Lessons Learned in Life's Crisis

covenant...

2012-01-27T21:17:00.000-05:00

Genesis 17: 7 “I will confirm my covenant with you and your descendants after you, from generation to generation. This is the everlasting covenant: I will always be your God and the God of your descendants after you. 8 And I will give the entire land of Canaan, where you now live as a foreigner, to you and your descendants. It will be their possession forever, and I will be their God.”

we don't really know what covenant means.. I think we find out as time goes by.. but I don't think we knew what it was to begin with... we don't know what love is.. we think it is a feeling.. when really it is a choice we make despite what we feel.. to act in the correct manner.. to show love despite our emotions.. we can feel like we hate someone and really show them we still love them deep down by our actions.. they never have to know what we were feeling at all... there is a scripture that says weigh the cost before you commit.. so that you are sure to endure to the end.. (but I couldn't find it for some reason.. I hate that..) we enter too lightly into commitments and do not remain true.. we are a faithless and unstable people...

most times.. we enter into a contract.. not a covenant.. whether it be accepting a job or marrying someone.. we decide that this is good for now.. and when we no longer want to be in it.. we break the contract.. and go looking for something we expect to be better than what we just left.. I believe a contract is something that we make in our own power...

this is not the same thing as a covenant.. a covenant begins when God said it began and it lasts for a lifetime.. one way to know something is covenant and not contract is the realization that it won't let you go.. you can try to walk away from someone or something.. but something keeps drawing you back and doesn't allow you to let go... ever... I believe a covenant is held by God's power.. not our own..

this is also true of our relationship with God.. when we commit ourselves to Him that very first time.. that is the beginning of a covenant.. an everlasting covenant.. we can try to walk away.. we can act like we don't belong to Him.. but He never lets us go.. it keeps drawing us back to Him.. we hold on when our faith is weak.. when our strength is gone.. there is still some thread of hope that keeps us keeping on.. God doesn't leave us when we sin.. our sin does not break the covenant... it separates us in relationship.. the relationship can become strained.. but He still loves us.. still keeps holding out for our true change.. still keeps protecting us and watching over us...

covenant is forever.. with God.. with man.. even with a purpose or ministry.. it cannot be broken.. it still exists even if we defile ourselves with other things.. I suggest we realize how committing covenant really is.. and begin to stay true to it.. pure in it and undefiled... surely God will reward our faithfulness..

2012-01-25T22:24:00.000-05:00

Psalms 9: 1-2 1 I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. 2 I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High.

david is one of my favorite bible heros... I find him to be such an amazing man... david.. who really did more than most... does not.. come across as if he thinks he is anything... he often states that he can't imagine why God even looks at him... he never became puffed up or full of himself...

he screwed up pretty regularly... yet he was always in the habit of praising God despite his circumstance... saul chasing him down and trying to kill him for 20years really was none of his own doing.. saul was just a loon... full of evil spirits.. and david did nothing against him.. kept on praising God for his goodness through the whole thing...

I think that thankfulness is almost an attitude... grateful for what is rather than what could be... when I was young I was so selfish and so ungrateful... as I have gone through life's trials and been shaken and tossed to and fro I realize that God is my everything.. He is my anchor... my peace.. my God... my Father..

I have no idea why God looks at me.. what He sees in me.. but I am so thankful that He does..

2012-01-24T20:54:00.000-05:00

Esther 1: 10 On the seventh day of the feast, when King Xerxes was in high spirits because of the wine, he told the seven eunuchs who attended him—Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas— 11 to bring Queen Vashti to him with the royal crown on her head. He wanted the nobles and all the other men to gaze on her beauty, for she was a very beautiful woman. 12 But when they conveyed the king’s order to Queen Vashti, she refused to come. This made the king furious, and he burned with anger. 15 “What must be done to Queen Vashti?” the king demanded. “What penalty does the law provide for a queen who refuses to obey the king’s orders, properly sent through his eunuchs?”
16 Memucan answered the king and his nobles, “Queen Vashti has wronged not only the king but also every noble and citizen throughout your empire. 17 Women everywhere will begin to despise their husbands when they learn that Queen Vashti has refused to appear before the king. 18 Before this day is out, the wives of all the king’s nobles throughout Persia and Media will hear what the queen did and will start treating their husbands the same way. There will be no end to their contempt and anger.

19 “So if it please the king, we suggest that you issue a written decree, a law of the Persians and Medes that cannot be revoked. It should order that Queen Vashti be forever banished from the presence of King Xerxes, and that the king should choose another queen more worthy than she. 20 When this decree is published throughout the king’s vast empire, husbands everywhere, whatever their rank, will receive proper respect from their wives!”

21 The king and his nobles thought this made good sense, so he followed Memucan’s counsel. 22 He sent letters to all parts of the empire, to each province in its own script and language, proclaiming that every man should be the ruler of his own home and should say whatever he pleases.

different people view this situation different ways... we can either see vashti's disobedience.. or we can see the king's ridiculousness in his request and response...

the truth of it is.. we cannot control someone else's actions.. we can only control our own actions... we cannot make someone else do what we feel is right... even if we really are right... but our own responsibility before God is to do the right thing ourselves... I can absolutely understand her not wanting to be put on display.. especially if the truth was that she was to go wearing nothing at all but the crown... but.. if she was obedient... who would the truth of the shame and blame been upon? truly.. he would have ended up mad that everyone saw her naked.. that the other men desired her... and.. she would have been seen as submissive and beautiful to the whole nation.. instead she is remembered most for her disobedience... she had influence to upset the households of an entire nation.. all the women would be influenced by what she did.. whether right or wrong.. do we really notice how many people are watching us and possibly following in our footsteps.. and how important it is for us to do the right thing...

now truly.. I don't feel this king was right in what he wanted... he was drunk and was showing her off like she was a new car... but... what is her real responsibility biblically... my opinion is that her responsibility was to be obedient to him... he would have looked like a fool in the end for even requesting it.. and she would have came out looking like the golden woman... this one act of disobedience cost her the crown.. her family.. finances.. home... everything.. she was banished from the kingdom.. for one act of disobedience...

while I was going through what I went through with God for the past 2 years.. and I feared that He was never going to fix my situation.. meaning I would just lose my future behind it... and it was really an eye opening experience to know... really know... that God doesn't have to forgive us.. He doesn't have to fix things for us.. and if we realize that.. we probably will be far more cautious with our decisions.. at least I know it has done that for me anyways... I am SO THANKFUL that God is the God of so many many chances... I pray that God will help me to be obedient in all situations.. I pray that if someone makes bad decisions for me.. that He will come and rescue me.. and that in my obedience.. I will retain my rightful place and not be banished from the kingdom... I pray that I use my influence of others to show what a true christian woman should be.. I pray that people see Christ in me at all times..

2012-01-23T17:53:00.002-05:00

Ecclesiastes 7: 26 I discovered that a seductive woman is a trap more bitter than death. Her passion is a snare, and her soft hands are chains. Those who are pleasing to God will escape her, but sinners will be caught in her snare.
27 “This is my conclusion,” says the Teacher. “I discovered this after looking at the matter from every possible angle. 28 Though I have searched repeatedly, I have not found what I was looking for. Only one out of a thousand men is virtuous, but not one woman! 29 But I did find this: God created people to be virtuous, but they have each turned to follow their own downward path.”

well.. I don't know about you.. but I found this to be an amazing scripture.. how often do we think it is the man that is not virtuous.. that is the experience we have had.. that is the truth that we have known.. yet scripturally... it says it is the woman that is not virtuous... that was a shocker for me...

but is it....

look back over your life... we have used our 'womanhood' to manipulate men.. to change them.. (even if only for the time being) to trap them.. to keep them... to hurt them...

honestly.. if we think about it.. men almost fall into being with women.. we on the other hand.. plan it out... we think about it ahead of time.. and then we walk forward.. usually men don't think it out.. it is there and they fall into it.. then they can't seem to figure out how to get away from it... a man will rarely sleep with someone just to hurt you... that may be the result.. but usually not the intention...

only one man out of a thousand is virtuous... but not one woman... that really stings...

God created people to be virtuous but they have each turned to follow their own downward path..

that has been true of me.. I am on God's path now.. but truly I was on my own path in the past...

I am thankful that God is the God of a second and third and fourth chance.. maybe I was not promiscuous in my life.. but I was also not virtuous.. virtuous is both morally and ethically excellent.. I have not been that....

but thankfully.. I am on the path for it now! Thank you Jesus for life changing power and grace and mercy and forgiveness... Thank you for giving us a lifetime to get it right..

leaders are chosen by God...

2012-01-21T13:54:00.002-05:00

1 In the first year of King Cyrus of Persia, the LORD fulfilled the prophecy he had given through Jeremiah. He stirred the heart of Cyrus to put this proclamation in writing and to send it throughout his kingdom:
2 “This is what King Cyrus of Persia says: “The LORD, the God of heaven, has given me all the kingdoms of the earth. He has appointed me to build him a Temple at Jerusalem, which is in Judah. 3 Any of you who are his people may go to Jerusalem in Judah to rebuild this Temple of the LORD, the God of Israel, who lives in Jerusalem. And may your God be with you! 4 Wherever this Jewish remnant is found, let their neighbors contribute toward their expenses by giving them silver and gold, supplies for the journey, and livestock, as well as a voluntary offering for the Temple of God in Jerusalem.” 5 Then God stirred the hearts of the priests and Levites and the leaders of the tribes of Judah and Benjamin to go to Jerusalem to rebuild the Temple of the LORD. 6 And all their neighbors assisted by giving them articles of silver and gold, supplies for the journey, and livestock. They gave them many valuable gifts in addition to all the voluntary offerings. 7 King Cyrus himself brought out the articles that King Nebuchadnezzar had taken from the LORD’s Temple in Jerusalem and had placed in the temple of his own gods. 8 Cyrus directed Mithredath, the treasurer of Persia, to count these items and present them to Sheshbazzar, the leader of the exiles returning to Judah.

I don't really think we understand submission and leadership.... one of the things God has taught me is that the leader really isn't leading.. it is God leading through the leader.. so we as people decide that a leader really doesn't know what he is doing... and we have such a better way of doing things if they would only listen to us... yet biblically.. God is saying that HE is leading us through the leader... so we are really telling God that our way is better than His.. and truly.. haven't we done that hundreds of times and ended up in a mess!

God used a pagan king to financially support Him moving His people back to Jerusalum... someone who didn't have knowledge of God or serve Him... yet somehow we determine that God can't move someone and God can't or won't get things done.. at least not to our satisfaction.. so maybe the real issue is.. we are looking for and wanting things to be done the way that is not God's way...

I am in full belief that if we could sit down and relax sometimes it would greatly be to our benefit.. and probably all those around us too.. LOL!

2012-01-19T17:53:00.002-05:00

Isaiah 7: 3 Then the LORD said to Isaiah, “Take your son Shear-jashub and go out to meet King Ahaz. You will find him at the end of the aqueduct that feeds water into the upper pool, near the road leading to the field where cloth is washed. 4 Tell him to stop worrying. Tell him he doesn’t need to fear the fierce anger of those two burned-out embers, King Rezin of Syria and Pekah son of Remaliah. 5 Yes, the kings of Syria and Israel are plotting against him, saying, 6 ‘We will attack Judah and capture it for ourselves. Then we will install the son of Tabeel as Judah’s king.’ 7 But this is what the Sovereign LORD says:
“This invasion will never happen; it will never take place; 8 for Syria is no stronger than its capital, Damascus, and Damascus is no stronger than its king, Rezin. As for Israel, within sixty-five years it will be crushed and completely destroyed. 9 Israel is no stronger than its capital, Samaria, and Samaria is no stronger than its king, Pekah son of Remaliah. Unless your faith is firm, I cannot make you stand firm.”

there is a leadership saying that a ministry will never rise above it's head.. it is called the law of the lid... of course this is true in general.. the family will never rise above the head.. the job will never rise above the boss... in this scripture the bible is saying that a country cannot rise above the king... basically the same thing...

the part that struck me is the unless your faith is firm, I cannot make you stand firm...

I think that God is telling this king that if he doesn't believe God when He tells him that they will not defeat this king.. then God cannot make Him stand on it... God cannot give us peace or comfort when we refuse to believe what He tells us... if God says that He is our provider and we constantly worry about provision.. then we will never have faith in Him being the provider...

what good does it do for God to give us promises and we don't believe them...

that is not having faith and believing that He is in control.. I would suggest that we all have particular areas in which we are not allowing God to have control... and in not allowing Him to be in control.. we are actually not believing He will take care of us in this area.. we are not trusting Him.. our faith is not firm...

I think we all have areas where our faith IS strong and we have no doubts.. but we also have other areas where our faith is not strong and we are weak and wavering... how can God make us firm if we refuse to believe in Him... He cannot stengthen our faith and show us that He is trustworthy in what He says He will do if we will not allow Him to show us that He is true to His word... our faith gets strengthened by God proving Himself to us..

I want to be able to stand firm.. I want my faith to be firm... I want God to be able to help me to stand firm when I am feeling weak... I am thankful for the word of God! I am thankful for His voice! I am thankful for His love for me and for you too!

you are beautiful....

2012-01-16T18:00:00.000-05:00

song of solomon 4: 1 You are beautiful, my darling, beautiful beyond words. Your eyes are like doves behind your veil. Your hair falls in waves, like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead.

every morning I read a few verses of the bible before I get in the bathtub... then I think about them a while... when I opened my bible this morning.. this was the verse before me...

I thought.. how awesome for God to think I am beautiful... I had never been told I am beautiful... I was always told I was sexy... but now.. many times people.. both women and men will tell me I am beautiful..

I think it has nothing to do with my appearance.. I think it is my spirit... I think when we are beautiful on the inside.. it shines out to the outward... this has nothing to do with me of course.. I cannot make my spirit beautiful.. this is the spirit God has put in me since I have been changed...

my prayer this morning was for God to continue to re-create me into His image... and I guess as I think about it.. that is the thing that is making me appear to be beautiful to Him.. to look like God... or at least a slight resemblance.. one that is constantly growing and becoming more like Him...

so this day.. I say to you... that you are beautiful...

faith vs. positive thinking...

2012-01-13T18:17:00.000-05:00

Job 13: 15 God might kill me, but I have no other hope. I am going to argue my case with him.

Psalms 94: 18 I cried out, “I am slipping!” but your unfailing love, O LORD, supported me. 19 When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.

what is our faith or our hope really built on? I was listening to a song this morning and that is what put this thought in my head... 'but our hope endures the worst of conditions, it's more than just our optimism, let the earth quake, our hope remains unchanged. Emanuel God is with us, El Shaddai all Sufficient. we never walk alone... '

we can read self help books over and over about thinking positively.. about believing the best.. but if we have nothing to back it up.. the resolve will fade.. yet with God.. no matter what goes on.. no matter how dark the night.. eventually a glimmer of light will come back on.. He will not allow us to sulk in our misery forever.. He will remind us once again that He is the one in control.. that He has our best interest at heart...

I cannot imagine living without the hope and the faith that God puts within us.. the spark of Life that He releases in the worst of conditions... God may kill me.. but I have no other hope...

2012-01-12T18:04:00.002-05:00

this is based on judges 17-18... there is a man whose mother has some idols made in his honor to worship as if they are worshipping God... so the man has idols in his house.. he hires a priest to be his personal priest.. a levite... and twice in the scripture it states that in those days there was no king and the people did whatever they felt was right...

so I am thinking... it was odd to me that they don't just follow the law of Moses at this time.. I find it odd that they felt they needed a king to lead them... I find it odd that they substitute a king with a priest... yet often that seems to be biblically God's choice... I did not have a good example of leadership in my lifetime.. my father was moody and miserable.. he did not talk at all.. he was a very depressed man... he didn't lead us anywhere.. of course my kids' dad was a horrendous and non existant leader... so because of these examples I have led my family... at the time I felt I did a pretty good job.. but in retrospect I find that I did not... even now... I am following what I believe God would have me to do.. but I often wonder if I am in the right direction...

the bible tells us that a man is the head.. period... I think we often turn into leaders because of circumstance and situation.. because of control issues.. because we like power.. but biblically.. a woman is to have a head... I wonder sometimes if the more I submit my own will to God's... is this when I am becoming less of a leader... and more willing to accept having a head in my life...

this doesn't mean I think I have lost my skills as a leader.. I am still an organized person and well able to run a ministry.. but now.. I prefer to have someone else above me... someone I can talk things over with.. someone to give me their ideas and thoughts about how things could be done differently.. I used to not be open to hearing anything from anyone.. now I welcome another persons side of something...

I am looking forward to having a king in my house.. to me stepping down and being satisfied.. even happy to just be the queen God created me to be..

seeing God's glory...

2012-01-11T21:59:00.000-05:00

John 11: 32 When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. 34 “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” 35 Then Jesus wept. 36 The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him!” 37 But some said, “This man healed a blind man. Couldn’t he have kept Lazarus from dying?” 38 Jesus was still angry as he arrived at the tomb, a cave with a stone rolled across its entrance. 39 “Roll the stone aside,” Jesus told them. But Martha, the dead man’s sister, protested, “Lord, he has been dead for four days. The smell will be terrible.” 40 Jesus responded, “Didn’t I tell you that you would see God’s glory if you believe?”

so I read a devotional this morning that said when her husband died.. she felt like God didn't really love her... and my initial thought was... that is ridiculous... there will always be death and life both in our lives.. to imagine God doesn't love us because someone died is silly... but is it??

isn't that really what our funk is about sometimes? things happen in our lives that we think shouldn't have and we get to thinking that God doesn't want something good for us... or that His idea of good is vastly different than ours.. and don't we really get to feeling sorry for ourselves and feeling like God doesn't really care about what we are going through... I will admit that I do...

and again I state that it is ridiculous... even though I am the one feeling it sometimes...

that is like saying when we spank our children that we don't love them anymore.. or if they fell we don't care because we allowed them to fall... that is just silly.. things are going to happen that we didn't want to deal with.. things are going to hurt us sometimes.. the real question is.. do we allow the situation to make us better.. or do we wallow in self pity and become bitter...

maybe there is a situation that we think is killing us... maybe it really is killing something in us.. maybe that is the purpose for it.. that something ugly in us will die... but just like Jesus brought lazarus back to life.. we too will have life again.. if we keep on keeping on.. keep on trusting Him.. keep on believing He is good...

that is when we see God's glory.. when He brings life out of our dead situations...

no longer uncommitted...

2012-01-10T18:18:00.000-05:00

Hosea 6: 6 I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings.

all of us are on this 'love walk' that God has put in our lives... it is easy for me to say that not everyone is on the same walk.. not everyone seems to be led to love at all times.. it is easy to say because not everyone lives as if they have ever heard that message... I myself only heard this message from God over the past few years.. but is that the truth? or do we ALL have the same call which is to love like Christ loved.. but maybe we refuse that message...

1 “Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds. 2 In just a short time he will restore us, so that we may live in his presence. 3 Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring.”
4 “O Israel and Judah, what should I do with you?” asks the Lord. “For your love vanishes like the morning mist and disappears like dew in the sunlight. 5 I sent my prophets to cut you to pieces— to slaughter you with my words, with judgments as inescapable as light. 6 I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings. 7 But like Adam, you broke my covenant and betrayed my trust.

this is really a description of my life with God in the past... I would walk away from Him.. searching for what I thought would fulfill me.. then I would be broken down.. repent and come back to Him.. and He would fix everything.. then slowly I would ease back into searching for something else... I truly had broken His covenant and His trust...

I am so thankful that this is no longer my relationship with God... that now I do really know Him.. really seek Him above all other things.. I have learned that nothing and no one can satisfy my soul like God does... that nothing can give me peace like Him.. I can have relationships or belongings and they can bring pleasure for a moment.. but at some point.. that fades.. and again.. the thing I really seek is God... He is my whole being... I am completely committed to Him...
God wants to love us.. He wants us to know Him... that is a great thing too.. that the God of the Universe would love me and want me to know Him and He feels the same way about each of us...

why do we follow Christ?

2012-01-09T21:10:00.000-05:00

one morning in a devotional from Charles Stanley.. he asks the question.. why do you follow God? is it for what you can receive or what you can give... and that really struck me... what is it that really keeps us following God?

we have to admit.. that while we realize that we will have work to do for God.. much of our following is about what He does for us... we don't like to say that.. it is ugly to admit.. but it is the truth... we don't want to be a sacrifice on God's altar.. we don't want to be a martyr... we want Him to protect us.. to love us.. to take care of us.. to prosper us... but what are we really thinking that we are doing for Him?...

even in a vision or a plan for our future.. are we really thinking about all it will cost us.. or are we thinking about what we will gain... as much as I wish I could say I am thinking of what great things I can do for God.. that is a lie.. that may be a result.. but I also want what I imagine will be good.. be pleasing.. make me happy... so our real thoughts are on what we receive far more than what we are to give... and.. when we do think about how much it will cost us.. that tends to make us feel sorry for ourselves.. to make us think oh woe is me.. do we really think Jesus walked around feeling sorry for himself daily like we do.. and yet he knew all along that he would be dying so that we might live..

