2 Corinthians 5: 14-15 Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.

I read this and I am saddened... 

I really want to do God's will.. 

but some days the desire for what I want seems so overwhelming.... 

Christ died so that I am not a slave to my desires.. so why do they seem to be screaming out to me sometimes??

why isn't it easier to just live God's will and be dead to what I really want for myself?

I don't know the answers to any of this... these are just my feelings... while I may not be outwardly doing the things that I want to do.. I still want to.. strongly... I wonder as I lie awake in my bed why God doesn't intervene and give me part of what I want so that I can live without the rest of what I want... I don't know the answer to that either.. 

what I do know is that I wake each morning and ask God to keep me on His path for my life.. to protect me and help me to do His will.. and to overcome the desires that seem to eat me alive.. 

that is the best I can do for right now..