romans 7

14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. 18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. 21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

it is funny how we desire to do the right thing and the wrong thing at the same time... the things of God.. the right things.. they fulfill our spirit and give us peace within... so I desire to do the right thing... but on the other hand... the things of the flesh satisfy the flesh... and because we remember what they felt like in the past... we still desire them...

just think if we had never done any of the things that satisfy the flesh outside of God's will... we would not desire wrong things.. well we might wonder about them.. but we wouldn't really know what we are missing...

sometimes I wish I had lived the way God wanted me to all my life and I didn't struggle with some of the strong desires I struggle with... but it is too late for that... all I can do from this point is strive to stay in God's will... I am believing that the things I am waiting for in the will of God... will be better than anything the world has ever offered...