I am thinking I really need to rethink or renew my mind.. because I have often been told by God that none of this is about me.. it is all for Him.. and if we are focused on what we receive from something.. then how is it God getting the glory for it?

I had often wondered how God would be receiving the glory for my life... it appears now that maybe it is because I am so cease living for self.. and begin living for kingdom completely... thereby being a true living sacrifice... and all the glory going to God...

2012-01-07T08:43:00.000-05:00

sometimes I think about sarah and the promise God gave her of a child and how for 25 years she waited... I wonder.. did she wait like I wait? sometimes confused and unsure.. or was she always sure of what God had said... did she go through periods where she thought that she must have been wrong.. maybe it was her own mind thinking it and not really God speaking... or did she just stand strong all those years.. sure and waiting on God to decide it was the right time and move on her behalf.. open her womb and give her the child that she believed for...

I get days that I am unsure of the vision I once saw so clearly... but usually right after the confusion.. I am reminded.. and I am sure that God really did say this to me... sometimes I think that if I had someone who was agreeing with me.. that saw the same vision.. would it be easier to be sure.. or would there still be days of unsurity... and I think I would still get unsure.. I would still have good days.. and bad days... I think that is the way of faith.. I think our faith is strengthened by days going by... I think that if it were not of God that it surely would have died in my heart by now... that I would not still be holding on to this idea.. this vision.. this sight... this purpose...

I think that is one way that we can be very sure that something is from God and not our own desires... we cannot let it go... truth told.. this vision is not something I would have chosen on my own.. I am secure in my own life.. I don't really want all these changes that God has put in my heart... yet I know that in the long run.. lives may be changed because of His vision... so you don't have the ability to decide you don't want it... you continue on.. believing in God.. waiting on His Hand to move on your behalf.. waiting for Him to fulfill the vision.. because you know this is nothing that you can do on your own...

praying in the wilderness...

2012-01-06T18:12:00.000-05:00

Luke 5: 16 But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.

I often wonder why it is that we put off time alone with God... time in prayer... yet even Jesus OFTEN withdrew for prayer...

idk about you.. but when I take even 15 minutes.. and just sit in silence before God.. read maybe a few scripture verses.. regardless about what... and just meditate on God.. on His goodness. His greatness.. just who He is... I immediately feel peace overtake me... yet whatever the reason... even though we know it works.. we still allow ourselves to forsake time alone with God...

we are really some silly people...

and this particular verse says.. Jesus withdrew to the wilderness... when I think of wilderness.. I think of a terrible place.. a place where I am wandering around aimlessly without answers.. without rest... is is possible.. that God puts us in the wilderness for exactly the opposite of that... maybe He puts us in the wilderness so that we can spend time in prayer and get some answers... so that we can stop striving so hard and just rest... we know in the wilderness we are pretty much lost without Him anyways... so the point is maybe we can use this time to pray and rest and get some insight...

instead of seeing the wilderness as a bad place.. maybe it is a place of comfort and peace...

2012-01-05T18:10:00.000-05:00

Psalms 41:9 Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me.

I have always... been strange about friends.. I have always only called one or two people friends... and I am still able to be just as close as ever with people who I grew up with yet rarely talk to... for me.. friendship is not based on how often you talk to someone.. it is based on trust... if I can't trust you.. I find it hard to love you...

I have been given the gift of seeing the spirit within a person... almost always.. my initial positive or negative feel for a person is exactly right... yet sometimes.. I get sidetracked by the fact that I like someone.. and I get deceived by them... not because God didn't warn me.. but because I refused to see it.. because I like the person... this has only ever happened to me a few times in my life... normally.. I will go with my initial feeling.. but sometimes for whatever circumstance.. I am almost bound to be around someone.. whether it be family or whatever... that is when I get sucked under...

I have learned once again.. trust the inner voice of the Lord.. He will never steer you wrong..

secrets...

2012-01-04T18:13:00.000-05:00

Mark 4: 22 For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light.

idk about you.. but I don't really want all my secrets brought out to the light.. at least not the bad ones... the good ones can come out any time... what is it that makes us do things and then think no one will ever find out? it has been my experience.. that every thing we do thinking no one will ever know.. eventually comes out... so why do we do things that we want no one to know about? why do we do things that we are ashamed of before man... obviously God knew about it to begin with.. so what makes us think no one will find out... bigger than the finding out.. what makes us do it at all....

even as far back as adam and eve.. they somehow imagined that God would not know that they listened to the enemy.. that they sinned... that somehow they would get away with it...

I think all of this goes back to satan's battle for our mind... he lets us imagine that we can get away with no one finding out that we did something we shouldn't have... then other people end up getting hurt from our actions... we are silly... truly we need to stop doing the things that we would be ashamed of someone knowing about... because surely... everything done in the dark will come to the light... every secret will be told.. and we will have to suffer the consequences of it.. along with anyone else that is important to us...

live righteously.. in the dark and in the light.. as best we can...

trusting God to protect you...

2012-01-03T18:20:00.000-05:00

Deuteronomy 23: 14 For the LORD your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.

daily I seem to keep learning a lesson in trusting in God... I keep thinking that I am to protect myself from being hurt.. I am to avoid situations where I may get used or abused.. but this is not what I am hearing from God... what I am hearing is nothing I have ever heard in church before...

I am learning.. God is my protector.. my shield and my fortress.. He is the one that will not allow the enemy to overtake me... I am to open myself up to people.. to show them through my own love who Christ really is.. and not be so concerned about protecting myself.. God will be my protector...

and I am to remain holy so that He will not turn away from me... although I know that holiness is not popular...yet it is the will of God.. the way of righteousness...

I believe this is how Jesus lived His life too... He did not come against anyone at all.. He allowed people to use and abuse Him.. trusting that in the end.. God will get all the glory for His life...

trusting in God is possibly the hardest thing I have ever done.. along with loving others... believing that God will be the one who protects my heart...

2011-12-30T09:23:00.002-05:00

confessions about me...

I am still the same selfish person I was as a child.. I really thought I had overcome it... I thought I was the image of God.. or at least becoming the image of God.. and today.. I realize.. I am still dealing with the same ugliness as always...

I can't stand people to touch my stuff... it doesn't matter what it is... I can't stand it...
I can't stand anyone in my space...

this morning God reminds me that repeatedly in my life.. He has uprooted me.. wiped out all of my possessions.. because of this very issue... He is trying to teach me that nothing belongs to me to begin with... it is His...

I had a dream once about someone not wanting me to touch their stuff.. and I couldn't clean the house because of it.. and he had to realize that he had to give me some space in the house too... yet I see myself doing this exact same thing to the young girl in my own house... she has nothing.. she has no one.. and I am selfish and don't want her to touch my stuff... and I remember that dream and how it felt to not belong in that house...

I have got to change.. I have to be able to open more than my mind or my words to the ways of God.. I have to be willing to open also my house.. my heart.. my belongings... because in the end.. none of it is mine anyways... it all belongs to God...

becoming who we are supposed to be

2011-12-29T20:39:00.000-05:00

Romans 8: 28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 29 For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.

I am going to talk only about me.. but hopefully we can all put our own selves in this same scenerio...

when I was young.. I was a spoiled brat... you couldn't tell me anything.. because I knew everything.. all the gifts that God had given me were just my idea of why I was so wonderful... I knew that God had given them to me.. but He did it because I was so wonderful... and people who didn't like me.. well.. that was their own insecurities showing up in their jealousy...

now... all these years later.. God has shown me.. through rough circumstances.. that nothing I have or am is anything.. and He could sweep it all away in the blink of an eye... I am a person of value.. not because of me.. but because of God within me.. God shining out of me is the only value that I have... that is not low self esteem.. that is knowing that God is in control of all... that I am only what He allows me to be.. I am a much better person than I was when I thought I was great.. I can see other people now.. before I was the center of the universe... now I can allow others to be my universe...

my son is continuously putting himself in a bad situation.. he gets out of one and right back into another.. while I know that much of this is due to the circumstances he grew up in.. I also know that God is working things out for his good... so I have to sit back sometimes and just allow it... I wish he didn't have to smack his head off the brick wall all the time.. but I know that until he is the man that God created him to be.. he is not of any eternal value... so when God changes him through all these circumstances.. it can be God getting the glory for the magnificent change that has taken place..

if we look at the fruit of the Spirit.. they are love, peace, joy, kindness, gentleness, goodness, compassion.. these attributes are built into us.. not by the easy situations in our lives.. but instead by the hard ones.. it is through walking through hell that we learn what it feels like to just need someone to reach out and hug us.. or pray with us.. or just be kind sometimes... that is what creates these attributes in us...

so while we don't want someone else to go through all the tragedy they may experience.. whether it is self induced or not... these are the things that make us and mold us into the children that God is willing to smile down and say.. that one is Mine...

I think it is time that we all learn to be thankful for the things that have broken us to the point where we are worth something to God.. now.. after the bad experiences.. He can use us.. because we are the image of Him.. after we have gone through circumstances that have broken all the self off of us.. we are now like new creatures.. soft and loving.. in the image of God.. and for our loved ones who are still banging their head off the brick walls.. we can rest assured that just like God continued to chase us down.. He will chase them down too.. and they too will be soft and loving.. and in the image of God... ready for kingdom work..

2 Samuel 6: 10-12

2011-12-28T18:19:00.001-05:00

10 So David decided not to move the Ark of the Lord into the City of David. Instead, he took it to the house of Obed-edom of Gath. 11 The Ark of the Lord remained there in Obed-edom’s house for three months, and the Lord blessed Obed-edom and his entire household.
12 Then King David was told, “The Lord has blessed Obed-edom’s household and everything he has because of the Ark of God.” So David went there and brought the Ark of God from the house of Obed-edom to the City of David with a great celebration.

when I woke up one morning about 2 or 3 weeks ago.. as has been the case for about the last 2 years.. I think.. oh I don't want to get up.. I just want to sleep forever... now we all know that I am getting plenty of sleep.. this is not about being tired in the physical sense.. I am tired in the mental or spiritual sense... and I have am reminded that a while ago.. I used to wake up smiling.. thinking about God and how much I am in love with Him.. and I would talk to Him much the same way that women talk to a man... then He told me He is no longer my Husband but now my Father... well.. I don't know about you.. but my own experience with fathers was not so great.. so I have not at all been thrilled about this... and I wonder.. what is it that changed? we know it isn't God.. we know that God is the same forevermore.. so the change had to occur in me...

in the scripture.. this is about the Ark of the covenant.. which represented the Presence of God... now we all know that the Ark is long since lost.. but yet we can have the Presence with us.. somehow.. some way.. we decide to walk away from the Presence of God in our lives all the time.. and then we wonder what happened...

I think that like any other relationship.. we need to be active in the relationship with God.. He has encouraged me to wake up 15 minutes earlier each day and meditate on Him for those 15 minutes.. to read just a verse or two and think on Him... He has also encouraged me to set aside an hour every evening.. before the TV comes on.. to read a chapter and meditate on Him.. then I go sit in the bathtub in the candlelight and be silent and still before Him for about 15 minutes... and give Him time to talk to me.. time to just be with Him... I am believing that as I am faithful in giving Him time.. He will again become the Joy of my Salvation...

we let circumstances determine our emotions.. we let our situation determine our spiritual high or low... really.. God hasn't changed.. we have.. when I was so in love with God I didn't have a job.. wasn't sure what was going to happen.. He brought me out of that state.. and in response.. I found more time for actions of worship but less time for true worship.. less time to truly sit still before God... I am walking forward in changing that.. day by day.. God will be my first thought and my last thought.. and many of the thoughts in between... I truly love Him and now I intend to really act like it.. I am sure if He were a man He would have long since left me... and I surely don't want Him to go... He is everything...

2011-12-26T17:52:00.000-05:00

a few years ago something really tragic happened in my family... my sister's son killed my brother's son... it was an act of self defense.. they were both drunk and stupid and someone pulled a gun so someone protected his family and also pulled a gun and shot... tragic..

but what was more tragic was the fact that my brothers and sisters have allowed one tragic act to destroy the entire family... instead of just looking at the situation as horrible for the whole family.. they determined to lay blame on one another's children and now they don't speak.. they don't see one another...

and what I have really seen happen in this circumstance is for everyone's heart to become hard and bitter... and THAT is the real tragedy...

I wondered.. would we think that forgiveness is a learned behavior? would we imagine that a family doesn't forgive one another because they really haven't been taught how to be forgiving? or is it because they are unwilling to do the right thing? or is it really because God is not in the center of all of their lives....

we always hear that forgiveness is not as much for the other person as it is for the one doing the forgiving.. I would say that in the past I didn't believe this.. because I was the one that needed to forgive someone who had been wrong toward me.. but now.. when I can see this from the outside in.. I feel like the ones that need to forgive are the ones suffering.. and the saddest part to me is the fact that they don't even know it.. they cannot see their bitterness and how it is infecting their children.. and for generations to come they will now live with the fact of unforgiveness being a new generational curse...

I remember just recently telling my son that he needed to forgive his father for being the way that he has been... and my son didn't want to do it.. but I believe he did in the end and I am so glad that he did...

the bible tells us to protect our heart... we often feel like this is a free pass to treat someone else the same way they treated us.. that we don't need to be loving to everyone because we are protecting our heart... well is it possible.. that protecting your heart is really about protecting it from the bitterness that comes from unforgiveness.. the hardness of heart that the world views give us...

I believe that if we love with all our hearts.. everyone.. regardless of what they have done to us... then God will protect us from being destroyed.. we may get hurt.. everyone gets hurt.. but it will not destroy us.. and if we keep from getting bitter and angry.. we can grow from these situations...

people used to think I was such a strong person because of the things I have lived through.. it was not true.. I was very weak.. I was very hardhearted and unforgiving and angry and bitter... as I have become transformed by God.. I am much stronger now.. I can now love you in spite of how you act.. I may not agree with you.. but that doesn't make me be hard toward you anymore.. I can love someone I don't like anymore.. this is a much stronger person than the one who hates and is bitter...

I am so thankful to have learned the importance of forgiveness in our lives.. it has changed me...

2011-12-24T10:15:00.000-05:00

John 13: 34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

if you remember back to the things that made the holidays so special in your life when you were a little one.. it really is not the gifts.. it is the love and the family that came together on the holidays.. some of us didn't get many gifts.. some of us really didn't get any love... it is far more of a tragedy to not receive love than to not receive gifts.. yet for whatever the reason.. every year.. we allow ourselves to stress and try to get all these wonderful gifts.. thinking that will be what shows love to our children or loved ones..

idk about you.. but if I could spend my day with the person/people I love the most.. that would be the greatest gift I could ever receive... that is what is important to me for christmas... being with the ones I love...

yea.. the gifts are nice... wonderful even.. but the love far exceeds all of that...

and this is our call to the world.. daily we are to be the living love of God to a world that may not ever feel loved... that is our real purpose in life.. to love those who don't know love... and this will prove to the world that we are living for God.. and that He lives within us..

Psalms 50: 16-23

2011-12-23T19:14:00.000-05:00

16 But God says to the wicked: “Why bother reciting my decrees and pretending to obey my covenant?
17 For you refuse my discipline and treat my words like trash.
18 When you see thieves, you approve of them, and you spend your time with adulterers.
19 Your mouth is filled with wickedness, and your tongue is full of lies.
20 You sit around and slander your brother— your own mother’s son.
21 While you did all this, I remained silent, and you thought I didn’t care. But now I will rebuke you, listing all my charges against you.
22 Repent, all of you who forget me, or I will tear you apart, and no one will help you.
23 But giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me. If you keep to my path, I will reveal to you the salvation of God.”

isn't this really what we are all like?? but we surely do not consider ourselves wicked... but we talk about people.. we tell casual lies.. sometimes we get caught up in 'religion' rather than worship.. sometimes we follow the rules but spend no time alone with God... how is that a relationship?? anyone that we have relationship with.. we spend time with.. therefore.. we obviously would need to spend time with God to stay in a healthy relationship with Him....

sometimes we do approve of thieves... we steal from the government.. through taxes.. through government programs.. we try to get all we can get even if we don't necessarily need it.. we feel we deserve it...

and God had remained silent... or did He? did we just ignore His gentle prodding that our actions are wrong...

but the great thing about God is... in the end.. He says.. repent... meaning there is another chance to get it right...

give thanks.. that is what He is really looking for... thankfulness for our lives.. even though they may not be what we want them to be.. they are not what someone else is surviving either... if we keep His path.. He will reveal to us salvation... and I don't know about you.. but I am trying to make that train!!

I think that God hand picks each of our trials... we cannot handle someone else's... or another person's could be too light and we would not even recognize the weight of it... and some days.. while I feel like I am just surviving till this storm passes... I know that it could truly be worse... and even in the heavy days.. the days that we are burdened for a long time about a situation.. even in those days.. rise up and praise God for His ultimate mercy and goodness... without it.. we would have no hope...

Ephesians 4: 29

2011-12-22T18:41:00.000-05:00

29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

the first thing that God cleaned up in me was my swearing/cuss words... yet there are many others who are in Christ or at least in the church.. that never cuss in public.. but certainly cuss plenty in private... and I couldn't understand why God felt this was an issue for me but not for so many others.. I still don't understand it really...

let everything you say be good and helpful.. that has more to do with our thoughts than cussing.. if our thoughts are dark.. we speak dark.. if our thoughts are light.. we speak light... meaning positive and negative.. so if we are always speaking negatively and condemnation of self or of others.. then our thoughts are not as they should be.. because out of the heart flows the words of our mouths...

hmmm.. I guess that would also mean.. if we are doubtful or untrusting.. even of God.. that doesn't really come from our words... although that is how is is revealed.. it comes flowing from our heart.. I would say even with me.. I was very sure of God.. very trusting.. until it seems to take forever.. then doubtful and unsure words seem to come from my mouth... which is actually coming from my heart.. these are seeds that I have allowed to take root and now I have to weed them out and burn them... I was thinking maybe I never heard from God at all.. or maybe I have deceived myself.. or maybe I am not that special to God afterall... all of these seeds had taken root... yesterday God said to me that I allow the actions of man (people) to cause me to doubt what He has said... and in truth.. that is meaning that even originally.. my trust had been in the actions of people and not the words God said..

our words should be an encouragement to all who hear them.. are we really that encouraging? or is it just that we want to imagine we are? do we complain? surely complaining around people would not be encouraging them... do we get irritated and talk in a way that is not encouraging? think even about the menial parts of your day.. the cooking dinner... are you complaining? or the going to work? if we instead realized how many people.. normal people just like us.. don't have food for dinner.. don't have a job to go to.. if we thought positive instead of always thinking of our own comfort.. how much of a change would that make in our daily speech?

I know for me there would be quite a lot of change.. and I am set upon starting it today.. not that long ago we did a fast of the tongue.. one day a week for 12hrs we only spoke what was necessary and good.. you find out that you speak way more negativity than you would have imagined.. I think I will go back to this practice.. but not only once a week.. more like daily... maybe I will start out with a few hours and build my way up to a lifelong change...

2011-12-21T18:54:00.000-05:00

today I am just talking..
I think have realized why so many of us.. myself included.. follow God for a time and then fall away...

Matthew 13: 3 He told many stories in the form of parables, such as this one: “Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. 4 As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. 5 Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. 6 But the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn’t have deep roots, they died. 7 Other seeds fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants. 8 Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted! 9 Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.”

I think when time goes on.. we get weary.. we can't see the change we are looking for.. things are even harder than they were when we were in the world.. so as the trials and storms of life come on us... we fall away.. get washed away.. fall back into what is easier and more familiar... but if we remain true.. if we stand strong and continue forward.. there will be a harvest.. it may not be what we wanted it to be.. it may only be the lives that our own stories change.. but we will see the kingdom of God advanced.. if we only stand strong through the storms..

so many times in the past I followed God for a year or two.. then the world called me back.. because God was obviously not my first love.. I felt like so many others that I could keep one foot in the church and one foot in the world.. that going out really didn't affect me... I still loved God.. I still attended church.. fornication wasn't ruining my walk with God... yet if I am honest with myself.. these things DID affect my walk and my relationship with God.. I allowed the world into my mind.. and I was not completely devoted to God.. instead I was completely devoted to self.. with a little God on the side.. just for good measure...

so this time.. as I have remained faithful.. although not sinless.. I still see the struggle being in the mind.. it just seems so much smarter to think like the world.. it is so much safer.. we cannot be hurt if we cannot be touched... but as I continue to focus on what is right and pure and honorable and good.. and cast out the thoughts of what might be... then my life is being changed.. my heart is being cleansed..

