endurance...

Romans 15: 4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. 5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, 6 so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

I was looking for the scripture.. the race is not given to the swift or the proud but to the one that endures to the end... but I couldn't find it... (annoying..)

today... I feel like the things I see in my Spirit cannot be right... they cannot be what God is saying... I am too old.. I am not pretty enough.. I am not the right skin color... I am not the right personality.. I am too loud... I do not come across right to people...

and as I am feeling this... I hear that scripture in my head.. the race is not given to the swift or the proud but to the one that endures to the end... see.. me and God don't always see everything eye to eye... I don't always agree with the way He wants to do things... this waiting is ridiculous to me.. even though I have seen great change in me during the time I have been waiting... changes that NEEDED to occur... I seem to be an action person... it seems I am the type of person that thinks everything is right now... that is one of the reasons it is hard to have the gift of seeing things others cannot.. I always think it is right now... then sometimes I don't seem like I was right... (I wasn't right or wrong to begin with as visions come from God alone...)

so I think in my head... "look God.. you know I am not turning from my faith.. I am not going anywhere.. I can still be who I am... but why can't I just forget this vision you gave... and if you want it to happen then go ahead and make it happen without me doing anything or waiting on it..." and I see Abraham and Sarah... old as dirt... waiting on a child... and I am sure they had days that they felt they must have heard wrong... yet they obviously kept waiting.. as Isaac really did come to pass... or Noah.. who had never even seen rain fall.. yet continued to build that huge boat.. despite the people ridiculing him... and then eventually the rain fell.. and the boat was all that saved his family...

I don't know that I am the person God thinks I am... I don't know that I have the amount of endurance it takes to continue to believe in the future God has shown me... but I know that today is not the day that I will quit.. so maybe if everyday.. I give just one more day... then maybe I will make it to the end...