Matthew 10: ²⁷ What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ear, shout from the housetops for all to hear!

so over the last week or two.. God is really talking to me about the words I speak... as I have been battling with anger and being upset... and thinking God should be moving His hand in several areas in several people's lives... here He is.. talking about my words... and I am thinking.. quit worrying about MY words and start to speak LIFE into these situations Lord!!

then I get this scripture early this morning.. and I realize.. I need to be speaking it!! I need to be praying it out and bringing God's will into existance between the words of my mouth and the prayers I pray to God....

let's get one thing straight though.. this is a point of massive irritation for me... we cannot speak into existance what is not in God's will... we can talk all day long and if God is not in agreement.. then it is worthless words and we will never get anywhere....

now.. that being cleared up... I am thinking.. as I have been upset.. I had not been speaking life as I should have been.. I have been angry and I have been speaking negative words... and some of these things are truth.. but I need to be speaking and praying positive instead of negative... the issue begins in the thoughts.. I was saying out loud what I was thinking in my mind.. so I need to change what I am thinking... I need my mind transformed into a good place.. a positive place.. a praising place!

I am thankful today that God even cares what I say... that He cares enough for me to rebuke me and tell me to change what I speak and do better... I am so thankful that He cares for me!

Luke 10: ¹⁶ Then he said to the disciples, “Anyone who accepts your message is also accepting me. And anyone who rejects you is rejecting me. And anyone who rejects me is rejecting God, who sent me.”
¹⁷ When the seventy-two disciples returned, they joyfully reported to him, “Lord, even the demons obey us when we use your name!”

¹⁸ “Yes,” he told them, “I saw Satan fall from heaven like lightning! ¹⁹ Look, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you. ²⁰ But don’t rejoice because evil spirits obey you; rejoice because your names are registered in heaven.”

God thinks we take acceptance to personally... He thinks it really is not us that people are or are not accepting to begin with.. if we are a reflection of Him.. and we are accepted.. it is really Him in us that they are accepting... and if we are not accepted.. then it is really Him in us that they are rejecting... Jesus was the greatest man that ever lived yet few people really accepted Him.. He was rejected by multitudes because He is a reflection of Christ...

God has given us authority over the enemy... what if the snakes and scorpions we are coming against are in the form of people... the bible says we have the authority to defeat them... we should not use this authority wrongly.. but when we are attacked.. we have the authority through Christ to cast these spirits out and away... they may come back.. over and over.. and repeatedly we may need to cast them out... but God's protection is over us.. if we are living our lives to bring glory to God.. He will protect us in His mighty right hand...

so we can stop fearing what may happen.. we can stop worrying about people coming against us... we have power through the name of Christ.. and we have the protection of God... thank you Father for these gifts!!

1 samuel 18: ⁹ So from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David. ¹⁰ The very next day a tormenting spirit from God overwhelmed Saul, and he began to rave in his house like a madman. David was playing the harp, as he did each day. But Saul had a spear in his hand, ¹¹ and he suddenly hurled it at David, intending to pin him to the wall. But David escaped him twice.

¹² Saul was then afraid of David, for the Lord was with David and had turned away from Saul. ¹³ Finally, Saul sent him away and appointed him commander over 1,000 men, and David faithfully led his troops into battle. ¹⁴ David continued to succeed in everything he did, for the Lord was with him. ¹⁵ When Saul recognized this, he became even more afraid of him.

so here is david.. doing exactly what he is told to do.. living to please this king with tormenting spirit given by God... and the man is NOW hurling spears at him...

you know.. I think we imagine.. at least I know that I do.. that things will get better in God's will... not worse.. and doesn't the bible say that the safest place to be is in the middle of God's will... so here is david.. one of God's favorite people.. and he is in God's will and the crazy king wants to kill him...

how is it.. that we go into God's will and here we are with even worse troubles than we had previously?? and what is it that makes us even stay in God's will or seeking Him when this is the case??