I wondered how someone I know was so.. polly purebred all the time.. and this is the answer.. her mind is focused on the things of God and that which is pure.. and she is not allowing the ugly of the world to invade her mind long enough to made her worldly wise.. she is not allowing the circumstances that she lives to harden her heart.. she is centered.. in her mind.. on Christ.. above all else..

and I wanna be just like her when I grow up!

perception...

2011-12-20T20:25:00.000-05:00

Luke 1: 46 Mary responded, “Oh, how my soul praises the Lord. 47 How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior! 48 For he took notice of his lowly servant girl, and from now on all generations will call me blessed. 49 For the Mighty One is holy, and he has done great things for me. 50 He shows mercy from generation to generation to all who fear him. 51 His mighty arm has done tremendous things! He has scattered the proud and haughty ones. 52 He has brought down princes from their thrones and exalted the humble. 53 He has filled the hungry with good things and sent the rich away with empty hands. 54 He has helped his servant Israel and remembered to be merciful. 55 For he made this promise to our ancestors, to Abraham and his children forever.” 56 Mary stayed with Elizabeth about three months and then went back to her own home.

this is what mary said when she was pregnant.. unmarried.. and carrying the savior of the world...

now... I don't know about you... but most of us.. myself included.. tend to see what is wrong in a situation rather than what is right.. it is about our perception... we look at what needs fixed rather than what is spectacular...

realistically speaking.. mary's parents surely think she slept with joseph... who she is engaged to... can you imagine your daughter coming to you and telling you an angel told her she would become pregnant by the Holy Spirit... come on now.. she is trying to cover up her own lack of fidelity before marriage.. that is just how we think..

joseph.. the husband to be.. KNOWS HE didn't sleep with her.. so obviously.. someone else has.. and he is planning to leave her behind this action.. which most men would... in those days.. they are contractually bound from the time of engagement but not allowed alone together so this type of thing can't happen... yet it has.. so it has got to be another man.. he probably doesn't even ASK her what happened.. instead just accuses her of sleeping with someone... but he doesn't want to shame her so he is going to QUIETLY divorce her.. since when is divorce EVER quiet?? even now...

yet mary praises God.. that He chose her above all the other righteous women in judea.. and she is praising Him and telling Him what an aweseome honor it is...

again.. here would be me.. saying LORD.. how can I do this??? everyone will think I am a whore and say I am crazy... everyone will hate me.. they will hate my son all of his life.. we will always live in shame.. the man I love no longer wants me.. my parents don't believe in me.. why would you do this to me?? why wouldn't you choose someone else for this??? yea.. I get that it is supposed to be some great honor.. but it surely doesn't feel like one right now.. please get me out of this...

today I say.. Father.. I praise your Holy Name.. I lift you above all the heavens.. I cannot understand why you would choose a lowly servant like me for such an amazing and awesome calling.. Lord I cannot say how much I love and adore you.. there are no words for this honor you have bestowed upon me.. I praise you for your faithfulness to me and all the generations.. your word always holds true.. everything that you promise comes to pass.. you have lifted my name and my face.. you have shown me love far beyond what I deserve or expect.. I honor you Lord above all things..

self esteem vs God esteem...

2011-12-09T19:17:00.003-05:00

Isaiah 53:1 Who has believed our message? To whom has the Lord revealed his powerful arm? 2 My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance,
nothing to attract us to him. 3 He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.
4 Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down.And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! 5 But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. 6 All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own.Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all.
7 He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word.He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth. 8 Unjustly condemned, he was led away. No one cared that he died without descendants, that his life was cut short in midstream. But he was struck down for the rebellion of my people. 9 He had done no wrong and had never deceived anyone. But he was buried like a criminal; he was put in a rich man’s grave.
10 But it was the Lord’s good plan to crush him and cause him grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have many descendants.He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord’s good plan will prosper in his hands. 11 When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of his experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins. 12 I will give him the honors of a victorious soldier, because he exposed himself to death. He was counted among the rebels. He bore the sins of many and interceded for rebels.

we can think of all the things we blame on having low self esteem.. promiscuity.. drugs... lack of initiative to work or provide.. depression.. anger... resentment...
truly... Jesus did not have high self esteem.. he did not pick up his divinity and power and use it to his benefit.. everything that he had at his disposal.. he could easily have risen above man and taken power.. he could have chosen to stop man from coming against him.. but he laid down his entire life.. he lived as a servant.. without love.. without family.. to continue to give and save those around him but also for generations to come...
we often refuse to be a martyr.. we refuse to truly be a servant.. we refuse to lay down our own lives of comfort and give peace and joy to someone else in place of us having it... honestly.. we are unwilling to give up a day a month and do community service at maybe a soup kitchen or a shelter... we are selfish and constantly building ourselves up to say all that we are worth.. in truth.. if we died today.. how many lives would we have impacted? would 20 people be able to say that we represented Christ for them? are our actions and words a replica of the life of Christ...
our value needs to come from how God sees us.. not how man sees us.. we work so hard to please man and all the while shoving God to the side or the bottom.. never giving him our first fruits in action or finance or even in words... if our value came from God.. from what God sees in us.. wouldn't we then be willing to lay down our own desires and live for others.. even though this is not the popular plan.. it is the life of Christ and should be the life of each one of us.. this is what our children should be able to remember in us... this is what others should say about us when we are gone.. if Christ was crushed for God's good will.. what would make us imagine we would not be...

Psalms 139: 16-18

2011-12-07T21:12:00.002-05:00

16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. 17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! 18 I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!

do we really imagine our lives are already recorded in God's book of life? I don't think we do.. if we did.. why do we imagine that things will not work out? I mean realistically.. they may not work out as we desire.. but they will still work out to the best for all involved... if you think about the people who have come and gone in your life and how we tried sometimes to hold on to them.. maybe if we had been able to keep on to them.. they or you.. would never have taken the road you should have taken... what if we were able to get rid of people that we see as an annoyance.. possibly we would not have been changed and shaped by their abrasive personality... sometimes I cannot see the day before me.. sometimes I have completely forgotten in my eye the picture of the future God has spoken to me about... those are the days that I think I must not be praying right... I must not be asking in the right manner.. maybe I should be fasting and sacrificing... maybe I never saw what I thought I saw... some days we think God doesn't see our pain or our frustration.. we think that maybe He doesn't care.. we can't hear Him sometimes.. His voice is muffled..

if we really accepted that God already has written out what will happen.. if we accept that His will is already set.. that we will walk into it when it is right.. then all this frustration could possibly be avoided...

how precious are His thoughts about me.. they cannot be numbered.. the idea that all the time.. God is in heaven thinking great thoughts about us... what a picture that is... what an amazing idea... yet here we are.. thinking God has forgotten us.. thinking God is not going to work our situation out... disillusioned by what we see... dishearted by what we hear...

today is a new day... believe.. speak.. walk.. in the truth of God's word.. believe He has already worked your situation out.. speak that He is sitting on the throne.. thinking about how much He loves you... walk in the truth of God's word...

all tied up

2011-12-06T19:13:00.002-05:00

I saw before my eyes.. my hands tied together behind my back... there is plenty of scripture about being tied up and beaten or killed.. sometimes it was the intention yet it was not accomplished... it seems that the enemy is forever trying to get us so that we cannot do anything.. we are instead stuck with no hands.. but some times.. being tied up and powerless comes from God...

ezekiel 3: 24 Then the Spirit came into me and set me on my feet. He spoke to me and said, “Go to your house and shut yourself in. 25 There, son of man, you will be tied with ropes so you cannot go out among the people. 26 And I will make your tongue stick to the roof of your mouth so that you will be speechless and unable to rebuke them, for they are rebels.

I often wonder if I should have been silent long ago and now I am being forced into a season of silence.. with my hands tied so I cannot do anything to help someone.. maybe some times people have to be able to see and accept for themselves without any help from someone who can see...

who knows.. maybe I am the one who will see at the end of the silence... at this point... only God truly knows the outcome.. we can think and imagine and even be shown.. but the truth of what we think will be shown by God in the end..

Speak Life

2011-12-03T13:24:00.002-05:00

Luke 6: 45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

out of the mouth speaks what the heart is full of... what is it that comes out of our mouth?
as much as I have changed.. yet there is evil in my heart sometimes... there are mean and dark thoughts.. people I don't like.. things I do that I shouldn't....
we can ask God daily to change our hearts.. to cleanse it... yet somehow.. the world still seeps into it and makes it dark...

I will use my own example of gossip... as this is one of my largest weaknesses...
I can tell myself daily that I will speak nothing negative about anyone.. yet daily.. some piece of something comes out of my mouth...

even if we only talk about our children.. we can determine to say nothing but good things about them.. speak nothing but life... yet the words that come out are still not what they should be.. they are better than what may have been in the past.. but not what they should be...

God spoke to me one day that as long as we are influencing a child.. anyone's child.. it is our responsibility to speak life and hope into the child.. if you think back to your childhood.. the things we tend to remember are the ones that should not have ever been said to us... if we take this stance on everyone that we know.. refuse to speak negative things.. even if they are true.. and instead find the life in that person.. find the positive and speak that out instead.. how much better a world this will be.. even just our own small world...

speak life daily.. as we reap what we sow.. don't we desire to receive life and not death... the future lies in our words.. speak life..

Leah's Beauty

2011-12-01T20:36:00.002-05:00

Genesis 29: 17 There was no sparkle in Leah’s eyes, but Rachel had a beautiful figure and a lovely face.

imagine this being what is in the bible about you... the bible.. read around the world.. for thousands and thousands of years... everyone in the world knows of the bible whether they read it or not.. and always when they speak of leah.. they speak about her lack of beauty....

what is that really about?? worse yet.. do we do that to people too?? do we look at someone and determine all that is wrong with them instead of searching out their good qualities? and if we do that... what would we feel if everyone did that to us... and maybe they really do...

not all of us are beautiful in the face.. not all of us have a beautiful body... but every one of us has the ability to be a beautiful person... and part of us being beautiful is to look for the good in someone else instead of only seeing what is not attractive... every one of us has qualities that make us unattractive too...

it should be our goal to find the beauty in a person.. every person.. instead of focusing on what is wrong with them...
leah was someone who was a good mother.. she was strong and dependable.. she relied on God above man.. she loved her husband despite the fact that he treated her badly and didn't even know that he loved her or needed her.. she continued to be a woman of God in spite of her circumstance.. that should be how people remember us.. as a woman of God "in spite of"....

Philippians 4: 7-9 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

when the things of God are our focus.. peace will be the result... beauty will come from within us and make us loveable regardless of our appearance...

1 Peter 3: 3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 5 This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.

leah was beautiful in the eyes of God.. those are the eyes that really matter to me.. if I am beautiful to God.. in my spirit... then I am satisfied...

Proverbs 2: 5-13

2011-11-30T19:35:00.002-05:00

5 Get wisdom; develop good judgment. Don’t forget my words or turn away from them. 6 Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you. 7 Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment. 8 If you prize wisdom, she will make you great. Embrace her, and she will honor you. 9 She will place a lovely wreath on your head; she will present you with a beautiful crown.”
10 My child, listen to me and do as I say, and you will have a long, good life. 11 I will teach you wisdom’s ways and lead you in straight paths. 12 When you walk, you won’t be held back; when you run, you won’t stumble. 13 Take hold of my instructions; don’t let them go. Guard them, for they are the key to life.

someone said today that wisdom is using the experiences that we learn through our life and the lives of those around us to make the right choices...

for me.. I don't think wisdom is really about life experiences... at least not the physical ones..
in the past.. everything I did was based on what I learned from hard life experiences.. and it made me hard hearted... and mean.. and selfish..

but now.. I use God's will and God's love to direct my paths.. and it may not look like I want it to.. it may not work out to make me overly happy.. but it still will work out to be the right thing..

so I don't think wisdom has anything to do with life... I think it has all to do with God and the leading and promptings of God.. I think it is about doing the God thing even when it doesn't seem like the right thing... I think it is about having faith and purpose and putting God first in our lives.. and keeping Him there... and allowing all the things of this earth... all the desires of this flesh.. to just fall away.. and trust that in His time.. He will satisfy not only our needs.. but our desires too...

Colossians 2: 20

2011-11-29T20:24:00.000-05:00

20 The people of the world believe certain basic things. You died with Christ as far as things like that are concerned. So why do you act as if you still belong to the world?

why do we act as if we still belong to the world?.. this is a big question for me.. truly.. I am not easily led by what someone else thinks about me.. but I am finding... that apparently being different is harder for me than I thought... when I gave myself to Christ completely.. He changed my mind and my thinking... and I felt like no one else really understood how I think.. even people in ministry seemed to have some worldly views about some things.. and that threw me off.. and I think that made me think that maybe I am wrong.. maybe I am not supposed to be so different from the world as I had thought... maybe it is not right to be so separated that you think about the things you do before doing them...

so I think I allowed my mind to go back to the world a little bit... and even though I wasn't doing anything physically.. in my mind I think I was thinking things out.. and determining that maybe that is normal.. maybe it just isn't real to live a life so far above the natural mind... so maybe I could concede some things...

I had asked God for clarity in this issue.. and I think today I have received it... I think God is telling me today that what He puts in my heart for me to do may not be what someone else is told to do.. or maybe they are not willing to do it.. maybe they are not willing to completely forsake worldly lifestyles.. but for me.. that IS what He said to me.. that IS what He is expecting from me.. and because He has said it to me.. anything less is sin.. for me.. but it is not for me to tell someone else what their sin is.. and judge them for their actions.. it is for me to do what I am told to do.. and focus on me...

and because God has called me to righteousness and purity.. I need to allow Him to re-cleanse my mind of the thinking of this world.. and live what He is calling me to live.. without looking at how anyone else is living.. as it is none of my business..

Psalms 62: 1-2

2011-11-25T11:24:00.000-05:00

1 I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. 2 He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.

if you look up the word "wait" in the bible... there are MANY scriptures attached to it... it seems that no one in the world is exempt from waiting on the Lord.. as much as we want to imagine we are special.. every one of us will wait upon God for something if not many things..

God uses this time of waiting to change us.. to teach us.. to get us to trust Him.. to make us strong and sure... and for all the great things that may come out of waiting.. yet we hate it..

I am determined today to be anxious in waiting upon the Lord's promises.. I can rest assured that He is a God of His word.. He will keep His promises.. He will come through when He is ready.. or when I am ready may be the truth of it.. and daily I will look to God in the morning and say to Him... Father.. if this is the day.. I thank you... and if this is not the day.. still I thank you.. teach me what you will.. change me as you will.. create in me a clean heart and clean hands.. and I am so anxiously awaiting the fulfillment of the promise you have given me... I love you more than anything...

Thankful...

2011-11-24T09:21:00.001-05:00

today I look back at the past years of thanksgiving holidays in my life..

when I was young I felt that it was much confusion and disruption.. not realizing I was blessed to have such a large family... not realizing that I had what many people look a lifetime to have... I was raised to be a Christian.. I was in the church since birth.. I was saved by 5years old.. I had been given a vision by 18years old.. (which I refused by the way.. )

I determined to have my own way over God's and by the middle of my twenties I was in an abusive marriage.. fearful every waking moment.. sleeping with a knife under my pillow.. he had nailed windows in the house shut so that I could not get away while he slept... a very frightening life.. every day... never sure what would set it off.. so I just never spoke.. not at all...

now.. God has delivered me from where I was.. I have been given a new family... (as my first one disowned me..over racism and prejudice..)I have a good job.. a wonderful church.. a vision.. (that miraculously is not too far from the original one at 18...)

I am truly grateful... God has been very good to me.. for many years I was rebellious.. like the people of Israel.. and God chose to break me rather than leave me.. and I am so thankful that He did it His way... I have a wonderful life now.. God is truly my focus.. and whatever He does is all right with me...

I pray that each of you will come to the place in your life that you can look back and see all that God saved you from so that you can use that knowledge to know that He has a purpose in your life.. and allow Him to lead you into it...
Happy Thanksgiving...

1 Chronicles 16: 28-36

2011-11-23T21:00:00.000-05:00

28 O nations of the world, recognize the Lord, recognize that the Lord is glorious and strong. 29 Give to the Lord the glory he deserves! Bring your offering and come into his presence. Worship the Lord in all his holy splendor. 30 Let all the earth tremble before him. The world stands firm and cannot be shaken.

31 Let the heavens be glad, and the earth rejoice! Tell all the nations, “The Lord reigns!” 32 Let the sea and everything in it shout his praise! Let the fields and their crops burst out with joy! 33 Let the trees of the forest rustle with praise, for the Lord is coming to judge the earth.

34 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever. 35 Cry out, “Save us, O God of our salvation! Gather and rescue us from among the nations, so we can thank your holy name and rejoice and praise you.”

36 Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who lives from everlasting to everlasting! And all the people shouted “Amen!” and praised the Lord.

1 Chronicles 16:17-27

2011-11-22T21:09:00.000-05:00

17 He confirmed it to Jacob as a decree, and to the people of Israel as a never-ending covenant: 18 “I will give you the land of Canaan as your special possession.”
19 He said this when you were few in number, a tiny group of strangers in Canaan. 20 They wandered from nation to nation,
from one kingdom to another. 21 Yet he did not let anyone oppress them. He warned kings on their behalf: 22 “Do not touch my chosen people, and do not hurt my prophets.”
23 Let the whole earth sing to the Lord! Each day proclaim the good news that he saves. 24 Publish his glorious deeds among the nations. Tell everyone about the amazing things he does. 25 Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise! He is to be feared above all gods. 26 The gods of other nations are mere idols, but the Lord made the heavens! 27 Honor and majesty surround him;
strength and joy fill his dwelling.

do we really.. way down deep realize how amazing God is... do we recognize His Awesome Greatness...
I think far too often we get caught up in our needs and wants and desires.. we don't really think about and meditate on the greatness of our God.. we instead meditate on what we want or need... if we take 5 minutes a day.. think about the greatness of creation... both outside and with our own bodies.. what amazing things our Lord has done... how intricate the detail of His plans... I think our outlook will change...

He is our protector.. we may not have all we want.. but all that we have done.. the places we have gone.. idk about you.. but I know I could have been laying dead in a grave.. but God chose to cover me and protect me from those who hate me and those who said they loved me.. even though they didn't...

God is most worthy of ALL our praise... we praise man all the time.. when will we ever realize that man would not exist without God... we would not even be here.. if it were not for His greatness.. His love.. His grace.. His mercy...

thank you Father... I do love you so...

1 Chronicles 16: 7-18

2011-11-21T18:57:00.002-05:00

7 On that day David gave to Asaph and his fellow Levites this song of thanksgiving to the Lord:
8 Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done. 9 Sing to him; yes, sing his praises. Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds. 10 Exult in his holy name; rejoice, you who worship the Lord. 11 Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him. 12 Remember the wonders he has performed, his miracles, and the rulings he has given, 13 you children of his servant Israel, you descendants of Jacob, his chosen ones.
14 He is the Lord our God. His justice is seen throughout the land. 15 Remember his covenant forever— the commitment he made to a thousand generations. 16 This is the covenant he made with Abraham and the oath he swore to Isaac. 17 He confirmed it to Jacob as a decree, and to the people of Israel as a never-ending covenant: 18 “I will give you the land of Canaan as your special possession.”

I am thinking about being thankful.. and how we oftentimes tend to look at what we don't have.. or what God has not done instead of all that He has done.. and I think about David.. and his life.. and David really had some hard times.. yet he continuallly led the people of Israel in praising and thanking God despite the circumstances...

there has to come a time in our own heart when we realize that things may not be as we want them to be.. but I choose to be happy right now.. today.. in this circumstance... I am thankful.. I am blessed.. I am loved by God Almighty... and He has given me promises.. and He has given me a never ending covenant.. and I am so thankful... just that He looks my way... the God of the universe notices me... and that is enough...

