it's not about me...

you know, I like to imagine that I am pretty close to God in relationship... that we are close... then He slaps me upside the head and lets me know that I am not nearly as wonderful as I would like to think...

I have been alone for a long time... apparently (according to God...) I have spent much of this time focused on me... and what I want... and how I think... and what I feel or don't feel... and He is telling me... it's not about me...

I can't imagine much of anything I would like to hear less than that... we are raised to believe that we are supposed to find someone to take care of us... then if that doesn't work out.. we figure out that we can take care of ourselves and we need no one... again... keeping the focus on me...

this is not the ways of God... God thinks that everything we are... everything we have... is to be used to the glory of the kingdom of God... and the focus is to be on others... not on ourselves... it's not about me being happy... it's not about me being comfortable... it's not about me having knowledge or gifts or wisdom... all of it is about God's kingdom... everything I am... everything I have... everything I do is to bring glory to God...

we are always so focused on our personal comfort. we never advance the kingdom of God because we cannot get past our own misery. we cannot be used because we do not look at God's view, only our own... we are not looking at people as an opportunity to minister by action or by word... we are looking at them as an annoyance... we are so busy as a people struggling to advance ourselves, that we cannot be advanced because we are stepping on too many heads on the way up...
desire for attention is really an ugly beast that apparently has to be put to death daily... we are to be meek and humble in spirit... yet we often practically scream out look at me... look at me... even when it is not intentional... even when we do not mean to do so... yet we do... we use our looks... we use our biblical knowledge... we use our personality... we use our family name... we use our problems... we use so many things... trying to draw attention to ourselves... the attention is to be drawn to God and the kingdom of God... not us... one day... day by day... we will get a clue.... (sorry if this sounded directed at anyone else... it is not... this was all about what is wrong with me...)

help me Father to be all about You and none about me...