eat freely from the food they found among our enemies, think how many more Philistines we could have killed!”

42 Then Saul said, “Now cast lots again and choose between me and Jonathan.” And Jonathan was shown to be the guilty one.43 “Tell me what you have done,” Saul demanded of Jonathan. "I tasted a little honey,” Jonathan admitted. “It was only a little bit on the end of my stick. Does that deserve death?” 44 “Yes, Jonathan,” Saul said, “you must die! May God strike me and even kill me if you do not die for this.”

45 But the people broke in and said to Saul, “Jonathan has won this great victory for Israel. Should he die? Far from it! As surely as the Lord lives, not one hair on his head will be touched, for God helped him do a great deed today.” So the people rescued Jonathan, and he was not put to death.

​I have read this several times in my lifetime.. but when I read it recently it caused me to think about our words... we don't really think when we speak many times.. too often we say things that bring curses and we don't even know we have done it.. we might tell someone they are stupid or fat or ugly... we might tell someone we hope they die... 

we speak death and destruction day after day and the enemy has allowed us to view it under the lens of joking or teasing... 

then what happens when someone stops seeing themselves as valuable and beautiful.. all because of words we have said and didn't even mean.... 

how many curses have we spoken unknowingly.. just like saul did... ​

2 kings 15: 3He did what was pleasing in the lord’s sight, just as his father, Amaziah, had done. 4But he did not destroy the pagan shrines, and the people still offered sacrifices and burned incense there. 5The lord struck the king with leprosy, which lasted until the day he died. He lived in isolation in a separate house. The king’s son Jotham was put in charge of the royal palace, and he governed the people of the land.

Uzziah was pleasing to God.. why then would God strike him with leprosy and cause him to be separated.. living in isolation?

I think we really don't know God.. we see God as someone who does all that we want Him to do... plans out our lives in ways to make us happy everyday.. having everything we want... 

well I think we need to read the old testament as much as we read the new testament... we need to see that everything God does is for the good and the furthering of His kingdom.. now what we want or think or desire.. 

God loves you every day.. more than you love yourself even.. but that is not going to make everything easy and happy... not always.. and sometime.. depending on His plan for you specifically.. it might never be that way... but it is still for your good.. to make you the person He created you to be.. to fulfill the plan that He has for your life in His kingdom... 

so how was the leprosy for Uzziah's good? possibly the whole purpose was so that others who read the bible can see that life is not always easy.. we are not always healed.. we are not always prosperous.. we are not always what we want to be.. but we are always exactly what God planned out for us to be.. and because of what our purpose is.. others can look at our lives and see something in their own lives of value too... 

we always live for someone else's benefit.. and God will work out His perfect will and purpose in our lives.. every time.. 

 2 kings 2: 9 When they came to the other side, Elijah said to Elisha, “Tell me what I can do for you before I am taken away.” And Elisha replied, “Please let me inherit a double share of your spirit and become your successor.”

10 “You have asked a difficult thing,” Elijah replied. “If you see me when I am taken from you, then you will get your request. But if not, then you won’t.”

​ ​

11 As they were walking along and talking, suddenly a chariot of fire appeared, drawn by horses of fire. It drove between the two men, separating them, and Elijah was carried by a whirlwind into heaven. 12 Elisha saw it and cried out, “My father! My father! I see the chariots and charioteers of Israel!” And as they disappeared from sight, Elisha tore his clothes in distress.

​usually we would look at this and think that it is not for Elisha to ask to be Elijah's successor.. we would look at it as if this is pride.. now I know that he was already ​told by God and Elijah that he would be the one to take Elijah's place.. 

sometimes God will tell us something great about ourself and our future and we accept it.. are happy for it.. and then comes this horrific lesson of humbling us.. so that we know it has nothing to do with our own greatness but all about God's greatness.. 

surely this is what Joseph dealt with where his brothers were concerned.. they didn't believe his dreams.. they were thinking he was saying he was better than them... really he was just saying what God had said to him... 

it is very hard to know what to tell to who.. it is hard to know what is God's will and what is our will when they become the same thing.. what I have learned is that we just need to go forward every day.. right where we are.. and God will open the road before us.. that is what I am believing.. 

Psalms 132: 13 For the Lord has chosen Jerusalem; he has desired it for his home. 14 “This is my resting place forever,” he said. “I will live here, for this is the home I desired. 15 I will bless this city and make it prosperous; I will satisfy its poor with food. 16 I will clothe its priests with godliness; its faithful servants will sing for joy. 17 Here I will increase the power of David; my anointed one will be a light for my people. 18 I will clothe his enemies with shame, but he will be a glorious king.”

this is what God proclaims about Jerusalem and the descendants of david.. on the throne but surely after they were taken from the throne too.. 

but we look at Jerusalem and see all the turmoil... look at all the horrific things that have happened to the Israelites.. and still is happening today.. yet some how we think we should never have attrocities happen to us and our nation.. and we are surely not living by the ways of God as a nation in general... 

only God has the power of life and death.. no one can do anything God did not allow.. that is such a hard reality for some people.. to think that God allows terrible things to happen.. but He does.. it is all through the bible.. look at what His own Son lived and died.. and that was a horrific agonizing death.. and we try to sugarcoat it and say He died FOR us.. regardless of that being truth.. it was a horrific death.. and horribly painful... and God allowed it.. even planned it out that way... 

terrible things do not mean God is not in control... maybe He is trying to teach us something about ourselves instead of always looking for what it is saying about someone else.. Maybe we should be looking within.. 

1 Kings 11: Now King Solomon loved many foreign women. Besides Pharaoh’s daughter, he married women from Moab, Ammon, Edom, Sidon, and from among the Hittites. 2 The Lord had clearly instructed the people of Israel, “You must not marry them, because they will turn your hearts to their gods.” Yet Solomon insisted on loving them anyway. 3 He had 700 wives of royal birth and 300 concubines. And in fact, they did turn his heart away from the Lord.

thinking... 

so God is telling men and women not to be with multiple people and surely not to be with people who don't follow His ways... saying that it will turn our hearts from being loyal to Him... 

now I completely agree with this!! I have seen it in my own life.. not that I have been with 100 men or anything.. but any man I have been with got between me and God.. so I would say to some extent it turned my heart from Him.. now of course I will never leave God over a man.. that is certain.. but it does cause issues... 

then I think about men.. most of the men I have known in my life have not been faithful to one woman.. this does not mean it is not possible.. I believe some are.. but I think it seems to be very rare... and in them being with multiple women (at the same time too.. I could never do that) they imagine this will not affect their relationship with God.. but I think it does.. and I think it doesn't matter how committed you are to God.. it still gets in the way.. not necessarily pulling you completely from God.. but it blocks your hearing and your keeping God first in our lives... that is a battle with one significant other.. imagine more than one person being 'intimate' with you at a time... 

so often.. we read the bible and can't really hear what God is saying because it is not what we want to hear... sadly..