Psalms 69: 30-39

2011-11-18T18:15:00.000-05:00

30 Then I will praise God’s name with singing, and I will honor him with thanksgiving.
31 For this will please the Lord more than sacrificing cattle, more than presenting a bull with its horns and hooves.
32 The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God’s help be encouraged.
33 For the Lord hears the cries of the needy; he does not despise his imprisoned people.
34 Praise him, O heaven and earth, the seas and all that move in them.
35 For God will save Jerusalem and rebuild the towns of Judah. His people will live there and settle in their own land.
36 The descendants of those who obey him will inherit the land, and those who love him will live there in safety.

I have made a decision this morning that all day long I will speak nothing negative (to the best of my ability..) and I will be thankful all day long!! because even if I feel I have reason to be feeling some type of way... someone else has it worse than me...

it was 36degrees here this morning and I woke up thinking how thankful I am to have heat in my house and have a roof over my head.. I am so thankful that God has not allowed me to become homeless or go without work.. I am able to get up on God's grace every single time I fall... God is good ALL THE TIME!!

2011-11-17T21:14:00.002-05:00

I am just talking today... and I would say that one of my greatest issues.. one of the things that is truly wrong with me that I need righted is that I do not do well in the dark...

1 Kings 8: 12 Then Solomon prayed, “O Lord, you have said that you would live in a thick cloud of darkness.

the bible tells us that God lives in the darkness.. so we are not alone in it.. I guess because I have always seen ahead that I get distraught when something is not clearly shown... or the path is not lit..

the darkest days I have ever lived in my life were when my kids were very small.. there was no money because their father had a drug and alcohol problem.. some days I did not eat.. but made sure that they did... even if it was just oodles of noodles... all I can remember from that time are rainy and cold days.. I cannot seem to pull up in my mind's eye any sunny days...

but even in those darkest times.. God was with me.. I felt Him.. I knew He was there... I knew He would pull me out.. I didn't know how... but I knew He would...

in this particular time in my life.. everything is dark... not necessarily in the weather.. but in my mind and spirit... I cannot see my hand in front of my face.. I remember what God said when the sun was shining brightly.. but I cannot see it like I can normally see things.. I cannot feel God constantly like I did in the past... now He 'feels' as if He comes and goes...

I trust God... I know that He will pull me out of the darkness and into the light when He is ready... I know this is just another learning experience... but I will admit.. this is one of the darkest times my spirit has ever known...

though He slay me.. yet will I trust Him...

Philippians 2: 1-2

2011-11-11T19:23:00.001-05:00

Philippians 2: 1 Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

isn't it amazing the things that bring division to us... I think that other than lies... division is one of the enemies biggest tools.. sometimes using lies to bring division... we get so caught up in being right or having our own way.. that we miss the goal.. we miss the outcome.. we miss out on what was really important...

Lord please bring unity in our hearts.. help us to learn to lay down our emotions and trust that You will work out all the details... help us to live in unity with everyone...

Psalms 124: 7

2011-11-10T21:43:00.000-05:00

Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken, and we are escaped.

our soul is escaped.. we think of the soul.. it is who we really are.. the one way down inside.. the one that sometimes we don't allow anyone to see.. the one who is weak sometimes... the one who is hurt sometimes... the soul is trapped inside this physical body... and just like the physical body can stop us from moving forward.. sometimes our mind can trap us too... we get trapped inside what we think we are or are not... wouldn't it be the greatest thing to see ourselves.. just once.. just a glimpse.. as God sees us.. to see why He decided we are worth something... to see why He loves us when we know who we really are... He loves us AS we REALLY are...

my 'other woman' was sueann... she is truthfully the real me... (just listen to me for a minute...) the person that I allow everyone to see is this sue.. who has lately become too locked into what she feels is required of me by God.. I was getting trapped in the laws.. I had lost who I was as an individual...

there is a reason we are who we are.. it is our true personality that God will use.. not the fake one that we think He will like.. not the one that fits in at the church or at the job... or wherever we are trying to fit in at... it is the half crazy.. totally messed up one.. that is the one God chooses...

in my own case... while sueann was hardhearted.. and she was rebellious... she was also silly and fun... and touchable... this person I have become... may have all the right actions down... and she may do everything we think we are supposed to.. but she is not real.. she is not touchable.. she is self righteous.. judgemental.. and condemning of others.. thinking that she alone is righteous... willing to point out everyone else's faults.. and not in love either... just in 'the voice of truth'...

while the truth does need to be said sometimes.. it should always be said with the gift of love attached.. with the acceptance in spite of...

so my newest challenge is going to be the death of the church woman.. and the birth of my soul.. without the hard heartedness.. and rebellion.. instead of trying to protect myself I will allow God to be my protector.. and if I get hurt.. then I also know that He will heal me...

this snare is broken... and my soul is going to escape.. to be all that God has called me to be in my own personality...

Deuteronomy 7: 6-15

2011-11-09T20:17:00.000-05:00

6 For you are a holy people, who belong to the Lord your God. Of all the people on earth, the Lord your God has chosen you to be his own special treasure.

for me.. the idea that God considers me a special treasure.. His own special treasure... how awesome is that.. we strive so hard to be accepted and love and considered valuable.. and all along.. God has felt we are His own special treasure...

7 “The Lord did not set his heart on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other nations, for you were the smallest of all nations! 8 Rather, it was simply that the Lord loves you, and he was keeping the oath he had sworn to your ancestors. That is why the Lord rescued you with such a strong hand from your slavery and from the oppressive hand of Pharaoh, king of Egypt. 9 Understand, therefore, that the Lord your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands. 10 But he does not hesitate to punish and destroy those who reject him. 11 Therefore, you must obey all these commands, decrees, and regulations I am giving you today.

God didn't choose us because we were big and important.. in fact we were the least of all.. it was simply that He loves us and was keeping an oath He swore to our ancestors... I know that my mother prayed for me all my life... imagine that God spoke to people in our families years and years ago.. and promised them to do things for us.. to keep us in covenant with Him.. to prosper us and give us a hope and a future... isn't it amazing to think that people we didn't even know were praying for us.. we should be doing that too.. we should be praying for the generations that are still to come... we should be concerned about their future too..

we need to be obedient and faithful because God is surely still in the consequences business.. even though no one likes to imagine that anymore...

12 “If you listen to these regulations and faithfully obey them, the Lord your God will keep his covenant of unfailing love with you, as he promised with an oath to your ancestors. 13 He will love you and bless you, and he will give you many children. He will give fertility to your land and your animals. When you arrive in the land he swore to give your ancestors, you will have large harvests of grain, new wine, and olive oil, and great herds of cattle, sheep, and goats. 14 You will be blessed above all the nations of the earth. None of your men or women will be childless, and all your livestock will bear young. 15 And the Lord will protect you from all sickness. He will not let you suffer from the terrible diseases you knew in Egypt, but he will inflict them on all your enemies!

there are blessings associated with the obedience to the Lord, just like the consequences for disobedience.. I desire to be on the obedient side... I desire to have open eyes to see when I am doing something that is unpleasing to God.. I desire to do what He asks of me.. I desire to be faithful to Him and He is always faithful to me..

John 14: 23-29

2011-11-04T18:53:00.000-04:00

23 Jesus replied, “All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them. 24 Anyone who doesn’t love me will not obey me. And remember, my words are not my own. What I am telling you is from the Father who sent me. 25 I am telling you these things now while I am still with you. 26 But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you.
27 “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. 28 Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I will come back to you again. If you really loved me, you would be happy that I am going to the Father, who is greater than I am. 29 I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do happen, you will believe.

as I read this.. I am thinking of several thoughts... for one thing... look at how much we take the Holy Spirit for granted... can you even remember not having Him? I assure you that I cannot... all of my life I have heard His voice.. felt His leading... imagine living in the times when the only people that spoke to God were the priests... that people didn't really have access to Him the way we do...

even take the example of Mary the mother of Jesus... God didn't come and tell her what was going to happen.. she was sent an angel... who spoke to her... and while that is an awesome and amazing gift to have received... look at us...every day in some way shape or form.. we speak to God and we hear from Him... He doesn't hide Himself from us most times.. we have open access...

the other thought is the idea of the peace of mind and heart... how often do we allow circumstances to invade our peace and our joy... we feel defeated and depressed... we feel upset all the time... for what? really... for what? because things don't go our way? come on now.. how ridiculous is that? we know.. really know that God is going to work everything out.. yet we run in over and over in our minds.. wondering how it could possibly work out.. as if God can't or won't fix it.. and that is just ridiculous... our real issue is the waiting.. not the fearing... we think at the time that it is about things not working out.. but in real life.. we know they will... the issue is the waiting for it to happen... if we can master waiting.. I think we will have accomplished a life changing thing...

Psalms 63

2011-11-01T17:53:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning singing the song.. I got a feeling.. everything's gonna be all right.. be all right.. be all right.. be all right...

Psalms 63
1 O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land
where there is no water. 2 I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. 3 Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you! 4 I will praise you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer. 5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.
6 I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night. 7 Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
8 I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely.
9 But those plotting to destroy me will come to ruin. They will go down into the depths of the earth. 10 They will die by the sword and become the food of jackals. 11 But the king will rejoice in God. All who trust in him will praise him, while liars will be silenced.

in this psalm.. david said all there is to be said.. in general terms.. he states that God is really all that matters.. I have sat in His presence.. and He is my refuge.. my place of safety no matter what is going on.. I will praise Him ALL THE TIME..

yes.. I still have struggles and trials.. but God is greater than all that I go through.. He will carry me out.. and everything's gonna be all right...

2011-10-29T16:58:00.000-04:00

this is all thoughts.. no scripture attached because i think the scripture each of us would attach would be different...

we all have something that throughout our lives God has been trying to work on us in... change to a degree... I believe whatever it is.. it is also usually a gift.. so that if used properly.. it will bring glory to God.. and if used improperly.. it will either bring glory to self or bring downfall.. depending on how God decides to use it...

when I was in the first grade I wrote big.. and the teacher punished me until I wrote very teeny tiny small.. surely not her intention.. she just wanted me to write smaller and I.. true to form... took it to the extreme... my outspoken mind has been the thing that God has really been trying to change.. but is it really the mouth... or is the true root of it the rebelliousness... because.. just like the teeny tiny writing... I tend to say everything or nothing... and really God wants me to bring this into submission to Him... and stop being rebellious with it... there is a scripture in samuel that says that rebelliousness is like witchcraft... I have never really understood how it is like witchcraft.. but I know that God absolutely hates rebelliousness... this was His greatest issue with the Israelites.. they would come to Him and submit and then go right back to their own ways... I have this same issue apparently...

I cannot pretend I have the answers.. I am just realizing what the trouble is...
I find that God teaches us much of the same lessons over and over just in more depth... like with this thing about my mouth and speaking only what is necessary or positive or encouraging.. I was fasting one day a week from the mouth over a year ago.. and I realized just how much unnecessary comments we really make... yet here I am again.. being reminded from God that I say alot of things that don't need said and sometimes things that do need said I stay silent about...

I remember as far back as my childhood I was being taught about speaking unnecessary things... yet here I am.. all these years later.. hearing it again... much of the dissention in my life has been caused by things I should not have said...

will I ever get it right?? idk.. but thankfully God has the patience enough to continue teaching me and changing me... by the time He is done I will surely wonder who I really am...

Exodus 16: 9-20

2011-10-24T19:26:00.000-04:00

9 Then Moses said to Aaron, “Announce this to the entire community of Israel: ‘Present yourselves before the Lord, for he has heard your complaining.’” 10 And as Aaron spoke to the whole community of Israel, they looked out toward the wilderness. There they could see the awesome glory of the Lord in the cloud.

present yourself before the Lord.. I am thinking we should do this daily.. I am thinking that instead.. many days we feel that we have too much dirt on us so we don't want to be in His presence.. almost like we have to 'prepare' ourself to go before the Lord.. I am thinking something is wrong in that... we should all be desiring to be in the place where we can see the glory of the Lord.. either in our eyes or in our spirit...

11 Then the Lord said to Moses, 12 “I have heard the Israelites’ complaints. Now tell them, ‘In the evening you will have meat to eat, and in the morning you will have all the bread you want. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God.’”

"then you will know I am the Lord your God" if you read the old testament.. that is much of the reasoning behind what God did... why is it that we don't KNOW He is the Lord our God??

13 That evening vast numbers of quail flew in and covered the camp. And the next morning the area around the camp was wet with dew. 14 When the dew evaporated, a flaky substance as fine as frost blanketed the ground. 15 The Israelites were puzzled when they saw it. “What is it?” they asked each other. They had no idea what it was.And Moses told them, “It is the food the Lord has given you to eat. 16 These are the Lord’s instructions: Each household should gather as much as it needs. Pick up two quarts for each person in your tent.”17 So the people of Israel did as they were told. Some gathered a lot, some only a little. 18 But when they measured it out, everyone had just enough. Those who gathered a lot had nothing left over, and those who gathered only a little had enough. Each family had just what it needed.

God gives us just what we need... we keep thinking we need more than enough.. God gives just enough so we are still dependent on Him...

19 Then Moses told them, “Do not keep any of it until morning.” 20 But some of them didn’t listen and kept some of it until morning. But by then it was full of maggots and had a terrible smell. Moses was very angry with them.

some of them didn't listen.. LOL!! hard heads just like us.. .

James 4: 1-11

2011-10-19T18:13:00.000-04:00

1 What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? 2 You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. 3 And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.

imagine that the reason we don't have what we really want is because we don't ask God for it.. or.. if we do.. our motives are wrong.. we only want what will give us pleasure.. instead of seeking the will of God we seek the will of self...

4 You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. 5 What do you think the Scriptures mean when they say that the spirit God has placed within us jealously longs for us to be faithful. 6 But he gives us even more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say,
“God opposes the proud but favors the humble.”

we have a choice.. to be of this world or of God.. yet don't we really desire to be a little bit of both? yet that makes us an enemy of God... does it really? that is pretty harsh... the Spirit God has placed within us longs for us to be faithful... what is is that we desire more than the Spirit... and wouldn't that make God feel uncomfortable to be within us....

7 So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. 9 Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.

humble ourselves before the Lord.. I think sometimes I daily humble myself.. yet somehow.. as the day goes on.. if I am not very careful.. it somehow becomes about me again...

11 Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you.

I am realizing that it is very difficult to never speak evil about anyone at all.. I mean just random comments.. like someone gives me the willies... what is the purpose of that comment? it does no earthly good and surely no heavenly good... why is it that we cannot make everything we say to be encouraging and uplifting... why is it such a struggle to be a positive force all the time... surely it shouldn't be...

Father continue to change me.. re-create me.. make me more like you.. in Jesus name I ask.. amen.amen.amen.

Ecc 7: 1-4, 8

2011-10-16T19:54:00.000-04:00

1 A good reputation is more valuable than costly perfume. And the day you die is better than the day you are born.

the day you die is better than the day you were born... what do you think about that?

2 Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies—so the living should take this to heart.

better to spend your time at funerals than at parties because everyone dies and we need to take this to heart...
I find it amazing that most people spend their life trying to stay young.. look young.. live forever... (myself included.. in the look young part...) but what is that really about? isn't that really vanity? why are we not instead grateful to be given another year... more wisdom.. even the gray hair and the wrinkles that show we have lived our lives and come through it... we have survived everything that was thrown our way....

would you really want to go back to being young and have to re-do it all again?? I am sure I would not... I have learned too many of my lessons in the school of hard knocks.... and while we can look at a young woman or man and say how attractive they are.. how desireable.. what real value does that have? other than instant gratification... can you have a real conversation with them? do they know anything? or are they making all the same stupid mistakes you and I made?...

being young has it's value... that is how the world continues... yet I would be such a better mother now than I was when I had my kids... maybe that is the value of family... so that the ones who know more are able to balance out what we don't know as parents while young.. LOL!

3 Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us.

how many times would we say sorrow is better than laughter?? even though I agree that sadness influences us.. changes us... apparently.. refines us...

4 A wise person thinks a lot about death, while a fool thinks only about having a good time.

a wise person thinks alot about death... I would say these 4 verses really surprised me... truly they were not my intention but they caught my eye... I felt as though I never read them before.. never thought like this before... I think we need to be aware that we could be taken at any time so be ready for death.. but should we really be thinking about death alot??

8 Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride.

this was the scripture I really had intended to be looking at... again it is about an end being better than a beginning... and I am SURE that patience is better than pride... anything is better than pride... LOL!! I know because I fight that one all the time! Why would an end be better than a beginning....

unbelief or doubt?

2011-10-13T21:39:00.000-04:00

Henry Drummond... a 19th-century Scottish evangelist says, "Christ never failed to distinguish between doubt and unbelief. Doubt is can't believe; unbelief is won't believe. Doubt is honesty; unbelief is obstinacy. Doubt is looking for light; unbelief is being content with darkness."

this really shed some light for me... whew.. so even though I sometimes get doubtful and can't see the way.. God can understand that... but that is different from unbelief... which just refuses to believe what God said...

there is a scripture where Jesus asks a man does he believe? the man says I believe! help my unbelief!!

I think he was really asking Jesus... give me the supernatural power to tenaciously believe whatever You say to me!!.. I am asking Jesus that same thing.. .even on my days of confusion or wondering how in the world will God do this??? let there always be a tenacious side of my Spirit that is led by God alone that won't let me let go... won't let me give up... won't let me walk away... let me always believe with a supernatural belief!

I love you Lord! continue to change me and make me more like you....

faith vs fear

2011-10-12T21:51:00.000-04:00

1 Some time later, the Lord spoke to Abram in a vision and said to him, “Do not be afraid, Abram, for I will protect you, and your reward will be great.” 2 But Abram replied, “O Sovereign Lord, what good are all your blessings when I don’t even have a son? Since you’ve given me no children, Eliezer of Damascus, a servant in my household, will inherit all my wealth. 3 You have given me no descendants of my own, so one of my servants will be my heir.” 4 Then the Lord said to him, “No, your servant will not be your heir, for you will have a son of your own who will be your heir.” 5 Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, “Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!”
6 And Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith. (Genesis 15)

I read in a devotional that Abram had a major character flaw.. it was fear... I have to admit.. I am guilty of this same flaw... so I sorta felt good to know that Abram had it too...

think about the things he did out of fear or doubt...
he repeatedly lied and said that Sarah was his sister because he feared someone would kill him because of her...
he laid with Hagar and conceived Ishmael when he was supposed to be waiting on a child with Sarah...

amazingly.. God fixed all the things he messed up... like with the saying Sarah was his sister.. none of the other men who took her slept with her so she would not be defiled for the promised child... (wonder why the Hagar thing didn't mean he was defiled?? but obviously it didn't...) Ishmael.. which you would think could cancel out the promised child... didn't.. God allowed him to have Isaac despite the things he had done that were surely not God's perfect plan... apparently they were God's permissive plan.. and surely for other use later on.. as God doesn't waste anything...

and yet.. as doubtful and fearful as he was.. the bible said Abram believed the Lord... he didn't always look like he believed.. yet he apparently did... and God counted him righteous because of his faith...

I find myself fearful or doubtful sometimes.. yet no matter what... I always come back to believing what God said... what else is there?? I would rather live believing a sovereign and mighty God.. than to live believing in nothing.... I pray God will see me as righteous and faithful too...

2011-10-08T18:11:00.001-04:00

John 13: 34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

the same way God loves us is the way we are to love others... sheesh...

I remember a song from when I was a kid that said.. and they'll know we are christians by our love... at the time.. I surely had no realization of what christian love really is supposed to be.. but now.. as I see how deep the love is that God is calling us to.. I get it.. I still think it is asking way too much.. I want to give the excuse that so many people use.. saying I am only human.. I am screwed up too...

I don't think God expects us to get it right all the time.. but I think He expects us to get it closer to right each time...

Lord.. you will have to help me to love as you love.. because this job is way too big for me...

2011-10-04T17:50:00.000-04:00

exodus 3: 1 One day Moses was tending the flock of his father-in-law, Jethro,t the priest of Midian. He led the flock far into the wilderness and came to Sinai,t the mountain of God.2 There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in a blazing fire from the middle of a bush. Moses stared in amazement. Though the bush was engulfed in flames, it didn’t burn up. 3 “This is amazing,” Moses said to himself. “Why isn’t that bush burning up? I must go see it.” 4 When the LORD saw Moses coming to take a closer look, God called to him from the middle of the bush, “Moses! Moses!” “Here I am!” Moses replied. 5 “Do not come any closer,” the LORD warned. “Take off your sandals, for you are standing on holy ground. 6 I am the God of your fathert—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” When Moses heard this, he covered his face because he was afraid to look at God.

first.. God shows Himself to someone... isn't that just what happens with each of us... we are in a bad place.. we don't know what to do.. who to trust.. who to turn to.. and God shows up and shows us that He alone is God and He is the only one who can rescue us from our situation...

