it is so easy to say that we trust in God and we want His will in our lives... then things don't look like we want them to and we get nervous and want to make something happen to make us feel in control or to feel confident again...
when you grow up... you have the imagination that you will be the perfect family with the perfect kids and the perfect life.... and in my own case... I married a man God told me not to... and he beat the mess out of me... all the time... I didn't even have to speak... he would walk in while I was asleep and just snatch me out the bed throwing me off walls and stuff... and he made relationship something hideous and terrifying...
and every day I wondered will this be the day I die.... and somehow... I never did... and God took me out of the situation... and I knew this was no one's fault but mine for marrying a man God told me not to... but if a man was saved, he would do you right, right? NOT!!! it is about being created FOR A PARTICULAR man... and that wasn't the one I was created for... and it was easy for a while to blame him or God but in reality... I did this to me...
so now... trying to do the right thing... stay on the right path... walking toward the right man... somedays I wonder... will I ever trust this man? will I ever trust God enough to not take off running in fear... but I am still standing... and that is because of God... not because of me... and how can I NOT trust Him? what else do I have but trust in God? my way didn't work... and while God's way is scary looking... I don't have any choice but to trust Him...
in God I trust? YES I DO... and in His grace... He will teach me to trust the man too... Thank you Lord... I love you...
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