in my sleep last night I hear this question: if you could go back and start over.. what would you change? what point would you restart from?
my first thought is the abusive ex... but if I restarted without that.. I would not have my kids.. so I determine I wouldn't redo that...
next thought would be the man I loved that committed suicide.. but that was used to help soften me I believe.. to get me to begin to overcome the hard heart I had developed.. so I wouldn't redo that...
if I could restart from any point.. it would be about 6yrs ago when I allowed someone to be too close to me... I would have handled that situation completely differently.. but again.. I have changed tremendously in the last 7yrs so even though it was a negative.. it was also used for the good...
so in thinking about all this... what I really learn is that I recognize that even when situations are bad or hard.. I can trust God to work them out in a way that makes me a better person.. and all of the situations have worked in a way that has made me who I am.. and I don't want to return to the bitter and angry woman that I was previously...
so I am very thankful for all that I have gone through.. much of it my own fault... be even if not.. still I am thankful for the outcome and who I now have become..
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