7 Then the LORD told him, “I have certainly seen the oppression of my people in Egypt. I have heard their cries of distress because of their harsh slave drivers. Yes, I am aware of their suffering.8 So I have come down to rescue them from the power of the Egyptians and lead them out of Egypt into their own fertile and spacious land. It is a land flowing with milk and honey—the land where the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites now live.9 Look! The cry of the people of Israel has reached me, and I have seen how harshly the Egyptians abuse them.10 Now go, for I am sending you to Pharaoh. You must lead my people Israel out of Egypt.”

and we don't want to do it... just like moses had every excuse in the book.. how many excuses have you given God about what He is asking you to do... how long will we protest.. how long will we run from it... run from Him...

11 But Moses protested to God, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” 12 God answered, “I will be with you. And this is your sign that I am the one who has sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God at this very mountain.” 13 But Moses protested, “If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ they will ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what should I tell them?” 14 God replied to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.t Say this to the people of Israel: I AM has sent me to you.” 15 God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel: Yahweh,t the God of your ancestors—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you. This is my eternal name, my name to remember for all generations.16 “Now go and call together all the elders of Israel. Tell them, ‘The LORD, the God of your ancestors—the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob—has appeared to me. He told me, “I have been watching closely, and I see how the Egyptians are treating you. 17 I have promised to rescue you from your oppression in Egypt. I will lead you to a land flowing with milk and honey—the land where the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites now live.”’

I believe each of us has a purpose to rescue someone.. whether it be one person or thousands of people... we all have the purpose of being the tool God uses to change a life or a nation... God has good plans for those who follow Him.. but those who don't know any better.. can't do any better... so we are used.. to be a likeness of God to a dying world.. a dying person... not necessarily a physical death.. but a spiritual death... and it is our duty to show who the only Living God really is.. and that He not only saves our souls.. but saves us from a situation.. He saves our minds... saves our bodies...
how long does God have to talk us into walking out our purpose?

what is the cost?

2011-10-03T21:32:00.000-04:00

Luke 14: 25 A large crowd was following Jesus. He turned around and said to them, 26 “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. 27 And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.
28 “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? 29 Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. 30 They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’
31 “Or what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down with his counselors to discuss whether his army of 10,000 could defeat the 20,000 soldiers marching against him? 32 And if he can’t, he will send a delegation to discuss terms of peace while the enemy is still far away. 33 So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own.
34 “Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? 35 Flavorless salt is good neither for the soil nor for the manure pile. It is thrown away. Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!”

I have read verses 25-27 for years and not really understood it... today I have a little bit of clarity...
as He said "you must hate your father and mother and family" what He's really saying is that He has to have the #1 seat...
God has really been dealing with me to keep Him as #1 in my life.. and I think... what am I putting before Him? I have seriously told Him that anything that is my will and not His.. I hand it to Him... really, my own will would be so much easier than God's will... my own will doesn't cost me anything... but God's will costs me even myself... I guess that is His point... LOL! I think we put other people and other things before God without even realizing we have done it... and I think the more we mature spiritually.. the more He is telling us that He is first and He will not compete with anything at all... I am glad things don't go smoothly every day.. if they did.. I would be thinking I am the center of the universe again... when there are troubles and I have to cry out to God, then I know that I need Him more than anyone or anything else.. I can do NOTHING without Him...

He also warns us to count the cost... I remember when God gave me this vision and this purpose and He says to me... do you accept this call? and I say yes... then He says... be sure about it... before you answer.. you don't realize the cost... that sorta scared me... I remember when I had to have my kids' dad and God told me that he was not for me.. and I said I want him anyways.. and God tells me that I will have him, but it will come at a much higher cost than I realize... and He was SO RIGHT... so when I finally got away from that.. I tell God never again will I choose a man... never... of course I did choose a few short term men but ran at the slightest sight of commitment because I meant that "never again"... everything we do in life comes at a cost.. whether it be for self or for God... I guess I am realizing that if I have to pay for it either way.. I would rather pay for God's will than my own because I know that God's plan for me are for the good (Jer 29:11)... and my own may not work out that way... well.. really will NOT work out that way!

peace

2011-09-30T17:37:00.000-04:00

leviticus 26:6 “‘I will grant peace in the land, and you will lie down and no one will make you afraid. I will remove wild beasts from the land, and the sword will not pass through your country.

I can remember a time when I had no peace... I couldn't sleep... I couldn't think straight because there was so much turmoil in my life and moreso in my spirit.... I vividly remember that when I left my marriage the main thought in my head was... there is nothing in life worth more than peace of mind... yet at that time I really still didn't have much... I still was jumping at every noise.. I still was hiding my purse every night.. I still was worried all the time about what might come...

one of the most valuable lessons I think I learned when my life was in complete upheaval was the ability to laugh at all situations.. bear and deonna and me could find humor in ANYTHING... it didn't matter what it was.. we were laughing about it... deonna busted a man in the head with a coffee cup.. causing him to need like 30some stitches in his head... she left him at the hospital with a towel wrapped around his head so she didn't get charged with it... big greg chases jay around town with a huge board with nails coming out of it.. I am crying and asking bumpy to save him... none of those stories funny... yet we laughed and laughed and laughed... I think laughter healed us from much of our tragedy... I was going to a psychiatrist after jay died.. she asks to see deonna.. deonna goes in there and tells all these intimate details of stuff she lived through... I am looking at her like she lost her whole mind... what would possess her to tell all her business to a stranger like that?? she tells me that I'm wasting my time if I go and don't tell what's really going on... we laughed about that... the psychiatrist tells me before I quit going to her that I tell a story of something that happened to me as though it happened to a stranger... and she didn't seem to feel that was good.. she felt I live my life in 3rd person... (thus the naming of sueann.. my alter ego...)

but scripture tells us that if we turn from our sin.. repent and are forgiven.. then God will grant peace in our land.. that no one will make us afraid... that is completely the truth... I have peace now like never before in my life... I don't fear anyone but God pretty much...

peace is one of the greatest gifts a person can receive... thank you Lord.. for peace in my land.. and no one making me afraid.. He has removed all the wild beasts and the sword is not in my country... I am thankful... I am at rest...

2011-09-26T18:58:00.003-04:00

Hebrews 10: 26 Dear friends, if we deliberately continue sinning after we have received knowledge of the truth, there is no longer any sacrifice that will cover these sins. 27 There is only the terrible expectation of God’s judgment and the raging fire that will consume his enemies. 28 For anyone who refused to obey the law of Moses was put to death without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 Just think how much worse the punishment will be for those who have trampled on the Son of God, and have treated the blood of the covenant, which made us holy, as if it were common and unholy, and have insulted and disdained the Holy Spirit who brings God’s mercy to us. 30 For we know the one who said,“I will take revenge. I will pay them back.” He also said, “The Lord will judge his own people.” 31 It is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
32 Think back on those early days when you first learned about Christ. Remember how you remained faithful even though it meant terrible suffering. 33 Sometimes you were exposed to public ridicule and were beaten, and sometimes you helped others who were suffering the same things. 34 You suffered along with those who were thrown into jail, and when all you owned was taken from you, you accepted it with joy. You knew there were better things waiting for you that will last forever.

35 So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! 36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

we can't think we can live any type of way and still be all right with God... I understand that we all fall short.. daily even.. I do too.. but the difference is.. where is our mind? are we thinking about the next thing we will do that isn't living up to God's way? or are we striving to stay away from it.. I fall too.. but it isn't premediated.. I fall because I am weak sometimes.. sometimes my humanness gets the best of me.. and I have to repent and strive all over again to be holy and righteous... this scripture is for the way I used to be... I used to think I could talk any way.. treat people any way... do anything.. I thought as long as I read my bible and prayed that my actions didn't matter.. and that was wrong.. I was trapped and enslaved by sin... now I can do my best to do right.. .and sometimes I succeed.. sometimes I don't.. but I am constantly striving toward the high calling.. striving toward Christ...

I am working toward endurance.. working to be more Christ like by the day... I pray you are too...

what shall I fear?

2011-09-24T12:41:00.000-04:00

Joshua 4: 23 For the Lord your God dried up the river right before your eyes, and he kept it dry until you were all across, just as he did at the Red Sea when he dried it up until we had all crossed over. 24 He did this so all the nations of the earth might know that the Lord’s hand is powerful, and so you might fear the Lord your God forever.”

Job 4: 13 It came to me in a disturbing vision at night, when people are in a deep sleep. 14 Fear gripped me, and my bones trembled. 15 A spirit swept past my face, and my hair stood on end.

Psalms 118: 6 The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me? 7 Yes, the Lord is for me; he will help me. I will look in triumph at those who hate me.

I was thinking about fear this week... I was thinking about me.. and questioning what really makes me afraid? I am not an exceptionally fearful person... I see things that most people don't.. so I am not really a fearful person... in this life I have learned that no matter what the situation is.. no matter how it ends.. God is going to take care of me.. if I have no money and no house.. somehow He will provide a way.. I have seen this happen in my life repeatedly... I trust this... if someone is against me.. He will move them somehow someway.. I have seen this repeatedly.. I trust this too... so what do I fear?

well.. I do have a healthy fear of God.. some would call it reverence.. I am telling you it is fear... I know for sure and for certain that if He got mad enough.. He has the ability to smite me... He is still the same God of the old testament.. I know from the bible that this is not His desire.. but if I continue to disobey Him.. well.. He certainly can do whatever He wants... so I fear going against Him...

I have terrible fear of being hurt by a man.. which is in actuality silly... I have been hurt physically by a man... I have been hurt emotionally too.. but I have never been destroyed by this type of hurt.. always.. God gives me a resilient heart.. and I get over it... sometimes it takes longer than other times... depending on the expectation involved...

I don't think we are born with fear... I think it is something learned... I am not sure that everyone learns it... my son never has learned it.. and surely he should have by now... even as a baby will crawl right off the end of a bed.. they have no fear.. you can thrown them in the air.. they have no fear of falling.. but as they get older.. they get afraid... so I am thinking fear is something learned... you get burned.. you stay away from the fire type of thing...

but I am not sure this was God's plan... I am thinking.. the only thing we are supposed to fear is God.. I think if we are obedient to God.. following in His path... (as best we know..) then we have nothing to fear.. God has told us that He will protect us.. what can man do to us if we are in God's will? if we are obedient to Him? now that is not to say that nothing hurtful will ever happen to us.. even in God's plan He will allow trials and tribulations to come.. this is what keeps us focused on Him I feel.. learning and growing in Him.. but we can know that whatever it is.. He has brought us to it.. because we are in His will.. and He will also bring us out of it victoriously...

this is going to be my new motto... I am determined...

Psalms 44: 9-26

2011-09-18T19:38:00.000-04:00

9 But now you have tossed us aside in dishonor. You no longer lead our armies to battle. 10 You make us retreat from our enemies and allow those who hate us to plunder our land. 11 You have butchered us like sheep and scattered us among the nations. 12 You sold your precious people for a pittance, making nothing on the sale. 13 You let our neighbors mock us. We are an object of scorn and derision to those round us. 14 You have made us the butt of their jokes; they shake their heads at us in scorn. 15 We can’t escape the constant humiliation; shame is written across our faces. 16 All we hear are the taunts of our mockers. All we see are our vengeful enemies.

17 All this has happened though we have not forgotten you. We have not violated your covenant. 18 Our hearts have not deserted you. We have not strayed from your path. 19 Yet you have crushed us in the jackal’s desert home. You have covered us with darkness and death. 20 If we had forgotten the name of our God or spread our hands in prayer to foreign gods, 21 God would surely have known it, for he knows the secrets of every heart. 22 But for your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.

23 Wake up, O Lord! Why do you sleep? Get up! Do not reject us forever.
24 Why do you look the other way? Why do you ignore our suffering and oppression? 25 We collapse in the dust, lying face down in the dirt. 26 Rise up! Help us! Ransom us because of your unfailing love.

if we are attacked.. if we are falling apart... if everything is a mess.. and we are not following God.. then biblically it is our own fault.. we have been given this covenant of blessing and curse.. if we do right by God.. we are to be blessed.. if we do wrong.. we are to be cursed.. but what about the times that you don't do wrong.. you stay on the right path.. doing the right thing... and everything still fell apart... I am guessing the is the issue that the psalmist is going through.. and that we all would feel...

why would God do this? what possible reason would He have? and is this going against the covenant that He promised us? well I know that God is a God of His word.. so surely He is not going against His covenant.. but He also never promised that we will never have battle or never have wars... even the greatest of the kings and prophets still had wars and battles... so it doesn't mean that God has left us.. just because things don't look like we want them to.. doesn't mean that God is not still on the throne.. that He doesn't still love us... He surely still does... the issue is I'm thinking.. we learn the most in battle... we surrender the most during a fight.. we give in and finally say... okay Lord.. whatever you want to do is fine with me...

John 12: 23-29

2011-09-17T20:56:00.000-04:00

23 Jesus replied, “Now the time has come for the Son of Man to enter into his glory. 24 I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives. 25 Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity. 26 Anyone who wants to be my disciple must follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And the Father will honor anyone who serves me.
27 “Now my soul is deeply troubled. Should I pray, ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But this is the very reason I came! 28 Father, bring glory to your name.”
Then a voice spoke from heaven, saying, “I have already brought glory to my name, and I will do so again.” 29 When the crowd heard the voice, some thought it was thunder, while others declared an angel had spoken to him.

apparently.. Jesus sometimes felt just like we do.. and just like he continued on to be the savior of the world.. you and I will continue on and do the will of God in our lives.. even though it seems to be crushing us...

verse 24-25 let us know that for something to live.. something must die... I wouldn't have wanted the thing to die to be me.. yet as I die to self.. that is how Christ is born in me...

verse 27 hits me the most... He didn't want to die on the cross.. He wanted to be able to live... yet He gave up His will so that we all can live... as we have to give up our will for Christ to live again through us...

Job 40:1-14

2011-09-15T21:26:00.000-04:00

1 Then the Lord said to Job,2 “Do you still want to argue with the Almighty? You are God’s critic, but do you have the answers?”
3 Then Job replied to the Lord,4 “I am nothing—how could I ever find the answers? I will cover my mouth with my hand. 5 I have said too much already. I have nothing more to say.”

I had this revelation for myself yesterday... strange how pride slips up on us.. we aren't even thinking we are becoming full of ourselves.. then we are broken and realize.. I am nothing.. who am I to answer the Lord.. to question His ways.. His will... His plans... who am I? I am no one... I have no rights.. I deserve nothing... yet God gives me air every single day... the purpose of the air He puts in my lungs daily is to bring glory to Him.. yet some how.. some way.. some days... I get focused on what I feel like instead of being thankful to be chosen... I get focused on me being a good person.. and I have changed SO MUCH.. I have done EVERY CRAZY THING He asked me to do... yet.. I am irrelevant... if I were to die tomorrow.. would I have made a positive lasting impression on the generation to come... would I be told.. well done.. good and faithful servant... or would He say that I was too focused on what I wanted to be any good to what He wanted...

that is an ugly realization... yet it is the truth... the bible says that God ALLOWED satan to sift Job like the wind.. God believed Job was strong enought to stand up to the things he was about to go through... am I being sifted... and more importantly.. am I standing strong in my faith.. a shining example despite what I feel...

6 Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind:7 “Brace yourself like a man, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.
8 “Will you discredit my justice and condemn me just to prove you are right? 9 Are you as strong as God? Can you thunder with a voice like his? 10 All right, put on your glory and splendor,
your honor and majesty. 11 Give vent to your anger. Let it overflow against the proud.12 Humiliate the proud with a glance; walk on the wicked where they stand. 13 Bury them in the dust. Imprison them in the world of the dead. 14 Then even I would praise you, for your own strength would save you.

consider how awesome and great God really is... can we stand in His presence and be full of self.. full of pride.. I don't think so... I think when we are faced with His greatness... He IS the Great I AM... and I am nothing... I bow in His presence.. thankful that He decided to look at me.. despite who I am... and the things I have done...

Proverbs 2: 12-22

2011-09-14T17:46:00.000-04:00

12 You will be kept from the sinful man, and from the man who causes much trouble by what he says. 13 You will be kept from the man who leaves the right way to walk in the ways of darkness, 14 from the one who is happy doing wrong, and who finds joy in the way of sin. 15 His ways are not straight and are not good.

I have someone in my own life that is constantly stirring up strife.. wanting people to question how someone lives.. wanting people to allow her to destroy someone's reputation... the scripture is saying that we will be protected from this type of person.. yet clearly that is not ALWAYS the case... I do believe that God's justice will prevail.. I believe this person will be struck down by God in some form.. when He gets ready...

worse yet.. I could have been considered this type of person to some degree in my past.. I was a drama queen.. always stirring up dissention... usually mine were truths though.. I didn't take a piece of a small truth and run with it... I took a whole truth and told everyone... either way... I surely paid the price for my wrong.. and I know that others will too...

sometimes we wonder why we have so many haters... as I did in the past... this was surely part of the problem... don't get me wrong.. I still have haters.. just not as many and now they pretend they don't hate me.. LOL.. I'm not sure which is worse...

16 You will be saved from the strange woman, from the sinful woman with her smooth words. 17 She leaves the husband she had when she was young, and forgets the agreement with her God. 18 For her house goes down to death, and her steps lead to the dead. 19 None who go to her return again, and they do not find the paths of life.

apparently.. this is the day to put me on blast... I was this woman too... of course not the forgets the husband part.. as the man I chose was a whole other evil... yet if I look at the 'relationships' (term used loosely) I was in... I was death... I acted godly one minute and a fallen woman the next... I thank God for revelation and change in my own life...

20 So may you walk in the way of good men, and keep to the paths of those who are right and good. 21 For those who are right with God will live in the land. The men without blame will stay in it, 22 but the sinful will be destroyed from the land, and those who are not faithful will be taken away from it.

I try to walk in the way of good men and women.. I strive to be all God calls me to be... the spiritual battle some days is more than I can overcome it feels.. .yet I struggle forward... I desire God above all things.. that is the truth... He gives me a peace and a stability that I never had before... man cannot give you this.. the world cannot give you this... only God... I would not trade it for the world...

Proverbs 2: 1-11

2011-09-13T20:29:00.000-04:00

1 My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands. 2 Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. 3 Cry out for insight,
and ask for understanding. 4 Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. 5 Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God. 6 For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. 7 He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity. 8 He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him.
9 Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will find the right way to go. 10 For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. 11 Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.

you know what I thought about when reading this.... "Just because we know right.. Doesn't mean we will do right..." I have had many days... even now.. that I know what is the RIGHT thing to do... yet I don't always do it... I will say that I do it more often than I did in the past... but I still am not always the one to do the right thing...

I can usually always give someone the right advice... the right way to do something.. but that surely doesn't mean that I will always do it... and that is ridiculous because... as in the scripture above... we SEARCH for understanding and wisdom.. for God's way of doing something.. then we turn around and do something else? after we searched for the right answer?? what is that really about??

it says wise choice will watch over you and understanding will keep you safe... I am sure that is the truth... if only we could do what we know we should do... wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will fill you with joy....

it's funny.. we think about the Israelites.. especially during the time they left egypt.. and we think ugh!! come on people!! don't you trust God yet?? don't you see all the times He has provided a miracle to pul you out... how dumb can you be??? you keep going into bonage because you turn from God.... and look at us... going into bondage of another sort.. over and over.. after God has reached down and drug us up out...

self... selfishness... self love.. self pity... this is why we sin... if we can ever get over ourselves.. ever get over wanting to feel good... that would be the key... the key is not knowledge.. it is the ability to deny self...

yesterday I had decided to do a 3 day fast... I have been feeling led to a fast for a few weeks now... and I openly admit that I would rather fast anything other than food... I determined that in this 3 days of fasting... I would read the word and pray morning noon and again at night... seeking God... desiring Him...

I will have you know that I didn't last even 1/2 a day... as far as the fasting food part goes... and truth told.. I didn't eat because I was hungry... it was a mental thing.. I just could not deny myself food... I rationalized.. saying... I have given up EVERYTHING... even sugar and white flour on the food front... I don't want to give up not one more thing... God doesn't really care if we starve ourselves for a day....

then in the evening.. comes that still small voice... telling me.. it really has nothing to do with food... it has to do with the inner me... the fact that I don't want to deny myself in the name of Christ... the fact that I can SAY that God is everything to me and can't go even one day without eating... it is really about putting me first... not God... even to the degree of needing to control what I eat... what I don't eat... because the food is irrelevant.. we are made to eat... we need to eat to be nourished... it is about the fact that I don't want to suffer even something this minor for God...

and I was very disgusted with my selfish self....

now do I think this is the end of the road... surely not... I will get up again and try again.. this time with the mindset that I do this because I really do love the Lord and desire to be in communion with Him... even to the point of denying myself food for a short while....

so none of our failures are the end.. they are just a new beginning... using Christ as the focus to walk through it.. instead of our own will.. our own thought that we can do it on our own...

