last night's biblestudy was about dying things.. dying dreams... dying hope...

the truth of it is... there will always be things that die... sometimes we pray for something for a long time and it never comes to pass.. or... what if God has given you what you asked for only to take it back after a while... when things like this happen we almost feel betrayed by God... what if you have had the faith you are supposed to have.. you do everything God has asked and still you are disappointed... what is our reaction to things when they turn out this way? and what is God's reasoning behind any of this?

 

all this time.. I have thought that Jay died because of me.. because I believed something that wasn't from God.. that I was deceived... but after the bible study tonight... I am not sure.. what if I did hear God correctly... what if it had nothing to do with the reality that he died in the end... what if I was just being taught a faith journey at the time... what if it was just something that died? of course God would have had the ability.. the power to resurrect him... but He chose not to.. He could have stopped him from killing himself.. but He didn't... so then what? what happens to your relationship with God?

 

I admit in my own situation... I lost my faith... I fell into a pit and I couldn't get out... I couldn't really give God away... but I also felt llike I couldn't quite trust Him again.... so I tried to keep God but not really... I wanted to have Him be there for me.. but I also didn't really trust Him to take care of me anymore... I couldn't really trust anything I thought He was saying...

 

but as we all know... God makes us go back around the mountain... so a few weeks ago... God said to me.. are you going to do what I asked you to do? or are you going to keep on worrying about what you see... what if the situation never changes? will you do what I told you to do? or will you do what makes you comfortable?

 

I had to take a serious look at myself... am I only going to go partway with God? or am I finally going to give God 100% of myself without worrying if I get back what I feel is mine or what I want... God asked me was I willing to do what He says, just for His glory... not mine... just for His will... regardless if I ever get mine... the true question is: is God first in my life? or am I first in my life? who am I really trying to please?

 

I had to realize... I am done with my way... done with my will... I am willing to do God's will regardless of whether I ever get anything I think I want or need... if the vision never comes to pass... it was never my vision anyways... and in the end.. God is going to cause His will to come to pass... so if the vision is from God.. then it really will come to pass.. but not for me.. but for God's glory.. so can I just be willing to just be pleasing to God without worrying about my own desires? with the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit.. I believe I can...

 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. this lets us know... that even though things do not work out the way we thought or planned.. God still has a good future for us and we can still hope in Him... in the end... we need to somehow accept.. it is not about us getting what we wanted... but instead all about God getting glory... He may not work out what you wanted the way you wanted.. but He will work it out... when that scripture was given.. it was told that the people would be in captivity for 70years.. before that they were in captivity for 400years... after that God went silent for 400years... and then Jesus was born... some people will never see the promised land.. that is just reality...