isn't that just the total truth!! when my thoughts and mind are consumed by thoughts of God rather than thoughts of the world... or issues.. or people even.. then I am at peace.. I am able to rest because truly I have learned in this life that whatever is going on.. God is going to work it out.. one way or another... even if it were to lead to death.. it would still be Him working it out...
so you wonder.. what is wrong with me that I allow my thoughts to get consumed by other things and lose even just a piece of that perfect peace.... doesn't make sense... would it be possible that the real thing that takes my peace would come down to self... meaning... whatever or whoever I am thinking about or meditating on... doesn't it really have to do with me wanting things to work out a particular way... so in the end... all of it is me.. wanting my way... me.. thinking about me... when will it ever happen that reality will come that I am not all there is...
the bible tells us to deny ourselves and follow God... I think we (I) do everything imaginable to not deny myself.... if I were to focus on others... helping someone else.. doing for someone else.. more than my own thoughts.. maybe I would get past this... I have often thought I am over it.. yet here it is.. showing itself yet another way... thankfully.. we always have another day to do differently!
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