1 Corinthians 1: 4-9

4 I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts he has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus. 5 Through him, God has enriched your church in every way—with all of your eloquent words and all of your knowledge. 6 This confirms that what I told you about Christ is true. 7 Now you have every spiritual gift you need as you eagerly wait for the return of our Lord Jesus Christ. 8 He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be free from all blame on the day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns. 9 God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says, and he has invited you into partnership with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

this tells us that God will keep us strong.. that we are in partnership with Jesus... that we have all that we need to make it until the end... but what about when we feel like we can't do this even one more day... I find that when I didn't have a purpose.. when I lived day to day without any real reason for being here.. .I didn't have any trouble with holding on... because what does it matter? whatever it is that happens... it isn't going to kill me.. so in the end I will be fine... but when you have been given a dream and a purpose... a vision.. that makes it harder somehow to hold on in the in between time... or the mean while... which is a mean.. while... when you have vision.. you can't see how it will all work out... you can't seem to hold onto the day to day because you are looking at the not yet... there is a scripture that someone recently preached on that says hope deferred makes the heart sick.... and that is where I seem to be... out of hope and having a sick heart...

proverbs 13: 12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.

it goes on to say that when the desire comes.. it is a tree of life... not IF it comes.. but WHEN it comes... I am ready for when.... I am tired and sick at heart of waiting.. of the same old thing... of no changes.. no hope....
I wonder if hope and faith are the same thing... I have faith.. but I seem to be losing hope...
some days you wonder just where God is... and why you can't see Him.. can't hear Him.. can't feel Him... if He would come and sit with me for a while all would be right again...