when a woman's fed up...

songs speak to me... songs like this one... speak to my flesh nature... and today I was driving down the street thinking.... oh yeah... this is me... there ain't nothing you can do about it...(part of the song...)(r. kelly has always been one of my kats... I tell you...)

but... strangely enough... while that song is playing and I am wanting to feel hard and in control for just a few minutes... I hear a song from when I was a kid... none of you will know this song... it was by a man named Jim Croce and it was called lover's cross... and this is some of the words... I really gotta hand it to you... babe you really tried... but for every time that we spent laughing there were two times that I cried... now you were trying to make me a martyr.. and that's one thing I just couldn't be... no baby I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you...

and man o day... that one smacked me hard... because I feel like that... I can't hang on no cross for you... I can't be a martyr for you.... but isn't that EXACTLY what Jesus did for us??? we didn't treat Him right... still don't sometimes... we are so guilty of wanting our own way... and even while we were so rude and selfish and ugly and mean... He hung on a Lover's Cross for each one of us... and He did not tell us that it would be easy... He told us that we would be washing people's feet... people who acted like they didn't care... we would be servants... because in the kingdom of God.. .whoever is the least is really the greatest... so the question really isn't what can someone else do for me... but how low can I go... how much of a servant am I really willing to be... we really don't want to serve... it's not so bad if they were people who are nice to us... but when they are not... then we want to buck up and tell God no way am I going to do all this... just no way...

well... Father... here I am one more time... ready to try again to be who You would choose for me to be... not who I desire to be.. but who You want me to be... I love You Father... enough to be the servant to Your family....