Psalms 15

2011-09-12T17:31:00.002-04:00

1 Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill? 2 Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. 3 Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends. 4 Those who despise flagrant sinners, and honor the faithful followers of the Lord, and keep their promises even when it hurts. 5 Those who lend money without charging interest, and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent. Such people will stand firm forever.

my intention was to just look at a psalm of praise to God's greatness... but 15 was the number I heard... and this is what it said... so maybe the message.. while it still is and ALWAYS is a message of praise to the greatness of Jehovah... maybe it is about our actions too... how can we stand and talk about the righteousness of God and how much we love Him.. how thankful we are that He loves us... how much we love Him... and then we consistantly give in to the flesh and destroy our witness....

I am really talking about myself in this but I imagine we can all see ourselves in this... on Thursday... the pastor started talking about the 7 things God hates.. and one of them was to plot evil in your mind... I tell you the truth... I am SO GUILTY of this!! I don't act on it... I don't even dwell on the thought all that long... (okay.. maybe that is dependent on who it is against...) but I can tell you in DETAIL what I could do to someone.. or watch happening to them....
I remember one day that there was a weight loss thing at my church... it turned out to be a study done by a local hospital about the effects of weight loss and diabetes in black women... but that is not how it was presented... and as a good friend of mine is the head of the medical ministry... she wanted me to come... I come.. and the woman leading it from the hospital asked me am I at all african american (come on now..) and that I cannot participate because I am not... so I go to walk out and I am furious... she tries to follow me.. as sure as I am sitting here writing this.. I SEE myself smashing her head off the cement floor and I tell her to back up.. and she wants to rub my back and tell me that it isn't personal.. or whatever and I look at her obviously with death in my eyes and I tell her to back up off of me NOW.... and she does...

that right there... that is my sin... I saw that as clearly as I see someone standing before me... I have to learn to stop that before it takes hold in my heart...

funny.. we overcome and overcome and yet there is more sin dug down deep with roots attached....

this scripture states that people who regard sin in their hearts cannot enter the sanctuary... sheesh... lucky thing I didn't realize it was sin.. and that I am setting about ending it since I found out...

cover me Father... when I sin unknowingly...point out everything in me that is displeasing to You.. please continue to be patient with me and continue to change me... thank you Lord... I surely don't deserve your goodness toward me...

2011-09-10T09:12:00.001-04:00

Proverbs 1: 1 These are the proverbs of Solomon, David’s son, king of Israel.2 Their purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline,to help them understand the insights of the wise. 3 Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives, to help them do what is right, just, and fair. 4 These proverbs will give insight to the simple, knowledge and discernment to the young.5 Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance 6 by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables, the words of the wise and their riddles. 7 Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. NLT

I think about solomon.. and the first thought that I have of him is the thought that his mother must have really been an amazing woman... we realize that his mother had to have taught him some of the wisdom he had.. he says this in proverbs.. when he talks about women he talks about what his mother taught him to look for or not look for in a woman.. and while we may all desire to be that proverbs 31 woman.. that is a tall order to fill.... really tall.... david of course would have taught him of his own great love for God... he would have taught him to praise and worship.. to trust in God at all times... because these were david's strong points in his walk with God... along with his leadership abilites... on top of the things that his mother and father taught him... he asked God for wisdom.. above all things he wanted sense to know what was right... bigger even than the knowledge of what is right... is the strength to walk into it... to me anyways...

God gave solomon all the wisdom ever known to man.. no one ever was as wise as him again.. yet somehow.. with all of his wisdom.. he allowed the lure of the world to weaken him.... what is wrong with us... what is it that we think this world or the ruler of it can give us that is of value... you know what.. it is of value... just not ETERNAL value.. how often are we centered on today and not forever... we can think of how good something will feel.. we can think of what we deserve... of how good a person we think we are and so we deserve something.... if we will daily look to the word of God as the compass for our lives... instead of what our friends say.. or what we remember something feeling like... then we can get further..

I agree it is hard.. I want to be loved by a man.. I want to be held... if I am being honest.. I want sexual fulfillment... some days I want the sex more than the love... but after you come down off that.. what is left... other than the lonely feeling...

if we can get past these feelings... if we can be satisfied in God's love for us... if we can learn to become comfortable with just me and God and not always need another voice or another body... wouldn't we probably make such smarter decisions.... the drive to not be alone is enough to kill people sometimes... look at how many women solomon had... was that about sex.. was that about companionship.. was it about owning all the most beautiful things in the world... having everything that everyone else wanted... when you read your bible it really doesn't talk about any of the great patriarchs having friends that they talked things out with like we think we need to.. they talked to God about everything... they didn't look toward man for wisdom...

in the end... solomon was turned from his commitment to God by the things of the world... as wise as he was... as much as he loved God.. he fell away in the end... this is a hard road.. to live our lives for God and not for self... you wonder.. why would God even give us the thoughts of self.... why not just make us with a God centered nature... I think He wanted us to choose Him over self... I think He wanted us to decide to love Him more than anything else... Lord.. I pray that you make us strong enough to endure to the end.. and keep You first.. at all times...

1 Thessalonians 2: 17-20

2011-09-08T20:45:00.002-04:00

17 Dear brothers and sisters, after we were separated from you for a little while (though our hearts never left you), we tried very hard to come back because of our intense longing to see you again. 18 We wanted very much to come to you, and I, Paul, tried again and again, but Satan prevented us. 19 After all, what gives us hope and joy, and what will be our proud reward and crown as we stand before our Lord Jesus when he returns? It is you! 20 Yes, you are our pride and joy.

to me.. this is the way God works things... we want to be part of someone's future... and sometimes we are only a small piece of the present that changes them for their future and purpose... we can all think of people who were only in our life for a season... one of the people that taught me to really hear the Spirit... I mean really hear it and believe it... was only for a season.. and it broke my heart.. I thought of her as one of my best friends ever.. yet I had to let go and move forward... sometimes when we hold on too long it will hold us back... we stop growing because maybe that person is ahead of where you were when you met them.. but not at the level you are going to... and it is hurtful... yet it is the way of God...

for many of these churches.. paul's intention was to set up a church then make rounds.. yet for some of them he was never able to return... the church continued to grow.. the letters sent were added to our bible... and God's will was done... not pauls... sometimes we have to stop trying to hold on to something that God is saying we have outgrown... someone we just can't spiritually connect with anymore...

this doesn't mean that we wouldn't speak.. wouldn't be friendly... it really doesn't even mean that they are not where they are supposed to be... just that the season of closeness is over... that is hard to swallow some days...
we can continue to love someone from the distance.. we can pray for their change and development and walking into their future in Christ.. and they can continue to be our pride and joy... and we walk forward to the next person that needs us....

paul states that satan prevented him from coming... I tend to believe differently... I am of the belief that it is God...

1 Thessalonians 2: 9-16

2011-09-06T21:47:00.000-04:00

9 Don’t you remember, dear brothers and sisters, how hard we worked among you? Night and day we toiled to earn a living so that we would not be a burden to any of you as we preached God’s Good News to you. 10 You yourselves are our witnesses—and so is God—that we were devout and honest and faultless toward all of you believers. 11 And you know that we treated each of you as a father treats his own children. 12 We pleaded with you, encouraged you, and urged you to live your lives in a way that God would consider worthy. For he called you to share in his Kingdom and glory.

do we work hard? are we a burden? do we treat everyone fairly?
he says they encouraged and urged them to live their lives in a way that God would consider worthy because they are called to share in the kingdom and the glory of the Lord... I wonder... when we speak are we encouraging people/children to do better? or are we condemning them for their actions? I think that is one of our greatest faults with our children is that rather than encouraging them we tend to tell them all that is wrong...

13 Therefore, we never stop thanking God that when you received his message from us, you didn’t think of our words as mere human ideas. You accepted what we said as the very word of God—which, of course, it is. And this word continues to work in you who believe.

how many people do we know that don't really receive the message of God? I know for myself.. I knew God and received Him but on my own terms... I was unwilling to allow Him to change my life... till this past few years... and I can EASILY say that these years have been the happiest and most peaceful....

14 And then, dear brothers and sisters, you suffered persecution from your own countrymen. In this way, you imitated the believers in God’s churches in Judea who, because of their belief in Christ Jesus, suffered from their own people, the Jews. 15 For some of the Jews killed the prophets, and some even killed the Lord Jesus. Now they have persecuted us, too. They fail to please God and work against all humanity 16 as they try to keep us from preaching the Good News of salvation to the Gentiles. By doing this, they continue to pile up their sins. But the anger of God has caught up with them at last.

isn't it odd that sometimes.. it is the very ones that proclaim God that persecute those who try to follow Him... I think we are mostly all guilty sometimes... yet we don't think we are... we decide when someone else is 'obsessed' with God.. or maybe we say they are chasing the church and not God... yet who are we... to think we can decide how someone else is to follow God? doesn't God speak to each of us individually?? so don't you think that maybe God just tells them something different than maybe He tells you? I think if all of us were to be serious about our own relationship with God and stop worrying about someone elses.. we may all be better off... God leads us all at the speed we are able to go

1 Thessalonians 2: 1-8

2011-09-05T09:05:00.000-04:00

1 You yourselves know, dear brothers and sisters, that our visit to you was not a failure. 2 You know how badly we had been treated at Philippi just before we came to you and how much we suffered there. Yet our God gave us the courage to declare his Good News to you boldly, in spite of great opposition. 3 So you can see we were not preaching with any deceit or impure motives or trickery.

we can all say that we have been treated badly and that we suffered in this life... but not until recently could I say that it has to do with the will of God and not my own wrongdoing... in the past I was treated badly by my family because of bad choices I made.. I was treated badly by my father through no fault of my own... but the majority of the times.. it was about my choices.. or people I allowed in my life treated me badly that should not have been there to begin with... but now... people just don't like me for no reason... I think that is far more hurtful... when they hate you just for being... being somewhere they don't want me to be.. having something they don't want me to have... whatever it is... but I think that paul and whoever was with him were persecuted for preaching about Jesus... and that is amazing... I believe we have persecution now.. but the enemy is so much more slick with it... he tries to make it look like it is about us or something we have done.. yet in the end... we are still hated just because Jesus loves us... how very sad....

4 For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts. 5 Never once did we try to win you with flattery, as you well know. And God is our witness that we were not pretending to be your friends just to get your money! 6 As for human praise, we have never sought it from you or anyone else.

our purpose is to please God not people... can or do people say that about us? they should be... even when we look crazy or stupid because we are following what Christ would have us to do... that is still honorable... as for human praise... while it feels good.. it never lasts... they may love you today and hate you tomorrow... God's approval is really what we need to be striving for...

7 As apostles of Christ we certainly had a right to make some demands of you, but instead we were like children among you. Or we were like a mother feeding and caring for her own children. 8 We loved you so much that we shared with you not only God’s Good News but our own lives, too.

what rights to the people of God have to make demands on you? do you participate in the kingdom of God... do you work in the vineyard of the Lord? or do you... like so many others.. just get what you can and be on your way..... we are to be servants to the most high God... the bible says that God is coming back for His church... if we are not part of a church.. how can we be who He is coming back for? we are responsible for the lives that Christ assigns us to... we are responsible to teach our kids... we are responsible to be a light to others...

1 Thessalonians 1: 1-10

2011-09-04T19:17:00.000-04:00

We always thank God for all of you and pray for you constantly. 3 As we pray to our God and Father about you, we think of your faithful work, your loving deeds, and the enduring hope you have because of our Lord Jesus Christ.

are we faithful in our work? are our deeds loving? do we have enduring hope?
I would like to say yes to all of these things.. and I imagine that SOME of the time it would be true.. but surely not all the time... I am still a work in progress... but still progressing!

4 We know, dear brothers and sisters, that God loves you and has chosen you to be his own people. 5 For when we brought you the Good News, it was not only with words but also with power, for the Holy Spirit gave you full assurance that what we said was true. And you know of our concern for you from the way we lived when we were with you. 6 So you received the message with joy from the Holy Spirit in spite of the severe suffering it brought you. In this way, you imitated both us and the Lord. 7 As a result, you have become an example to all the believers in Greece—throughout both Macedonia and Achaia.

an example to all believers because they continue in joy despite their severe suffering... I would like to say that is true of me.. LOL! but we all know that sometimes I get a little panic stricken... a little fearful... a little run down... but I know that today I am much better than I was in the past! and for that I am thankful... having the spirit in power... I think we are all supposed to have the spirit... yet do we pick Him up every day? or do we get the day started on our own without asking to be filled with the spirit of God... and do we realize that we have the same power in us that the apostles had... I have a hard one with that.. I am just regular... what power could I have.... yet the bible says it is true...

8 And now the word of the Lord is ringing out from you to people everywhere, even beyond Macedonia and Achaia, for wherever we go we find people telling us about your faith in God. We don’t need to tell them about it, 9 for they keep talking about the wonderful welcome you gave us and how you turned away from idols to serve the living and true God. 10 And they speak of how you are looking forward to the coming of God’s Son from heaven—Jesus, whom God raised from the dead. He is the one who has rescued us from the terrors of the coming judgment.

I am so thankful to be rescued from the terrors of the coming judgement... so thankful that Jesus was willing to give His life for mine and yours... I pray that when people see me that they see the Christ in me.. not me... I pray that daily I become more christ-like... there is a song called make me invisible... says I want to be invisible so they can't see me just Christ shining out from me...

2011-09-03T10:07:00.001-04:00

Isaiah 3: 12 Childish leaders oppress my people, and women rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road.

Isaiah 4: 1 In that day so few men will be left that seven women will fight for each man, saying, “Let us all marry you! We will provide our own food and clothing. Only let us take your name so we won’t be mocked as old maids.”

where I come from in the Pittsburgh area... and probably wherever you come from too... there are a few men.. who have babies with 6-8 different women.. none of whom they were ever married to... in truth... these men usually never married anyone ever... why would they? they can have all the young girls they want because they have some money and have this reputation... some of their baby mama's are even related...

now somehow... everyone looks at these men and talks about how terrible they are... why is that? why wouldn't you instead look at the females and how silly they are? if a man shows you who he is... and you are all right with it... how are you angry with it after you are with him? that is like.. you have an affair with a married man... and later you are mad he is married... you knew he was married when you started sleeping with him... so how is he the bad guy?

I am not talking about the deceitful man that acts and talks one way and really are another way... I am talking about men that just are what they are and you can accept it or not... never have I slept with one of these men... why would you? what would make you imagine you would mean something more than any of the other females do? this just doesn't make sense to me...

now I am not pretending I am perfect... surely not.. I have chosen several wrong men... and knew they were wrong from the beginning... but how do you say a man is wrong when you knew who he was?

so all these women that come out here talking about how wrong a man is... instead.. look at the woman... a man isn't doing anything a woman isn't allowing.. if women would stop thinking that if they sleep with someone then they will love her... if she could INSTEAD... pick up THE WORD OF GOD... listen to what GOD says about her... find her worth in God and not man... then maybe she wouldn't be so broken and confused....

the bible tells us a man is the head... head of a church.. head of a country.. head of a house... idk where we got this ridiculous idea that a woman is a head... when a woman takes on the role of leadership she loses her place as the HELPMEET of the HEAD...

yea... I know... I am a chauvanist... I am reading wrong... I am surely the one wrong sweetie.. not you... try Jesus.. try His word.. allow Him to put biblical order in your life.. then lets talk again...

Colossians 4: 7-18

2011-09-02T20:08:00.000-04:00

7 Tychicus will give you a full report about how I am getting along. He is a beloved brother and faithful helper who serves with me in the Lord’s work. 8 I have sent him to you for this very purpose—to let you know how we are doing and to encourage you. 9 I am also sending Onesimus, a faithful and beloved brother, one of your own people. He and Tychicus will tell you everything that’s happening here. 10 Aristarchus, who is in prison with me, sends you his greetings, and so does Mark, Barnabas’s cousin. As you were instructed before, make Mark welcome if he comes your way. 11 Jesus (the one we call Justus) also sends his greetings. These are the only Jewish believers among my co-workers; they are working with me here for the Kingdom of God. And what a comfort they have been! 12 Epaphras, a member of your own fellowship and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends you his greetings. He always prays earnestly for you, asking God to make you strong and perfect, fully confident that you are following the whole will of God. 13 I can assure you that he prays hard for you and also for the believers in Laodicea and Hierapolis.

do you see all the people that God aligned with Paul to help him with his purpose... despite where he was.. despite what was going on... he had people he could count on to help him in his assignment... I am thinking that God does that for all of us... and we don't always even realize the value of people in our lives.. or the fact that they were sent by God.. strategically placed to help us move forward in our call...

the one man prayed that God would make them strong and perfect.. and he was fully confident that they were following the whole will of God for their lives... first of all... how diligently do we pray for other people's walk... even if we pray for a church as a whole... then to be confident that they are WHOLLY following the will of God for their lives... sheesh.. sometimes I struggle with whether or not I am doing that... wholly.. how wonderful it would be to be fully confident of this....

14 Luke, the beloved doctor, sends his greetings, and so does Demas. 15 Please give my greetings to our brothers and sisters at Laodicea, and to Nympha and the church that meets in her house.

*side note* nympha's family was truly wrong for giving her that name... where on earth was her father when she was being named??

16 After you have read this letter, pass it on to the church at Laodicea so they can read it, too. And you should read the letter I wrote to them.

pass the letter on... are we passing on the knowledge that God is giving us?? or do we think it is for us alone.. surely it is not...

17 And say to Archippus, “Be sure to carry out the ministry the Lord gave you.”

I wonder if this person was struggling to not give up.. not decide they are not worthy.. or not strong enough... paul tells him be sure to carry out the ministry the Lord gave him.. would this mean that there are people who because of their unwillingness.. don't fulfill their destiny?? I hate to imagine that.. but now I wonder...

18 Here is my greeting in my own handwriting—Paul.
Remember my chains.

remember my chains... why? why remember his chains? is this a remember that following Christ fully is not an easy task? is it to remember that we are slaves to Him... is it to remember that we are all in chains.. bound to this calling.. this walk.. this life... why remember his chains??

May God’s grace be with you.

Colossians 3:1-17

2011-09-01T18:58:00.000-04:00

1 Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. 2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. 3 For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.

idk if I really care about sharing in His glory... I don't feel like I really need any glory... I do desire to bring some to God by my life.. I am thankful that I have died to much of this life... yet much of it lives and reigns strong... otherwise circumstances would never upset me... I don't really think alot about heaven... I know that is where I will go... I am just trying to get through the day to day...

5 So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. 6 Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming 7 You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. 8 But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. 9 Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. 10 Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. 11 In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us.

a greedy person is an idolater... that could be a problem for me.. I am a little greedy.. always wanting something new... wasting money unnecessarily.... I wouldn't say out loud I worship the things of the world... yet why do I need all the new things if I don't?....
I surely don't want the anger of God...
Christ is all that matters and He lives in all of us... well all who are saved anyways... I am thankful about that...

12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

God chose us to be holy... we must forgive the one who offends you... patience.. (sorely lacking in that one...) humility.. (a daily struggle...) gentleness... hmmm.. I worked so diligently at being hard.. am I now gentle? I don't know about that...
above all clothe ourselves in love that binds us all together in perfect harmony... and let the peace from Christ rule in your hearts.. sometimes I wonder if I don't have too much peace... hardly anything moves me any more... and when I do get moved or upset.. it is usually about something I shouldn't be worried about...

16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. 17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

let the message of Christ fill our lives... I think that is truth in my own life now... I rarely talk about anything without bringing God into it... I imagine some people find that annoying...
whatever we do or say.. do it as a representative of the Lord... that should probably change some of the comments that would possibly come out of my mouth.... and I am surely working on that...

Colossians 2: 6-23

2011-08-27T09:55:00.000-04:00

6 And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. 7 Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

continue to follow Him... I think that is a bigger problem than we really like to talk about... we need to spend time alone with anyone we are in relationship with... just like a human relationship suffers if you never spend time talking alone.. so does our spiritual one... we don't spend enough time reading our bible... and that is generally how God speaks... so how is He speaking if we aren't giving Him opportuntity.. our behavior doesn't have to get worse for us to slip out of relationship... although eventually that will probably happen too... sometimes I think this happens more than we realize... we slip away from the closeness we once had... and start to lose our peace.. start to lose our joy... start to focus on circumstance rather than God...

