Ephesians 5: 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I look at this and wonder why the husband is to love the wife and the wife to respect the husband... why wouldn't we both love one another?

yesterday I was talking to someone and I realized I respect them.. I think highly of them.. I think women too often don't respect men.. we love them.. but not respect them.. then we tend to mother them and baby them and don't allow them to be the leader they are called to be in the home.. 

we love a man but don't think highly of him.. don't honor him or treat him with respect.. I know in the past I have been so guilty of this.. 

because I was in an abusive relationship I tended to fear men without even realizing I was doing this.. that made me appear argumentative and aggressive... when you respect someone you are able to trust their judgement over what you think is right.. you can allow them to make a decision because you know their heart is right.. even when they make mistakes.. 

we need to learn what respect is and learn how to respect others.. this is surely a downfall in our world today... definitely has been a downfall in my own relationships.. 

1 John 3: 16 We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.

I have been thinking about this for 2 days now.. 

in this day.. people are so self motivated... we are constantly protecting ourselves.. we don't feel the need to be anyone's help.. we don't feel we 'owe' anyone anything.. I saw someone who is a minister and considered a life coach yesterday state that not everyone that has a need is your assignment... I am wondering what biblical principle or scripture such a thought would be grounded in.. 

the bible I read says that Jesus was a servant to all.. that is what he wanted the disciples to be.. what he wants us to be.. the only time he said it was okay to walk away from someone is when they were not receptive to the word of God.. 

when are we going to be willing to die to self and walk our lives out completely for God? when are we going to stop worrying about what we feel and want and think and instead walk for the furthering of God's kingdom rather than our own?

now don't imagine I think this is easy.. I am very much in a battle with self and my own desires.. but because of my love for Christ I try to continue to do what I believe is his will over my own.. 

this is a daily battle.. a daily commitment to God.. not self.. 

I am concerned about those who are always trying to do what is easy and comfortable.. that does not sound like Jesus to me.. 

2 Corinthians 5: 14-15 Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.

I read this and I am saddened... 

I really want to do God's will.. 

but some days the desire for what I want seems so overwhelming.... 

Christ died so that I am not a slave to my desires.. so why do they seem to be screaming out to me sometimes??

why isn't it easier to just live God's will and be dead to what I really want for myself?

I don't know the answers to any of this... these are just my feelings... while I may not be outwardly doing the things that I want to do.. I still want to.. strongly... I wonder as I lie awake in my bed why God doesn't intervene and give me part of what I want so that I can live without the rest of what I want... I don't know the answer to that either.. 

what I do know is that I wake each morning and ask God to keep me on His path for my life.. to protect me and help me to do His will.. and to overcome the desires that seem to eat me alive.. 

that is the best I can do for right now..