Job 30: 20 “I cry to you, O God, but you don’t answer. I stand before you, but you don’t even look. 21 You have become cruel toward me. You use your power to persecute me. 22 You throw me into the whirlwind and destroy me in the storm. 23 And I know you are sending me to my death— the destination of all who live. 24 “Surely no one would turn against the needy
when they cry for help in their trouble. 25 Did I not weep for those in trouble? Was I not deeply grieved for the needy? 26 So I looked for good, but evil came instead. I waited for the light, but darkness fell. 27 My heart is troubled and restless. Days of suffering torment me. 28 I walk in gloom, without sunlight. I stand in the public square and cry for help. 29 Instead, I am considered a brother to jackals and a companion to owls. 30 My skin has turned dark, and my bones burn with fever. 1 My harp plays sad music, and my flute accompanies those who weep.

sometimes we think that all we do is complain... while reading this scripture... we should know that feeling defeated in a long battle is not so uncommon... to feel that even God is against us is fairly normal...

for me... I feel like things we so much easier when I was just a babe in the walk... God babied me.. He coddled me.. He was so constant.. so true.. so loud... the deeper the walk gets.. the less He talks.. He is building trust and faith.. but it doesn't much feel like that is what it is... it feels like He just doesn't care anymore... it feels like He is absent.. as though He is off taking care of other children of His that He seems to like better than me...

but that does not line up with what the bible tells me about Him.. the bible says He will never leave me nor forsake me.. that He is a constant help in the time of need.. so I can go off my feelings.. or I can trust in the word and know that regardless of what things look like or feel like... God is still here.. He is still in control.. He still loves me.. He is still my Father and my God...

and that is what I choose to believe...