2 Kings 6: 8 When the king of Aram was at war with Israel, he would confer with his officers and say, “We will mobilize our forces at such and such a place.”

9 But immediately Elisha, the man of God, would warn the king of Israel, “Do not go near that place, for the Arameans are planning to mobilize their troops there.” 10 So the king of Israel would send word to the place indicated by the man of God. Time and again Elisha warned the king, so that he would be on the alert there.

11 The king of Aram became very upset over this. He called his officers together and demanded, “Which of you is the traitor? Who has been informing the king of Israel of my plans?” 12 “It’s not us, my lord the king,” one of the officers replied. “Elisha, the prophet in Israel, tells the king of Israel even the words you speak in the privacy of your bedroom!” 13 “Go and find out where he is,” the king commanded, “so I can send troops to seize him.” And the report came back: “Elisha is at Dothan.” 14 So one night the king of Aram sent a great army with many chariots and horses to surround the city.

15 When the servant of the man of God got up early the next morning and went outside, there were troops, horses, and chariots everywhere. “Oh, sir, what will we do now?” the young man cried to Elisha. 16 “Don’t be afraid!” Elisha told him. “For there are more on our side than on theirs!” 17 Then Elisha prayed, “O Lord, open his eyes and let him see!” The Lord opened the young man’s eyes, and when he looked up, he saw that the hillside around Elisha was filled with horses and chariots of fire. 18 As the Aramean army advanced toward him, Elisha prayed, “O Lord, please make them blind.” So the Lord struck them with blindness as Elisha had asked.

19 Then Elisha went out and told them, “You have come the wrong way! This isn’t the right city! Follow me, and I will take you to the man you are looking for.” And he led them to the city of Samaria. 20 As soon as they had entered Samaria, Elisha prayed, “O Lord, now open their eyes and let them see.” So the Lordopened their eyes, and they discovered that they were in the middle of Samaria. 21 When the king of Israel saw them, he shouted to Elisha, “My father, should I kill them? Should I kill them?” 22 “Of course not!” Elisha replied. “Do we kill prisoners of war? Give them food and drink and send them home again to their master.”

Elisha was an amazing prophet... he was able to speak and things happened.. 

what is it that made him so different from us? the bible tells us that Jesus said that we can do greater miracles than that which He did... yet we seem unable to even hold on to the smallest belief much less cause miracles... 

what would it take for us to become as Elisha.. or as Jesus has said we can be?

Psalms 44: 9 But now you have tossed us aside in dishonor. You no longer lead our armies to battle. 10 You make us retreat from our enemies and allow those who hate us to plunder our land. 11  You have butchered us like sheep and scattered us among the nations. 12  You sold your precious people for a pittance, making nothing on the sale. 13  You let our neighbors mock us. We are an object of scorn and derision to those around us. 14  You have made us the butt of their jokes; they shake their heads at us in scorn. 15  We can’t escape the constant humiliation; shame is written across our faces. 16 All we hear are the taunts of our mockers. All we see are our vengeful enemies. 

17 All this has happened though we have not forgotten you. We have not violated your covenant. 18  Our hearts have not deserted you. We have not strayed from your path. 19 Yet you have crushed us in the jackal’s desert home.  You have covered us with darkness and death. 20 If we had forgotten the name of our God or spread our hands in prayer to foreign gods, 21 God would surely have known it, for he knows the secrets of every heart.

I feel I have been in a "Job" experience for about 4 years now.. while I don't claim to be right all the time or perfect I do believe I am completely trying (operative word trying) to live in the will of God... and yet for whatever reason.. my relationship with God is more distant than even when I was in the world... 

so what this tells me is this... God will be close to us to win us over... and intermittently be close through trials or troubles.. but I think that He pulls away sometimes.. apparently for years on end.. in order to determine are we really serious about Him being first in our lives or is it only when things are as we want them to be.. but I would say that even in this long long period of distance.. I still know He has not left me.. He still prospers me and cares for me.. He protects me and loves me... I can feel these things... 

I am sure this is a building up of my faith but I easily say it has been a long and hard road.. I will be overjoyed with gratitude when He decides to end this period of testing..

I see that I am not alone in this struggle by the scripture.. this has been going on for thousands of years.. and so anyone else that is also going through it can know that this too will pass... because the bible promises that joy will come one morning.. maybe not this morning.. but one morning.. 

stand strong.. believe.. that is all we can do..  

so in the middle of the night I am reading 1 kings.. and it talks about solomon and says he only ever heard from God 2 times in his life! 