8 Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. 9 For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. 10 So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.11 When you came to Christ, you were “circumcised,” but not by a physical procedure. Christ performed a spiritual circumcision—the cutting away of your sinful nature. 12 For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead.
13 You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. 14 He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. 15 In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.

charles stanley taught on this last week... before we are saved... our sinful nature is in control... but after salvation.. the spirit of God is living within us.. so we have power over sin... BUT we still have to choose to allow Christ to reign... and overcome the temptation to sin....

16 So don’t let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies or Sabbaths. 17 For these rules are only shadows of the reality yet to come. And Christ himself is that reality. 18 Don’t let anyone condemn you by insisting on pious self-denial or the worship of angels, saying they have had visions about these things. Their sinful minds have made them proud, 19 and they are not connected to Christ, the head of the body. For he holds the whole body together with its joints and ligaments, and it grows as God nourishes it. 20 You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the spiritual powers of this world. So why do you keep on following the rules of the world, such as, 21 “Don’t handle! Don’t taste! Don’t touch!”? 22 Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. 23 These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires.

many people in past times were literal slaves to someone else.. as we don't have that as a reality in our lives.. we don't really think about being slaves to anything... yet we are either slaves to Christ or to self/enemy.... we hold the spiritual powers of this world yet we are always thinking that we have no power at all... again pride goes before a fall... Lord let me never become prideful....

Colossians 2: 1-4

2011-08-26T17:34:00.000-04:00

1 I want you to know how much I have agonized for you and for the church at Laodicea, and for many other believers who have never met me personally. 2 I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God’s mysterious plan, which is Christ himself. 3 In him lie hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

in Christ lies all the hidden treasures of wisdom and knowledge... how many people go to school for years and years and still have no useful knowledge in them... how many people can spout all sorts of useless knowledge but nothing that will change your life... all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge lie hidden in Christ...

4 I am telling you this so no one will deceive you with well-crafted arguments. 5 For though I am far away from you, my heart is with you. And I rejoice that you are living as you should and that your faith in Christ is strong.

people are often deceived... there are times that we just hear what we want to hear rather than what lines up with the word of God... if it is against His words.. then it cannot be from Him.... it is hard to determine some days who's voice we hear... is it self? is it the enemy? is it God... well I heard a very wise woman tell me one time... the voice of the deceiver always builds up self... the voice of God always builds up someone else at a price to self... no matter what the well crafted words are... God is not a self promoter... He will always build up someone else and take the focus off of self...

Colossians 1:24-29

2011-08-25T17:20:00.003-04:00

24 I am glad when I suffer for you in my body, for I am participating in the sufferings of Christ that continue for his body, the church. 25 God has given me the responsibility of serving his church by proclaiming his entire message to you. 26 This message was kept secret for centuries and generations past, but now it has been revealed to God’s people. 27 For God wanted them to know that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory.

I have to admit... I am NOT glad when I suffer in my body... not for Jesus or for anyone else.... he gives us a new way to look at it... but still... I am not the one to rejoice in suffering... I do realize we all suffer for the furthering of the kingdom... our particular struggles in life are the very thing that God will use to help someone else later on... and we go through it first to be help to someone else... (I still do not appreciate the suffering... that's just me...)

28 So we tell others about Christ, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all the wisdom God has given us. We want to present them to God, perfect in their relationship to Christ. 29 That’s why I work and struggle so hard, depending on Christ’s mighty power that works within me.

I learn daily more and more that all that I can ever be is only through Christ working in me... daily changing me.. growing me.. helping me... I am completely dependent on Him and I am thankful for that...

Colossians 1: 15-23

2011-08-24T18:26:00.000-04:00

15 Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation, 16 for through him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can’t see—such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through him and for him. 17 He existed before anything else,
and he holds all creation together. 18 Christ is also the head of the church, which is his body. He is the beginning, supreme over all who rise from the dead. So he is first in everything. 19 For God in all his fullness was pleased to live in Christ, 20 and through him God reconciled everything to himself. He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of Christ’s blood on the cross.

Christ is the visible image of God... sometimes to see a visible image would be so great... to be able to sit in a chair and talk with Jesus beside me.. to physically hear His responses... that would be so awesome!!
sometimes I have a hard time equating Him with the level of awesomeness as God.. yet I know that He is... they are one... they are the same...

21 This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions. 22 Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.

hard to imagine myself as an enemy of God.. yet it is truth... separated by evil actions and thoughts... thank God He kept after me and allowed me to be reconciled to Him!!! I am so thankful to be in His presence... although I surely don't see myself as holy and blameless...

23 But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed as God’s servant to proclaim it.

continue to stand.. on the hard days.. on the happy days.. all days... continue to stand in and for Christ...

2011-08-23T19:17:00.001-04:00

yesterday as I went to the tag office, I was approached by a young woman and given a family tract which just had scripture in it speaking of the importance of family.. so I ask her what church she attends.. she tells me kingdom hall.. which is jehovah witnesses... I tell her I go to tabernacle on laney walker.. she said she has heard of the church.. so she floors me and asks me what do we believe as baptists.... now we all know that I KNOW my bible.. yet every thought flew out my head... I say we believe in the bible.. the 66 books.. the written word of God... if it is in there.. we believe it... then the spirit talks and tells me I can do better than that.. so I say we believe Jesus is the Son of God.. born and lived.. died on the cross.. rose again 3 days later and is in heaven until he comes back for us at the 2nd coming... she said ok.. what do you believe will happen on the earth after the second coming?...

now... after thinking about it... I am thinking she meant after the second coming.. during the tribulation what will happen... but at the time I was thinking about after the enemy is destroyed... I tell her that what happens after the second coming is interpreted different ways by different people... there are people who believe the new jeruselum is going to be on the earth... I don't know what is going to happen.. just that I am going to be with Jesus no matter what it is.... then they call my number.. and I walk to the counter... after I am done at the counter I go back to her.. I hug her and I tell her God bless you... and I say you are welcome at my church any time you want to come... and she is a little surprised I think and tells me thank you and she was glad to run into me...

I think afterwards of all I would have done differently but I am reminded that God's love will cover a multitude of wrong.. so I think that by showing her love in the end that I did okay...

the point of telling this is... do we really know.. I mean really know... how to respond to situations like that... others.. like the jehovah's witnesses are taught exactly what they would answer to questions and we are not... I think it is very important for us to consider what we would tell someone... it is possible that she is lost and I could have led her the right way if I had handled it right... at this point all I can think is that God will cover it and lead her to someone who can answer her more correctly than I did... but I know for me personally.. I am going to have to study some of these questions and study their beliefs to know how to answer someone in this situation in the future... it was presented to me to save her and I allowed her to continue to be lost by my lack of knowing how to answer... I don't want to leave anyone lost ever again...

Colossians 1:3-14

2011-08-22T21:23:00.000-04:00

3 We always pray for you, and we give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 4 For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all of God’s people, 5 which come from your confident hope of what God has reserved for you in heaven. You have had this expectation ever since you first heard the truth of the Good News.
6 This same Good News that came to you is going out all over the world. It is bearing fruit everywhere by changing lives, just as it changed your lives from the day you first heard and understood the truth about God’s wonderful grace.

it's amazing to me that I knew the good news of Christ all my life... but it took till now for me to allow it to change me..

7 You learned about the Good News from Epaphras, our beloved co-worker. He is Christ’s faithful servant, and he is helping us on your behalf. 8 He has told us about the love for others that the Holy Spirit has given you.

I was listening to John MacArthur yesterday about my love walk... and he says that anytime we harbor angry or malicious feelings toward someone... this is not walking in love... I am thinking to myself... that is a little unrealistic.. to think that I will not be mad or ever want to smack the mess out of someone... at least I'm not doing it... he said... when Christ died on the cross... He covered the sin that person has done to us... the wrong way they treated us.. so who are we to imply that the blood of Christ is not enough for us to forgive someone... (BOW *$# SMACK *&% BIFF @#%)

9 So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.

COMPLETE knowledge of his will and spiritual wisdom and understanding... how awesome would that be?? instead we get some understanding and wisdom and then allow so many things to sidetrack us and get in the way.... I really want to produce EVERY kind of good fruit... but somehow I will have to get past myself to do it...

11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, 12 always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. 13 For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, 14 who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.

I really pray for the patience and endurance that I need to finish this race... I usually am filled with joy despite circumstance... and I am so thankful for that... I am so thankful that God sent His son to die to pay for our sins... really... what more could we ask for... yet somehow we do...

Philippians 4:10-20

2011-08-21T21:16:00.000-04:00

10 How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. 11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. 14 Even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.

I feel that I can honestly say that in the past I was content in whatever situation i was in... I think I have a harder time with it now... I read a scripture yesterday where he asked God don't give me too much lest I get full of myself.. don't give me too little lest I become a thief... I think that is a good request to have for God.. that we be somewhere in the middle.. with enough struggle to know He is our provider and our protecter.. yet not so deep in struggle that we would rather live like we lived in the past...

15 As you know, you Philippians were the only ones who gave me financial help when I first brought you the Good News and then traveled on from Macedonia. No other church did this. 16 Even when I was in Thessalonica you sent help more than once. 17 I don’t say this because I want a gift from you. Rather, I want you to receive a reward for your kindness.
18 At the moment I have all I need—and more! I am generously supplied with the gifts you sent me with Epaphroditus. They are a sweet-smelling sacrifice that is acceptable and pleasing to God. 19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

I have been in situations where I had to know that truly... God is my provider and He surely will provide all I need.. not all I want.. but all I need...

20 Now all glory to God our Father forever and ever! Amen.

Philippians 4: 1-9

2011-08-19T20:52:00.001-04:00

2 Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. 3 And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. They worked along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are written in the Book of Life.

these two women get their name in the bible... that by itself is an amazing and awe inspiring thing... and what is it for??? fighting... unchristlike conduct... come on now... they get some good mention.. saying they worked hard with paul... but the jist of it is to help them overcome this disagreement... how distressing would it be to look down from heaven and see that your name is in lights for not acting in a christlike manner...

4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! 5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

always be full of joy.... you know... I am a pretty happy person in general... but some days... the fears and the wondering are too much... and then.... then you just have to sit back.. remember just how ugly things were in the past... and know.. that you can live through this too... whatever it might be... as long as God is for you... I think I used to say that God is all I need... and I meant it... but you know.. that is not all I want anymore... to just coast along... happy by myself.. with no stress and no cares... I want love... Jesus has given me love through children in the past... if that is what it is.. then bring it on... if it is love with a man.. then bring that one on too... whatever HIS will is... I'm waiting... some days I feel like I been through to much to ever go through anything at all again... then other days... I'm ready for whatever...

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

again... I know that God has brought me up out of hell.. and I know that He will do this again if need be... but I struggle with the resting and the peace... I am thankful that He will guard my heart... I have not been so good at guarding it....

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

there is the key.. fix our mind on what is right and pure and lovely and admirable and true and honorable... think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise...

funny... all our lives we learn to stop trusting.. stop belieiving the good... yet here is the bible.. telling us to believe the good despite the bad... that messes up our live experiences... that try to get us to see that everyone is not good... and so we start to dwell on the negatives and the fears... when we need to try to see good even when it's hard to see... and trust God to guard our heart and mind... so that we can live in peace...

Philippians 3: 12-21

2011-08-18T19:22:00.001-04:00

12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

how amazing that paul too didn't feel he was perfect.. he didn't think he had it all together... yet we are able to learn so much from his teaching... what should that say to each of us that are waiting to be perfect before we can serve...

forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead... just let go of all you have done... all you have been... we are NEW creatures in Christ... thank God for that...

15 Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you. 16 But we must hold on to the progress we have already made.

agree to disagree sometimes... it doesn't change Christ from being the Messiah.. it doesn't change Him from being the Son of God... it doesn't change the fact that He died to save us...

17 Dear brothers and sisters, pattern your lives after mine, and learn from those who follow our example. 18 For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth. 20 But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. 21 He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control.

I can't imagine telling someone to pattern their life after mine... although I pray that if you look into my life you will find Jesus...
I remember bragging about sin... even though I didn't think that is what it was... I talked about how drunk I was... I didn't recognize other's feelings as being relevant... my heart was evil and full of pride and destruction... I praise God for the changes He has made in me... I am thankful that now I am under His control... even when my flesh is warring with me... I am still under the control of God... thank you Jesus...

Philippians 3: 1-11

2011-08-16T20:25:00.000-04:00

1 Whatever happens, my dear brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord. I never get tired of telling you these things, and I do it to safeguard your faith.

whatever happens... rejoice in the Lord.. sometimes that is a rough one... yet surely the truth... it amazes me when people just walk around miserable and complaining all the time... I will never understand why someone would choose sad over happy... while we may not be having great circumstances... things could ALWAYS be so much worse... be thankful!!

2 Watch out for those dogs, those people who do evil, those mutilators who say you must be circumcised to be saved. 3 For we who worship by the Spirit of God are the ones who are truly circumcised. We rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. We put no confidence in human effort, 4 though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if others have reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have even more!5 I was circumcised when I was eight days old. I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin—a real Hebrew if there ever was one! I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law. 6 I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church. And as for righteousness, I obeyed the law without fault.

while it is important to realize that we need to be striving to be all that God has called us to be... we still need to keep in mind that we are not saved by our righteous acts.. we are not saved by our bible knowledge.. we are only saved because Christ was willing to be slaughtered so that we might have life...
I remember when I was a kid... I am a full blooded german... and as you should well know... germans have always felt they are above others... and I was raised thinking that no one else was the same as me.. that everyone else is impure... what a ridiculous thing to teach your children... the only value I have at all is that Christ was willing to die on the cross for me.. that is what give me value... nothing I did or did not do... surely not the blood that runs in my veins... it is my spirit that holds my value... and only then if it is the spirit of the living God...

7 I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!

our works don't make us righteous... although God requires obedience from us... that still is not what saves us... it does however open the lines of communication between us and God.... and just like we are always willing to allow our kids to have another chance to do right.. thankfully.. God allows us to have another chance to do right too...

Philippians 2: 19-30

2011-08-15T19:07:00.003-04:00

19 If the Lord Jesus is willing, I hope to send Timothy to you soon for a visit. Then he can cheer me up by telling me how you are getting along. 20 I have no one else like Timothy, who genuinely cares about your welfare. 21 All the others care only for themselves and not for what matters to Jesus Christ. 22 But you know how Timothy has proved himself. Like a son with his father, he has served with me in preaching the Good News. 23 I hope to send him to you just as soon as I find out what is going to happen to me here. 24 And I have confidence from the Lord that I myself will come to see you soon.

25 Meanwhile, I thought I should send Epaphroditus back to you. He is a true brother, co-worker, and fellow soldier. And he was your messenger to help me in my need. 26 I am sending him because he has been longing to see you, and he was very distressed that you heard he was ill. 27 And he certainly was ill; in fact, he almost died. But God had mercy on him—and also on me, so that I would not have one sorrow after another.
28 So I am all the more anxious to send him back to you, for I know you will be glad to see him, and then I will not be so worried about you. 29 Welcome him with Christian love and with great joy, and give him the honor that people like him deserve. 30 For he risked his life for the work of Christ, and he was at the point of death while doing for me what you couldn’t do from far away.

we look at what Paul said about these two men that worked with him...
the first thing I notice is that he spoke only good things of them... talking of how much they have done for him... encouraging them... talking about their good qualities...
I also notice that he recognized their value to him... their faith and their walk was obvious and useful to him in the kingdom work....
what are people saying about us? are we encouraging? are we useful? does our faith stand out as an attribute of who we are and Who we serve? can someone else see our value to the kingdom?

Philippians 2: 1-11

2011-08-13T08:28:00.001-04:00

1 Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

I was thinking this morning... (you may not be able to relate to all this...) I used to lay in my bed and ask God to hold me... I used to talk to Him like most people talk to a man... and I was in love with Him the way we are usually in love with a man... then enters God saying He is now my Father.. so you can't be in love with your father... right? well this morning.. I decide to go back to the old way of thinking and doing things... I am going to be spiritually incestuous and be in love with my Father.... I will just be pouring out at the seams with love.... then surely I can give it to others too!

3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

I guess he says what you should do... then what you shouldn't.... LOL! stay humble... I told you.. that one is on the forefront of my mind much of the time....

5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
6 Though he was God he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. 7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, 8 he humbled himself in obedience to God
and died a criminal’s death on a cross. 9 Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

I never thought about that before... the reason that God raised Jesus up so high that His name is above all names.. is because He was willing to lower Himself... He thought of Himself as a man... a slave to men... obedient to God.... He could have been different... He could have said that He is the son of God and used the power He has to make men bow down to Him... He chose the servant's life and God lifted Him above all men...

Philippians 1:20-30

2011-08-12T19:11:00.000-04:00

20 For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. 21 For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. 22 But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. 23 I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. 24 But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live.
25 Knowing this, I am convinced that I will remain alive so I can continue to help all of you grow and experience the joy of your faith. 26 And when I come to you again, you will have even more reason to take pride in Christ Jesus because of what he is doing through me.

isn't it amazing that even now... thousands of years later.. Paul is STILL someone who helps us grow and learn about walking this walk... can you imagine your life impacting the kingdom like that... I cannot...

27 Above all, you must live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ. Then, whether I come and see you again or only hear about you, I will know that you are standing together with one spirit and one purpose, fighting together for the faith, which is the Good News. 28 Don’t be intimidated in any way by your enemies. This will be a sign to them that they are going to be destroyed, but that you are going to be saved, even by God himself. 29 For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him. 30 We are in this struggle together. You have seen my struggle in the past, and you know that I am still in the midst of it.

I doubt we really view ourselves as citizens of heaven... truthfully.. we rarely even view ourselves as members of the body of christ as we should... we often see ourselves as insignificant and useless... that our tiny life means nothing... but even if our walk only influences one person.. it is worth doing right.... of course we influence others... at work.. at home.. in church...
don't be intimidated by our enemies... I admit that sometimes I get intimidated.. not necessarily about a particular person.. more like I am not enough... someone else would be so much better suited for this...
recently.. I was told that the reason women hate me so much is because I am so confident... and it makes them insecure... I thought that was amazing.... if only they knew how very insecure I really am...
suffering for Christ... I would rather not suffer at all... but if I have to... thank God it is for Christ...

Philippians 1: 1-10

2011-08-11T21:36:00.000-04:00

1 This letter is from Paul and Timothy, slaves of Christ Jesus. I am writing to all of God’s holy people in Philippi who belong to Christ Jesus, including the elders and deacons. 2 May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.

how often do we send an email? I don't know about you.. but I send LOTS of emails daily... can you imagine if we included in them.. may God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace... what I am meaning is.. what if we prayed peace and grace on every person we email or text through the day... even if they didn't know it... if we just prayed for them before we press send... wonder what impact that would have on the world around us...

3 Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. 4 Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy, 5 for you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard it until now. 6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

thankfully... God continues to work in us.. despite our flaws and failures.. He continues to pick us up and speak life back into us...

7 So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart. You share with me the special favor of God, both in my imprisonment and in defending and confirming the truth of the Good News. 8 God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus. 9 I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. 10 For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. 11 May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God.

I also pray that we will continue to grow in love and in knowledge... to understand what really matters... time is a true teacher... think back to who you were 5 years ago... and how you thought... I can honestly say.. I have come a long way baby... I am not at all the same person I was in the past.. my mind is renewed praise God... I think completely differently... my first thought no longer is a negative one... that by itself is a truly amazing act of God.... may you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation.... a righteous character... so that we can bring glory and praise to God... I pray that for each of us.... I am sure God will be faithful and continue to change us.... for His glory and honor...

Ephesians 6: 10-20

2011-07-26T22:15:00.000-04:00

10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

how often do we really realize that our battles are truly spiritual and not carnal... don't we usually think.. someone is just trying to make us look bad or cause us problems.. what if we realized that it has nothing to do with that person at all but instead it is the spirit within them... I think that would help us to show love in spite of circumstances.. but I also think we would let the flesh get at us and think.. no.. they just need to do better... yet do we always do better??

13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

do we really use our armor? do we put it on daily.. or do we try to struggle this out in our own power? sadly.. I tend to struggle it out on my own...

18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

we often pray.. but how often is it in the spirit... I am guilty here too...