well.. with me.. I can tell you.. I may have done more things when I was not following behind God's will... and I may have had more friends.. and I may have had fun... but there was this deep emptiness within me.. a longing for something that I couldn't describe.. an ache for something and I had no idea what it even was.. and I had no peace.. I had no real and lasting joy down within... so now.. even though I want things to be different in some ways... I have peace.. I have contentment.. I have God's love... I am satisfied.... that is the thing that is missing when we chase the world.. the contentment... the peace...

so while things are not going as I would have planned.. and I wonder if I have any idea where I am supposed to be going... I will stick with Jesus.. even though someone may throw spears at me.. because Jesus will deflect them.. and if He doesn't.. then I will be going home to be with Him.. and that is all anyone can hope for!

Galatians 3: ²⁶ For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. ²⁷ And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes.

on saturday I realized... I am good.. I am content with my life... if I never receive the promises of God... I am still good... I believe in God as my Savior and my Father and the Lover of my soul...

if I misunderstood something that I thought would happen in my lifetime.. then I am still good... I don't really need it... God is enough... my life as it is... is enough...

I think this comes from my faith in Christ Jesus...

I think that because I believe Jesus was born on earth.. and died and rose again to save me... that I am satisfied with whatever else does or does not happen...

I am complete in Christ....

I still desire the things God said... but they are just gravy... He is the meal... He is the meat that satisfies me and makes me strong... if I get the gravy... then that just makes it all the better...

I am happy...

what do you do when you have lost your faith...
I don't mean that you don't believe in God... I mean you have lost the faith to bring the promises to pass...
so what happens if the things I have believed and have seen all this time never come to pass... what then... that is the place where I am today....

I wonder about Sarah.. how did she hold on to the promise of the child long after her body had gone dead... or did she even hold on to it?
and about Job... how long did he wait on things to turn around before they did and all the while his friends are telling him that this surely is about some sin on his part.. and God refused to speak at all.. saying nothing.. did he begin to believe maybe it was about him after all....
or noah.. building the crazy ark at a time when rain had never fallen... and here he is..
building an ark the size of a city... and surely everyong laughing at him all the while... did he wonder if he imagined it all up? even though he kept going forward in building it.. was he wondering if he really had lost his mind...

this is where I am today.. did I imagine all this up.. even though it was given in such detail and clarity... nothing is moving.... nothing changing... everything looking like something else... sounding like something else... and my faith for this promise and vision have run out... so now.. at the edge of this.. I have no purpose... no reason for being here.. I have lost the reason for my life and future.... so now what? what does someone do when this is where you are??

so for this past few months I have been battling.. just giving up... walking away from the church that I know I am supposed to be at... leaving the ministry I excel in because I allowed people's negative words to affect me... so what am I even here for?

today I realize... does the vision really matter to me? I mean really.. I didn't want it to begin with... I don't like it a large part of the time.. so does that really matter?... and I guess it doesn't... I guess if I were right.. then God needs to do whatever it is He wants to do... and I will go along with whatever He does... but me.. I realize... I'm good... I am happy in my life.. I don't really want for anything.. I don't need anything... I am more satisfied and at peace than I have ever been in my past.. so why keep praying for something that will just disrupt my life anyways...

I will continue to follow God.. to do things God's ways... to seek Him daily... and to live a life that shows all that He means to me... I am thankful that God has chosen me to be one of His children... I will live to show that thankfulness... if I never receive the promise... my relationship with my Father is enough to keep me serving Him and following Him...
that is what you realize when your faith is gone... that God is all that mattered anyways.. and as long as He allows me to spend time with Him... I am satisfied... happy... thankful...

1 Peter 2: 7 Yes, you who trust him recognize the honor God has given him. But for those who reject him,“The stone that the builders rejected has now become the cornerstone.” 8 And, “He is the stone that makes people stumble, the rock that makes them fall.” They stumble because they do not obey God’s word, and so they meet the fate that was planned for them.
9 But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.
10 “Once you had no identity as a people; now you are God’s people. Once you received no mercy; now you have received God’s mercy.” 11 Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. 12 Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.

