a few years ago something really tragic happened in my family... my sister's son killed my brother's son... it was an act of self defense.. they were both drunk and stupid and someone pulled a gun so someone protected his family and also pulled a gun and shot... tragic..

but what was more tragic was the fact that my brothers and sisters have allowed one tragic act to destroy the entire family... instead of just looking at the situation as horrible for the whole family.. they determined to lay blame on one another's children and now they don't speak.. they don't see one another...

and what I have really seen happen in this circumstance is for everyone's heart to become hard and bitter... and THAT is the real tragedy...

I wondered.. would we think that forgiveness is a learned behavior? would we imagine that a family doesn't forgive one another because they really haven't been taught how to be forgiving? or is it because they are unwilling to do the right thing? or is it really because God is not in the center of all of their lives....

we always hear that forgiveness is not as much for the other person as it is for the one doing the forgiving.. I would say that in the past I didn't believe this.. because I was the one that needed to forgive someone who had been wrong toward me.. but now.. when I can see this from the outside in.. I feel like the ones that need to forgive are the ones suffering.. and the saddest part to me is the fact that they don't even know it.. they cannot see their bitterness and how it is infecting their children.. and for generations to come they will now live with the fact of unforgiveness being a new generational curse...

I remember just recently telling my son that he needed to forgive his father for being the way that he has been... and my son didn't want to do it.. but I believe he did in the end and I am so glad that he did...

the bible tells us to protect our heart... we often feel like this is a free pass to treat someone else the same way they treated us.. that we don't need to be loving to everyone because we are protecting our heart... well is it possible.. that protecting your heart is really about protecting it from the bitterness that comes from unforgiveness.. the hardness of heart that the world views give us...

I believe that if we love with all our hearts.. everyone.. regardless of what they have done to us... then God will protect us from being destroyed.. we may get hurt.. everyone gets hurt.. but it will not destroy us.. and if we keep from getting bitter and angry.. we can grow from these situations...

people used to think I was such a strong person because of the things I have lived through.. it was not true.. I was very weak.. I was very hardhearted and unforgiving and angry and bitter... as I have become transformed by God.. I am much stronger now.. I can now love you in spite of how you act.. I may not agree with you.. but that doesn't make me be hard toward you anymore.. I can love someone I don't like anymore.. this is a much stronger person than the one who hates and is bitter...

I am so thankful to have learned the importance of forgiveness in our lives.. it has changed me...