Psalms 15: 1 Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill? 2 Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. 3 Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends. 4 Those who despise flagrant sinners, and honor the faithful followers of the Lord, and keep their promises even when it hurts. 5 Those who lend money without charging interest, and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent. Such people will stand firm forever.

if we read this... and we look at who seemed 'worthy' to worship in the temple.. we may never get there...  we may all be shut out from the house of God... I was thinking of this a few days ago when I read this other scripture:

1 Cor 5: 9 When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. 10 But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. 11 I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.12 It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. 13 God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, “You must remove the evil person from among you.”

I really have a problem with this scripture... confusion... 
would we really throw out anyone who is involved in sexual sin? and if we did.. would there be anyone left in the church? I mean.. lets get down and dirty honest... I have not engaged in sex.. but could I say I am completely pure... sin of the mind is the same as sin of the body...

if we put all of these people out of the church... would there be anyone left?  and... if we threw all of the sinners out the door and turned them over to satan.. then how would they be saved?... and surely I would be in the number of those thrown out... surely I sin still.... yet we find this in the old testament and in the new... we have told people all along that the church is a hospital for the sinners to get well.. yet this is not what the bible sounds like.. and we are taught to love people regardless of their actions... yet this is not what it looks like...

what I am sure of is this... God loves me even though I am totally screwed up and is proud that I am striving to do better... not that I have arrived.. but that I am trying to get there... daily... growing.. learning... so while we are all messed up.. we all need fellowship with those who love God.. let's never allow our human frailty to keep us from the house of God... and let's not judge the others who are there.. because we are surely messed up in one way or another just like everyone else...

Genesis 18: 2 He looked up and noticed three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he ran to meet them and welcomed them, bowing low to the ground. 3 “My lord,” he said, “if it pleases you, stop here for a while. 4 Rest in the shade of this tree while water is brought to wash your feet. 5 And since you’ve honored your servant with this visit, let me prepare some food to refresh you before you continue on your journey.” “All right,” they said. “Do as you have said.” 6 So Abraham ran back to the tent and said to Sarah, “Hurry! Get three large measures of your best flour, knead it into dough, and bake some bread.” 7 Then Abraham ran out to the herd and chose a tender calf and gave it to his servant, who quickly prepared it. 8 When the food was ready, Abraham took some yogurt and milk and the roasted meat, and he served it to the men. As they ate, Abraham waited on them in the shade of the trees.

I wonder what caused Abraham to be so concerned about these particular men passing by his house.. I guess it could have been because they didn't live in a town so maybe people passing by was infrequent.. maybe he would have acted this way no matter who came past... what do we act like to people we don't know and are just passing through... are we pleasant.. do we at least smile at them... they say that visitors to a church are often put off by the people who are the members by the way they act when they first come... that would make me think we are not all that pleasant.. and in a place where we should be exceptionally pleasant...

16 Then the men got up from their meal and looked out toward Sodom. As they left, Abraham went with them to send them on their way.17 “Should I hide my plan from Abraham?” the Lord asked. 18 “For Abraham will certainly become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth will be blessed through him. 19 I have singled him out so that he will direct his sons and their families to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. Then I will do for Abraham all that I have promised.” 20 So the Lord told Abraham, “I have heard a great outcry from Sodom and Gomorrah, because their sin is so flagrant. 21 I am going down to see if their actions are as wicked as I have heard. If not, I want to know.”

so as I was reading this... I see that this person who came here.. IS THE LORD.. but at first.. it was just three men passing by... do you think God really sends even just angels down to see how we act toward them?  do you think He ever comes along Himself? and for goodness sakes.. what if we were having an off day and we are rude or something...
imagine.. what if God came to your house and shared His plans with you.... how amazing would that be...
oh wait... that does happen.. when we pray and read the word of God... and how often do we not have time for Him.. and not talk with Him as we should be...

understanding...

Proverbs 3: 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.

I read a devotional one morning.. that states we need to stop trying to understand everything.. that while we are constanting striving to understand.. we stop trusting God... we are trying to take control of the situation... 

I would say that I have a great issue with wanting to understand and control everything... even when it is something I wouldn't have chosen.. I still want it to be done my way... although I am slowly learning to overcome this issue of always wanting my way... (I said slowly....s l o w l y...) I am learning not to manipulate every situation... to allow God to use situations to make me better...

but other parts of the bible tell us that if we are wise.. we will seek understanding...
Proverbs 3: 13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding.

I wonder if that means acceptance more than our own version of understanding... I think one of the greatest lessons I have learned is to allow God to do things His way and to not always fight it... I have so much more peace when I don't fight every step of the way... when I learn to submit to the ways of God....

or maybe it is talking about learning lessons from our mistakes.. not always smacking our head off the wall.. not always going around and around and around the same mountains or issues... that is wisdom.. to learn from life's lessons and experiences...

Father give me knowledge of the way you would have me to go.. light the path you would have me to take... keep me in your will.. help me to accept your will at all times... amen.

seeking God first...

Matthew 22: 37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

it is HARD to love God above all else... not because we don't think He is the greatest thing.. but it is hard to keep Him in that #1 spot.. and most of the time.. even when we think we have.. we haven't... situations and physical people crowd in our relationship with God and we push Him to a lesser position... even though this is not our intention.. this is what happens... it happened all through the bible.. this was the same battle that the Israelites had.. they had a vicious cycle of God first.. then falling away and being defeated.. then coming back to God and rising back up again.. and I say that we have this same cycle...

