Acts 8: Saul was one of the witnesses, and he agreed completely with the killing of Stephen.

A great wave of persecution began that day, sweeping over the church in Jerusalem; and all the believers except the apostles were scattered through the regions of Judea and Samaria. ² (Some devout men came and buried Stephen with great mourning.) ³ But Saul was going everywhere to destroy the church. He went from house to house, dragging out both men and women to throw them into prison.

 

its crazy how we get so caught up in doing things one way that we can't allow any room for change.. even if the change is from God... paul was in agreement with the killing of a man... yet the bible clearly says we are not to murder... but because the plan of Jesus was so outrageous... and they didn't know how to control it... they thought they would take extreme measures.. just like the crucifixion of Jesus... that was murder.. yet it was done by the church! using the roman people who were persecuting them...

 

on the flip side.. this very persecution of those who believed in Christ as the Messiah... they were the very reason that the word of Jesus salvation was spread throughout the neighboring countries... they had to scatter.. yet they could not keep silent... that is how the word spread...

 

I find the church to often get so caught up in tradition that we cannot see if God could be trying something different... some days we need to allow the Spirit to cause us to just watch rather than fight everything He could be doing.. I too am guilty of this because I am quite sure (97%) that my way is always the best way of doing something.. it may not be the only way.. but surely the best way... I really need to overcome that and work WITH God rather than against those I think may not be from God... *sighs* change my heart O Lord.. create a clean heart and clean hands in me... in Jesus name I ask.. amen.amen.amen.

Psalms 63: 6 I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night. 7 Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings. 8 I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely.

 

there was a time when I would lie awake at night thinking about a man... I find that at this point in my life.. maybe a man crosses my mind during the night.. especially if I am waking from a dream.. but it is really God I am concentrating on... sometimes I just lie there realizing how much I have and how good He is to me.. how much He loves me... how much more His love means to me than any love I have ever had before.. that the love God has for me can never be replaced by a human... and my love for Him is stronger than any emotion I have had for anyone.. even for my own children... as much as I love them.. I could not live without God...

 

He keeps me in the shadow of His wings.. He protects me.. for the first time in my life.. I am completely alone at night in a house that is not small... I am not afraid... God protects me.. I know this.. I feel it every night... I feel His protection and love covering me..

 

He holds me securely... He is truly all that I need.. and I do cling to Him...

 

love may come and love may go.. but my relationship and my love affair with my God.. those are eternal... everlasting..

I corinthians 2: ⁹ The Holy Writings say, “No eye has ever seen or no ear has ever heard or no mind has ever thought of the wonderful things God has made ready for those who love Him.” ¹⁰ God has shown these things to us through His Holy Spirit. It is the Holy Spirit Who looks into all things, even the secrets of God, and shows them to us. ¹¹ Who can know the things about a man, except a man’s own spirit that is in him? It is the same with God. Who can understand Him except the Holy Spirit? ¹² We have not received the spirit of the world. God has given us His Holy Spirit that we may know about the things given to us by Him. ¹³ We speak about these things also. We do not use words of man’s wisdom. We use words given to us by the Holy Spirit. We use these words to tell what the Holy Spirit wants to say to those who put their trust in Him. ¹⁴ But the person who is not a Christian does not understand these words from the Holy Spirit. He thinks they are foolish. He cannot understand them because he does not have the Holy Spirit to help him understand.

 

I think I have talked about this scripture 100 times before.. it is surely a favorite of mine..

the truth is... the bible is a living breathing book... it should be breathing new life into us every time we open it.. the Spirit should be communicating with us through it...

how often do we put the spirit under a basket of unbelief and fear and doubt... He can speak to us.. and we will stand there imagining it was our own mind that came up with it....

Jesus.. I believe!!! help my unbelief... change me.. cause me to take You at Your word and believe all that I am told by Your Spirit... open my spirit eyes to see the truths that you have for me.. don't allow circumstances to cause me to become fearful and dismayed... keep me believing.. keep me focused.. keep me alive in my spirit...

Matthew 26: Jesus: ³¹ Scripture says, I shall strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will scatter. Just so, each of you will stumble tonight, stumble and fall, on account of Me. ³² Afterward I will be raised up. And I will go before you to Galilee.