He is the stone that makes them stumble... because they do not obey God's word... and they meet the fate that was planned for them... that is hard for many people to accept.. that God has chosen you or He hasn't... most people like to imagine that everyone could be saved but they choose not to be.. many times in the word of God it states that we are chosen by God or we are not... while that is sad... and even scary... thankfully.. we have been chosen or we wouldn't be seeking Him out as we do..

I can't say how thankful I am that God has called me out of darkness and into the light.. that He considers us a holy nation and His own possession...

I can so relate to the idea that I once had no identity and now God has given me one... He has given me value and a purpose... He has given me worth... a reason to wake up in the morning.. He has given me Love...

I know we are temporary residents and foreigners.. I remember when I was going out all the time.. I felt like I belonged.. like that was where I loved to be.. if I were to go now I would feel lost and outcast... I would feel out of place.. because I don't belong to this world.. even though I am in it.. I belong to Christ.. and I belong in His world... many days I wish I were able to go there.. even just to vacation there.. but that is not the plan... so we struggle and strive to not become more and more like this world... to remain separate and holy... and it is difficult... we have to always remember that people are watching us and expecting honorable behavior from us... and that we are a representation of Christ here on earth...
Lord touch us and help us to live worthy of the calling you have placed upon our lives...

Jeremiah 42: 9 He said to them, “You sent me to the Lord, the God of Israel, with your request, and this is his reply: 10 ‘Stay here in this land. If you do, I will build you up and not tear you down; I will plant you and not uproot you. For I am sorry about all the punishment I have had to bring upon you. 11 Do not fear the king of Babylon anymore,’ says the Lord. ‘For I am with you and will save you and rescue you from his power. 12 I will be merciful to you by making him kind, so he will let you stay here in your land.’
13 “But if you refuse to obey the Lord your God, and if you say, ‘We will not stay here; 14 instead, we will go to Egypt where we will be free from war, the call to arms, and hunger,’ 15 then hear the Lord’s message to the remnant of Judah. This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: ‘If you are determined to go to Egypt and live there, 16 the very war and famine you fear will catch up to you, and you will die there. 17 That is the fate awaiting every one of you who insists on going to live in Egypt. Yes, you will die from war, famine, and disease. None of you will escape the disaster I will bring upon you there.’
18 “This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: ‘Just as my anger and fury have been poured out on the people of Jerusalem, so they will be poured out on you when you enter Egypt. You will be an object of damnation, horror, cursing, and mockery. And you will never see your homeland again.’ 19 “Listen, you remnant of Judah. The Lord has told you: ‘Do not go to Egypt!’ Don’t forget this warning I have given you today.

a few years ago.. I was ready to leave augusta... to go back to pa and resume my former life... and as I was contemplating this... because of situations here that I was unhappy about.. this is the scripture God had given me...

as much as I wanted to go back to what was familiar... I was too afraid... because the scripture said that everything that bothered me here.. would follow me there.. so I stayed here... and things may not be what I want them to be.. but God has surely provided for my every need.. and most of my wants... He has surely been kind and generous to me...

it is funny how often we make decisions in the heat of a moment without consulting God.. or God doesn't answer the same day we wanted.. so we go rushing forward in what we are thinking without waiting to hear from God... when Jeremiah went to God on this issue it was 10 days before he got his reply... I am sure that was a long 10 days for the people... the worst part is.. they disobeyed what God told them to do.. and the war they feared came after them in egypt.. and they were in a worse state than before...

God will speak to us.. give us direction.. but are we willing to wait for His reply? and if it is not what we wanted to hear.. are we willing to do what He said anyways? what good is an answer from God that we don't take?
Lord tune us in to your voice... give us the sense to ask your direction.. and the greater sense to take it when it is given... in Jesus name we ask.. amen...

(p.s. funny... I wrote this in the morning.. to be posted when I get home.. and a preacher preached some of this to us this evening..)