Matthew 1: ¹⁸ This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. ¹⁹ Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. ²⁰ As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit.


I was thinking this afternoon... about something... and God brings Mary to my mind... and how she must have felt... she becomes pregnant by God.. still a virgin... all this while she is already engaged to Joseph... who know he didn't sleep with her.. yet she says she is pregnant... and he is saying that he doesn't want to publically disgrace her and so decides to break the engagement quietly... "as he considered this..."

we don't know how long he considered this... we don't know all that went on in her life or her town during this time.. I can't imagine no one at all knew... I can't imagine everyone wasn't talking about her... I would think they were... but even if no one at all knew except her and Joseph... I was thinking about how she must have felt....

first of all.. these are arranged marriages.. so there is no proof that he even loved her... just that he was committed... to the arrangement... not necessarily to her personally... I am thinking she was very hurt about all this... she was probably thinking that she didn't necessarily want this particular man... yet she was willing to go forward in it... then God comes along and she becomes pregnant... again... none of this being anything she asked for... yet she was willing to go forward in it... then this man... that has been chosen for her... gets the idea that she is not all that he imagined or expected her to be... through no fault of her own... and here she is... while he is considering all this....

I am believing that she was feeling very betrayed by this man... sure.. his feelings were understandable... but weren't hers too?... how often do we really think about how hard this was for her in the time between Joseph finding out she is betrayed and the time that he is told by God that she was telling the truth all along... it is easy to see how mad he was.. how he felt she had been untrue to him... personally... I am feeling somewhat like he was untrue to her in his actions too... I don't mean about women or anything... but he didn't believe in her... he assumed she was something less than a great gift from God...

it hurts when someone believes us to be less than what we are... I have found this in my own life.. I did nothing wrong.. I tried to be exactly who God has called me to be.. yet someone determined to see me as less than what God said I am...

this week.. I learned that my purpose is not necessarily in how things play themselves out in my life... maybe it is not a vision being fulfilled... maybe my purpose is just to shine the love of God and the light of Jesus out through my day to day life... I cannot look for a vision to make me who I am supposed to be... I cannot let my future be determined by anyone other than God Himself... and I will continue to live for Him.. I will continue to do all that God has called me to do... and I pray His light will shine out from my life.. if that is possible...

I am defeated.. I have lost my vision... I have lost my future... but I have not lost my God... and in the end.. He is all that really matters...