Job 23: 2-9

2 “Even today my complaint is bitter; his hand is heavy in spite of my groaning. 3 If only I knew where to find him; if only I could go to his dwelling! 4 I would state my case before him and fill my mouth with arguments. 5 I would find out what he would answer me, and consider what he would say to me. 6 Would he vigorously oppose me? No, he would not press charges against me. 7 There the upright can establish their innocence before him, and there I would be delivered forever from my judge.

8 “But if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him. 9 When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.

how many times have we searched for God and been unable to find him... for me... it has been many times... I find as you mature in Christ... He seems to feel that you don't need all the specialized attention that you needed when you were just a baby... (thinking that relationships with men seem to be like that too...) He may not feel that way.. that is the way I perceive it... that He feels that you can stay in your word and learn to stand strong in spite of not 'feeling' Him.. we are to know that He will never leave us nor forsake us.. yet we want to feel His presence constantly and God just really is not willing to give that to the average person... maybe a preacher or something.. but surely not the regular folk.... we need to be stable without constant reassurance.. we need to know that He will be true to His word.. we need to learn to trust what He said even when it does not look like it is the truth...

His hand is heavy upon me... I have felt His heavy hand... or was it my own wrong doing... I am sure that both have been the truth.. but there are times.. no matter how righteous we live... some days we just feel crushed... and we can't find God and get an answer about what in the world is wrong...

now Job says that he is innocent... that he has been upright... and that because of this.. he doesn't understand why God is opposing him... I am not sure that even on my best day I can pretend that I am innocent... I would say that I am upright... because I truly strive to live without sin... although I fall to the left and the right... usually involving things that I say... yet I am striving... so I feel God would see me as upright... as long as I am confessing my falling and trying to get it right with His help... to say I am righteous... I believe I am righteous... not because of how I live... not even because God thinks I am special... but because I am washed in the blood of Jesus... so I am purified and cleansed and God is able to look upon me because of Christ's great sacrifice...

I long for a glimpse of God... a few hours heavily in His presence.... renewing me for the journey ahead... but in this time of solitude.. I will remember the words of the scripture that says lo I am with you always.. even unto the ends of the earth... and be comforted by the word of God...