there are alot of things I don't understand... I don't understand God much of the time.. but this is something new for me.. when I was worldly... I understood Him much better... God's process of making us into whatever He wants us to be is confusing... everything is backwards... you have to give to receive.. you have to sow to reap... you have to die to live... none of those things make sense...
so I'm here today to tell God that I don't really understand any of what He is thinking... I can see the end result.. but I can't imagine how the way things are going is supposed to get me there...
I am supposed to stand strong while I am attacked on every side.. and I do mean every side... the promise for the future that God gave me looks unobtainable.. yet I am to continue to show love... (what possible sense does that make?? really... walking away is the smarter move... I promise you that...) my son has lost all sense of reality... my daughter is working 2 jobs one during the day and one at night and we can't seem to get her car fixed... so we are running around back and forth.. relying on others for rides much of the time... (I could just quit everything and go home after I'm done at work for the day... that would be so much easier...)
I refuse to say 'what else could go wrong' because in the midst of the drama... we have our health... we have a home... we have food.. we have clothing.. we are able to pay our bills...
but as far as what possible good all this could bring? I have no clue... I don't understand anything at all...
no matter what I'm gonna love You... no matter what I'm gonna need You... no matter what I'm gonna trust you... I know that You have the power to keep me from all pain... but if you choose not to.. all I ask is that You come through it with me... in Jesus precious name I ask this... amen.amen.amen.
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