the heart of a servant...

2 chronicles 25:2 And he did that which was right in the eyes of Jehovah, but not with a perfect heart.

I am reading the Purpose Driven Life and day 34 hit me kinda hard... it was saying that sometimes we will obey what God told us to do... but our heart is not right in the action... or our mind is not the mind of a servant...

sometimes we do things... instead of looking to bring glory to God... trying to bring attention and honor to ourselves... and of course my initial reaction is that I do not do this... but do I....???

a true servant... which are ALL called to be... will do things and never get the recognition or the words of affirmation that we so crave... and yet they will continue to do the work of the Lord... without it... and with a right attitude...

how often do we serve and get angry when our ministry is not raised up... or our name is not raised up... how often can we serve the people of God without any words of affirmation and yet not feel like we are being abused and mistreated...

there is something within us that craves recognition and power... we crave to be lifted among men... we want the pastor to tell everyone how wonderful we are... we want our ministry to shine above all others... and I wonder... is this not the same thing that the archangel Lucifer did... when he wanted to be raised up and given glory because of how awesome his worship and praise ministry to God was...?? was he not bringing glory upon himself...

this is not the heart that God is calling us to have... the heart that God calls us to have is meek and humble... it does not require recognition from man... that is pride... and while I struggle with pride also... I desire to be like Jesus...who was the perfect example of a servant... He did not try to draw attention to Himself... He was willing to wash the feet of the people who were supposed to be serving with Him...

we have a hard time laying down our desires for glory... and it is understandable... as we are born with a sin nature... but the bible tells us that we are to put off the old nature and take up our cross and follow God..

I recently told someone that I don't even know who I am anymore... and that is the truth... I am nothing like who I used to be... even just a year ago... my mind doesn't think the same... my heart doesn't feel the same... God has created in me a new creature in Christ... and I thank Him for it... now don't get me wrong.. I am not pretending that I have arrived... or that I don't struggle with sin and with pride... surely I do... daily... the change in me is that I don't desire to be out of the will of God anymore... I used to want my will above the will of God and now I want the will of God above my own will.. and I am thankful for the changes God has made in me...