Mark 6: 21 Herodias’s chance finally came on Herod’s birthday. He gave a party for his high government officials, army officers, and the leading citizens of Galilee. 22 Then his daughter, also named Herodias,[f] came in and performed a dance that greatly pleased Herod and his guests. “Ask me for anything you like,” the king said to the girl, “and I will give it to you.” 23 He even vowed, “I will give you whatever you ask, up to half my kingdom!” 24 She went out and asked her mother, “What should I ask for?” Her mother told her, “Ask for the head of John the Baptist!” 25 So the girl hurried back to the king and told him, “I want the head of John the Baptist, right now, on a tray!”

26 Then the king deeply regretted what he had said; but because of the vows he had made in front of his guests, he couldn’t refuse her. 27 So he immediately sent an executioner to the prison to cut off John’s head and bring it to him. The soldier beheaded John in the prison, 28 brought his head on a tray, and gave it to the girl, who took it to her mother. 29 When John’s disciples heard what had happened, they came to get his body and buried it in a tomb.

this scripture was used yesterday in the message and it was about the girl, not the king or the mother.. about how the girl first used her body to draw attention from men.. because this is what she was taught.. then she allowed her mother's hate for someone she didn't even know to cause her to be involved in someone's death... 

I like to think I am healed from most of the things I have lived through in this life.. but as this was preached.. I look at myself.. and while I don't see things the same way I used to.. I am still warped in my perception.. 

I know my value does not come from a man.. yet somehow I still seem to need the 'approval' of men.. not one man.. men in general.. I dress to please men's eye's although this is not what I am thinking about necessarily when I get dressed.. yet deep within this is what I am doing... it seems important to be wanted even though I really don't want them back... I know I have done some things that were done just to suck a man in.. even when I wasn't sure I wanted him... 

I don't believe I was raised to believe this is important.. I think because I did not have my father's attention... I wanted attention from boys.. then men.. and this was usually acheived by girls that look a certain way... while I didn't act on things the way many girls did it is still a wrong mentality.. and I openly admit.. I don't know how to get rid of it... I give it to God.. I tell Him I don't want to think this way.. yet when I get dressed... I see it is still there.. buried deep within.. I think rather than bury it.. I need to cast it out............ I pray God will give me the answers as to what I need to do to get rid of it.. 

as I talked this out with my bible study partners, we recognize that to some extent it is just natural to desire attention and to be attractive.. the question now is.. how much is overboard or a problem? when does it become a stronghold....