John 13: 33 Dear children, I will be with you only a little longer. And as I told the Jewish leaders, you will search for me, but you can’t come where I am going. 34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

Jesus is dying soon.. he wants people to continue to be able to see him in the disciples.. wants them to continue as he has taught them and what he wants most is that they love others.. and through loving others that is how people will know they belong to him.. 

look at ourselves right now.. would people be able to say we are truly loving others? look first at the world view.. would most people who see you only in passing or at church consider you a loving person? are you friendly.. do you talk to others in love... 

then look at those who you deal with closely every day.. do you talk loving to them or are you often short and rude.. even though you don't mean it.. these are the ones that truly should believe that you respond in love in all situations... but do they?

if Jesus felt this was the most important commandment he would give the disciples.. this is the one thing that separates them from everyone else.. shouldn't we be more serious about this? what does it say to the world if we are celibate and don't drink and don't lie but we are mean with our words.. don't we learn as we mature in Christ that the outside things.. the physical things are easily given up in respect to the internal issues.. kindness.. how often are you kind to those you see every day... 

change me Lord from the inside out.. let people see your heart within me.. not my own.. amen.. 

John 13: 21 Now Jesus was deeply troubled, and he exclaimed, “I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me!” 22 The disciples looked at each other, wondering whom he could mean.23 The disciple Jesus loved was sitting next to Jesus at the table. 24 Simon Peter motioned to him to ask, “Who’s he talking about?” 25 So that disciple leaned over to Jesus and asked, “Lord, who is it?” 26 Jesus responded, “It is the one to whom I give the bread I dip in the bowl.” And when he had dipped it, he gave it to Judas, son of Simon Iscariot. 

27 When Judas had eaten the bread, Satan entered into him. Then Jesus told him, “Hurry and do what you’re going to do.” 28 None of the others at the table knew what Jesus meant. 29 Since Judas was their treasurer, some thought Jesus was telling him to go and pay for the food or to give some money to the poor. 30 So Judas left at once, going out into the night.

when I just read this.. I was thinking.. I wonder if they were whispering among each other.. Jesus and Peter and John.. LOL! that struck me as funny.... 

isn't it horrific.. that we would need to ask Him if we would be the one that will betray Him.. sadly.. we betray God all the time.. not intentionally I don't think but we are so focused on ourselves.. on our own happiness.. that we betray Him and what He actually wants from us for what we want for ourselves.. 

help me focus on You Lord and be pleasing to you at all times.. not only with my actions.. but with my thoughts.. amen..

John 12: 37 But despite all the miraculous signs Jesus had done, most of the people still did not believe in him. 38 This is exactly what Isaiah the prophet had predicted: “Lord, who has believed our message? To whom has the Lord revealed his powerful arm?” 39 But the people couldn’t believe, for as Isaiah also said, 40 “The Lord has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts—so that their eyes cannot see, and their hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to me and have me heal them.”

41 Isaiah was referring to Jesus when he said this, because he saw the future and spoke of the Messiah’s glory. 42 Many people did believe in him, however, including some of the Jewish leaders. But they wouldn’t admit it for fear that the Pharisees would expel them from the synagogue. 43 For they loved human praise more than the praise of God.

​I have to admit... sometimes I battle to believe.. not who Jesus is.. not that God exists.. I doubt promises.. they take too long in coming.. I doubt the plans God has to always be for my good.. I doubt some days that God even sees me or hears my prayers... 

seems like when I was of the world God was right beside me.. even when he didn't like where I was going.. I heard him so clearly.. felt when I was wrong.. now I live more like God would want and I hear nothing.. I see nothing.. I stand here battling if God even knows me now... 

is it because I don't 'need' him now like I did when I was constantly putting myself in one crisis after another? well trust me when I tell you.. I still need him every single day.. every minute... to steer me in the right direction.. away from what looks good to me.. 

has God hardened my heart? idk.. I pray not.. 

do I love the praise of people too much.. I am sure that is the truth... I struggle with that regularly... I read recently we are to take all the good things people say about us 

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​and accept them like a flower and then in our prayers give all the flowers to God in thanks for all he has enabled us to do and be.. I thought that was an awesome way of looking at praise and not becoming too prideful.. 

lead me Father.. every day.. even when I don't know you are still there.. ​

1 corinthians 13: 4-5 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

I look at these verses sometimes.. and some days I think I can attain that goal.. and other days.. not so much... I am a jealous person.. I don't like people to touch what is mine.. I don't like people to touch even what I want to be mine... 

