Proverbs 2: 1-11

1 My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands. 2 Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. 3 Cry out for insight,
and ask for understanding. 4 Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. 5 Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God. 6 For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. 7 He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity. 8 He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him.
9 Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will find the right way to go. 10 For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. 11 Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.

you know what I thought about when reading this.... "Just because we know right.. Doesn't mean we will do right..." I have had many days... even now.. that I know what is the RIGHT thing to do... yet I don't always do it... I will say that I do it more often than I did in the past... but I still am not always the one to do the right thing...

I can usually always give someone the right advice... the right way to do something.. but that surely doesn't mean that I will always do it... and that is ridiculous because... as in the scripture above... we SEARCH for understanding and wisdom.. for God's way of doing something.. then we turn around and do something else? after we searched for the right answer?? what is that really about??

it says wise choice will watch over you and understanding will keep you safe... I am sure that is the truth... if only we could do what we know we should do... wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will fill you with joy....

it's funny.. we think about the Israelites.. especially during the time they left egypt.. and we think ugh!! come on people!! don't you trust God yet?? don't you see all the times He has provided a miracle to pul you out... how dumb can you be??? you keep going into bonage because you turn from God.... and look at us... going into bondage of another sort.. over and over.. after God has reached down and drug us up out...

self... selfishness... self love.. self pity... this is why we sin... if we can ever get over ourselves.. ever get over wanting to feel good... that would be the key... the key is not knowledge.. it is the ability to deny self...

yesterday I had decided to do a 3 day fast... I have been feeling led to a fast for a few weeks now... and I openly admit that I would rather fast anything other than food... I determined that in this 3 days of fasting... I would read the word and pray morning noon and again at night... seeking God... desiring Him...

I will have you know that I didn't last even 1/2 a day... as far as the fasting food part goes... and truth told.. I didn't eat because I was hungry... it was a mental thing.. I just could not deny myself food... I rationalized.. saying... I have given up EVERYTHING... even sugar and white flour on the food front... I don't want to give up not one more thing... God doesn't really care if we starve ourselves for a day....

then in the evening.. comes that still small voice... telling me.. it really has nothing to do with food... it has to do with the inner me... the fact that I don't want to deny myself in the name of Christ... the fact that I can SAY that God is everything to me and can't go even one day without eating... it is really about putting me first... not God... even to the degree of needing to control what I eat... what I don't eat... because the food is irrelevant.. we are made to eat... we need to eat to be nourished... it is about the fact that I don't want to suffer even something this minor for God...

and I was very disgusted with my selfish self....

now do I think this is the end of the road... surely not... I will get up again and try again.. this time with the mindset that I do this because I really do love the Lord and desire to be in communion with Him... even to the point of denying myself food for a short while....

so none of our failures are the end.. they are just a new beginning... using Christ as the focus to walk through it.. instead of our own will.. our own thought that we can do it on our own...