Genesis 5: 21 When Enoch was 65 years old, he became the father of Methuselah. 22 After the birth of Methuselah, Enoch lived in close fellowship with God for another 300 years, and he had other sons and daughters. 23 Enoch lived 365 years, 24 walking in close fellowship with God. Then one day he disappeared, because God took him.

the first thing I notice in this small passage... and in the ones surrounding it... is that with each of the men mentioned.. it tells their age when they have the first child and the name of the first son.. after that it is only told that they had other sons and daughters... 

idk if that is because the first son is the one that passes on the name.. or if he is the only one that is talked about... is it to show us the significance of the first born son? I really am not sure what the reason is behind it.. when it comes to noah though, it give the name of three sons... 

Enoch was the only man other than Elijah that didn't die and was taken up into the heavens by God... for me personally... that tells me that they lived an exceptional life in God's eyes... David had a heart like God's own heart and yet he was not taken up into the heavens without death... 

that is amazing in many ways... first of all.. how would someone in a physical body live in the heavens? what would your life be like in order for God to think so much of you that He didn't want you to experience death... about Enoch it states that he walked with God.. didn't Adam also walk with God in the evenings?

clearly I don't have any answers.. I just wonder what it is that draws God to one person above another... we will never know the answer to that or at least not until we see Him face to face... 

Proverbs 19:14 14Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the lord can give an understanding wife.

I saw this as a response of what I was talking about yesterday...  we need to make the right choices.. we need to choose someone who puts God first in their life.. someone who can manage whatever amount of money they are blessed with... and someone who treats us with respect...

that is our responsibility..

but in truth.. we still don't know what type of spouse that person will be... we know that people don't show who they really are for a long time... so while they look good on the inside.. they could be very ugly on the inside.. everything we see might actually be a show.. just to get us to commit to them... 

but if we have peace that God has given us this person.. that this is the spouse of His choice... then the rest is up to Him... and it is His choice to give us someone who is clean and right on the inside... not perfect.. but good.. deep down within... 

almost every time I have talked to a man.. I have heard God tell me no... for me to continue to talk to that person.. which I usually did.. was insanity... that is one lesson I have learned for certain.. the day I hear God say no.. that is the day I am done entertaining the idea that I may be with this person... now I may still talk to them.. maybe even go out to dinner.. but inside.. I know I am done.. and I am sure that on the outside it is clear too... I can be your friend after that.. but all thoughts of relationship are gone.. 

so I will do my part.. and I will trust God to do His... 

so I am driving to work... and I realize... the enemy has used women to destroy the family... now we don't see it like this.. and we don't want to hear that.. but it is true.. it started long ago with the whole women's rights movement.. not that I don't believe women should have rights.. I do.. but when we fought for that.. we got to believing that we are 'equal.. meaning the same as' a man.. and that is not biblical... so because we are equal.. we decided we don't need a man.. and we divorced them.. we all know men 90% of the time will not leave a marriage.. the women leave them.. tired of whatever they are putting up with... 

now don't imagine that I feel this means we should have to deal with a bunch of mess all the time.. but I think when we marry the wrong man.. that is just the result... I think at that point.. when abuse is not involved.. then we need to decide to work through more things than what we are willing to work through.. and in this I believe we as women will be changed to be more loving... more caring... less selfish.. which is really what I believe God created a woman to be... 

I believe in God's eyes it is the woman that holds the family together.. while the man is supposed to be the head.. he cannot be who he needs to be without a strong woman supporting him.. men tend to be very insecure even when they aren't someone who shows insecurity.. so he may be the head.. but she is the backbone of the family and of the marriage.. 

so I really believe that through women's rights.. we have destroyed the family... we want equal rights when it is convenient... we have given up being stay at home mothers.. we have given up having our doors opened.. we have given up having a man pay for our dinner.. we have done all these things under the illusion of women's rights... 

me personally.. I would go back to the time when a woman's job would only consist of being a secretary in order to be protected and loved by a man.. which was God's plan I believe.. men abused the power.. and we abused the rights... now everyone is separate... and again.. the woman has given the fruit of the enemy to the man... 

Psalms 106: 14 In the wilderness their desires ran wild, testing God’s patience in that dry wasteland. 15  So he gave them what they asked for, but he sent a plague along with it.

I admit that in the wilderness my desires run wild.... 

sometimes it feels like when we do the right thing for a long time that we start to feel we deserve more or better or even just different..