I don't think it is about God not being the one we love the most... I think it is just focus.. we get focused on what we are doing or where we are or what we need to get where we are going... when our complete focus is on God He is first.. when it is not.. He is not...

the bible tells us that if we seek God first.. everything else will be added to us... when will we ever come to the place that we are not seeking God in order to gain what we think we want? when will we really realize that God already knows what is best for us and just be accepting of His will above our own desires... when will we ever be able to lay down this flesh and the earthly desires?
Father I praise your holy holy name.. I thank you for choosing us.. I thank you for these friendships.. for these kingdom connections... I pray above all else Father that our focus remains on you.. not on our families.. not on our desires.. not even on our kingdom calling.. but on you personally and wholly... help us to come to the place where we are not thinking that if you are first we will have everything else.. but instead help us to realize that if you are first in our lives we already have everything.. in you comes every thing we could ever want or need or desire... I love you Father above all else... you are everything...

this life is ROUGH...

1 Corinthians 4: 10 Our dedication to Christ makes us look like fools, but you claim to be so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are so powerful! You are honored, but we are ridiculed. 11 Even now we go hungry and thirsty, and we don’t have enough clothes to keep warm. We are often beaten and have no home. 12 We work wearily with our own hands to earn our living. We bless those who curse us. We are patient with those who abuse us. 13 We appeal gently when evil things are said about us. Yet we are treated like the world’s garbage, like everybody’s trash—right up to the present moment. 20 For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power.

I find... in my mind... I really expect things to be easier than they are... I can say with my mouth that I really don't expect that... but it is apparent that I do... otherwise I would not get so discouraged.. so tired... so defeated...

but where do we get that imagination that everything should be easy?
things were no easier when I was in the world... I still didn't manage my finances as I should... the difference to that was that I usually had a man giving me money to make the difference.. or paying the bills... (oh how I miss that...) but I was upset much of the time... people were full of drama and gossip.. including myself.. always starting some type of mess.. always talking about someone... always keeping something going... most of my friends were not real... with the exclusion of tina and deonna... I don't care what anyone says.. deonna was my ride or die for life... bear.. as much as I love her.. was as faithful as the wind blowing.. but she was alot of fun... and while I loved being in the bar... it was drama central.. LOL!! when I changed my life.. it took me a long while to adjust to not having constant drama going.. that is like a bad addiction....

of course now.. I don't go through the trials that paul did.. I am not homeless by God's provision.. I don't go hungry or thirst.. I have enough clothes to cover a multitude... but I would say I am a different type of weary... back then.. I was weary physically... this is more emotionally... I never gave emotionally before.. so I wasn't that type of weary... living God's way is emotionally draining... dying to self is emotionally draining... I used to be so confident in who I was and all I could do... now I have no confidence whatsoever in myself... but I am gaining confidence in God and who God says I am.. my value now is coming from who HE sees in me.. not what man sees in me... but that is hard.. insecurity is ugly... I haven't been insecure since I was a teenager... now it seems to be a way of life... someone recently told me that God had to break me or myself so that I could be built up in Him... well that is an ugly and painful process... giving of yourself is rough...

but I gotta tell you... the peace that I feel is so much greater than anything I ever had in the world... the joy that I am daily filled with... not necessarily happiness every day.. but joy and thankfulness... and I am happy in Jesus...

so you know I imagine that everyone thinks the same as me.. someone has been telling me lately that the way I think is extraordinary... I don't really think that.. I think everyone sees what I see and knows what I know... so anyways.. I have recently been realizing that there are actually alot of people who don't really think Jesus is the son of God.. I mean alot of people HERE.. in our own world... now that was amazing to me..

it seems that people can't seem to accept the virgin birth.. some can't accept the resurrection... but if you are denying either one of them.. then for you.. Jesus is not the Messiah... and you cannot be saved... at least not until you get it right...

they can accept Him as a great prophet... but not as the son of God born of a virgin and risen from the dead...
that absolutely floored me.. in my small mind.. I thought the only ones who had that imagination were the jews... and not even all of them.. I gotta tell you... I am stunned by this thought... that there are people here... people I know.. that don't really know or accept Christ...

do they realize.. that the bible tells us to pray in Jesus name... but if He is just a man.. why would we pray in His name?
Father... I pray that their eyes be opened... to the Truth of Your Son....

who will you serve?

Genesis 4: 23 One day Lamech said to his wives, “Adah and Zillah, hear my voice; listen to me, you wives of Lamech. I have killed a man who attacked me, a young man who wounded me. 24 If someone who kills Cain is punished seven times, then the one who kills me will be punished seventy-seven times!”
25 Adam had sexual relations with his wife again, and she gave birth to another son. She named him Seth, for she said, “God has granted me another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed.” 26 When Seth grew up, he had a son and named him Enosh. At that time people first began to worship the Lord by name.

for a long while I wondered what was the significance of verse 24 to verse 26.. it seemed to stand out to me but I didn't really get the message... but last night.. in alone time with God.. I see that the descendants of Cain raise themselves up.. but the descendants of Seth raise God up...

both of these sets of people come from the same family.. the same values.. the same grandparents.. the same God... but one family glorifies self.. while the other glorifies God... isn't that also the same today... many people are raised together.. yet one child will go toward the world and stay there.. while another will go toward God and stay there... what is it that makes the difference in these families? why would one go one way and the other go the other way?

I think it is about focus... when we are only focused on our own feelings and thoughts and desires.. then we go the way of the world... when we focus on God and what He would have for us instead.. I think we then go the way of God...

just as Joshua had told the Israelites long ago... choose you this day who you will serve.. but as for me and my house.. we will serve the Lord.. we all still have that choice to make this day.. but as for me and my house.. we will serve the Lord..