Peter: ³³ Lord, maybe everyone else will trip and fall tonight, but I will not. I’ll be beside You. I won’t falter.

Jesus: ³⁴ If only that were true. In fact, this very night, before the cock crows in the morning, you will deny Me three times. Peter: ³⁵ No! I won’t deny You. Even if that means I have to die with You!

And each of the disciples echoed Peter.

It is indeed a dark, bitter night. The disciples are sad and confused, and maybe a little bit prideful. Peter can not believe that he could ever betray his Lord.

³⁶ At that, Jesus led His disciples to the place called Gethsemane.

Jesus: I am going over there to pray. You sit here while I’m at prayer.

³⁷ Then He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee with Him, and He grew sorrowful and deeply distressed.

Jesus: ³⁸ My soul is overwhelmed with grief, to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with Me. ³⁹ He walked a little farther and finally fell prostrate and prayed. Jesus: Father, this is the last thing I want. If there is any way, please take this bitter cup from Me. Not My will, but Yours be done.

⁴⁰ When He came back to the disciples, He saw that they were asleep. Peter awoke a little less confident and slightly chagrined.

Jesus (to Peter): So you couldn’t keep watch with Me for just one short hour? ⁴¹ Now maybe you’re learning: the spirit is willing, but the body is weak. Watch and pray and take care that you are not pulled down during a time of testing.

⁴² With that, Jesus returned to His secluded spot to pray again.

Jesus: Father, if there is no other way for this cup to pass without My drinking it—then not My will, but Yours be done.

⁴³ Again Jesus returned to His disciples and found them asleep. Their eyes were heavy-lidded. ⁴⁴ So Jesus left them again and returned to prayer, praying the same sentiments with the same words. ⁴⁵ Again He returned to His disciples.

Jesus: Well, you are still sleeping; are you getting a good long rest? Now the time has come; the Son of Man is just about to be given over to the betrayers and the sinners. ⁴⁶ Get up; we have to be going. Look, here comes the one who’s going to betray Me.

⁴⁷ There he was, Judas, one of the twelve leading a crowd of people from the chief priests and elders with swords and clubs; the chief priests and the elders were right there, ready to arrest Jesus. ⁴⁸ And Judas, the one who intended to betray Him, had said to the elders and the chief priests that he would give them a sign. Judas Iscariot: I’ll greet Him with a kiss. And you will know that the one I kiss is the one you should arrest. ⁴⁹ So at once, he went up to Jesus. Judas Iscariot: Greetings, Teacher (he kisses Him). Jesus: ⁵⁰ My friend, do what you have come to do. And at that, the company came and seized Him. ⁵¹ One of the men with Jesus grabbed his sword and swung toward the high priest’s slave, slicing off his ear.

Jesus: ⁵² Put your sword back. People who live by the sword die by the sword. ⁵³ Surely you realize that if I called on My Father, He would send 12 legions of messengers to rescue Me. ⁵⁴ But if I were to do that, I would be thwarting the scriptural story, wouldn’t I? And we must allow the story of God’s kingdom to unfold. ⁵⁵ (to the crowds) Why did you bring these weapons, these clubs and bats? Did you think I would fight you? That I would try to dodge and escape like a common criminal? You could have arrested Me any day when I was teaching in the temple, but you didn’t. ⁵⁶ This scene has come together just so, so that the prophecies in the sacred Scripture could be fulfilled.

 

And at that, all the disciples ran away and abandoned Him.

 

 

the whole crucifixion story bothers me.. badly.. I rarely read it.. it disturbs my spirit to realize that because of my sinfulness.. Jesus had to die.. and I can say I have learned.. I can say anything I want.. but at the end of it I realize that like the disciples I often chose my own comfort and desires over standing for God...

 

but because of Jesus I can now stand for God...

 

it bothers me that at His lowest point everyone abandoned Him... it hurts me.. it makes my heart bleed... I wish I could have stood with Him.. been the one to be faithful... but would I have been? I will never know... I am thankful that Jesus loves me even if I would abandon Him... and He uses those times to teach us more of His love for us..

