just me talking... 

so we have been doing a relationship series at my church... 

I really don't agree with alot of what was said from a spiritual standpoint.. but from a worldly sense I guess I would... 

God had put me in a situation or at least I have believed it was God all this time.. but it has been a very long time.. and I still see nothing... so my faith is wavering.. and the church comes at us with advice from books that sound much like the thoughts of the world... so my faith is crashing.. 

and here comes a gorgeous man with a perfect body that opens car doors up for you... trying to push up on me... 

now in truth.. my spirit still tells me God told me the truth many years ago.. but I have to admit.. my body is telling me that maybe I have been deceived and should see where the new situation might lead... all while imagining God is probably telling me this man is ishmael... me forcing my will instead of waiting on God.. 

I have been celibate many years now.. I am not sure I could allow someone to see me naked without some sort of commitment.. but this man is surely pushing me to the edges of reason..

idk... what do you do when you no longer know what is the truth............ and God is still not speaking... 

I believe love is a decision.. not something you can't control.. I believe sometimes you have to commit to love someone because that is the right thing if you are in a covenant.. I think you have to continue to love them and the emotions will come and go but in the end will stay long term... 

but what good does that do when you can't see what God has said happening? how long is too long to wait on God? when do you give up believing in God?

is it when it doesn't make sense? is it when you can't see it? I thought all of those things were exactly what faith really is........

what do you do when you no longer know what is the truth................ and God is still not speaking...