19 And pray for me, too. Ask God to give me the right words so I can boldly explain God’s mysterious plan that the Good News is for Jews and Gentiles alike. 20 I am in chains now, still preaching this message as God’s ambassador. So pray that I will keep on speaking boldly for him, as I should.

ask for God to give me the right words... how often do we really ask God for the right words?? one of my weakest areas is my mouth... if I were to pray consistantly for God to guide my words in ALL situations.. wouldn't that possibly become one strengths... in fact.. if we prayed diligently about all of our weaknesses.. possibly they could become strengths.... I recently stated that my mouth.. which is my gift for speaking God's revealed words... is somehow the SAME tool that the enemy uses for me to be wrong... by the words that I say... sometimes unthinkingly.. just speaking... thankfully... I am not as bad as I used to be either... it is a process....

Ephesians 6: 1-4

2011-07-25T22:11:00.000-04:00

1 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

I don't know about you... but I was a rebellious child... I was given everything that I wanted and I was a brat... I never had to work for or struggle for anything.... I suggest this is NOT the way to raise a child... my kids did not have everything everyone else had... because it would ruin them... while my son has been in trouble much of his life with the law... he is not disrespectful or rude or un-kind when in my presence... people always thought that was so strange... how he would be one person in my presence and another when I was not around... to me.. I feel he respected me... he honors me... and the bible says that things will go well for him.. and he will have a long life on the earth... I pray that is truth because it may take him a long time to get it right.... I know it did for me...

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

idk what to say about this one... my earthly father was not much use to me... I didn't have another man to step in and be my father... I was raised without one in my own opinion.... he didn't talk to me about anything other than animals... he didn't teach me about anything other than animals... he was older when I was born and I was sure that he never loved me... pretty much I am sure that he never loved himself.. so how could he love me.. especially because I was a smart mouth and rebellious....

but I have been Fathered by my heavenly Father... and that is a great experience... to have someone to trust will always protect you.. always send you in the right direction... always be patient and kind... I am so thankful for the Heavenly Father... so thankful....

James 1: 5-8

2011-07-23T10:34:00.000-04:00

5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. 6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

this really hit me odd yesterday... almost as if it is saying either we trust God or we trust people... now my natural thought is that I would trust God above people but I thought almost that I needed to trust people too somewhat... but this scripture is telling me that is false... either we trust God.. or we trust the world...

in one sense this is a great relief to me because I don't really trust people all that much.. I tend to just wait for them to do something against me... I know other people who are like that too... we learned from life experiences that even family members are not always loyal or faithful... so we have a hard time trusting people... but I always thought I was supposed to be learning to trust people despite their actions...

maybe I have been wrong about that.. maybe.. the only one I ever have to be willing to trust is God... and just maybe by trusting Him alone... I will be covered by Him...

Ephesians 5: 21-33

2011-07-20T21:23:00.000-04:00

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

so as we submit to a man.... it is out of reverence for Christ.. if we could keep that at the front of our thoughts.. I think it would be easier...

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

put your own self in this... as I submit to my husband.. who is my head... as Christ is the head of the church... he saves or protects me... he is saving our household just like Christ saves the church... I am not talking so much about spiritual salvation as physical... I realized that I need a head.. I need someone to answer to... someone who will tell me when I am wrong.. this whole thing of not answering to anyone tends to make us rebellious to God... yea... I am sure no one else is feeling like that... we think.. it is easy to follow God... to submit to God... but do you really? do you obey what He tells you to do? and if we aren't really obeying God... how much harder to obey a man...

but if we change the way we view it... he isn't trying to control me.. he is trying to protect me... he isn't trying to run me personally.. he is trying to save our household.. save our family... save our marriage... amazing the difference things make if we change the way we look at it....

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

love your wife as Christ loved the church... He died for her... to make her holy and clean... imagine that your husband makes you righteous.. holy and clean before God... (whew...) washed by the cleansing of God's word... he should be washing her in the word of God... teaching and leading her spiritually... so that he can present his family to God without spot or wrinkle... and she will be holy without fault... a man that loves his wife actually shows love for himself... she is a member of his body... they are one body... one being before God...

often women will say... if he were the man I need him to be.. then I would be the woman he wants me to be... but that isn't relevant... whether he is right or not... God has called women to submit... and we should be doing our part whether he is or not... as far as the men are concerned... if they are not leading.. then they are out of order too...

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

the two are united into one... look at the three legged race... how hard it is for two people to operate as one... someone has to be the one giving instructions.. and the other one has to be in agreement... that is the only way to win the race...

I have heard that marriage will cause you to become so selfless that you daily become more like Christ... if you allow it... that it is used as a tool by God to crush our flesh thoughts so that we are like minded.... everything to no longer be about how you feel but instead to be about what is best for the household... I guess in truth.. it is the same as in the kingdom of God.. it should no longer be about how you feel but instead about what is the vision for the church....

Ephesians 5: 15-20

2011-07-19T21:13:00.003-04:00

15 So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. 16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. 18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I think if our kingdom calling is at the front of our mind.. we would not do some of the things we do.. I think we need to constantly be thinking of how our actions might affect our ministry or our witness... ridiculous words that come from our mouths should be silenced... ridiculous actions should be stopped... we should be singing praises to God at all times... I try to ask God nothing for myself... I try to just ask God to use me to His glory... and I pray for others that I see in my mind's eye.. all while singing in my heart about God's goodness to me...

imagine... if we ruin our witness through words or through careless actions... that may cause someone that we were supposed to affect to never be saved.. or maybe to never change their lives... be ye ever mindful....

previously.. the scripture I quoted in my spirit throughout the day was "walk worthy of the calling upon your life" but this weekend.. God pointed out something potentially wrong in my spirit if I am not careful and changed my scripture... now I quote throughout the day "pride goes before destruction... humility will bring honor..."
I desire honor.. not destruction...

Ephesians 5: 1-14

2011-07-18T20:03:00.000-04:00

1 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. 2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.

imitate God in everything you do.. that is easy to say.. yet sometimes with me.. thoughts that surely are NOT of God just fly out of my mouth... I am serious as of being more conscious of things I say even when I don't mean anything... because those words aren't taken as I mean them.. instead they are taken as I sound... live a life filled with love.. this is a pleasing aroma to God... I SO want to be a pleasing aroma to God.. really I do...
3 Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. 4 Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. 5 You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.

I imagine if I would be called greedy... due to my shopping illness.. I have pretty much overcome the food illness.. (praise the Lord!!) but I still have that shopping issue.... I guess it is beyond time to get that under control too....
6 Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. 7 Don’t participate in the things these people do. 8 For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! 9 For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.

how often do we try to make excuses for our sins... I think we do this far more often than we realize.. in my own life God exposed this recently to me... that I would have fallen into sin in a particular area.. and I see someone else do it.. and I don't judge them... because I KNOW that it really could have been me... and I am thankful that He covers me and doesn't allow me to do everything I want to do...
10 Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. 11 Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. 12 It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. 13 But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, 14 for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, “Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.”

everything done in the dark comes to the light... isn't that the truth... everything is exposed at one point or another... carefully determine what pleases the Lord... we should think that would be easy... yet our flesh gets in the way.... intentions will be exposed... on one side I could be glad about that... on another side I could be afraid about it... many times our actions may be pure and our intentions not so righteous.... other times our intentions are pure but it comes out looking wrong...

blessing vs curse

2011-07-17T20:21:00.001-04:00

matthew 15: 11 It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.”

I was looking for the scripture that states out of the same mouth come blessing and curse...

the issue... I say things.. and at the time.. they seem silly or not a big deal... then later.. it occurs to me that someone else might take it completely different...
I have tried VERY hard to not allow myself to get caught up in lies and gossip... yet occasionally... somehow I still get drawn into wrong conversations...

my mouth is the very thing that God has gifted me in... I have the gift of prophecy.. so I use this same mouth to give people insight that God gives me into their lives... the same mouth that I say the things that may have hurt someone's feelings... or made someone imagine I was talking negatively about them... and maybe.. with this same mouth that speaks God's insight... I also speak hurt... and it is not my intention... yet it is the truth...

this weekend I was involved in an AWESOME women's summit... and I come home.. and I make a stupid silly comment that could have been taken wrong.. by someone very special to me... and her feelings could have been hurt... like I said more than I should have... and it really wasn't even like it sounded in the comment... but you can't take words back.. once they're out there.. they are just dead weight...

so what is the reason for this? I guess the enemy attacks me in the way that God uses me.. trying to make my words not valid.. to make people unwilling to hear me... because of the other comments...

what is the solution? I obviously have to be far more serious about what it is that comes out of my mouth... can I be forgiven by man by the mean or rude things I have been known to say? I am guessing that God will find a way because it is in me speaking out His thoughts to people that I am to be used...

Ephesians 4: 17-32

2011-07-14T21:14:00.000-04:00

17 With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. 18 Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. 19 They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. 21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

I find that throwing off our old nature is harder than you would think... you may overcome in one area but then a new issue arises... or did you have all the issues all along and God is just dealing with the biggest ones first? either way.. it takes a lifetime to put aside a sinful nature... whether it is outward sin or inward one... we are all seemingly always protecting self and that causes us to do and say some ugly things...
25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. 26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
28 If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.

do not bring sorrow to the spirit by the way we live... that sounds alot like my theme verse.. walk worthy of the calling upon your life... the spirit has identified us as his own... I never thought of that before... he is guaranteeing our salvation by his presence... that brings back the question of the once saved always saved.. if the spirit is not present in someones life.. even if they have prayed for salvation, how would they be saved? (just thinking out loud...)
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

it is hard to get rid of bitterness and anger towards people who do you wrong... it is hard to not give them harsh words.. it is only by the power of the spirit that we can overcome this... to become tenderhearted and forgiving....

Ephesians 4: 1-15

2011-07-13T18:42:00.000-04:00

1 Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. 4 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. 5 There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all.

verse 1 is one of my life verses... I felt like God spoke it directly to me... telling me that my walk has to match my talk.. I think that is one of the foundations of the change that came in my life... a life worthy of the calling... it is hard to have people look at you all the time and be able to say that you live like a christian... I don't imagine I am there.. just walking toward it.. striving daily... keep ourselves united.. that is a big order... where is unity found? we tend to think there is only unity if there is agreement but that is not the way God planned it... He knew we wouldn't always agree... which is why He created some to lead and some to follow.. not too many are willing to follow... we all tend to want to lead.. so that no one else tells us what to do.. sometimes following is just having the same heart... you will follow someone who's heart you believe is right... it is easier anyways... submission is a struggle no matter what your mind tells you...
7 However, he has given each one of us a special gift through the generosity of Christ. 8 That is why the Scriptures say, “When he ascended to the heights, he led a crowd of captives and gave gifts to his people.”

how wonderful that God chose to give each of us gifts.. yet there are so many of us walking around feeling useless and without gifting... but the bible says we have been given gifts... and sometimes the most important gifts are to be helps to someone who has an "out loud" gifting... the silent gift is no less important than the loud one...
9 Notice that it says “he ascended.” This clearly means that Christ also descended to our lowly world. 10 And the same one who descended is the one who ascended higher than all the heavens, so that he might fill the entire universe with himself.
11 Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. 12 Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. 13 This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ.

we fight against the church... we expect people of the church to be perfect... because they act like they are.. we expect pastors to be faultless.. because we expect them to be the shining example of Christ... what about us as an individual... can you find yourself faultless? not likely... if you do, you are full of pride and that is a sin in itself.... so if we are not wtihout sin.. how do we cast stones at someone else? we expect people to be more than we are willing to be... we fight leadership.. people feel if they have been there 100 years or they donate alot of money that they should have a say so... yet the bible says even as you have done unto the least of these you have done so unto me (meaning Christ) so how would you feel you are greater than what Christ says He is? he states one day we will be full and mature and have unity.. what a day that will be...
14 Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. 15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. 16 He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

I don't get tossed and blown very often... this doesn't mean I never get deceived.. eve was deceived.. the bible says that one of the weaknesses of a woman is that she is deceived... things can be so clear one minute and confused the next.... I pray to be more and more like Christ... I pray to be a piece of this body that fits together perfectly... I pray the body to be healthy and growing in love...

Ephesians 3:14-21

2011-07-12T22:21:00.000-04:00

14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. 16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

that is an amazing paragraph right there.. I cannot say anything more than God is awesome.... I pray that we all experience these things too...
20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 21 Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

all glory to God... how often do we give all glory to God... I pray that daily God will lead us in being glorifying to Him and not ourselves...

Ephesians 3: 1-13

2011-07-10T18:12:00.000-04:00

1 When I think of all this, I, Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus for the benefit of you Gentiles . . . 2 assuming, by the way, that you know God gave me the special responsibility of extending his grace to you Gentiles. 3 As I briefly wrote earlier, God himself revealed his mysterious plan to me. 4 As you read what I have written, you will understand my insight into this plan regarding Christ. 5 God did not reveal it to previous generations, but now by his Spirit he has revealed it to his holy apostles and prophets.

what mysterious plan has God revealed to you? did you feel that someone else has to co-sign before it can happen? I find that to be one of my own issues... I don't want to do this alone for one thing... I can't do it alone for another... but pretty much I don't want to look crazy... amazingly... I looked crazy all the time when I was in the world and I was fine with it... but for some reason I don't want to look crazy in the church and I appear crazier than ever before...

6 And this is God’s plan: Both Gentiles and Jews who believe the Good News share equally in the riches inherited by God’s children. Both are part of the same body, and both enjoy the promise of blessings because they belong to Christ Jesus. 7 By God’s grace and mighty power, I have been given the privilege of serving him by spreading this Good News. 8 Though I am the least deserving of all God’s people, he graciously gave me the privilege of telling the Gentiles about the endless treasures available to them in Christ. 9 I was chosen to explain to everyone this mysterious plan that God, the Creator of all things, had kept secret from the beginning.

Paul saw his purpose as a great honor... do you see your purpose as a great honor? or are you constantly trying to run from it.. hoping God will change His mind... I suggest you look at Jonah... God does not change His mind...

10 God’s purpose in all this was to use the church to display his wisdom in its rich variety to all the unseen rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. 11 This was his eternal plan, which he carried out through Christ Jesus our Lord. 12 Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence. 13 So please don’t lose heart because of my trials here. I am suffering for you, so you should feel honored.

one of the most amazing things about God is that he even tells us WHY this is our purpose... He gives us the divine reasoning behind the calling...

God is an awesome God.. how is it that we don't want to throw down our flesh and run after WHATEVER He is calling us to....

Ephesians 2 19-22

2011-07-08T08:56:00.000-04:00

19 So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God’s holy people. You are members of God’s family. 20 Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself. 21 We are carefully joined together in him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord. 22 Through him you Gentiles are also being made part of this dwelling where God lives by his Spirit.

how often have you been around people you knew forever and still felt like no one really knew you... God is telling us that we aren't strangers to Him.. that He really knows us... what is it that makes us constantly want acceptance from people when truthfully God is the only one that will completely accept us... completely... as we are... screwups and all... attitudes... petty irritations... He accepts us completely....

we are God's house... hmmmm again the becoming a temple for the Lord... I was seeing that yesterday too... God LIVES within us... so how is it that we are not more careful what we do with our bodies? we only get one life to live for the Lord and this body is the house He dwells in.. we should be making sure we take care of it physically, spiritually and mentally... should we be allowing just anyone to be close to us? should we be allowing just anyone to touch us? my belief is no... God created us specifically for one person... no one else should be able to touch you....

Ephesians 2: 11-18

2011-07-07T18:04:00.000-04:00

11 Don’t forget that you Gentiles used to be outsiders. You were called “uncircumcised heathens” by the Jews, who were proud of their circumcision, even though it affected only their bodies and not their hearts. 12 In those days you were living apart from Christ. You were excluded from citizenship among the people of Israel, and you did not know the covenant promises God had made to them. You lived in this world without God and without hope. 13 But now you have been united with Christ Jesus. Once you were far away from God, but now you have been brought near to him through the blood of Christ.

do you remember feeling like you had no hope? I do... I remember that I didn't care if I lived or died because I had no hope.. nothing to look forward to... it seemed like it was just day after day with no expected change... I am so thankful for the hope and the joy that has came into my heart and mind with Christ... I am so sorry that it had to be shed blood to give these things to us...
14 For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles into one people when, in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us. 15 He did this by ending the system of law with its commandments and regulations. He made peace between Jews and Gentiles by creating in himself one new people from the two groups. 16 Together as one body, Christ reconciled both groups to God by means of his death on the cross, and our hostility toward each other was put to death.

he says our hostility toward one another was put to death... I don't see that to be true yet... I believe it is supposed to be that way but we are all fighting against one another for one reason or another... it seems as if we are not all the same then we don't fit in... God never wanted us to all be the same... we are each a unique model... all showing the love of God through our own personality.... supposed to be...
17 He brought this Good News of peace to you Gentiles who were far away from him, and peace to the Jews who were near. 18 Now all of us can come to the Father through the same Holy Spirit because of what Christ has done for us.

none of us could come to the Father if it had not been for the death of Christ.. how often do we really realize the magnitude of that truth....

Galatians 1: 15-24

2011-07-01T17:18:00.001-04:00

11 Dear brothers and sisters, I want you to understand that the gospel message I preach is not based on mere human reasoning. 12 I received my message from no human source, and no one taught me. Instead, I received it by direct revelation from Jesus Christ.

isn't it amazing.. how the enemy will put a seed in our mind that what we thought we heard never was God to begin with... that we thought it up on our own.. that great things just don't happen to normal people like us.... but rest assured.. you HAVE had divine revelation from Jesus Christ Himself... He really does reveal Himself and His will to you... Praise God for that!!
13 You know what I was like when I followed the Jewish religion—how I violently persecuted God’s church. I did my best to destroy it. 14 I was far ahead of my fellow Jews in my zeal for the traditions of my ancestors.15 But even before I was born, God chose me and called me by his marvelous grace. Then it pleased him 16 to reveal his Son to me so that I would proclaim the Good News about Jesus to the Gentiles.

there is his purpose... how often have we heard our purpose and decided we can't do it... we aren't enough.. or even maybe that we just don't want to do it... it's too much to ask... yet Christ gave His life for us.. what could we give that would be too much??
When this happened, I did not rush out to consult with any human being. 17 Nor did I go up to Jerusalem to consult with those who were apostles before I was. Instead, I went away into Arabia, and later I returned to the city of Damascus.

actually... in Acts it tells that Paul went to or was taken to the apostles.. who sent him back to his home town so that he could have his time of preparation alone with the Lord... we all need our time of preparation... although some times it seems WAY too long... I'm very sure the time of preparation is necessary.. God changes us... mellows us out in the time of preparation...
18 Then three years later I went to Jerusalem to get to know Peter, and I stayed with him for fifteen days. 19 The only other apostle I met at that time was James, the Lord’s brother. 20 I declare before God that what I am writing to you is not a lie.
21 After that visit I went north into the provinces of Syria and Cilicia. 22 And still the Christians in the churches in Judea didn’t know me personally. 23 All they knew was that people were saying, “The one who used to persecute us is now preaching the very faith he tried to destroy!” 24 And they praised God because of me.

imagine what people will feel after our transformation... the ones who knew who we used to be... selfish and calculating... mean and deceitful... and then the see the new me... who is compassionate... faithful... shows love... and encouraging... they will surely praise God at the amazing transformation He has created in each one of us...

Ephesians 1: 2-14

2011-06-29T21:31:00.000-04:00

3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. 4 Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. 5 God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. 6 So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. 7 He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. 8 He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.

do we really realize we are united with Christ? and if we do, are we cautious with the things we expose ourselves to because we are united with Christ?
God chose to call us his family... we all have family we wish we didn't have... we also have family we are so grateful to be part of... I pray that when God looks at me He decides I am the part He is glad to have... thankfully Christ was willing to give His life that we are able to be part of God's family...
9 God has now revealed to us his mysterious plan regarding Christ, a plan to fulfill his own good pleasure. 10 And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth. 11 Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan.

what is God's plan for you? are you walking toward it? do you position yourself to receive God's best? we are to receive our inheritance and all that is in our lives will work out to God's good plan.. that is the truth whether it is something that should have been part of our life or not... I should never have had my kids'father as part of my life... but God worked it for the good.. I would not be who I am if I had not lived that.. I would probably not know any of you... I would be some uppity white girl never thinking of anyone but myself more than likely.... God used all the bad situation that I never should have been in to create a compassionate person who does not see in color in me...
12 God’s purpose was that we Jews who were the first to trust in Christ would bring praise and glory to God. 13 And now you Gentiles have also heard the truth, the Good News that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. 14 The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people. He did this so we would praise and glorify him.

how often do we spend time alone with God... asking for nothing.. just praising Him for who He is.. is our reflection bringing glory to Him? we call ourselves children of God.. can people looking at us see that? or are they confused by our appearance, our words, our manner? do we look like the God we profess to love so much....