Matthew 28: ¹¹ As the women were on their way, some of the guards went into the city and told the leading priests what had happened. ¹² A meeting with the elders was called, and they decided to give the soldiers a large bribe. ¹³ They told the soldiers, “You must say, ‘Jesus’ disciples came during the night while we were sleeping, and they stole his body.’ ¹⁴ If the governor hears about it, we’ll stand up for you so you won’t get in trouble.” ¹⁵ So the guards accepted the bribe and said what they were told to say. Their story spread widely among the Jews, and they still tell it today.

¹⁶ Then the eleven disciples left for Galilee, going to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. ¹⁷ When they saw him, they worshiped him—but some of them doubted!

 

I would like to imagine that if I had lived when Jesus did that I would be so confident and so sure of Him and my relationship with Him.. I often think that God being physical and me being able to go to Him and ask questions and get answers out loud would solve all of my troubles in this world...

 

if the disciples physically walked with Jesus for 3years.. and saw Him resurrected and doubted... what would make me any different...

look at how the leaders of the church came up with a story to create doubt about His resurrection.. how many would be sucked into doubt? apparently alot...

I think that being faced with doubt is part of this walk with Christ... if we didn't have doubt... not even doubt.. but situations that could cause doubt.. then we wouldn't have faith either... we have to be able to believe in things we cannot see... I think that is the truth about every situation in our lives... we have to be able to believe in things.. believe in God.. believe in Love... even when we have been shown contrary circumstances...

otherwise we would constantly be miserable and negative... faith brings hope.. hope brings life...

Jeremiah 4: ³ This is what the Eternal now says to the people of Judah and the citizens of Jerusalem.

Eternal One: Break up the hard, untilled soil! It is a waste to plant seeds among thorns. ⁴ Circumcise yourselves to Me; cut away the foreskin of your hearts, men of Judah and people of Jerusalem. Remove all that stands between us, and devote yourselves fully to Me, Or the heat of My anger will burn as an unquenchable fire against your wicked ways.

 

circumcise our hearts... cut away the foreskin of our hearts... remove all that stands between God and us... and devote ourselves fully to Him...

if I am honest... many times I have thought I have devoted myself completely to God... and most of those times I was wrong... in truth.. the most devoted times I have had to God in my life were times when I had nothing else... and I wonder.. why is that? why is it so hard for God to be first in our lives when we have other people close to us or we have other things that vie for our attention... in our mind God is still first... but is He really?

if He were.. I doubt that we.. like the israelites... would continue to be knocked down and knocked over all the time... if God were really first in our lives.. wouldn't our lives be far more peaceful and less stressful.... that is one of the promises of the bible.. that God will shelter us from evil...

that is not to say there will never be troubles.. but I really doubt our entire lives would be trouble after trouble after trouble...

 

I think somehow we have to learn to put God first and keep Him there... while having others in our lives too... I think it is probably very hurtful to God that we keep on putting other people before Him.. yet He is the only faithful One we have ever known....

Psalms 42: ¹ My soul is dry and thirsts for You, True God, as a deer thirsts for water. ² I long for the True God who lives. When can I stand before Him and feel His comfort? ³ Right now I’m overwhelmed by my sorrow and pain; I can’t stop feasting on my tears. People crowd around me and say, “Where is your True God whom you claim will save?”

⁵ Why am I so overwrought? Why am I so disturbed? Why can’t I just hope in God? Despite all my emotions, I will believe and praise the One who saves me and is my life.

 

why can't I just hope in God? why do we get so caught up in our feelings and circumstances that we can't remember how many times God has rescued us in the past.. or we do remember Him rescuing us but we think that we have done so much wrong that we cannot be saved anymore...

 

I wonder how many people feel like that... that they are too damaged to be saved now... I guess that is not really accepting God's love for us.. in our words we may say we accept it but apparently we are not really accepting it... how often do we doubt God's plans because we are not good enough? we have done too much.. our past has surely disqualified us...

 

I realize even with myself.. while I think I know how much God loves me.. there are just some things that I can feel like I am just not good enough for... maybe I can do the work but do not qualify for a real life christian man... maybe I can teach kids but am not qualified to teach women...

 

I think the best thing any of us can do is to search the bible to find out just how much we mean to God.. and learn to accept it.. despite who we are or who we used to be...