James 4: What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? ² You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. ³ And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.
 

I find yesterday that my motives are often wrong... while I imagined I was so pure and holy... my motives were for self.. not even self advancement.. but self satisfaction I am thinking...
 

I think our motives are one of the things about us that are so hard to judge... we tend to try to think the best of ourselves and so we don't really examine our motives about things... I think more often than I realize.. my motives are wrong.. I don't think it is intentional.. like I don't sit up at night and think.. I will do this to get that.. but on the low.. that is somewhat what we do... without realizing it or meaning to...
 

God said to me recently.. what if the situation never changes.. what if you never get in return what you think you want or think you should have... will you continue to do what I have told you to do? and when that happened.. I realized.. I whine and complain about a situation not changing.. so I don't want to do my part anymore.. I want to walk away.. because why do I continue to be wonderful if someone is not wonderful back to me... the answer apparently is because of God... and while I may do things because of God.. I have not been doing them FOR Him... just because He has told me to and I want to be obedient to Him... instead I do them with the idea that I will receive something back.. and that is not what He wants.. He wants me to do what He asks me.. just because I love Him...
 

so that is my new goal.. to continue to be kind and loving all the time.. whether I get anything back or not.. just because God has told me He wants me to do it... I am doing it for Him.. not for a return...