night vision...

I have astigmatism in my eye... it causes me odd issues... I can't see well in the rain... I can't judge depth... which is scary for anyone riding with me because it seems like I might hit stuff... but I seem to miss it by a hair all the time (God's grace... I'm sure..)

and I can't see well at night...

I have this same issue in my spirit being too... we all go through periods of darkness where there seems to be no Light given to a situation... and we are to keep on moving forward in the dark... just like when I drive in the night... because I can't see... I slow down... and in truth.. I avoid driving at night... some days my spirit man would like to stop driving at night too... I would like to just stay in the house where it is comfortable and safe and well lit... but for some reason... God always seems to push me into an uncomfortable place.. and wants me to be content..

I look at Sarah... and I wonder... if she ever "truly" lost hope in this promised child... you know they waited like 25 years total... and she talks Abraham into sleeping with her servant (I won't ever get that one... I can't imagine EVER... under ANY circumstances... talking my man into sleeping with another woman... NEVER EVER EVER... if a child needed to use another woman's body to be born... I don't need the child all like that...) and the bible tells us that finally... when the real time came... Sarah stood in the kitchen laughing at the men telling her husband that in her old age she will now... at almost 100 years old... have this child... so my bet is that she had given up on it... and then... after she has given up... she gets pregnant and is overjoyed...

I think part of the thing is that we try everything we can think of to make what God has said happen... but then... would that be God... or would that be us... so He seems to wait until we are finally thinking... I must have heard wrong... I must be crazy... I must have voices in my head...

then He makes it happen... which tells us... we can't do anything to make the will of God come to pass... He has to do it... that is why it is His will... not ours... how crazy... I didn't want the thing in the first place... then end up wishing it would just happen... the waiting on the Lord thing is enough to kill a person... especially when you don't have night vision...