today I am just talking..
I think have realized why so many of us.. myself included.. follow God for a time and then fall away...

Matthew 13: 3 He told many stories in the form of parables, such as this one: “Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. 4 As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. 5 Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. 6 But the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn’t have deep roots, they died. 7 Other seeds fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants. 8 Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted! 9 Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.”

I think when time goes on.. we get weary.. we can't see the change we are looking for.. things are even harder than they were when we were in the world.. so as the trials and storms of life come on us... we fall away.. get washed away.. fall back into what is easier and more familiar... but if we remain true.. if we stand strong and continue forward.. there will be a harvest.. it may not be what we wanted it to be.. it may only be the lives that our own stories change.. but we will see the kingdom of God advanced.. if we only stand strong through the storms..

so many times in the past I followed God for a year or two.. then the world called me back.. because God was obviously not my first love.. I felt like so many others that I could keep one foot in the church and one foot in the world.. that going out really didn't affect me... I still loved God.. I still attended church.. fornication wasn't ruining my walk with God... yet if I am honest with myself.. these things DID affect my walk and my relationship with God.. I allowed the world into my mind.. and I was not completely devoted to God.. instead I was completely devoted to self.. with a little God on the side.. just for good measure...

so this time.. as I have remained faithful.. although not sinless.. I still see the struggle being in the mind.. it just seems so much smarter to think like the world.. it is so much safer.. we cannot be hurt if we cannot be touched... but as I continue to focus on what is right and pure and honorable and good.. and cast out the thoughts of what might be... then my life is being changed.. my heart is being cleansed..

I wondered how someone I know was so.. polly purebred all the time.. and this is the answer.. her mind is focused on the things of God and that which is pure.. and she is not allowing the ugly of the world to invade her mind long enough to made her worldly wise.. she is not allowing the circumstances that she lives to harden her heart.. she is centered.. in her mind.. on Christ.. above all else..

and I wanna be just like her when I grow up!