I think I just want God to keep talking to me over and over every day.. reassuring me and reminding me of what He already said.. and that is not His way.. He gives us a vision or a word.. and then He just is done talking about it.. with me.. He talked about it over a few months time and let me really believe it deep down.. then that was it.. now here I am all this time later wanting Him to keep reaffirming it.. and He is unwilling... 

I think because I have the gift of sight that God is supposed to just walk around and talk to me like we are best of friends.. clearly.. although He loves me.. He doesn't think all that is necessary... and there is nothing I can do but to trust Him and wait on Him to work it all out.. however He sees fit... either I believe or I don't.. apparently that part is on me..

Psalms 36: ⁵ Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. ⁶ Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths. You care for people and animals alike, O Lord. ⁷ How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. ⁸ You feed them from the abundance of your own house,letting them drink from your river of delights. ⁹ For you are the fountain of life, the light by which we see.

 

you know.. I think searching for someone to love us is one of the most important things to us... we want love very desperately... we are willing to do crazy things looking for love... sometimes even to the point where we could lose our lives...

 

just looking for love..

and God loved us more than a person ever could anyways.. all along..

 

I truly understand the desire to be loved... I have this desire myself.. but if this search for love took me away from the love of God.. or even just away from the will of God... then I don't need it...

I need love.. but I need God more... and His love is perfect to begin with...

Romans 2: 28For you are not a true Jew just because you were born of Jewish parents or because you have gone through the ceremony of circumcision. 29No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God’s Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people.

well somehow the jew vs gentile thing bothers me.. it always has.. I have always wanted to be one of the 'chosen race' although they have had a very hard time due to it.. but this scripture makes me feel better! LOL! stating that as long as our heart is right with God.. that makes us part of the chosen race.. 

it also states that a changed person seeks praise from God and not people... in that area.. many people who believe their heart to be right.. are stumbling around... I guess to be honest... we could all of us determine at least one or two people whose praise and acceptance we strive for... and while we know that is just human nature.. to long to be accepted and loved.. that is still apparently a problem if we put this desire for acceptance before God's acceptance of us... 

Romans 3: 29After all, is God the God of the Jews only? Isn’t he also the God of the Gentiles? Of course he is. 30There is only one God, and he makes people right with himself only by faith, whether they are Jews or Gentiles. 31Well then, if we emphasize faith, does this mean that we can forget about the law? Of course not! In fact, only when we have faith do we truly fulfill the law.

our faith is still all we really have going for us.. our belief in Christ as our savior.. no matter who we are.. what race.. that is the truth of all of us... 

Psalms 19: ¹² How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. ¹³Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin.

I think our natural inclination is to defend ourselves.. to think we are great.. to think we are wonderful.. I know that I do this very naturally...
I don't intentionally do things to make myself look like a bad person... that wouldn't be natural I don't think... so I think we have many things abour ourselves that are hidden in our heart.. that we justify away and say that we had the right intention about...
never in this life will we be liked by everyone.. but if our hearts are pure.. then the right people for us will be drawn to us.. I believe sometimes the wrong in our hearts stops us from being who we are supposed to be... who we really do desire to be...
I pray daily that God will cleanse my heart.. because truly the heart is where the hidden issues within us lie... we can hide our actions.. but the heart is true to itself... from the heart is where the mean words and action come.. or the kind words and actions.. whatever is in the heart finds its way out.. I desire to be the person God would have me to be.. so I desire a right heart...
I doubt we will ever be all that we can be... but daily we can work our way towards it.. strange how we see so much wrong or sin in someone else.. but overlook the wrong within our own heart...
¹⁴ May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Proverbs 14: 12 There is a path before each person that seems right,  but it ends in death.

throughout our lives we have had people say that we will be surprised by who makes it to heaven and there will not be some people there that we were sure would be... 

what is it that makes us think that we are or are not on the right path? my thoughts are that we can only do what we feel God is leading us to do... many times God leads us yet we do not obey or follow.. yet we think that our 'clean' living will save us... will it?

recently I have looked at a person and felt they are far too flippant about sin.. yet this morning when I ask God about this.. how is this all right with God.. He says to me.. that I am far too flippant about calvary... and I know this is the truth... 

the bible says that David had the heart of God.. yet he murdered someone.. he was an adulterer... but he had the heart of God... 

it becomes clearer and clearer that our being right with God has far less to do with our actions than we realized... and far more to do with the condition of our heart.. and while we easily say that our heart is right... is it really? I find that my own heart is not as right as I would like it to be.. but I am unsure how you fix the condition of the heart... 

all I can do is fill myself with the word of God and pray that God will align my heart to be in sync with His...