I remember in the past I would think well I am a great person so if they mess around and lose me it would be their loss... but that is a stupid mentality... truly.. when someone is hurt by someone else.. usually everyone involved is hurt.. 

what is it that makes me jealous? I would guess it is the truth of insecurity.. in my own case usually insecurity hidden by the look of confidence... 

why do I demand my own way?.. well idk.. I think this one could be selfishness.. and imagining I am always right... 

I definitely can be irritable.. usually leading back to not getting my own way.. 

and I would love to be able to say that I keep no record of being wronged.. but that would be a lie... 

how do you really keep no record of being wronged? I mean even if you forgive someone.. don't you still fear that hurt will come back around again? how do we get rid of that?

I think the only way that we can ever really love someone is through Christ.. His love is pure and real.. even when mine is not.. Father continue to change me into someone who loves others as You do.. unconditionally.. forgetting all wrongs.. trusting.. and allowing others to be themselves and me being happy about it... 

matthew: 5: 43-45 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

when was the last time you prayed for someone that treats you badly... 

I admit it is easier to love someone who loves you back.. it is very hard to be kind to someone who treats you badly.. lies about you.. 

we have a woman at church who truly just hates me.. she is an old woman.. many people don't like her.. she is rude and hateful.. and she talks badly about me.. and I strive to speak and say hello to her with a smile every time I see her.. just because I am thinking there is something wrong that makes her so terrible.. 

now we have another old woman.. she used to be very close to me.. invited me to her house for dinner on holidays.. all in one day she decided she didn't like her husband to hug me.. (insert serious look of confusion) now we are talking about an old man.. easily 75 or more.. do you really think I am looking at your man?? come on now.. clearly you have been infiltrated by the enemy in your mind if that is your thought... anyways.. now she treats me badly.. and I find it very hard to pray for her.. to be nice to her.. even to speak to her.. because she turned on me all at once over nothing.. and it hurt my feelings.. I am nothing if I am not loyal.. sheesh.. even if your man was young I wouldn't look at him.. 

why is it we can pray for someone who is all out hateful.. but not someone who has turned on us or hurt us.... 

change me Lord.. help me to see people through your eyes.. and pray for them with your heart.. love them with your heart.. amen.. 

exodus 20 : 18-21 18 When the people heard the thunder and the loud blast of the ram’s horn, and when they saw the flashes of lightning and the smoke billowing from the mountain, they stood at a distance, trembling with fear. 19 And they said to Moses, “You speak to us, and we will listen. But don’t let God speak directly to us, or we will die!” 20 “Don’t be afraid,” Moses answered them, “for God has come in this way to test you, and so that your fear of him will keep you from sinning!” 21 As the people stood in the distance, Moses approached the dark cloud where God was.

some days you have a moment with God when you see just how great He is.. just how powerful.. just how scary... LOL and usually when that happens your life changes.. 

but sadly for us as humans.. we remember things from the past.. things that felt good.. smelled good.. looked good.. and then we forget just how scary and powerful and amazing God was.. 

I think that is probably how we fall into sin... sadly.. 

wouldn't it be amazing if we could daily remember the greatness of God.. so much so that we continue to do right for all of our lives.. 

the bible makes us to believe that God wants to give us all good things.. just not always in our time.. and I have to say that sometimes that is hard to live through.. sometimes I just want to have what I want to have and I think God needs to work with me sometimes.. 

Dear Jesus: please help me remember who you are so I can remember why I follow you and stay away from sinful things that are not for me for right now.. amen..