I find this to be true in life with doing right financially.. sexually.. even in my eating habits... after I do the right thing for a long time I imagine if I give in and just satisfy these crazy desires for a little while... then I will be 'better' than right now... and the truth is that I never am... if I look at it from my finances.. it just sets me back a little more from the goal... if I were to do it in my sexual purity I am sure at this point that I would be horrified after the fact... and even with eating.. if I eat the wrong things for a few days in a row I start to feel sluggish and just icky.... 

I wondered about God sending them a plague to go along with what they really thought they wanted... and I know that I do NOT want anything so badly that I am willing to risk a plague to go along with it... and yet here we are.. time after time we fall short and do the wrong thing make the wrong choice and have to start again... 

the good news is... that even though we are so much like the israelites and we fall time and again... God is always willing to help us back up.. there is none like Him... and I am so thankful for His mercy and grace and love... 

Psalms 106: 12 Then they believed his promises and sang his praise. 13 But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his plan to unfold. 

14  In the desert they gave in to their craving; in the wilderness they put God to the test. 15  So he gave them what they asked for, but sent a wasting disease among them. 16  In the camp they grew envious of Moses and of Aaron, who was consecrated to the Lord. 17  The earth opened up and swallowed Dathan; it buried the company of Abiram. 18  Fire blazed among their followers; a flame consumed the wicked. 19  At Horeb they made a calf and worshiped an idol cast from metal. 20  They exchanged their glorious God for an image of a bull, which eats grass. 21  They forgot the God who saved them, who had done great things in Egypt, 22  miracles in the land of Ham and awesome deeds by the Red Sea. 23  So he said he would destroy them— had not Moses, his chosen one, stood in the breach before him to keep his wrath from destroying them. 24  Then they despised the pleasant land; they did not believe his promise.

dear God... please let me never cease in waiting for YOUR plan to unfold... let me not give in to my own desires but instead be steadfast and unmoveable.. seeking only Your will.. amen.

often I do not hear God say yes or this is right.. but I ALWAYS hear when something is a no.. I need to be sure to avoid the NO's of this life.. and wait on God for His YES... 

that is my heart's desire... above what I think I like... 

so I was reading a devotional just now and it was saying the bible is always warning us not to allow a door open to the enemy... then it said anxiety and anger are open doors...

I thought about this.. you know normally I don't worry too much about too much... lately I have been anxious about finances... I need to get some things caught up... and for some reason it is making me anxious... where previously it wouldn't have.. and I have prayed several times over and given it to God and yet.. if I allow myself to think about it.. then I again become anxious.. 

I have had anger in the past to become an open door to the enemy... it is amazing how he can seep in and we never even realized it.. he causes us to have negative thoughts when we are striving for peace and positive thoughts... 

Ecclesiastes 1: 16 I said to myself, “Look, I am wiser than any of the kings who ruled in Jerusalem before me. I have greater wisdom and knowledge than any of them.” 17 So I set out to learn everything from wisdom to madness and folly. But I learned firsthand that pursuing all this is like chasing the wind. 18 The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief.  To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.

I was reading this and wondering why he felt it increased his sorrow to gain knowledge.. 

I wonder if it is because when he gained knowledge.. it was not knowledge of God.. but instead knowledge of man and of the world's ways... 

any time our focus comes off of the greatness of God.. and is set on what we deal with or what we don't have.. then we become depressed or we become miserable...

if we are gaining knowledge of God.. knowledge of who He is.. what His character is... we are just getting better.. not sorrowful... if we spend our time in learning of God.. He makes us more like Him.. reading the word of God.. knowing His ways.. these things have brought me joy that no one can take from me... they have given me true life.. life that is not based on this body or this world.. life in my spirit and my soul...  

my own experience is this world will make us unhappy.. the only thing that can truly make us happy is to live our lives for God rather than man... to live to please Him... 

the older solomon got.. the more he became like this world.. he slowly became less like God and more like his surroundings... and as he got older he became more and more miserable.. in my own life.. the older I have gotten.. the more of myself I have given over to God and the happier I have become.. I am happier today than I have ever been before in my life... I believe this is all due to God... 

we will never make people happy no matter what we do.. but God is already pleased with you.. God already loves you.. even when you are all jacked up... so why do we care what people think to begin with... wake up each day determined to live to please the God who already loves you rather than the people working on loving you...